18. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

T he complaints from high-wolf society astounded me. Things were so well maintained—there were no issues with infrastructure and very few requests for building repairs—that they instead complained about noise their neighbors made or people who kept their lights on until all hours of the night.

These people weren't even aware of the immense privilege they had. Meanwhile, in Den City, there were actual concerns about crime, the pricing of goods coming into the city, and buildings that could use an update or a cleaning. It was so frustrating I could hardly stand it.

"Phaedra, I love you, but you're being so noisy," Penny said after I sighed for the umpteenth time.

I winced. "Sorry, Pen. These silly complaints just annoy the hell out of me."

"Are you still having trouble sleeping?"

I nodded. I hadn't mentioned Mara or my nightmares to Penny, but I did tell her I wasn't sleeping all that well some nights. Last night was one of those nights.

"Maybe you should take a break," Penny said as she circled something with a black pen and scribbled in the margin. "Walk around a bit."

As if on cue, a yawn forced its way out of me. It was too big to speak around, so I let it run its course before saying, "Maybe you're right, Pen, I think I could use some fresh air."

"And you know"—she checked the back of the paper for text, then set it aside and moved to the next document—"if you want to take the day off, I've got things covered here. Theo's getting off early today, so maybe you could walk with her a bit."

"You just want some peace and quiet," I teased.

The corner of her mouth lifted into a wry smile as she pointed her pen at me. "Bingo."

I laughed. "I appreciate your honesty, so I'll take you up on that." I pushed away from the table and stood, my joints creaking from sitting in the same position for so many hours. "Make sure to take breaks."

She gave me a thumbs up as I opened the door. "Don't worry, I will."

I headed to the laundry room, where Theo was usually stationed at this time. When I reached the main hall, I spotted Kestrel. She was leaning on her cane and looking up at the portrait of one long-dead Salcedo alpha.

The sight of her standing around so leisurely shocked me. It was the first time I'd seen her in the manor since Connor's feast.

She didn't even glance my way, so I decided to pretend I hadn't seen her. I stared straight ahead and tried to look like I meant business. As I passed her, I heard her say something under her breath.

Before I could think better of it, I stopped and turned to face her. "What was that?"

"You heard me, girl," she said, still looking up at the portrait. "I said you don't belong here."

I frowned at her. She hadn't spoken to me since she performed the ritual for Asher and me, and that was what she wanted to say?

"And you do?"

"Yes," she said, unbothered by my response, almost as if she'd expected it. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Why doesn't that logic apply to me, then?"

"Because I have something you don't."

I waited for her to explain what she meant, but she said nothing. Rolling my eyes, I asked, "Which is?"

She looked at me with an eerily, knowing smile. "The alpha's loyalty."

My wolf growled as a shiver started to run up from the base of my spine. "His loyalty is worthless," I said, just loud enough for her to hear. "If you're serious about being one of his advisors, you should remember to watch your back."

Unbothered, she returned to studying the portrait. "I'll take your advice into consideration, girl."

I had the distinct and uncomfortable feeling I had been dismissed. My wolf wanted me to fight back, but I calmed her and went on my way. I had no clue what Kestrel was trying to tell me. It almost seemed like she was giving me a warning, but without knowing what she was warning me about, how could I defend myself against it? Perhaps it wasn't a warning at all, but a threat.

If her goal had been to unsettle me, she'd accomplished it. I didn't want to be in her presence for a second longer.

The main hall branched off to a short corridor that led to either Beatrice and Jean's workshop or the laundry room. I met Theo coming out of that corridor right as I was about to turn into it.

"Oh, Phaedra," she said, putting a hand to her chest.

"Hey," I said with a smile. "Sorry I scared you." Theo's presence was an immediate comfort, especially after my run-in with Kestrel.

"It's not a big deal," she said, returning my smile. "I was just thinking about other things."

"Are you off now?"

"Yep. My shift just ended."

"Great! Do you mind if I walk with you into town?"

She grinned. "I'd love the company."

We went to get her bag from the servants' quarters, then left the manor. The moment we were clear of the manor's grounds, we sighed in unison. It was a relief to be away from Connor, his guards, his advisors, and Kestrel. The fresh air was already improving my mood.

"The Dagger pack delivered all of that wood yesterday," she said. "I can't wait to hear what my family has to say."

"Neither can I," I said. "Do you mind if I stop by for a visit?"

"Only if you stay for dinner, or a snack at the very least. My mom and Leonora have been asking about you."

Warmth bloomed in my chest. "Have they really?"

"Oh, yes. You know Leonora. She tries to be really nonchalant about it, but my mom is constantly telling me to invite you over."

