Chapter 21

Ican feel his worthless body slump under my hand as I hit him in the chest with the mallet.

I bought the rubber mallet because I knew I wanted to hurt him but didn’t want to actually kill him. Handy factoid, the rubber disburses the power of the strike, causing pain but significantly less damage than a normal hammer or bullet would.

I’d already done research on Russell Carraby, even before this morning. As soon as I knew he could be a threat to Bella, I looked into him and then watched and learned.

He wakes up at eleven, still half-drunk, and has a nasty habit of pissing in his own bushes on his way back inside from collecting the mail. He spends his days smoking and playing video games. He mostly only comes out to buy more drugs, steal shit from any store he’s not banned from, or to bother the decent people unlucky enough to live on the land he owns.

I’d known he was bad news, but Bella was handling it, and honestly, I didn’t want to answer the questions she’d have if I physically jumped in to save her from him. But this morning, everything changed, getting far worse than even I could have anticipated. I hadn’t had a choice.

The one knee had been the smallest taste of what I’d wanted to do, and I’d known I was going back for him without Bella there to witness it. Even if it damns me, I’ll save her. I’ll punish him.

It’s what I do.

And anything I dish out, up to and including death, would be warranted and well-deserved by a piece of shit like Carraby.

I’d swear I took the same precautions before approaching his house that I do with every entry I make, but obviously, I was at least partially distracted. Because now I’ve got Bella, standing in the doorway gawking at me, while I’m over a man whom I just beat unconscious.

And she’s looking at me like I’m some sort of monster.

The truth hurts.

“You shouldn’t have seen this, Bella,” I say, stepping back from Russell and lowering the mallet. “I wish you wouldn’t have seen me like this.”

“Gabe... please, don’t kill him,” Bella says, her hands coming up in a prayer-like pose at her chin. Oh, my sweet princess, if you only knew how much better your life would be if you’d let me take care of this asshole.

But I didn’t come here to kill him, and looking in her eyes, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it even if I had.

I sigh, lowering the mallet. “I won’t kill him, hadn’t planned on it. But he...” I shake my head, knowing I can’t beat around the bush with this any longer. “Please, I’ll explain everything. At your house. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Why?” Bella asks, her eyes widening as panicked fear pierces her shock. “Oh, God, you’re going to kill me.” She takes a step back, and I force myself to stay still though every impulse makes me want to chase her and pull her back to me, make her see that I’m doing this for her, that I’ll do anything for her.

She looks at Carraby, still unconscious but wheezily breathing through a broken nose. “No... no, I’m trying to save your life,” I tell her, holding my hand out placatingly. Something in my tone must get through to her because her eyes flash back to me. “I swear, Bella, I’ll protect you... but you have to understand that you’re in danger.”

Bella looks at me for a second, then points. “My house.”

“Bella—”

“No, Gabe... I need a minute to process.”

Moments later,I’m parked in front of Bella’s house. The front door is open and I can see her sitting on the couch. She’s waiting for me. I tried to give her a minute like she asked for, even using Carraby’s kitchen to clean up as best I could. But I know she’ll probably still see the blood spatter marking me, even though it’s gone.

I take a deep breath and get out of the truck, walking up slowly. She watches my approach warily, letting me come in and close the door. I sit down across from her, noting the phone and the gun on the makeshift table between us.

I wonder if she’s already called the police. Or her friends, Mia and Thomas. That’d be most fitting since they’re the ones who got her into this situation by asking her to interfere in Blackwell’s plans. Even if it’d been unwittingly and had seemed like she was only playing a minor part in catching a corporate saboteur at Goldstone.

“Explain.” Her tone is fury mixed with fear.

I count it a miracle that she’s even here, honestly. And maybe just as much one that I’m here too. This is the point where I should cut my losses and run. But I can’t leave her unprotected, because while I’m a scary man, Blackwell will just send someone with less scruples than I have if I leave.

How did I get so emotional about this? And how did my emotions make me so sloppy?

“First, please understand, I’m still the guy who’s talked to you, who’s taken you out, who’s made love to you... but I’m more than that too,” I admit, watching as she stands to pace back and forth. “It’s complicated.”

“That’s one way to put it!” she says, raising her voice. “I want the truth! All of it. Because the man I saw today isn’t the same man I’ve been falling for!”

The words hang in the air, both of us stopping, and they sting as much as they fill me with wild hope.

