17. Sam

"Sam!"

My heart stuttered as I jumped so high off my office chair that it nearly slid out from under me. I clutched my chest gingerly, hoping I wasn't about to have a heart attack as I spun in my chair to see Alex smirking at me from a few feet away. It'd been weeks since I'd sent Cameron that fateful email, and I hadn't heard a word from him, so my emotions were on a hair trigger.

"Shit, dude!" I hissed at him, keeping my voice down, because of course we were at work. And because we were goddamn professionals. "You just took five years off my life."

He grabbed the back of my chair and twirled me in it. I let the chair spin and enjoyed the slightly weightless feeling. I'd finally found binders I felt comfortable in and the T had already redistributed a lot of the fat in my body, so I felt the weightless thing on a soul level. Though I couldn't wait until I was eligible for top surgery in December.

"You're fine, man." Then all joviality disappeared from his features as he dropped lightly into his seat with the grace of a bird. "Wait—you are fine, right? I didn't really give you a heart attack, did I?"

I kept a straight face for a few seconds too long just to fuck with him. Then, abruptly, I grinned. "Just messing with you, dude. I'm totally fine."

"Oh, good." He sighed dramatically as he logged into his computer after being gone so long at his mid-morning meeting. "So how are things with Cameron?"

I turned back to my computer and quickly responded to an instant message that had just come in. IT, at HR's insistence, had finally figured out how to change my display name in all our programs a few weeks ago, and I still got a rush of euphoria every time I saw it. "They're great. He's . . . he's incredible."

"Your heart eyes are adorable, schmoopy."

"Shut it," I grumbled under my breath. "But yeah, he's amazing."

"Seriously, I'm so glad to hear it. You deserve everything he can give you and more."

"Thanks," I mumbled, trying to hide my smile and failing as I skimmed the email that just came in. "But . . ."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex's head whip toward me like a shark smelling blood. "But what, dude?"

I sighed, archiving the email. "I told him."

Alex was silent for a minute before I heard him gasp. At the sound, I turned to him. "You told him you're S.M.C.?"

I just nodded, holding his gaze. "Yeah. We, uh . . ." I realized then that I hadn't told Alex this story, so I gave him the abridged version. "Remember you telling me about the Daddy's Boy app and how they had meetups and everything?"

He nodded.

"So I finally went to one, a meeting for transgender Daddies, actually."

Alex's eyes widened, but he stayed uncharacteristically silent.

"I met some really amazing people there, and one of them—Ethan, actually, who isn't trans but is the founder of the app—invited me to his Daddies and Subs Club."

This time, Alex's gasps were laced with excitement. "You met Ethan? That's amazing! Not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous."

I chuckled. "He's a great guy. I finally took him up on his offer and went last month."

His eyes flashed. Uh-oh. "This has been going on for over a month, and you haven't told me?"

I raised my hands, palms out, between us. "Hey, man—it's been a lot to process. Sorry I didn't fill you in sooner."

He crossed his arms, eyeing me for a few eternal seconds before releasing them to his lap. "Okay, you're forgiven. Just don't do it again."

His glare only made me want to smile, and I wasn't sure if I was just immune to his Daddy charms because I was one, too, or if he wasn't really a Daddy like he thought. Or maybe he just didn't fully lean into it around me, at work.

That could make sense. Hmm.

"Okay, I promise."

"Good." His face split into a grin. "So what happened at the club?"

My shoulders fell as I let out a full-body exhale. "Cameron was there. Apparently, that's the club he attends." A month later, I still couldn't believe I hadn't put two and two together and realized it was Cameron's meetup. "We, uh . . . well, he was pretty mad, so he yelled at me for a bit before he kissed me."

Alex squealed abruptly, but he quickly covered the sound up so all anyone would've heard was a less-than-a-second squeak. "What?" he whisper-yelled.

I let my grin make an appearance. "Yeah. And it was even better than I'd imagined."

He danced in his seat, his sparkling eyes and barely muted shrieks belying his excitement. "Gah! I bet! So what happened after that?"

Still smiling, I gave him a brief rundown of the evening, of Cameron claiming me in front of his friends, whatever that would end up meaning. But it of course ended on a low note, on how guilty I felt in the aftermath, leading to me sending that email. And of the silence that had followed.

Alex stared at the low-pile carpet as I fell silent, letting him process. Then he spoke, and I never could've predicted what he said next. "Okay—we're going out."

It was my turn to whisper-yell. "What?!"

His eyes narrowed at me. "You need to get out of your head. You're obsessing, right? I can tell. So come with me to Mix It Up tonight."

I blinked, gulping once. "Mix It Up?"

Alex grinned. "Yeah. Seattle's best-kept secret, an upscale gay bar in Capitol Hill. You been?"

I felt myself blushing and couldn't stop it. "Um, yeah. That's where the club was. Where Cameron and I kissed."

"Damn, man!" Alex whistled lowly, and I snickered. "My boy is growing up!"

"Shut up."

He chuckled, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. I just turned back toward my computer so he wouldn't notice it.

