35. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

W hen I opened my eyes again, I wasn't in the feral lands anymore, I was in the manor, slumped over in a chair in the hallway. How the hell had I gotten here? I tried to get up, only to feel a sharp twinge in my back. I gasped at the pain.

I moved my arm to press against it and saw that my hands weren't my hands. They were gnarled and wrinkled, with wispy, white hairs sticking out at my knuckles. And they trembled even though I was only holding them in front of my face. I pressed these dry hands to my face, touching my cheeks, my forehead, my lips. My skin felt like old, stretched-out leather.

"Gods," I whispered. "Gods, no…" This was Kestrel's body, not mine. Could this be a dream? Had I passed out and Mara had sent me another vision?

"Mara, if you can hear me, please say something."

But there was no answer. That meant this was real. The only thing that kept me from bursting into tears was my shock.

Bizarrely, I remembered something from my childhood. My grandparents had passed away years ago, but I'd met my grandmother once. She had looked a lot like my mom, and her hands, though wrinkled, were always soft when she patted my cheek or my hair. She wasn't a very warm woman, but she'd had the means to keep herself beautiful. A cursed old witch who lived alone in a hut, who devoured pix to steal their magic, and took advantage of the desperate to make ends meet, wouldn't have access to those same luxuries.

Kestrel's cane was propped against the wall next to me, and I took it, using it to slowly ease out of the chair and onto my feet, my body creaking where it never used to before.

Instead of just sending me to that inky darkness, she'd swapped our bodies. But why? If she had my body, she could have banished me to that awful place. She must still need me for some reason. How had she found me?

I started to wander the halls, my body protesting with every step, but I had to stay in motion. I needed to think, and if I was sitting down, the crushing dread of being in a body that wasn't mine would make me lose my mind. It was the only thing that still belonged to me, and I couldn't afford to lose my grip on my sanity.

So, with only my thoughts available to me, I forced myself to think. What had all of this been for? Kestrel had come to the manor to form an alliance with Connor. Why the sudden interest in the Salcedos? It had to be because of me. Being one of Connor's advisors put her near me.

That distance had allowed her to slowly gain control over my body. Each time I blacked out or lost time, it was her attempting to take over my body.

"But she was nowhere near my body," I muttered, trying to order my crazed thoughts. "How did she pull this off?"

Come to think of it, I had seen less and less of her around the manor in the last week. As her control over me grew, it was possible she didn't need to be so close for it to work. But that didn't explain how she had found me.

With a jolt, the battle with ferals came back to me all at once. I'd used my power to stop them. That must have been all she needed to find me. Fuck! I hadn't had a choice but to protect Asher, and it had sealed our fate. Now she had my body and was doing gods knew what with it. And she was alone with Asher. What if she hurt him?

I stopped walking, pressing my hand to my heart as it started beating at an erratic rhythm. Damn, damn, damn it all! I needed to focus. I couldn't panic, not now.

"There you are!"

Connor's voice was a harsh whisper just behind me. My heart about stopped for a second time. I'd been so focused I hadn't heard him approaching.

"What the fuck are you doing wandering around in the hallway?" he demanded. "I told you I wanted to see you in my room hours ago."

Hours? I looked outside. The moon was supposed to be full, but there was no trace of it in the dark. Something about that bothered me, though it was probably just hidden behind the clouds. I studied that darkness for a minute and gauged that it was only a bit little later than it had been when I was with Asher. This was all the same night, so had Kestrel just nodded off in that chair? Or had she been asleep for hours? It didn't really matter at this point.

"Hello?" He waved his hand in my face.

I glared at him, and he immediately stopped. He even took a step back. It was rare to see Connor so cowed.

"Sorry," he said. "I'm just on edge. If you can change your eye color to look like Phaedra's, why can't you use your magic on me, too?"

My eyes? I turned again to the window to look at my reflection. Kestrel's eyes were dark, dark brown. I'd never been more grateful to see my own eyes.