She’s falling for me? What have I done to deserve that, when I was sent to destroy her?

But maybe it’s not too late to be who I was before revenge took root in my heart.

I need to unburden all those hidden lies to find out if it’s possible.

“Bella... I’m falling for you too,” I admit, looking down at my clasped hands, and I realize I’m literally begging her to believe me. “Russell Carraby is a bad guy, more so than you even realize. He’s escalating, both in his drug habit and in his threats. I couldn’t let that go.” I look back up, imploring her. “What if I hadn’t been here this morning? He very easily could’ve pushed his way in here and done . . .” I shudder at the thought of what that vile man would do to my sweet princess.

She finishes my sentence, “He could’ve done exactly what you did to him. Assault me, hurt me, kill me. But he didn’t. You did. And neither of you had the right, him to do that to me nor you to do that to him.”

“I know, but it’s what I do, who I am. I’m sorry to say that, but it’s the truth.” I’ve never been ashamed of what I do before, having trusted in my rules and research enough to know that sometimes, working around the law to punish the truly despicable is the only way. But Bella’s eyes light up like she’s seeing me for the first time and isn’t liking what she sees. At all.

“So you’re judge, jury, and executioner all rolled into one?” She means it as an expression, not the actual truth, but I can see that she’s starting to get it, realization dawning that my attack on Russell isn’t a one-off situation but rather a single repetition of a recurring behavior.

Trying to calm her, I promise, “From the moment we first talked, I knew I couldn’t do what I was hired to do.” Baby steps to the truth. She deserves it all.

“Which is?” she asks, but I can see she doesn’t really want to know.

I clear my throat. No other way to get around it. “I was hired by Blackwell to kill you.”

Shocked, Bella stops pacing and shrieks, “You what?”

“From what I have gathered, you were instrumental in foiling some plan of his to discredit a business rival, Thomas Goldstone,” I explain, charging on before things spiral any further out of control. “Blackwell’s a vengeful son of a bitch, and he wanted to send a message. That’s where I came in. But I have a code of ethics, my own moral guidelines, and he damn well knows it. It’s why I looked deeper than his initial report. It’d said you were conniving, a key player in this business deal going sour. He knew I wouldn’t kill an innocent person.”

Bella pales, her hand going to her mouth. “Is Mia in danger? Or Thomas?”

My girl, always thinking of others before herself. Giving to a fault, even when she’s the one to suffer for it. No. At the moment, Blackwell feels certain that theyre too high-profile, and eliminating them would create questions that could lead back to him. It’s why he aimed for you. Your death would hurt them, but you’re an easier target.”

Her breath hitches at the description.

“I don’t know the specifics, but I did take the job. I did my normal routine, observing you, learning your schedule, where you lived, worked, everything about you. Something felt off. None of what Blackwell said made any sense once I got to know you from afar. I needed to investigate further, to see if I was missing something. So, I approached you.”

“And everything from there was just a fucking lie?” Bella asks, her voice rising to a yell. “Was everything just some . . . some way to make it easier to kill me?” She sounds incredulous, like this isn’t possibly her life, but it is. And she’s in very real danger. I have to make her understand.

“No!” I rasp, standing to face her so she hears me clearly. “Every moment I shared with you just made it harder. Bella, with every time we’ve talked, from the first moment I touched your hand, I felt split in half. When we went up to the overlook, I knew I could never do it. You’re too good, too pure... you are what this world needs. Not Blackwell, with his jealousy and his hate. The world needs you. And so I’ve been delaying, making excuses, putting Blackwell off, trying desperately to figure out a way out of this.”

“Why not just walk away?” Bella asks. “Why not go to the cops?”

“Because they’re in his pocket,” I reply with a dark laugh. “The man’s got influence that stretches far and wide.” I glance out the front window, remembering Blackwell’s words and the suspicion that he has information superhighways feeding all sorts of intel right back to his ear. Particularly ones about Bella and my lack of follow-through on this assignment.

“And walking away isn’t an option. At first, it was because he has information I need. Jeremy was killed in a drive by, and I’ve searched for a decade to find his killers. I’ve damn near sold my soul just to find out who did that to my sweet brother and Blackwell knows. He claims to know who killed Jeremy. He knew I’d do just about anything to get a lead and preyed on that. It’s why I took the job in the first place. But I’ve given up on that. All that matters is you. But if I don’t complete my contract, he’ll just hire someone else to do the job... and probably add me as target number two.”

