11. Cruz

"That was a great block you set for Jagger in the fourth," I tell Cam as I tug my sweaty jersey over my head.

"Thanks. I'm just glad he was there to take advantage of it."

Both Cameron and Jagger have been inching closer to a starting position for the past few weeks, and when our starting fullback rolled his ankle, Cam got his chance to shine. He opened up a hole for Jagger, who got in the game for a quick shovel pass.

"One time, I didn't see the hole he made for me, and he's never let me forget it." Jagger ruffles Cam's hair and gets a sock in the face in return. "Oh, it's like that, huh? Watch your back, Cam. I've got no shortage of smelly things to tuck in bed with you tonight. There's a pair of ripe, two-week old gym shorts with your name on them."

"You sure about that?" Cam arches a sly brow.

"Oh, I'm sure. We do laundry every two weeks, and it's only day thirteen." He waggles his eyebrows in a little taunting gesture.

"Yeah, but who's turn is it?"

Jagger's mischievous smirk seems to fade in slow motion. "You sneaky bastard. You already did it, didn't you? How the… When did… Fuck!"

"Guess you'll have to find some other way to retaliate." Cam's chuckle echoes slightly in the locker room as Jagger storms off to the showers. Once Jagger is out of sight, Cam leans toward me and stage-whispers, "I should really tell him about the laundry service, but I'm pretty excited to watch him lose his shit when he finds out he could've been sending it out to get done this whole time."

"There's a laundry service?" My jaw goes slack.

"There is in our dorm. But maybe they figure the people in the genius dorm will just study while they wash their clothes. Wishing you stayed with us athletes now?"

"I'm actually good where I am. It's pretty low key."

"Clearly."

"What do you mean?"

Cam lifts a shoulder as he tosses his dirty gear in the bin—the team washes our uniforms for us—and grabs a towel. "You never come out."

"We're in season."

"We can still have fun. Come to Bennet's frat with us tonight."

"I'm supposed to hang out with Liam." I grab my own towel and start walking with Cam to the showers.

"Don't you already see him every day?"

"Well, yeah, but he's cool to hang out with. Plus, I'm not sure he's the partying type." I know Liam went to the frat house that first night, and a few times since to hook up with that guy Aiden, but he mentioned wanting to put a stop to that. I'm not sure he'd appreciate me dragging him where a guy he's trying to avoid will be.

"You'll never know if you don't invite him. And if it's not his scene you can leave early." Cam slings his towel over the partition between stalls and turns on the water.

"Yeah, okay," I mumble as I do the same.

Twenty minutes later, I leave the locker room and find Liam waiting for me outside the building, a blue tinge to the lips that barely contain his chattering teeth. "Seriously?" I notice his coat isn't zipped all the way to his chin and I grip the cool tab, tugging it up for him, though for some reason my hand lingers there even though I can't pull the zipper any further.

I can't recall ever fixing someone's clothes like this, and with my fingers mere inches from Liam's lips, I realize it's kind of an affectionate gesture. Protective almost, which tracks with his claim that I have a hero complex. I always interpreted the hero thing as an effort to rescue rather than protect, but maybe it's both. I certainly feel the urge to protect Liam.

Though my eyes are fixed on the space between my fingers and his lips, I feel the weight of his gaze, and when I meet it, my breath gets caught in my throat. Eyes that I always thought were hazel are actually a mix of brown and green and gold, swirling together in a chaotic blend that's a fitting complement to Liam's complex moods.

The stunning combination makes me lose my train of thought, until his warm breath on my fingers reminds me I'm still holding his zipper.

"It's almost forty degrees." I drop my hand as I clear my throat. "That's basically a heat wave in Colorado. How are you ever gonna survive a spring sport?"

"I've got months to acclimate. But don't tell Cam and Jagger."

"Don't tell us what?" Jagger sneaks up behind us, and with one look at Liam bursts out laughing. "Lacrosse players are tougher, huh? Better hope the rest of your team isn't so sensitive to the cold or they're gonna start calling you the popsicles instead of the bighorns."

