13. Cruz

Amillion things seem to happen at once.

I register that my hand is wet. That I'm still holding Liam's dick. That his lips are moving, although if he actually speaks any words, I don't know what they are. And there's this restless yet intriguing tension building in my lap, right where Liam's weight is resting on my—

Holy shit.

I shift slightly, testing a theory, and yeah. His ass catches on my extremely hard cock.

Liam's eyes bulge as his jaw drops open, and this time he's the one to shift…once. Twice. Probably testing the same thing I was.

"You are." He blinks so rapidly his hazel eyes become a blur.

"I'm what?" My mind and body feel out of sync, not in a bad way exactly, just…unfamiliar.

Liam scoots off my lap and drops to the floor between my legs, leaving my hands to fall limply at my side. I ball them into nervous fists as he stares at my lap, and the glaringly obvious sign of my arousal.

"You're hard, Cruz." His voice holds notes of both affection and awe, and for some reason that soothes me enough to stay seated instead of leaping off this chair and running to the bathroom like my first instinct dictated.

"I, uh… Yeah." I shift awkwardly under Liam's intent gaze, not so much from embarrassment as uncertainty. When did this happen? Why did it happen? What do I do about it?

"Is this the first time?" Liam's tone is more reassuring than probing, and since he likely already knows the answer to that, I figure there's no harm in confirming it.

"Yeah. I mean, it's the first time it's happened without me trying to force it."

"Do you want…" The fingers of his free hand stretch toward me, almost like he wants to touch, but he pulls them back before making contact, and my cock twitches—twitches—like it's disappointed he didn't.

Liam's Adam's apple bobs as he swallows and tries again. "Do you want me to help?"

"I, uh…" On the one hand, I want to experience the type of physical pleasure—with another person—that I could never fully comprehend since my body seemed incapable of it. On the other—I started this whole ‘helping hand' thing specifically because I didn't think it would have any affect on me, and if that's no longer true… Will that mess up what's becoming a friendship I'm starting to value?

My hips rock restlessly back and forth, causing the fabric of my sweats to rub over my swollen cock in a way that shoots a series of sparks throughout my body. Liam watches the movement carefully, his hazel eyes taking on a softness I've never seen in them before.

"I'd really like to do this for you, but I understand if it's too much right now. I'm sure this is probably strange."

I don't think I could explain myself any better than he just did, and the simple fact that he gets it has me giving in to the curiosity. "Okay," I whisper.

Liam gives me a warm smile as he reaches for the waistband of my sweats and briefs, giving me a little nudge to remind me to shift my weight as he pulls them down. When he's got the material around my knees he stops and stares openly at my cock, which jolts under his gaze.

"Um. What are…" I trail off.

"Beautiful." He traces the forefinger of his casted hand along the vein on the underside of my dick.

"Seriously?" I choke back a laugh.

Liam's expression doesn't waver. "I knew you'd be big, obviously, but you're so thick and smooth and…perfect."

"You think my dick is perfect?" I feel my face starting to flush, although oddly, I don't think I'm embarrassed. More like, astonished, since I recall his being nice to look at, and I don't think there's anything special about mine. Other than that it's a good size when it's awake.

Liam runs his fingers almost reverently over my length, sending off a series of what can only be described as little fireworks everywhere he makes contact. "In the sense that there aren't any imperfections, yeah."

"Dicks can have imperfections?"

"It's skin." He continues to delicately stroke my length, petting it almost, which makes it strain closer to his fingers as a warm shiver travels up my spine. "Skin can be discolored or have bumps. You don't have any of that. Anywhere on your body as far as I know."

"You've been looking at my body?" My breath catches in my throat as his finger ghosts over my slit.

Liam seems to roll his eyes despite the fact I'd swear they never left my length. "You walk out of the bathroom without a shirt all the time, so it's kind of hard not to notice. And your cock is…" He licks his lips as his finger draws a path from root to tip. "Well, it matches the rest of you." It gives another little jerk under Liam's praise, which brings a smile to his lips. "You like hearing that?" He continues to stroke me with his fingertips.

"Maybe." I try to breathe evenly, as if sudden movement could cause me to deflate at any second. I don't know if that's a thing, but it seems safer not to test it.

"You like what I'm doing to you?" He lifts his eyes to meet mine, and while I'm not exactly an expert here, I sense something like lust watching me from under his thick lashes. It makes my stomach do a little flip.