"Don't turn away," he continued, almost whining. "You can't blame me for being impatient. Your magic hasn't made Phaedra fall in love with me, nor has my relationship with the members of high-wolf society improved. The cowards keep turning their backs on me. I want to know when I'm going to start seeing a return on this investment."

That was what he'd wanted from Kestrel? To make me fall for him and become more popular in high-wolf society? I had no idea how to control the features on my face, but whatever Connor saw made him take another step back.

"Don't look at me like that. Why does everyone keep looking at my like that? You, Penny, Randall—speaking of Randall," he lowered his voice even more. "I know it's been a long time, but I want to get more wolfsbane. I think he's starting to forget his place, and I want that stupid brute to remember he is beneath me."

Before I could even begin to come up with a response to that or any of the inane things he'd said, the front doors burst open, and a group of guards rushed in, all breathing hard like they'd just escaped death.

"Alpha," one of them panted. "That maid who abandoned her post is in Den City. She's riling up the people, getting them in a fervor. They—they're talking about revolting."

Connor scoffed. "Why are you telling me this? Tell your superior officer and go fucking handle it!"

"We did!" the guard said, desperation almost bringing him to his knees. "The mob killed the colonel. They've got our weapons, and some have shifted. They're all coming to the gates, sir. We need reinforcements!"

"Goddess," Connor cursed, completely forgetting about me. He went with the guards to find those reinforcements. They were probably languishing in the kitchen or in the wine cellars. They'd lost their edge since Rose and General Henrick fled to the mainland.

As their footsteps faded, I pressed a hand to my forehead. I was breaking out in a sweat. The revolution was happening already? Were we ready? Theodora must have thought so—she was the only maid who would be trying to corral the people.

I felt like crying all over again. All this was happening, and I was stuck in Kestrel's body.

"Hey, Kestrel!"

I was blindsided again, this time by a slap to my cheek that sent me sprawling to the floor. I put a hand to my aching face, and looked up to see Penny standing above me, her eyes filled with tears, her face the very picture of fury. She was like an avenging angel standing over me, though she must have just left the infirmary because a bandage was plastered to her forehead.

"I don't give a damn if you are old, how dare you make my friend attack me?"

"W-wait." I raised a hand to ward her off. "You don't understand."

"Then, help me understand, you bitch!" She kicked the cane out of my reach. "What do you want with Phaedra? And what the hell have you been doing here all this time? And where is Phaedra? Are you holding her somewhere?"

"Penny—it's me!" I cried out. Everything was so overwhelming. My body ached, my mate was miles away from me, chaos was just a few minutes away from reaching the manor, and on top of it all, my best friend was okay but unable to recognize me. I couldn't keep the tears at bay.

Her eyebrows knitted together. "Stop crying. You sound like Phaedra."

"I am Phaedra! Listen to my voice. Look at my eyes! They're both mine. It's me!"

She continued to hesitate. "H-how do I know this isn't a trick? How do I know it's really you?"

I sniffled, using the edge of Kestrel's old sweater to wipe my tears. "You're in love with Selene even though you haven't admitted it to her yet."

Penny froze for a second, then another before she dropped to her knees by me and hugged me.

"Goddess, Phae. I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I had no idea."

I hugged her back, but this body didn't let me hold her as tightly as I wanted to. "It's not your fault; you didn't know. I'm sorry, too. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Don't you apologize for that. It wasn't you, it was Kestrel, which is why I attacked you." She pulled back and put her hands on my shoulders. "But, Phae, if you're here, then where is your body?"

"Asher and I went to feral lands, so she might still be there, but I doubt it."

"Feral lands?" Her eyes were wide. "Why on earth would you go there?"

"Mara told me we needed to get something from there, but Kestrel took over my body before Asher and I could find it."

"Oh no." She deflated. "Does that mean Kestrel's already won?"

As if in answer, the doors burst open a second time, but this time, it was Kestrel in my naked body standing at the threshold, and she had an army of wolves and Den City citizens at her back.

Her lips lifted in a terrible grin as her dark eyes landed on us. "This is almost comically easy." She pointed at us. "Grab them."