30. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

W hen I woke, a gaping hole sat where my heart ought to be, but that chilling emptiness told me we had succeeded in breaking our fated bond. I opened my eyes to a bright blue sky. I couldn't tell exactly what time it was, but I knew it was early afternoon.

I sat up, feeling groggy. My clothes were wrinkled and stiff, like they'd gotten wet and dried while I was wearing them. That was strange. Was it because of the ritual? At least I'd confirmed the mark was gone; my wrist was bare, with no trace of the mark ever having been there at all. Seeing that made me feel hollow. My joints cracked as I got to my feet and went to the letter pinned to Kestrel's door.

Today is Wednesday. Tell your ex-mate that he needs to get his butt in gear if he wants to kill Edgar in time.

The fact she'd somehow known I would be awake before Asher was lost on me when I reread the first three words of the note. It was Wednesday. Today was the day of Connor's ascension. How had two days passed since Asher and I arrived? The only explanation was that our dreams had played out in real time. It must have rained while we were passed out. It was a miracle neither of us got sick.

"Asher," my voice was scratchy with sleep. I touched his shoulder, and almost pulled back. Touching him didn't feel the way it had when we were fated mates. Something was missing.

He woke with a groan and threw his arm over his face. "Fuck, that was awful," he grumbled.

"Asher, listen to me. We've been out of it for two days! "

A beat passed, then another, and then Asher shot up. The awful truth of the situation hit him just as hard as it'd hit me. "It's the day of the ascension? Fuck. I don't have time to figure out a way into the manor."

I paused, realizing I still had something to tell him. "I'll tell you how to get in," I said. "There's an old path on the south side of the manor. It'll take you to a wall of stones. A few of them should be loose, and when you pull them free, you'll find a hole just big enough to slip through. It used to be a secret tunnel that connected to a section of the manor that no longer exists."

He listened to me, taking note of every word. He smiled. "I got it. Thank you, Phaedra."

"It's the least I can do."

"No, I'm the one who's indebted to you, but there isn't time for this. You can't stay here much longer. We've only got a few hours before the ascension, and you need to go to the manor before I do. Connor probably won't accept your money to end the loyalty contract, but Edgar will."

I realized with a jolt that he was right. I hadn't even thought about that.

"Thank you," I said.

He nodded.

I looked into his bright eyes, my heart stuttering in my chest. Even now, Asher was looking out for me. I'd learned so much about him from our time under Kestrel's spell. I no longer felt the intense pull of the bond, but I found there was still a lingering desire for his friendship. No, not just that. I still wanted him to pull me into his arms and love me even without the fate marks. For some cursed reason, I wondered if he felt the same.

"Do you need some help getting to your feet?" I asked, offering my hand. "I could help you on my way back."

He looked at my hand, and I thought he might take it, but he looked away. "No, go. I need to get to my pack and the Coldcrow."

Oh. I lowered my hand slowly. Of course. He didn't say her name, but he must have meant he had Selene on his mind now, too. Now the fated mark was gone, the feelings he had for her would probably strengthen again. He must have cared a lot about her. After all, they had chosen to be each other's mates.

"Get going," he urged gently. "After I check on my pack and Selene, I'm heading straight to the manor. I can't give you a lot of time to talk to Edgar."

"Right. You're right." I snapped to attention and forced myself to turn away from him. I pulled off my clothes and tied them to my body before I shifted and took off for the pix village. Before I did anything, I needed to get the money Asher had given me.

I shifted into my human form, dressed, and neared the village. The pix who saw me fluttered away. I wasn't sure why until El came shooting toward me like a bullet, a glimmering blur of aquamarine.

"Phaedra!" She zipped around me, her hands brushing across my legs and my arms. I caught her gently in my hands as she went around me a third time and held her up in front of my face. "When I didn't hear anything from you for so long, I tried to find you, but you were nowhere," she cried, tears falling from her eyes almost as quickly as her words. "I even went to the Dagger pack, but they said they hadn't seen Asher, either. I… I thought something awful had happened to you!"

"I'm okay, El," I assured her. My fingers were too big to wipe away her tears. All I could do was keep her cupped in my hands. "Really. It was a success. The fated mark is gone."

Her eyes widened. She wiped her face on her dress and then crawled over my hands to get a look at my wrist. She sat back with a stunned expression when she saw it was bare.

"You really did it…" she whispered.

I nodded. "It's done. That chapter of my life is over."

"I want to be happy for you, but I've never seen you look so distant." She touched my nose. "You look almost haunted."

My heart twisted in my chest, but I forced a laugh. "That's because I've been sleeping outside for the past couple of days. But that doesn't matter now. I came here to grab the money from you, and… to say goodbye."

"Oh." El paused for a few moments before nodding. The tears were back in her eyes, and her smile seemed as forced as mine. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I thought I would have at least one more day with you."

"I thought for sure I'd be able to come visit you before this, but I guess life had other plans." I laughed again, but pressure built behind my eyes, and my throat constricted. "I'm going to miss you so much, El."

"I'm going to miss you more."

Then we burst into tears simultaneously. El and I had been friends since the day Connor kicked me out. She'd found me crying and lost in these forests. My hands had been covered in scratches because I'd tried and failed to dig my own den. Other pix ignored me, but not El. She introduced herself and coaxed a smile out of me when I'd thought I would never have a reason to be happy again.

Now I was going to leave her and this island behind, and when I left, I would probably never see her again. She was almost six years old already—pix only had nine years before their lifespans ended. This really was it.

I didn't think the two of us would ever stop crying, but El was stronger than me. She pulled herself together and actually managed to look happy after so many tears.

"Well, I won't be sad. Every moment I've spent with you has been wonderful."

I nodded, sniffling, and switched El to one hand so I could try and stem the deluge of tears. There was nothing I regretted about our friendship except wishing I'd spent more time with her.

"You can have everything I've left behind in my den, though it's not much," I told her. "You will always be my best friend, El."

She beamed at me, her face still red from all the crying. "I wish you the happiest, most fulfilling, alpha-free life you can find, Phae. You, more than anyone, deserve to be happy."

She pressed her forehead to mine, and I savored the moment. I'd never wished to change her, but now I wished she was big enough to hug.