THREE

DAY 364,702

18 June 2000

“Y ou know what to do ?”

“Yes, of course I know what to do," Ariton, the fourth prince of Abaddon—and Camio’s boss—almost snarled at his brother. “It is my plan, after all. Have you secured the leviathan?”

Amaymon, who was sitting on his black crystal throne with his fingers steepled, and fingertips lightly resting on his lower lip (he’d seen that in a movie a few years ago, and it became his main go-to gesture when trying to intimidate people), gave his brother a look that could have curdled fresh milk. “No, I thought I would let it run amok in my halls. Of course it’s secured. Where did you put it?”

The last question was asked of me. Camio and I lurked in the background, as was proper for demons. But when Amaymon’s attention turned to me, I moseyed forward, one part of my brain distracted by my red legs. I’d been in the form of a pharaoh hound for only a few hours and was still getting used to it. “Yes, your unholy misery. I tucked it away in your oratory, since he said he was bored and wanted something to do.”

Amaymon’s gaze shifted to me, the act almost knocking me backward with the force of his power. Sharp stabs of pain immediately followed. “A normal demon would place a behemoth in the oubliette.”

I ignored the pain that was still lashing me, and smiled, hoping it looked nice on this new, narrower face. “Yeah, but you know how leviathans can be when they get bored; they go deep into revenge pooping, and that’s nothing anyone needs to see. Or clean up. Especially clean up. That’s why I popped Barry into your oratory so he can watch YouTube.”

“Barry?” Amaymon looked more annoyed than a moment ago. “YouTube?”

“Well, I think he’s actually looking at some porn site, but I figured it sounds better if I say YouTube,” I explained. Behind me, I could hear Camio sucking in her breath like she wanted to tell me off, but couldn’t because our bosses were right there. “So, yeah, Barry’s tucked away, ready for you to unleash him on Bael.”

“Silence!” Amaymon bellowed, turning to Camio. “You, this demon is your responsibility. If anything falls afoul of my plan—”

“Our plan,” Ariton interrupted, his upper lip doing the same scorn thing that his brother’s always did when he looked at me.

“ I thought of the leviathan,” Amaymon snapped, his gaze at last off me. I took a deep breath, relishing the ability to breathe again.

“Actually, I suggested—” Before I could finish, Camio grabbed my tail, giving it a hard pinch. “Ow!”

“That is a minor point of the plan,” Ariton said, waving away the idea. “I made the important decisions. After all, I was the one who thought of using the party.”

I was going to point out that I had thought of a way for Amaymon and his brother to topple Bael from his position of power as premiere prince of Abaddon, but Camio grabbed me by a bit of frayed rope that served as a collar and hauled me backward to the doors. The ballroom—where Amaymon had his throne—was empty of everyone but the four of us. Neither demon lord noticed us, because they were too busy arguing over which of them had ownership of the plot to off Bael.

“Jim!” Camio said on a gasping breath once the ballroom doors closed behind us. “You will be the death of me! Of us both! After a thousand years of being in Amaymon’s service—”

“Nine ninety-seven, actually,” I corrected her. “I’m thinking of having one of those giant cakes with people hiding inside for the big thousand-year party.”

“After all that time of being in service, you still haven’t learned how to speak properly.” She sank down onto one of the chairs that lined the hall, her shoulders slumping. “There are days when I regret ever introducing you to Lord Amaymon.”

“Eh,” I said, sitting carefully next to her (wasn’t sure how this new body’s package would do with such an action, since several of my previous dog forms made sitting problematic). I nudged her leg. “You loves me, though, right?”

“Of course,” she said, patting me on the head. I turned a bit so her hand would hit the ever-itchy spot behind my ears. She scratched while my toes clenched in pleasure. “I have always been, and always will be, your friend, Jim. But you simply must learn some humility, or else things could go bad for you.”

“Amaymon is all talk and no stabby-stab,” I said after quickly looking around to make sure no one could overhear us. “I have his number, don’t worry.”

“Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying,” she said, giving me another pat before she got to her feet, obviously waiting for her demon lord to finish up his bitchfest with Amaymon. “I don’t think I could be easy in my mind if Lord Amaymon destroyed you. Not that you don’t tempt me to smite you at least once a month, but that’s an entirely different subject.”