I laughed. "Then, why haven't you?"

She ducked her head. "Well, you and Penny have been so busy, I didn't want to bother you with stuff that doesn't matter."

"Theo." I bumped my hip against her. "Don't worry. It's not a bother or a distraction or anything you might be thinking. I would appreciate the invite. Actually, I bet Penny would, too, if we can get her away from all that paperwork long enough."

She laughed and nudged me back, though, she had more hip than I did, so even a gentle bump put a few feet of distance between us. "Okay, next time I won't be weird about it."

"Good," I said. "So, there's something we should talk about."

"Oh? Is it something else about the banquet?"

I shook my head. Penny and I had filled her in on what happened yesterday. "No, it's about Randall."

"Oh." She looked down at the ground, like it had suddenly become more interesting than discussing her obvious crush on Connor's right-hand man.

"Yeah, ‘oh,'" I repeated. "What happened with the research? I thought you were going to do that for me?"

"I know I said I would, but I got swamped with my duties at the manor."

"You could have told me, Theo. I would've understood."

"I know. And I would've, but, I mean… that isn't what ended up happening. Randall, he came to talk to me when he saw me crying, and I just?—"

"Wait, wait, wait." I raised my hands. "Start from the beginning, Theo. Tell me everything."

She chuckled a bit, then sighed. "All right. Things are always busy when the advisors are around, but I was feeling overwhelmed because the tasks just kept coming. From the laundry to the kitchen, it was nonstop. I worked for six hours straight without a break."

Guilt stabbed me in the gut, followed by a rush of empathy and indignation for my friend. I had lived the service life for only five years, but Theodora had been treated like a second-class citizen all her life. Penny and I were planning to overthrow Connor, but we were keeping up appearances by enjoying the luxury high-wolf society granted us, while our partner in this work continued to serve us to the point that she was overwhelmed. It wasn't fair.

And I'd asked her to look into Mara for me. She'd volunteered, sure, but I should have insisted on doing it myself if for no other reason than to keep more off her plate.

"That's a lot," I said, frustration at myself causing me to speak more aggressively than I meant to. "Of course, you were feeling overwhelmed. If you feel that way again, Penny or I would be more than willing to find some excuse to give you a break."

She seemed a little taken aback by my passion. For a moment, I worried I'd gone too far, but then she nodded. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind if I ever get to that point again."

I nodded and forced myself back into a calm place. "I'm sorry I interrupted. Go on."

"No worries. Like I said, I was overworked, so when I took a break, I went outside to catch my breath. I was out near the training grounds." She gestured vaguely in the direction of the training field. It was about half a mile or so west from the manor, in a spot that had been leveled and cleared of trees.

"I went there, just meaning to clear my head. As I paced the tree line, I started crying. I thought I was being quiet, but Randall heard me."

I didn't know how I would have reacted to that mountain of a man approaching me while I was feeling at my most vulnerable, but Theo didn't seem at all flustered or nervous about telling me what happened.

"I started to apologize, but he stopped me. He said, ‘I won't ask you why you're upset, but if someone hurt you or said something that offended you, give me a name, and I'll take care of it.'"

My eyes widened. What a threat.

"I said, "No, no, it's nothing like that. I'm just having a rough day,' or that was what I tried to say. I couldn't seem to stop crying in front of him. But he understood me. And he was so sweet about it. We sat down together, and he didn't say anything, but each time I looked at him, he wore such a calm expression, and his presence sort of… relaxed me. Before I knew it, I'd stopped crying, and we just sat there in companionable silence. It was so peaceful, Phae. You should've been there.

"He asked if there was something he could do for me. I tried to refuse, but he was so insistent and sweet about it, so I told him I was going to the library to research nightmare gods. He said he would be more than happy to do that for me, and then he had to get back to training, so he said goodbye and left. After that, I went back to the manor."

"So, you didn't tell him it was for me?"

She shook her head. "I don't know how he figured it out."

"Huh." Randall was much more perceptive than I gave him credit for. "You weren't scared of him?"

"Oh, Goddess, no. I mean, Randall makes me so nervous that I'm always clumsy and stuttering around him." Her cheeks flushed. "I hardly know what to do with myself."

"I get that, but you're not… scared?"

She looked at me, her head tilting. "Why would I be? He's never been a threat to me. I suppose he's a higher-ranking member of the Wilcox pack than I am, but he's not nearly as terrifying as the women can be. Besides, Randall's completely different from the pervy men. Compared to them, he's like…" She bit her lip. "An oasis."

I let that sink in, then burst out laughing. I couldn't help it.

"What is it?" Theo was smiling but looked a tad confused.