"So, you two coming?" Cam asks.

"Uh." I turn to Liam. "There's a party at our teammate's frat house. You know the one. Do you want to go?"

"Aiden mentioned it. He seemed pretty insistent that we should stop by."

"I thought…" I trail off, realizing I can't say any more without revealing that he has a history with Aiden, and even though my teammates know Liam's gay–seeing as I let that slip–I remember how that sort of crossed a line. I'm not about to repeat the mistake by doing it again. His past hookups will stay between us.

"You thought what?" Jagger asks me as he starts walking toward the party as if the rest of us will fall into step, which we predictably do, with Cam walking next to him and Liam and I a few paces behind.

"Oh. I thought—" I swallow as my brain searches for an answer that won't invade Liam's privacy.

"He thought I'd want to avoid Aiden's frat since I don't want to hook up with him anymore." Liam saves me from concocting what would surely be a flimsy lie. I shoot him a sideways glance, and while he looks a little stiff, he doesn't have a look of regret. Good for him.

"Why not? He's a good-looking guy," Cam says without missing a beat, and another quick glance at Liam tells me he's relieved, maybe even happy, with that response.

"You know him?" Liam asks.

"I've met him at the parties. Seems like a cool guy," Cam says. "But you don't think so?"

"I do, I'm just not really feeling anything more than that, I guess. And I don't want to be the kind of guy who leads someone on."

"That's why I'm a one-and-done kind of guy," Jagger says. "I like sex, but I don't want to be a dick about it."

"Some people would say one-and-done is a dick move," Liam points out, then seems to think better of it. "Just saying."

"Yeah, I get that." Jagger gives us a thoughtful look over his shoulder. "But I'm clear about it up front. I tell them I'm down for a good time, but I've got too much going on with school and football to get into anything more."

"And girls are cool with that?" I ask.

"They say they are." His shoulder lifts and lowers in a ‘who knows' sort of gesture. "So, you and Aiden are cool, then? Even if you aren't hooking up anymore?"

"We'll find out, I guess, but he was fine when I talked to him at the game," Liam says.

"So, did you enjoy the game? I mean, aside from freezing your balls off?" Jagger turns his head long enough to wink at Liam, letting out another boisterous laugh.

"Sure."

"Sure?" Cam asks. "That was probably our best game of the season."

"You guys were neck-and-neck until the fourth." Liam looks at Cam like he's delusional, which has no effect since he's walking behind him.

"That's what makes an exciting game." Cam's head swings back and forth like he can't believe he has to say that. "Especially when the good guys dominate in the last quarter and come out on top."

"I'd rather dominate the whole time," Jagger says.

"Where's the fun in that?" I ask. "Good competition keeps your energy high."

"Jagger's energy is always high." Cam nudges his friend's shoulder hard enough that Jagger nearly stumbles off the path, and he retaliates by jumping on Cam's back and trying to tickle him under the armpit.

"Get off me, Kitcat." Cam wriggles in a vain effort to dislodge his friend.

"Say uncle."

"Never," Cam grunts as he sinks to his knees and tries to throw Jagger over his shoulder, which he can't do since Jagger is clinging to him like a spider monkey, and it isn't until Cam manages to roll to his back, using his dead weight to pin Jagger beneath him, that he finally let's go.

Their exchange leaves me feeling a bit hollow—as close as Xavier and I were, we never really wrestled like brothers—and for a second, I get distracted thinking maybe we weren't as close as I thought. Not just toward the end, but all along. Liam must sense the change in me, eyeing me curiously as we wait for the others to dust themselves off, but when he arches a brow, I force a smile to my face and start walking.

The party is already in full swing when we arrive, with people spilling out onto the front porch, and music so loud you can feel it reverberate in your chest. A faint tinge of cold sweat lingers in the air from bodies that have been out in the cool air for hours and are now packed together. It's not as potent as the locker room after a game, but it makes your nose wrinkle all the same.

Just like my first visit, I follow Jagger as he weaves through the partying bodies toward the keg, and as I'm accepting a cup full of beer, a familiar face catches my eye.