“You’re a demon first class, not a wrathie yet, chicky,” I reminded her, and was going in for a quick rub of my head on her leg, but just then the doors to the ballroom were flung open with enough force to send splinters flying through the air.

Camio snapped to attention and immediately bowed as her boss stormed past her, trailing oaths. She slid me a fast glance out of the side of her eyes, obviously a warning. I mouthed, “Love you, too!” to her, since I knew she’d be seriously pissed if I said that in the hearing of her lord. The widening of her eyes was her only response, but I was happy that even when she was so worried about me, I could prove to her that all was well.

A couple of days later, things went pear-shaped.

ME

Hey, babe. How’s life over there in Ariton-land? Everything copacetic? I might not be able to make it to dinner next Friday—something’s happened here and I’m not sure I can meet you. Unless you can pop into the mortal world?

CAMIO

Fires of Abaddon! I knew it! I just knew that something would happen, and Lord Amaymon would destroy you, and now look where we are—smack-dab in trouble. Wait, you’re OK? You must be all right if you can text me. What happened? Why are you in the mortal world?

ME

I didn’t do anything. It wasn’t my fault in the least. I told everyone what Barry was doing, but other than Amaymon getting his knickers in a twist because I let a leviathan into his oratory, no one listened to me. No one ever does! I tell you, it’s almost enough to give a demon a complex.

CAMIO

For the love of the eight princes, what did you do? No, don’t tell me you weren’t involved, because I know you had to be. You always are. What happened, Jim?

ME

Barry ... uh ... he got into Amaymon’s personal chambers.

CAMIO

That’s annoying, but surely not enough to merit more than a mild punishment? And certainly not enough to scare me with your text. I had to step out of a presentation Lord Ariton was giving on a software company he wants us to run.

ME

As it happens, Barry was in a bit of a mood when he somehow ended up in Amaymon’s bedroom rather than the one that Bael will be using tomorrow when he visits for the yearly inspection.

CAMIO

What sort of mood? Was he angry? Did he destroy Lord Amaymon’s possessions?

ME

He was ... you know ... that way.

CAMIO

What? Jim, I don’t have time for this. I can see Lord Ariton marching around the conference table, and he only does that when he’s agitated. What is the problem?

ME

He was horny, OK? You know I don’t like saying that word. Barry spent the last day watching a bunch of bad porn online, and then when he went to the wrong room—I swear I escorted him to the guest chambers—and Amaymon arrived later all hopped-up on his evil plans, well ... yeah. Not gonna spell it out.

CAMIO

!!!

CAMIO

I’m calling you. Stay right where you are.

I made a face at where my phone lay on the floor of a dark storeroom (it was infinitely easier to use a pencil, or at worst a toenail, to type when the phone was braced against an object), answering it when it rang a few seconds later.

“I can’t believe what you’ve done, Jim! This is serious! No, don’t try to tell me you did nothing wrong.”

“I didn’t,” I said, then sucked a tooth obnoxiously loud. “OK, I ended up doing something that has Amaymon in a mood, but it’s not my fault. I listened to what one of the other demons told me to do, and that was a leviathan-sized mistake.”

“Just like all the other things you’ve done over the centuries are mistakes ...” She sounded choked for a second, but I couldn’t tell if it was laughter or frustration. “I’m not bound to Amaymon’s legions, and yet I know your supervisor almost better than my own.”

“Yeah, but he’s got the hots for you, so he’s always willing to look the other way when something goes wonky for me,” I pointed out.

“It doesn’t matter. You simply have to ... I’m sorry, my lord.” The sound became a bit muffled. I figured Cam must have whipped her phone behind her back so her boss didn’t see it, since I could hear a rumble of a man’s voice, but his words weren’t intelligible. “No, of course not. Nothing is more important than attending to your every word. I was simply speaking to one of Lord Amaymon’s minions about the leviathan ... oh. He called ... yes, I agree, it was a terrible event, and I’m sure that an investigation ... with all respect, my lord, perhaps your brother has misunderstood Effrijim’s role in—no, my lord. I have known him for more than sixteen hundred years. He’s not at all the type to do anything untoward. Well ... yes, I did recommend him, but ... no, my lord. Of course, my lord. No, no, please, Lord Ariton, I humbly beg—”

The phone went silent.