"I can't believe I had a whole… thing with Asher, the alpha of an enemy pack, but both you and Penny have fallen for people who ought to be on Connor's side."

She laughed with me, but it seemed forced. "I guess when you put it like that it's pretty funny. You don't seem angry with me. Are you?"

"No. It's not like you told him anything about our plan, so it's not a big deal. Plus, his research pointed me in the right direction, so everything's worked out anyway. But you know, Theo, if you'd like, Penny and I could get you easier assignments, and?—"

"I appreciate that, and I've even thought about asking you two about it. And on that day, it was especially tempting." She chuckled. "But I don't want to make it easier for them to put together that we're all working together, and if the two of you start lightening my workload, they will suspect something."

"Goddess, you're right," I said, running a hand through my hair. "I should have thought of that."

"You're thinking of a lot already. Let some of us do the thinking sometimes."

I grinned. "Fair enough."

We entered Den City, and all our laughter died. At first things seemed normal, but as we passed through the marketplace, I noticed there were even more guards present than usual. The air crackled with tension, though it seemed everyone was determined to pretend things were fine. The only person who wasn't pretending was Heather.

She usually stood behind her stall, looking eager to speak to people, but today she sat and stared at her trinkets as if they had an answer to a question she couldn't ask out loud.

"I wonder if this means Asher and the Daggers were successful," Theo whispered.

"It might," I said. But if so, my satisfaction wasn't as high as I'd hoped it would be. What had happened to make Heather look so morose? If this was the result of the Daggers stirring things up, I couldn't help feeling a bit guilty. Of course, when trying to incite a revolution, everyone's way of life had to change, but it hurt knowing we were showing that truth to them. It made their lives harder, and for that I was sorry.

They might have hated me when I lived among them, but that didn't mean I got any satisfaction in their suffering. I comforted myself with the reminder that, soon, the suffering would end. They would have their revolution, and we would be able to redistribute the wealth more equally.

Their pain was temporary and would provide fuel for the fires of rebellion.

Eventually, Theo's family welcomed me with open arms, and her mother pulled me into a tight hug.

"So good to see you again," she said. "We love having you over."

"Thank you, ma'am," I replied, nearly doing a very formal curtsy. After so long in high-wolf society, I wasn't used to such warm greetings.

She chuckled. "You know you can call me Marsha."

I nodded. "Of course, ma'am—er, Marsha."

"Atta girl." She grinned and pulled me farther inside.

The inside of Theo's family's den was just as I remembered it: the living room didn't have a couch, but there were two pinewood chairs facing the wall, where a large radio sat on a side table. A third pinewood rocking chair was off by itself, a baby blue cardigan draped over the back of it. That was her mother's chair.

The last time I was here, the den had smelled faintly of vanilla and cinnamon thanks to the incense burner nailed into the wall next to me, but now the scent of roasting vegetables, sauteed fish, and freshly baked bread permeated the air. My stomach growled. I already knew this meal would be better than most of the fine dishes I ate at the manor.

As we made our plates, Leonora arrived. She quickly made her plate and sat down.

I glanced around at them. "I know the Dagger pack has been chopping pounds and pounds of wood and bringing them into Den City," I said, ripping some bread before dipping it into the creamy sauce that had been poured over the fish. "How do the people feel about that?" I put the soaked bread into my mouth and savored its delicious, buttery taste.

"It's caused quite a stir," Marsha said. "No one's happy with it. Everyone thinks Connor is just doing it to save face. They'd rather see their alpha in person."

"Do you think he plans to make the rounds here?" Leonora asked.

"I'd be surprised," I said after swallowing. "He's making changes at the manor, too. No one is happy with them."

"Uh-huh," she said. "Can't say I'm surprised. We've been nervous about him taking over. He isn't exactly as charismatic and likeable as Edgar. Nor does he command respect."

Marsha nodded. "Connor is proving that we were right to be worried. The increased presence of guards in the marketplace is putting everyone on edge. And with Edgar gone, there's no one in high-wolf society who can help smooth things over. Many of us feel like we don't have a leader."

"I heard a few maids talking," Leonora added. "They were saying that if Connor doesn't shape up, they might try and save up to pay their way out of the pack to join another or leave for the mainland."

Connor hadn't even been alpha a month and people were already wanting out. This was such good news, dinner tasted even better. From there, conversation shifted toward Marsha, Leonora, and Theo talking about their work. When the evening drew to a close, I said goodbye to everyone.

As I went outside, Leonora called for me to wait. I stopped at the top of the staircase, and she joined me a couple minutes later.

"Sorry," she said. "I couldn't find my lighter."

