Chapter 20

Half an hour later, Issac drove up to the Bowmans' cottage. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Had he expected something to be? Perhaps pandemonium as the baby was born? Calm and normal would be desired in this situation.

Bowman came out of the house just then. Closing the door, the man let out a cry and pumped his fist in the air as he leapt from the porch to the ground. He spun about, then stopped abruptly, positioned toward Isaac. "Who's there?" he called.

The sun had gone down, and just the lamps in the house along with the half moon in the dark sky provided illumination. Isaac stepped down from the gig and walked toward Bowman. "It's Droxford. Is all well?"

Now Isaac was close enough to see the man's expression. He grinned broadly—wildly, even. "I've a son, my lord!" Bowman let out another happy cry.

Isaac exhaled in relief. He'd been almost certain the man's noise and antics as he'd left the cottage were driven by joy but was glad to have confirmation. "Congratulations. This is a happy occasion indeed." He found it surprisingly easy to smile.

"Come inside and we'll toast with an ale," Bowman said, turning back toward the house.

Forcing himself forward, Isaac followed Bowman into the cottage. The sound of a baby's cries came from upstairs, and Isaac froze. Thoughts of his son, of all he'd abandoned, flooded him. He should not have come.

"Shall we go up and see him?" Bowman asked. He was already starting up the stairs, the ale forgotten, apparently.

Not that Isaac wanted ale. Or to see the babe.

He walked slowly forward, just to the base of the stairs. "I'll wait here," he said nervously, his gaze flicking toward the top where Bowman had reached.

Then she appeared. Tamsin. Carrying a baby. The sight nearly drove Isaac to his knees. How could something look so heart-stoppingly beautiful and cause such unbearable anxiety, panic, almost. There it was—the portrait of the family he could have. He'd never expected this.

She said something to Bowman that Isaac couldn't hear. Bowman bent his head to press a kiss to the babe's head, then disappeared from view.

"Isaac?" Tamsin's familiar, Cornish-tinged voice carried down to him.

"Yes."

"Come see the babe," she said with soft encouragement.

Feet encased in granite, Isaac climbed the stairs. At the top, he stopped a few feet from Tamsin and the child. He was swaddled tightly, and Tamsin held him to her chest.

"Where's Bowman?" Isaac asked.

"Gone in to tend to his wife." Tamsin smiled. "Which means I am lucky enough to hold their son for a few minutes."

"He has so much hair," Isaac noted.

"Yes, and so dark." She gently stroked the top of the babe's head. He didn't stir. His eyes were closed in slumber.

"Can I hold him?" The question surprised Isaac, and for a moment, he wondered if he'd said it aloud.

"Of course." Tamsin moved closer and held the babe toward him. "Be careful to put one hand behind his head. He needs your support."

Isaac did as she instructed. The weight of the babe and his warmth loosened something inside him. He held the boy close to his chest and looked into his sleeping face. Everything about him was so perfect. Isaac briefly closed his eyes and imagined his own son. Pain and regret surged within him, but they felt less raw than before.

"Are you all right?" Tamsin asked.

Opening his eyes, Isaac met her gaze. He gathered his courage and found a serenity he hadn't expected. "I think so. Mrs. Bowman is fine?"

"I don't know if I would say ‘fine.'" Tamsin chuckled. "She is exhausted and overjoyed. The midwife says the birth went as well as one could hope."

Isaac exhaled. "That is good to hear."

Tamsin touched his arm and smiled at him. "I know how difficult this must be for you, the memories it stirs."

He nodded. "You must think me ridiculous."

"Not at all. I think you're brave to face your fears. As I said earlier, we need to embrace those emotions, for that is how we heal."

Heal. That's what he was feeling now, the pain lessening. The wound closing.

Bowman came from a chamber, where he must have gone to be with his wife. "Laura is ready for Jacob now. The midwife says she needs to try to feed him."

"Of course." Isaac transferred the babe to his father, who beamed with pride and love. "Congratulations again, Bowman. Don't worry about what remains of your harvest. We will ensure it's taken care of."

"I can help—probably." Bowman swayed gently with his son in his arms. "We have help from the maid Lady Droxford sent. That's been a real godsend, my lady." He sent Tamsin a grateful look.