"Hey." Dani smiles cheerfully. "Great game today."

"Thank you."

"I haven't seen you here since that first week. Where've you been?"

"I try not to be too social during the season." The ‘in season' excuse—or some variation of football first—always worked well in high school if I needed it, so I figure the same will be true here.

"Makes sense. You didn't tell me you were the star recruit back then. I wouldn't have let you walk away so easily."

My mouth bobs up and down, but no words come out. I thought she was different from that. The idea that I read her wrong leaves a sour taste in my mouth, and for some reason I search out Liam—as an escape, I think—but he's got his head bent close to a guy standing next to the keg a few feet away. Aiden?

"Kidding." Dani laughs at my horrified expression. "Although, I missed out on weeks of bragging that I knew you. It really would've upped my social status, you know."

Once again, I can do little more than gape at her, and once again she cracks up. "Relax. I'm totally messing with you. It's not often you meet a star athlete who's actually humble, so I couldn't resist poking a little fun. I'll stop pretending to be a stage five clinger."

My coiled muscles relax as the breath I'd been nervously holding rushes out, and I take a sip of watery beer to wet my dry mouth. "Oh, good. For a second there I was afraid you had an evil twin or something."

Dani throws her head back with a throaty laugh, the same kind I've seen other girls make when they're flirting, but with her it feels like it might be genuine. Authentic. "God, having a twin would be so fun! So, how are your classes?"

"Good." My eyes dart to Liam again—he's still standing really close to that guy—before they settle on Dani. "Yours?"

"Not bad, although my intro to engineering class is being taught by a TA who seems to just regurgitate what's in the book instead of actually teaching. If I'd never taken an engineering class before I'd probably be lost, but fortunately most of what we're doing is a recap."

"Wilson?" I ask.

"Yes." Her eyes get wide. "He's the worst, right?"

"I have him right after morning practice, so I'm already tired, and he's got one of those voices that just begs you to fall asleep."

"Well, I have him mid-afternoon in that lull between lunch and dinner when you really need an afternoon pick-me-up, and he doesn't let you have food or drinks in class."

"There should be some type of restriction against that. For drinks, anyway."

Dani laughs, and for some reason despite enjoying our conversation, my eyes drift to Liam again, as if they're compelled to search him out. To know where he is at all times.

His head is still angled toward Aiden's, and even though his gaze is cast downward, like he's more focused on listening than seeing the man next to him, a strange discomfort lodges itself in my chest. I get it's loud in here, but do they really have to lean so close to talk?

"Something wrong?" Dani leans forward so she can lower her voice.

"Uh, why?"

"You keep looking at the guy over there. The one with the cast."

"My roommate." I say by way of explanation.

"That must be rough."

I pull my head away from hers as my eyebrows draw together. "Why do you say that?"

"He's in my calculus class, and he sits in the back of the room and scowls at everybody like he wants to unalive them."

"I'm sure he doesn't scowl."

"He's doing it right now," Dani says, and sure enough when I look up Liam's watching us with what I'd almost call daggers in his eyes, which soften somewhat when I smile at him. Odd. Did I do something wrong?

"I think he doesn't like big groups. He's fine when it's just the two of us." Although Liam's never said that outright, I'm pretty sure that's accurate. It has to be. Why else would he be frowning at me?

"Is that why you keep looking at him? To make sure he's okay?" Dani asks.

That's a reasonable assumption, so I jump on it. "Yeah. It was sort of my idea to come. Maybe I should go check on him?"

I only make it a step in Liam's direction before I feel Dani's hand on my arm. "We should exchange numbers so we can get a study group together."

"Yeah. Good idea." I pull my phone out so we can swap our info, tucking it into my back pocket as I give her a side hug goodbye. Then I approach Liam, who's now standing by himself on the far side of the room, looking as unapproachable as he did the morning after I steamrolled onto his bed.

"Everything okay? You kind of looked like you were gonna rage against my friend just now."