"Don't worry about it."

She pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The cigarette was slightly bent in the middle from being in her pocket. With some amusement, I wondered if she'd taken it from one of the families she worked for. If so, I would congratulate her. After all, they didn't pay nearly enough, and from what I'd seen in their ashtrays, they wasted about a third of it.

"I just wanted to ask you to keep an eye out for my sister," Leonora said. "She's got a lot riding on this."

Her words sobered me right up. "I know. I was thinking about that, too. We're all putting a lot on the line for this revolution, but failure has dire consequences, especially for her."

She was a servant, and Connor would make an example of her if he caught her. Her execution would be violent and public. Penny and I might suffer banishment and be sent to the mainland, or we'd be killed out of the public eye for fear of the Salcedo line being shamed. Theo wouldn't have that dignity.

The tension in her shoulders eased. "I'm glad you understand. I tried to talk her out of doing this, but you know Theo. She's so headstrong. It's not that I don't believe in the cause, it's just…" She hesitated.

"It's just that no one wants their own family putting themself at risk?" I finished. "Don't worry, I get that, too."

"Yes." Leonora looked at me with wise, assessing eyes. "I'm glad she's devoted herself to you and that you're at the helm of this thing. You understand what's at stake for everyone, including the little people."

"No one in the pack should be considered that way," I said. "I'm going to make sure high-wolf society is taken down."

She took a long drag of her cigarette, then let out an even longer breath, the smoke curling in the cool night air.

"Thanks for listening. You're good people, Phaedra. Make sure you don't get too caught up in this. I'd hate to see the struggle turn you bitter."

Not knowing what to say to that, I nodded and patted her shoulder in goodbye. With Leonora's words still on my mind, I went to find El. I hadn't been walking long when I noticed a streak of blue out of the corner of my eyes.

El zipped around my head, then sat on my shoulder to press her cheek to mine. "I miss seeing you, but I'm glad to have you back for now."

Guilt stirred in the pit of my stomach. I wished I was here simply to visit, but I'd come to ask her for her help. I made a mental note to bring her some of high-wolf society's finest fabric soon.

"I've missed you, too, El." I meant it. I loved our conversations, and just being around her was soothing, even though she had a hyper personality.

"And there's so much I want to tell you about my partners and about Kestrel—" She paused. "Did you know Kestrel hasn't been seen around her hut lately? Some pix from another village went to investigate, but there was no sign of her there."

"That's because she's at the manor."

Her eyes widened. "Is she? What on earth is she doing there? I hope you're staying away from her. She's got your blood, and there's no telling what she could do with it. What if she puts you under some kind of spell? Something you couldn't wake up from?"

That reminded me of my constant fatigue and the strange nightmares. I didn't like thinking Kestrel had anything to do with my sleepiness, and it had nothing to do with my reason for coming by to see El. I needed to get this conversation back on track.

"Don't worry, I'm staying away from her as much as I can," I assured her. "I wish we could talk more, El, but I need something from you."

She flew off my shoulder and hovered around my chest, indicating that she wanted to sit on my hand. She settled on my palm and leaned forward on her elbows, her face a mask of seriousness.

"What do you need?"

I smiled, relieved she wasn't upset or offended that I was being all business. "It's getting tougher to sneak around the manor. Could you give me some pix powder so we it's easier to do that?"

"Of course, I can. How many of you will be needing it?"

"Me, Penny, and Theodora."

She nodded. "That shouldn't be a problem. I told my partners a bit about what's going on, and they're willing to help. The powder comes from our wings." She turned, flashing her gossamer blue wings that shimmered even when closed. "I'll need to collect it from them if we want to give each of you a bottle."

"That's f-f—achoo!" I'd forgotten pix powder made me sneeze. "Sorry," I said, sniffling. "As I was saying, that's fine with me, El. When the bottles are ready, could you give them to Theo? She'll be in town for the next couple of days."

"Yep! Just tell me where her den is, and I'll drop them off."

I gave her directions, and she nodded.

"All right, I've got that memorized. Do you think you'll need anything else?"

"That's all I can think of for now… then again, I'm not sure what else I can ask of you. The powder is more than enough."

El tapped her chin, then snapped her fingers. "A sleeping medicine."

I blinked. "What?"

"You never know when you need something like that, right?" She grinned. "I'll talk to our elders and see if they have any on hand. If we do, I'll give that to Theodora, too."

"You're amazing, El. Just amazing. I owe you so much."

She unfolded her wings and fluttered them until they were an aquamarine blur at her back. "You can worry about your debt to me later. For now, just make sure you stick that prick right where it hurts."

I winked. "That's the plan."