"It is our pleasure to help. You've plenty of provisions to keep you fed for the next fortnight, I should think. And we're here if you need anything else. Please tell Laura I'll check on her tomorrow."

Bowman nodded. "She'll appreciate that, my lady."

"Good night, then," Isaac said with a smile.

As Bowman went back into the bedchamber. Isaac turned and put his hand at the small of Tamsin's back. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. I think I may need a bath."

"We can arrange that." Isaac thought he might have joined her if he hadn't already bathed earlier. Although, why should that prevent him? He could, at the very least, aid her. A dozen lurid thoughts crowded his mind.

They left the cottage, and Isaac helped her into the gig. "Are you hungry? I can arrange to have dinner brought to the sitting room while you take your bath," Isaac offered.

"I hadn't thought of it until you just asked, but yes, I'm famished. Perhaps we could just nip into the kitchen when we arrive?"

Isaac laughed. "I suppose we could." He started driving back toward the house.

"Look at you, smiling and now laughing," Tamsin said with a cluck of her tongue. "I would scarcely recognize you."

"I scarcely recognize myself after these past two days." He thought marrying Tamsin would change his life—and it had—but facing his past and sharing it with her was the true change that had needed to happen.

She moved close to him so that their sides were touching. "You are the same man you have always been, just more open. We must remember to remain that way with each other—no holding emotions back or hiding behind scowls or smiles."

"It's clear which of us will be doing which," he said drily. He looked over at her. "Thank you for staying with me and not running away from this marriage that I forced with my roguish behavior. I should not even have been at that soiree, but I couldn't manage to stay away from you."

"Well, I am glad you couldn't, or I would have had to fight Brimble off myself." She snuggled against him. "I have no regrets about anything, Isaac. Indeed, I think we were meant to find one another."

He wanted to believe that too. Tamsin was a gift he didn't deserve, but he would spend his life trying to.

"I wanted to tell you about my mother's letters," he said, hoping he could keep the strong emotion at bay. If he could not, he would end up an even worse watering pot than his aunt.

"I was hoping you would."

"She wrote them in the final weeks of when she carried my brother. She was tired and unwell. I think she must have known the end could be near. She wrote of her love for me, of her hopes for how I would grow up. I wish I'd seen these when I was younger. Perhaps I might have been equipped with your optimism." He'd wondered why he'd never seen them. Had his father kept them from him on purpose? Or had they simply been lost to time as they'd been transferred from wherever his mother had kept them to that trunk and then to the uppermost floor at Wood End? He would never know, and perhaps that was for the best.

"They sound wonderful," Tamsin said.

"You are welcome to read them. Then you can get to know her too."

"I would like that."

Isaac drove the gig to the stable and helped Tamsin down as one of the grooms took charge. Thanking the young man, Isaac escorted Tamsin to the house. "Do you want to stop by the kitchen?"

She laughed softly. "No, I can wait. But do have dinner sent up. I don't want to dress after my bath."

"Perfect, because I don't want you to either."

Tamsin paused and turned toward him. "Are you flirting with me?"

"I think so," he said almost incredulously. "Is that all right?"

She put her hands on his chest and gave him a heated, seductive smile. "It's most welcome."

Issac kissed her, his lips brushing over hers with a gentle softness. He loved her so much. He couldn't wait to tell her when they were alone in their chamber. When he held her in his arms and surrendered to her completely.

* * *

Tamsin had bathed in her chamber. Her maid helped to mostly dry her hair, but Tamsin's toilet was simple. She slipped into a dressing gown and tied her hair back with a ribbon.

Glancing at the now-repaired bed, she wondered where she would sleep tonight. Isaac had given clear signals that he meant for them to be intimate, but what did that mean?

She hoped she was about to find out.

Walking into the sitting room, Tamsin noted the table had been elegantly set for their dinner. Isaac stood at her chair, holding the back. He was still dressed, but he'd removed his coat. She reasoned that if he had worn his dressing gown, it was entirely possible that they would not have bothered to eat. Hungry as she was, she was even hungrier for her husband.

It wasn't just her fervent desire begging to be satisfied, it was her need to hold him, to show him how much he meant to her. How much she loved him.