For the first time, Bella shivers, realizing the danger she’s in. “I just wanted to help Mia.”

I nod. “I know. You’re a good friend, a good person, and I’m trying my damnedest to be a good protector for you.”

“Protector?” she scoffs, her eyes going hazy, and I suspect she’s picturing the monstrous version of me she saw looming over an unconscious Russell. “Is that what a protector is?”

“I’m not a good man. I was angry at Russell, and even if I didn’t go there to kill him, I can’t promise what would’ve happened if you hadn’t shown up. I know what I’m capable of, and it’s not pretty. The only thing that gives me hope is that you’ve seen something in me that might be redeemable. I don’t know.”

“And why shouldn’t I call the cops on you? You’ve been hired to kill me. You’ve been stalking me. Maybe I should have you arrested since you’re the immediate threat.”

It hurts, but I hold out my wrists as if she could cuff me right now. “If you wish, I won’t stop you. But Bella, I promise that I will give my life to protect you. Yes, I’m falling for you... but I’m not foolish enough to think that I deserve your love after knowing what you know about me. But please... give me a chance to save your life.”

“How?” she whispers. I can see the weight of the conversation taking its toll, the heaviness of what could have happened pressing on her chest as she visibly shrinks before me.

I shake my head, wiping at my cheek and realizing there’s wetness there, horror at what I’ve done to this poor woman. “I haven’t totally figured that out yet. One does not simply walk into the Blackwell Building and start recreating the lobby scene from The Matrix. Not if they expect to actually get Blackwell.”

Bella opens her mouth to say something, then closes it, turning around and starting to pace again. “This is insane. I’m sitting here discussing killing people with a hitman who I want to be my boyfriend, and he’s just put my sorta-landlord in the hospital.”

“Do you still want me to be your boyfriend?” I ask, glomming onto the one piece of hope in her summary.

But she ignores the question, still lost in her own rehash. “Why not go to Thomas?” Bella asks. In her voice, I hear encouraging tones. She’s in shock, but she’s at least accepting what I’m saying without dismissing it outright. Belief might still be a little way off, but for now, she’s at least listening and taking it in, offering solutions. “You know, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And Thomas is a friend of friend already.”

I consider it, even though it’s one of a myriad of possible ideas I’ve already gone through. “It may come to that. Power for power, but right now, I think it would be like throwing kerosene on a bonfire, and Mia and Thomas would be the ones to pay the price if they jump into the fray. As scary as it is to consider, right now, Blackwell is focused on you, and they are safe.”

It’s a shitty move to make, because I know she’ll do anything to keep her friends safe, even at the expense of herself. But it’s the only way I can see getting her to agree with the only idea I’ve come up with, delay until I can find an angle on Blackwell. I throw the hook, baiting her.

“But I have another idea. Honestly, it’s the only way out that I can see right now.”

She looks at me through her lashes, not knowing how innocent and scared she looks. It draws out every protective instinct I have. “What?”

“We’re out of time. We need to get you out of town, where I can keep you safe until I figure out how to keep Blackwell off you.”

“I’m not running!” Bella says, and in her voice and face I see the determination, the spirit that has me falling for her. She’s not going to retreat. She’s going to take on the world on her own terms, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

“Bella, I’ll do everything I can to protect you. I’ll get you back here to your home, to your friends. But we need to get out of town if I have any chance of implementing any sort of plan.”

“How can I just leave with you? I have so many unanswered questions. This is crazy.”

I walk closer to her, slowly and steadily, giving her time to flee, but she doesn’t move. Not even as I push her hair behind her ears and hold her face up, forcing her eyes to mine. “I’ll answer any question you want... when we’re on the road. I can see you want to push me out that door and go to your friends, the ones who have had your back your whole life. I get it, I do. But they don’t have the skills I do. And I say that knowing it makes me even scarier in your eyes. You shouldn’t trust me... but I need you to. Because more than anything else in this world, I don’t want you to end up dead.”

Bella blinks at the verbal shot, and then her eyes focus, questioning me. But I can’t say the words she wants to hear. Not like this, not when it’ll seem like a ploy. So I give her another truth. “You deserve all the best things the world has to offer, but the world deserves the very best of Isabella Turner too. Let me make sure that happens. Please.”