I frowned. “Camio? Babe? Is your boss pissed? Man, I feel all shades of guilty now. Last thing I’d ever want is to get you in bad with Ariton.”

More silence filled my ear. I listened hard, but couldn’t even hear the distant sound of voices. Panic had my belly feeling like it was doing somersaults.

“Camio? Did they take your phone? Cam?”

I had to go outside because I thought I might ralph right there in the McDonald’s. It took me a good fifteen minutes before I found a demon who would answer my call.

“What do you want?” a gruff voice asked when I took a few deep breaths to settle my stomach.

“Hey, Vodstoc, buddy,” I said, trying to sound a whole lot more cheerful than I was. “Haven’t seen you since the boss had that company retreat and you cracked your head on one of the trust falls. Long time no chat.”

“It was you who let me fall!” Vodstoc snarled, and I figured I’d better placate him since I was fast running out of demons who would talk to me. “I had a scar on the back of my head from it until I was able to change my form.”

“And it all worked out in the end, because you love this new form, right? Hey, can you do me a big one and pop over to Ariton’s palace, and ask if anyone’s seen a demon first class named Camio? She’s not responding.”

Vodstoc snorted. Actually snorted. Who does that? “Haven’t you done enough?”

“What?” I asked, looking at my reflection on the phone screen. Raised eyebrows looked funny with this face.

“I refer to your interference with the leviathan.”

“Oh, that.” I pursed my lips. Nope. Still not a good look. I’d have to change to another dog form. “Is Amaymon still pissed?”

“‘Pissed’ is an understatement. Very well, I will agree to your request, but only because I will take any excuse to leave the palace for a bit. I’ll ask about Camio.”

He hung up before I could find out how things were going in the six hours since I’d been given the boot, but called back within the hour.

“Looks like she’s gone,” he said, his voice thick with satisfaction.

Fire seemed to burn in my gut, but I ignored it. “Gone? As in left Abaddon?”

“Gone as in evidently Ariton smote her on the spot for letting the rutting beast loose into the master’s chambers.”

“But she didn’t do anything!” I felt like I was standing in the middle of a bonfire. “She wasn’t even in Amaymon’s palace.”

“I’m just reporting what’s being said here. It’s a bit odd, considering that we all know you were the one to put the leviathan in Amaymon’s room.”

There had to be something I could do. Someone I could contact. Ariton couldn’t just smite Camio on the spot for something she didn’t do.

Guilt joined the belly fire, making me get a bit barfy again. “It was a mix-up,” I said, thinking madly. Part of me wanted to sit right down and cry with the idea that Cam was gone, but the other part wanted to do something. Now! “Someone gave me the wrong information.”

“Shifting the blame is a new low, Effrijim. Why else would Amaymon kick you out of the legions and exile you from Abaddon if you weren’t the one who caused the ... incident?”

“Are ...” I swallowed hard a couple of times. “Are they sure Camio was destroyed? Not imprisoned?”

“The steward I talked to said it was outright destruction. Nothing left of her at all. Guess she had it coming, although we’re the ones who have to live with the results of Lord Amaymon’s fury.”

I sat down, my form shifting to that of a dachshund. I felt about as low as its belly.

“You still there?” Vodstoc asked.

I couldn’t say anything. Who knew wiener dogs had throats that seemed to close up with a big lump when they wanted to talk?

“OK, then. You’re welcome.” Vodstoc’s voice was full of sarcasm.

“Thanks,” I managed to say, slumping to the ground next to the phone. I needed help. I needed someone who could do what I couldn’t. A necromancer to raise Cam’s spirit? A vespillo to find her essence? I had to do something, but I was just a demon sixth class.

The mental image came forward, that of Camio laughing a few centuries ago when we got a day off at the same time, and we went to the park to have a picnic. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

Someone had to help me. Someone ...

“Thanks,” I repeated, getting to my feet. “I don’t know what to do, but I know someone who does.”

“Huh? Never mind, I don’t want to be involved in any of your escapades. Later.” Vodstoc hung up, and I sat looking at nothing while I thought, pushing away all the painful emotions.

I’d face that later. Not now.

It just hurt too much now.