She sat down, and he poured wine into their glasses. "No footman?" she asked.

He shook his head as he sat. "I preferred privacy this evening. I hope that is acceptable to you."

"Quite. I might even have preferred you in a dressing gown like I am, but I fear that may have been too distracting."

"I understand. It's taking every bit of self-control I possess to keep from stripping yours away and feasting on you instead of the dinner. But I shall save that for dessert, if you are amenable."

Heat flared through Tamsin as his words aroused her. She nearly suggested they skip the dinner after all, but he spoke, "We should eat." He removed the cover from his plate, and Tamsin did the same.

They had beef steaks as well as parsnips and peas. She giggled.

"Why are you laughing?" He looked adorably perplexed.

"Parsnips and peas. But we have no one to pelt them with."

Isaac's eyes lit with mirth, and he smiled. "That is unfortunate. However, I shall always be grateful for those vegetables since they were intrinsic to us deepening our acquaintance."

"I found you so attractive," she said. "Even then. I truly thought you might kiss me that day on the beach. And then again in the hotel garden, but you said you hadn't planned to do so."

He grimaced. "I lied. I was also attracted to you. Distractingly so. I was desperate to return to Wood End lest I find myself utterly bewitched."

She cut a piece of the beef. "Why didn't you leave?"

"Because I was entranced by you. I even agreed to go on that bloody boat just so I could be with you."

"I don't think I've ever heard you curse before," she said.

He paused, his expression contemplative. "No, I don't suppose you have. I generally don't, because my father forbade it and lectured me incessantly on the sins of swearing. It has always stuck with me."

"Until now?"

"I feel rather like a different person. No, not different, but…renewed. As if I am finally able to let the past go. I would much rather look to the future." His lips curved into a small, sweet smile before he ate a parsnip.

Tamsin's insides somersaulted with giddiness. "Tell me more about why you agreed to face your fear and go on the boat."

"It was less about facing my fear and more about spending the day in your presence," he said wryly. "But when I arrived at the dock, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do it, not without grave consequences to my composure."

"I could see how agitated you were. I didn't want you to go on the boat, not if it was going to cause you such upset."

He frowned slightly. "I hated that you didn't get to go."

She shrugged. "I much preferred to spend the day with you, or part of it, anyway." She gave him a flirtatious smile before scooping up a few peas from her plate.

They ate in silence awhile. Tamsin thought of how far they'd come since those days in Weston. She'd tucked the shell he'd given her in the pocket of her dressing gown earlier. Now, she withdrew it and set it on the table. "Why did you find this for me?"

"Because I knew it would make you happy. Rather, happier. You are always happy."

Tamsin laughed. "I seem to be, but I confess I am not always. It's just that I try to be. However, I've decided I can let myself be sad. Or frustrated. Or whatever I want to be that isn't happy. I know that happiness is always there for me when I need it. Especially now," she added almost shyly. She felt such an overwhelming love for him. But she didn't want to expect the same in return.

"You don't need to be happy for me," he said with a very serious tone, his gaze direct. "I suspect you did that for your father, to ease his sadness after your mother left. Is that wrong?"

Tamsin hadn't thought of it that way, but she knew he was right. "No. My father was never effusive, but he was different after my mother left. I'm not sure I noticed it right away, but over time, I just accepted that he was morose, and it was up to me to provide a sense of lightness and cheer."

"That is a great responsibility for a young person to shoulder."

"Perhaps, but it came somewhat naturally to me, so I didn't mind." They fell silent again as they ate, and Tamsin paused to sip her wine, a dark red that was richer than anything she'd tried before.

Isaac drank his wine too, and he sat back in his chair, his gaze sweeping over her with a heat she felt deep in her core. She suddenly wanted to be done with their dinner so he could sweep her into his arms and carry her to bed. There, he would hopefully dine on her instead, as he'd said he wanted to do. Or perhaps he might even take things further. How she longed to feel him inside her—his sex, not his fingers. Though, she would take anything he offered.

He startled her from the increasingly carnal nature of her thoughts by speaking. "I wanted to tell you that I think I must have been falling in love with you in Weston. Why else would that Bumble cretin have made me so infuriatingly jealous?" He exhaled. "I should not have hit him, but I did warn him."