"Okay, then," Alex started, spinning in his chair to face his computer as well. "Let's focus. We've gotta get this client package finished up for final review first thing tomorrow, and doors open in three hours. Chop, chop!"

***

Our work took longer than expected, but Alex insisted we stop by his place to change anyway. In no time at all, I was wearing Alex's sparkly, skintight, almost see-through long-sleeved black shirt that hid the binder I was wearing—I'd changed out of it at work hours ago to give myself a breather before putting it back on for tonight.

Alex's shirt showed a sliver of skin at my waist with a ridiculous yet weirdly comfortable pair of black leather pants I'd had to squeeze into. Alex was built like a twink, for sure, but I'd somehow not crushed on him when we'd met. The universe had known what it was doing—we never would've worked. He was too bossy for that. But whether that meant he was a Daddy or a brat remained to be seen. I suspected brat, though he professed otherwise. Time would tell.

Alex was in a pair of white leather booty shorts and an off-the-shoulder oversized T-shirt in a rainbow ombre. He wore matching white thigh-high boots.

He'd signed off on the black laced boots I'd worn to work. He said they went well with the pants—leather pants that would likely generate curious and jealous looks, because, let's be honest, my ass was perfection—and I wasn't going to argue. I was glad to have a piece of myself with me tonight.

We barely made it to the club before eight. Our longer work hours today would make for a shorter day tomorrow, so I wasn't complaining, but I wasn't sure how much fun we'd have time for tonight.

After paying the cover charge at the door and filling out name tags with our gender preferences—that was odd—and "availability to play," whatever that meant, we stepped inside. And my mouth dropped.

This was not the understated, chill, almost cozy Mix It Up I'd experienced last month. Not even close.

"Alex . . ." I warned loud enough for him to hear me over the pulsing dance music.

He grabbed my upper arm. "I swear, I didn't know!"

Someone bumped into us from behind, and we both stumbled forward, out of the doorway. We shuffled to the left, into a somewhat empty space near some half-full tables where we wouldn't disturb anyone, and took in the scene before us.

I needn't have worried about my—Alex's—leather pants attracting attention. Nearly everyone here had some sort of leather wrapped around their body. Some were wearing leather straps crossing their chests; I'd read enough to know they were called harnesses. Some boys—and I was going with "boys" because they were exactly the type I'd gravitate toward—were in leather booty shorts like Alex's that fit them well, but I noticed several of them were wearing shorts in other materials, too. Most were a size too small.

Not that I was complaining.

Alex whistled low beside me. "Shit, we lucked out tonight! Must be some sort of kink-friendly event."

As if to punctuate his words, the music abruptly cut off, I heard the telltale chunk of a spotlight being turned on, and the crowd on the dance floor parted, a hush of anticipation settling over everyone. I held my breath.

Someone stepped into the light on a raised dais against the wall opposite us, across the dance floor. He held a mic and grinned before addressing the rapt audience. "Welcome to Mix It Up's biweekly Kink Night!"

The crowd cheered, and I found myself clapping along, eyes wide. I felt like a nun at a brothel, and I didn't hate it.

The man continued. "We have several demonstrations planned for you tonight. And if you'd like to take your date somewhere private, we have negotiated a special rate and reserved several rooms at the hotel next door." He glanced off to the right as if giving an aside but spoke into the microphone in a lower tone, "We really do need our own kink club, don't we?"

The cheering was louder and more exuberant this time. My heart was pounding. A kink club? That idea was . . . fucking thrilling.

"Please remember house rules: no naughty bits exposed, be respectful, and honor the name tags." He tapped the one on his chest. "And finally . . ."

He waited, and I wasn't sure for what until the rest of the crowd shouted in unison: "Get your kink on!"

Again, cheering erupted, and I heard the emcee yell, "The first demonstration begins in fifteen minutes!" over the milling crowd before I turned to Alex.

"Dude, I'm so sorry, I really didn't know!"

I chuckled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's totally okay, man. I mean, was this what I was expecting? No. Am I intrigued? Actually, a hell of a lot. I should thank you."

He laughed, pulling me in for a quick bro-hug before releasing me. "Aw, thank you for being so cool! This is awesome, right?"

Nodding, I glanced over at the stage where the spotlight still shone. Stagehands were moving something into place in the shadows, but I couldn't make out what it was. Guess I'd find out soon enough.

Glancing around, I found my eyes searching for the one man I longed to see, hoping against hope that the universe had brought Cameron here. Seemed like a logical possibility, given this was where we'd met last. I crossed my fingers and sent out a wish that he'd appear by my side and be willing to talk. That he hadn't given up on me, on us, so abruptly. So completely.

And besides all that, even if I shouldn't, I wanted his lips on mine again. I wanted his body against mine. I wanted him naked and writhing beneath me as I made love to every inch of him.

I was glad my dick, though hard, wasn't large enough to make my leather pants too tight beneath my packer.

"Let's get some drinks."

I nodded at Alex's timely suggestion. I was quite thirsty.

In maybe more ways than one.