His eyes dart to mine with a much softer look than they held a second ago, and the edginess I felt earlier melts away. "Sorry. I was deep in thought, and I sometimes frown when I get like that."

"It's fine. But when you see her in calc this week maybe try not to unalive her with your death glare."

"Unalive?" He quirks a brow at me.

"Her word."

"So, who is she?" His voice is level though his jaw still seems a little rigid as he brings his beer to his mouth.

"Dani. I met her the first week and found out we have the same major. Is something wrong?"

"I heard her give you shit about not telling her how good you are at football. Seems sort of shallow."

"You heard that?"

"She kind of shouted it." He lifts a shoulder before taking another sip, wrinkling his nose at the lack of flavor in the cheap beer.

That's not my memory at all, but since I didn't have to lean close to hear her maybe she did. And even if she didn't and Liam was sort of eavesdropping, it's cool that he's looking out for me. I haven't had anyone do that for me in a while, and it's nice. "She was just messing with me. She's a nice girl."

"Hmm," he hums noncommittally.

"Was that Aiden?" I change the subject.

"Yeah."

"Was he trying to pressure you into hooking up?" My tone is harsher than intended, but since it makes Liam almost smile, which makes my stomach feel warm in a really comforting way, I don't dwell on it.

"No. I implied at the game I wasn't up for anything because of my arm, and he was cool with it."

"What were you guys talking about?"

"He was telling me about the fraternity and trying to get me to rush."

I feel my brows pull together. "Isn't it too late for that?"

"That's what I thought, but Aiden thinks it won't be a problem."

"Are you going to do it?"

Liam shakes his head firmly. "No."

"Because you don't want to have to be around him all the time?"

He tilts his head to the side, seeming to think about that for a moment. "Actually, no. He's a nice guy and I think we could be friends, I'm just not into the whole Greek scene."

"You can be friends with someone you've hooked up with?" I choke back a disbelieving humph.

Liam traps his lips between his teeth for a breath, a gesture that takes me back to that moment outside our locker room, before drawing an imaginary line between the two of us. "We're friends."

"Yeah, but that's… I mean," I stutter, trying to reconcile how he can think our arrangement is the same as whatever he's gotten up to with Aiden.

"I know what you mean. I'm just saying it's possible to be friends with someone before, during and after you've had sex with them. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or too immature to be having sex."

My expression must give away that I'm questioning whether I'm too immature when I catch a look of horror washing over Liam's face. "Shit. I didn't mean it like that. Obviously, you're mature enough. Maybe even more so than everyone else since you can separate sex from desire and… And you're doing it just fine now since we're friends, so clearly—" He runs a shaky hand through his hair as his eyes roam my face, looking for clues about how I'm going to react.

And yeah, at first his words shocked me, but I know he didn't mean any offense by them. He's probably just as confused as I am by the fact that we've done sexual things together despite the fact I'm not a sexual person. I can't fault him for getting tripped up over how to explain sex not ruining friendships to someone who never mixed the two before.

"I get what you're trying to say. It's fine." He doesn't look convinced, so I try a new subject. "So, why aren't you going to rush?"

"Boys clubs aren't really my thing. Too much testosterone."

I bite back a laugh. "That's kind of a weird opinion coming from an athlete."

He gives me an eye roll. "Trust me, I know. There's just as much bullshit with guys in the locker room as there is with guys in the frat house, and I almost gave up sports because of that. But with teammates, that energy and aggression can be focused toward a common goal. Not that being teammates automatically takes away the macho crap a big group of guys can ooze, but ideally, they use it on the field. With frats all that goes unchecked."

"I never thought about it that way, but I see your point. I—"

"Beer pong, bitches." Jagger throws an arm around my shoulder and starts pulling me toward the table while Cam does the same to Liam. Despite my eye roll, I can't help smiling since Jagger's excitement is sort of infectious.

Unfortunately, I'm no better at this game than I was the first time around, which is evidenced by my awkward stumble when Liam and I make our way back to the dorms. Fortunately, this time he deposits me in my own bed before I can fall onto his.