Tamsin set her wine down carefully lest she spill it everywhere. Had she just heard him right?

Isaac put his glass down and rose. He came around the table and took her hand, guiding her to her feet. "I have no regrets about that evening, not even hitting Bumble."

She giggled. "You keep calling him Bumble."

"That isn't his name?" He shrugged. "I'm just glad I didn't leave before that soiree. If I had, I would surely be filled with regret for not pursuing what might have been between us. All because I was afraid."

Tamsin could hardly breathe listening to his revelations. She was beyond ecstatic. "I'm not sure you were afraid, just set in a certain way of thinking. You needed to see for yourself that you deserve happiness, that you deserve love. I lo?—"

He put his finger on her lips. "No. Don't say it. Not until I do. I love you so deeply, Tamsin, more than I ever expected to love anyone. More than I knew was possible. You fill me with light and hope, and an indescribable joy. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life."

She kissed the pad of his finger. "I love you too." Then she licked him.

Isaac moaned softly. "I hope you're done eating."

"So done."

He lowered his head and kissed her. Their lips and tongues met in a passionate dance. Each kiss grew hotter and deeper. Tamsin tugged his cravat loose and pulled it from his neck, letting it fall to the floor. Then she began to unbutton his waistcoat.

When the garment was open and she began to push it from his shoulders, he took a step back. They were both breathing heavily, and Tamsin curled her hands around the edges of his waistcoat, prepared to drag him back to her.

"I have to say one more thing," he said, his voice taut with desire. "As much as I love you and as different as I feel today, I am still, in some ways, the man I was. I don't know that I'm ready to have a child. It's going to take me some time to accept that this is my life, that I deserve this. Also, if I'm honest, I'm a little afraid to be a father. I did not have a good role model, and I've already abandoned one son."

"Would you prefer to wait?" she asked. "You've made it clear we can satisfy one another in plenty of ways without risking a child."

His nostrils flared. "God, you are an incomparable woman. You really don't mind?"

"I can be patient," she said with a broad smile.

"Oh, I'm definitely putting my cock in you tonight. I need to feel you around me."

Heat flooded Tamsin's core. She nearly whimpered with want. "But how can we do that?"

"I'll be careful not to come inside you. If I don't put my seed in you, there won't be a baby. However, that isn't foolproof. I know that sometimes it can happen anyway. I can live with that chance."

She pushed the waistcoat from his shoulders. "Then let's get started."

He rapidly unfastened her dressing gown and pushed it open, baring her breasts and her sex. Putting his hands on her, he squeezed her nipples then slid his hands to her back and cupped her backside, his fingers digging into her flesh and parting her cheeks slightly as he lifted her. "Put your hands around my neck and wrap your legs about my waist."

Tamsin did as he bade, loving the press of his hands on her backside as she felt his cock against her sex. She kissed him, spearing her tongue into his mouth as he walked toward the bedroom, carrying her.

When they crossed the threshold, he kicked the door closed before continuing toward the bed. After climbing the stairs of the dais, he set Tamsin on the edge of the bed.

"Can I demand you take your clothes off?" she asked as she shrugged out of her dressing gown.

In answer, he began to remove his boots, and everything else followed in quick succession until he was nude and glorious before her. He moved to stand between her open legs and kissed her. She wrapped her legs around him once more, and his cock pressed against her sex. Sensation leapt within her, sending a spike of lust straight to her core.

He gripped her hair where she had it tied with the ribbon and held her head while he plundered her mouth. She ground her hips against his, her sex aching for more.

Tearing his mouth from hers, he dragged his tongue down her throat and cupped her breast before taking her nipple between his lips. He lightly grazed her with his teeth, then sucked hard, pulling on her flesh as she cried out.

Isaac wrapped his arms around her and lifted her farther onto the bed. Then he followed her onto the mattress as she lay back, his body moving between her legs.

He stroked her sex, moving his fingers along her crease until he reached her clitoris. Rubbing her, he bent his head to suckle her breast once more. Tamsin gripped his head, desperate for the release building inside her, but also not wanting this wicked pleasure to end.