"Yeah." I exhale slowly.

"It's not too much?"

"No. I thought it'd be different though."

"Different how?" Liam's hand drifts to my sac, and he gives my right nut a gentle tug, sending my eyes to the back of my skull. He chuckles softly and does it again.

"I thought it'd be more like what I just did to you."

"Well, I was angry and needed it hard. You're curious, so I'm taking it slow."

"Sorta seems like you're the curious one," I bite back a moan as his finger slides over my slit, spreading the precum there around my whole tip.

"Just trying to figure out what you like. Plus, I happen to like looking at dicks. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Not uncomfortable, just..." I rock my hips back and forth, feeling suddenly restless.

I really do like what Liam's doing. It's softer, slower than I've ever touched myself, and it creates an entirely different sensation than the firmer way I usually bring myself to release.

Sensual. That's the word. Like I'm excited but also content at the same time. It's peaceful in a way. The slight, almost affectionate touches lulling me into this erotic headspace. I feel like I could linger here indefinitely, with Liam petting my cock like he's grateful it woke up for him. Yet at the same time, I feel somewhat tense. Edgy. Like there's an energy inside me that needs to escape, and even though I want Liam to keep doing what he's doing, I want… I need…

"You need more?" Liam seems to read my mind.

"Yes." My chest drops with a relieved exhale.

Liam licks his lips and leans forward, and I suck the breath I just let out right back in. "What are you doing?"

"Returning the favor." He looks up at me with a confused frown.

"But…I used my hand," I stutter.

Liam holds up his casted arm, and with a coy smile wiggles his fingers.

"You've got another one." I point to his right hand.

"You don't want my mouth?"

"I…" My words turn into a prolonged groan as Liam swirls his tongue around my tip, and pleasure explodes throughout my body. Holy crap. That was the most incredible thing I've felt in my life.

"Well?" He smirks.

"I uh… That's… Yeah." I bob my head up and down since my brain can't seem to remember more than a few words.

"Tell me to stop if you don't like it," Liam says, placing a tiny chaste kiss on my tip, then taking the whole crown in his mouth and sending my eyes on another trip to the back of my skull.

Oh my god. No wonder people talk about blow jobs like they're the key to paradise. This is amazing.

My body seems to float off the chair and sink deeper into it as Liam suckles my tip, occasionally taking me to the back of his throat and letting go with a pop to swirl his tongue around the head before diving in again, and I swear I could cry with how good it feels.

This is what I've been missing? Why did my body never crave this before?

"Doing okay?" Liam pauses to look at me with such concern I briefly wonder if something's gone wrong.

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"You're as still as a statue."

"I am? Is that bad?"

"No." Liam licks a path from root to tip with the flat of his tongue, causing me to inhale sharply. "I just want to make sure you're enjoying it."

"I don't think I've ever felt this good in my life," I blurt before I can stop myself, though before I can question whether that's oversharing, I catch Liam grin proudly. Then he swallows my entire length, hollows his cheeks, and sucks. Hard.

"Holyfuckingshit are you trying to suck my brain through my dick?"

"Too much?" The way he looks at me under those long lashes makes him look both innocent and playful, and while I've seen that look in the movies, I've never seen it directed at me. I think it means he enjoys being able to make me feel good, and for some reason that makes my heart race in my chest.

"No," I pant. "No, just… Oh my god." My head falls back as he does it again, sucking so hard I think he actually pulls my hips off the chair.

Looking at the ceiling, gasping and moaning around the zings of delight that seem to ignite wherever I feel Liam's tongue, I never know what he's going to do next. Lick up my length, suck on my balls, flick his tongue over my slit. It's totally foreign—not just the sensation of his wet mouth—but the fact that I'm not in control of my own pleasure. I have zero say in when, or how, I'll find release, and that's a pretty heady development. It leaves me free to react, which is oddly satisfying.

I admit at first I was too stunned to do much of anything except sit still, but the more I let myself relax, the more I realize I don't want to sit still. I want to move. I need to move. I need to thrust, but as I clench my stomach and bring my head forward I find myself paralyzed by the vision of my length disappearing between Liam's lips.

The way his eyes flutter as he takes me deep, like this feels just as good to him as it does me, is a revelation.

The first time I tried to help him out, I approached it like an assignment. A task I was in a position to help with, nothing more. The second time I was a little more thoughtful, paying attention to what he liked, but that was more for my own knowledge than a desire to really make him feel good. Not that I didn't want him to feel good, I just wanted to understand the most efficient way to get there.

And yeah, part of me was curious about what he was feeling—what I was feeling—but it didn't quite reach the point of me enjoying it. I think I was intrigued by it, but I'm not sure I'd go as far as saying I liked it. Even today, my focus was on getting Liam to relax instead of finding any kind of mutual satisfaction, and I'm still not even sure how I ended up in my current state since I didn't expect that outcome. But as I watch what can only be described as desire in Liam's expression, it occurs to me that arousal leads to arousal. His pleasure is increasing mine. And I think I like that.

Huh.

As if he can sense the direction of my thoughts Liam starts moaning like he does when I'm touching him, only my cock is still in his mouth, so I don't just hear that moan, I feel it vibrating along my shaft. Every. Single. Inch. And it's so unexpected—so different—my hips buck upward right as my dick starts pulsing with the force of the orgasm that slams into me without warning.

I want to move, to pull away before Liam chokes on the release I'm sure he wasn't prepared for, but once again my body is somewhat paralyzed by the unfamiliar sensations coursing through it. Not that I've never had an orgasm before, I've just never had one this intense, and it sort of makes everything short-circuit to the point I can do little else but melt into the chair beneath me.

Oh my… Did that just happen?

I have to blink a half-dozen times before my vision comes back into focus, and when it does, the first thing I register is Liam's wary gaze from where he's kneeling between my legs.

"I… Sorry I didn't warn you." I say lamely as I reach for my pants to pull them back up.

Liam waves a dismissive hand. "How are you feeling?"

I run a hand through my hair as if that will help me make sense of the chaos in my head. "Good, I think. Confused though."

"Which part is confusing?"

"What do you mean?" I know that question isn't meant to be sarcastic, but I can't for the life of me make sense of what he's asking.

"Is it the hooking up with a guy part, hooking up with me, or hooking up period that doesn't make sense?"

When he puts it that way…

"I don't think it's the guy thing." I shake my head back and forth while I consider his other two questions. "And I don't think it's you since I feel pretty comfortable with you, although maybe I should be more concerned about that."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, we're friends, and like you said before this isn't really something friends do. When I thought it wouldn't affect me, that didn't seem like something to worry about, but now…" I take a deep breath and find the courage to meet his eyes. "I guess it's more the why did it happen at all thing."

"I have a guess."

I lift my eyebrow in question.

A deep flush creeps into Liam's cheeks. "I got carried away. I was grinding on you pretty hard trying to chase my own release."

Thinking back to—God, was it only a few minutes ago—I remember he was pretty squirmy, and that might've been a contributing factor. But it doesn't feel exactly right.

"I've kind of done that before, rubbed on someone, and it didn't do much of anything. Not to this extent."

"Was that with a guy or girl?"

"Girl. Why?"

Liam his shoulder in a half-shrug. "Maybe you're gay ACE?"

"You mean if I were to like anyone at all it'd be a guy?"

"Yeah."

"Is that a thing?" I've never heard that term, although I do tend to actively avoid defining myself. It"s possible I didn't look hard enough.

"It can be your thing, if you think it fits."

I roll that idea around in my head, and while I can't say it feels right, I can't say it feels wrong either. I've got too little experience to say for sure, and I'm not sure I'm up for going down the rabbit hole of my sexuality when I'm in a pretty good mood. I'm about to say ‘fuck it' since my brain hasn't recovered enough to think this hard when Liam mutters. "My sister died today."

"What?" Those words are like a lightning bolt to my heart, sending a searing pain through my chest that almost makes it hurt to breathe.

"Not like, today, but two years ago today. That's why I was so pissed when I came in." He's still kneeling between my legs, but now his shoulders are slumped, and he's looking at the floor instead of at me, which is sort of a godsend.

"I…" My jaw bobs up and down, but no words come out. And it's not that I can't think of any, it's that I know how meaningless they'll sound, since I've heard them before.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

He'll be missed.

He's in a better place.

It's all bullshit, and those words are better left unspoken. But I can't just ignore that statement, or the fact that he shared it with me. So, for reasons I can't explain, I cup his head in my hand and guide it to my thigh, letting him rest against me while I hold him there.

Some time later, long enough that the daylight is waning and casting shadows across the floor, I give the back of his head a gentle squeeze. "Let's go get a drink."