She moaned as he kissed and licked his way down to her sex, his tongue flicking her clitoris. He kept one hand on her breast, his fingers twisting her nipple. She thought she might come before he even put his cock inside her.

But then his tongue was there, laving her sex, a series of fierce licks before he sucked on her clitoris. His fingers slid into her, filling her.

"I want your cock," she managed to rasp as her climax barreled down upon her. She wasn't ready. She wanted him fully inside her.

Tamsin wriggled her hips away and reached between his legs for his sex. Finding his shaft, she encircled his girth and stroked him from base to tip. Isaac groaned as he moved against her, his cock brushing against her opening.

"Put me inside you," he ground out, his hand covering hers. "Together."

The tip of him slid into her sheath, and she immediately felt a rush of ecstasy. As she stretched around him, she arched her head back, moaning and whimpering.

"Wrap your legs around me, Tam." He held her hips as he thrust all the way into her.

Tamsin did as he instructed and rested her heels against his backside. He filled her completely, and her body throbbed with unquenched desire. She'd been so close to her orgasm, but now it seemed further away.

Isaac began to move. The friction of his thrusts stirred her again and brought a torrent of pleasure as he stroked faster and faster. She clasped his shoulders, digging her fingers into his flesh. Her hips rose from the bed to meet him, their bodies coming harshly together as they chased rapture.

He put his hand between them and massaged her clitoris again, taking her right back to where she'd been. "Come now, Tamsin. I need you to come. I'll have to pull out before I do, so you come now."

Her release was already upon her, having started as he was commanding her to do so. She gripped him tightly with her legs as her body clenched with the power of her orgasm. Over and over, she cried out as unimaginable pleasure crested over her. She'd never known such a glorious satisfaction, such a boundless joy.

She hadn't quite reached the ground again before he was gone from her. She opened her eyes and watched as he stroked his cock, his head cast back. Scrambling, she turned herself so she could give him aid. She put her hand over his and worked his shaft but then licked the tip where a bit of liquid had pooled. It was thick and salty, and she swallowed it down.

"Tamsin," he ground out, his hips thrusting wildly as she took him in her mouth. "You can't," he protested.

Instead of arguing, Tamsin simply pushed his hand away and took command, sucking him deep into her mouth and cupping his balls. He jerked, and a warm gush of liquid washed over her tongue. She didn't cease, just kept holding him and working her tongue on his flesh as he came apart.

She swallowed everything he gave her, and when his hips slowed, she finally released him. Falling back on the bed, she gasped for breath, her chest heaving. A smile curved her lips, and she didn't think she'd ever been happier in her life.

He fell down beside her—they were angled sideways on the bed. Turning toward her, he kissed her jaw, her cheek, beneath her ear. "Did you taste yourself on my cock?" he whispered.

She thought she had, but she wasn't sure. "Does that arouse you?" She'd heard the thrill in his voice.

"Yes."

"Then I shall do it again." She turned toward him and brushed her lips against his.

He caressed her cheek and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear that had come loose. "Now that I know how adventurous and eager you are, we'll discuss other ways we can pleasure each other, including a method of intercourse that will never result in a child."

"What is that?" she asked, enthralled, her body stirring again.

He whispered the answer in her ear, shocking her. But also titillating her. "If you are amenable," he added. "I won't mind if you aren't."

"I am open to anything I may share with you. Shall we try it now?"

Chuckling, he kissed her, his tongue stroking hers. "No, my love, you should rest. We will need to work toward that particular endeavor. I will begin with my finger and eventually, again if you are still amenable, you can take my cock."

She shivered with anticipation. "Does this mean we're going to sleep now?"

He laughed. "I do believe that was a verbal pout." He moved over her, flattening her to the mattress. He stared down at her, his eyes dark and dangerously seductive. "I take it you aren't quite finished."

"Can I have another orgasm?" she asked, her sex already throbbing with want.

"Let's find out." He arched his brow, then lowered his lips to hers once more.

As it happened, she was able to have two more orgasms, one of which she shared with him while he taught her how they could pleasure each other at the same time with their mouths.

All in all, it was a marvelous evening, and as she lay in his arms much later, she fell asleep to the memory of his laughter and the countless times he'd said, "I love you."