14. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

O n Friday, I went back to Heartbridge Cave. I didn't need to lick the mark because Asher and I had plans. I still couldn't believe he'd asked to see me again. At the time, I'd been so excited because I wanted to see him, too, but now my face flushed.

I wasn't in the awful throes of heat right now, but I wanted him to touch me again. All day, I'd thought about licking my essence off his hand as I got him off.

My excitement did lead to me getting aroused, but it was more than that. I craved his company. Part of me had even started to wonder if staying on the island and mating with him would be the solution to my problem. With a mate, I'd never feel lonely again. But could I afford to think of giving up my dreams and staying with him? What if he rejected me?

I couldn't stomach that line of thinking, so I shoved those unpleasant thoughts away.

On the way, I heard Eleanor's flutter of wings. It wasn't until I got my wolf that I'd noticed that, just as each pix had a unique color, they also had a unique cadence to the way they flew. All pix flew quickly and energetically, but El's had a tempo I could pick out easily from the rest.

"Phaedra, I'm so glad to see you're okay," she said. "I wasn't sure Asher would get to you in time."

"It felt like an eternity to me," I said, my face burning. "But, yes, he made it on time."

"And you're on the way to see him now?"

I nodded. "He asked me. It's the first time he's said something like that."

El shook her head. "I'm happy for you, Phae, but if one of my partners were rude to me or pretended they didn't want to see me, I'd cut them loose." She shook her head. "I guess that's the difference between pix and shifters."

I couldn't really hold it against Asher considering I hadn't wanted to see him at the start of this, either, but I understood El's confusion. Pix tended to go through many partners over their short lives. Some of them, like El, kept multiple partners, others were monogamous, and some even stayed with their partner for the entirety of their lives. Pix didn't have time for all the will-they-won't-they bullshit.

"Anyway," El said. "What else have I missed in the time when we weren't talking?"

"Hm." I tried to think if anything significant had happened. "I met a girl named Theodora few days ago. She seemed nice."

"Yeah?" Her eyes lit up. "You made a friend?"

"I don't know about all that," I said, ducking my head. "She did invite me to dinner, but I think she was just feeling grateful."

"Grateful?"

"She was buying a gift for her mother in the market, but the vendor was being a real asshole. He demanded she give him more money and was making a big scene."

El rolled her eyes. "I wish I could say I'm surprised."

Her cynicism made me smile.

"And let me guess. You swooped in"—she dived in front of me and then returned to my shoulder—"and saved her?"

"I mean, not that dramatically," I said. "But I did step in. Unfortunately, the only way to get him to leave her alone was to pay him five bucks."

El didn't say anything , and when I looked at her, I found her grinning ear to ear. "Phaedraaa," she sang. "You made a friend!"

"I don't know about that." I tried to brush off the comment, but my face still felt warm. "Like I said, she was probably just being overly grateful."

"I don't think so." El was still speaking in that sing-song tone. "I think she meant it."

I shook my head.

El giggled, but after another moment, she became more serious. "Does she know who you are?"

I nodded. "She works at the Salcedo manor as a maid. I'm sure she started after I left because she didn't recognize my face, but she knew who I was when I told her my name."

She tilted her head, and I could almost hear the thoughts turning over in her mind. She was very familiar with the stigma my name carried—not with pix, of course, but with other wolves.

"And how did Theodora react?"

"Not the way I was expecting." I remembered the way she had teared up, and my chest felt a bit tight. "She hugged me and told me someone should have been there for me when I needed them."

El's eyes popped wide. "Phaedra! That's wonderful! That's like, the first time anyone has showed you any empathy." She paused. "Well, except for me, of course."

I smiled. "But I'm not sure if I should trust it."

She frowned. "I know all of high-wolf society betrayed you, but if she works for the Salcedos, she's not part of that community. What's the worst that could happen?"

"What if someone finds out I had dinner with her and her family and she loses her job?"

"That wouldn't be your fault."

I chewed the inside of my cheek. That was true enough. "What if her family decides they don't like me after all and tell her to stay away from me?"

"Well, I imagine that would make any future dinners very awkward."

Her joke surprised a brief chuckle from me.

"Kidding aside," she continued. "In the extreme case they disown her and shun you, that would be on them, not you. You're not responsible for how others react to you. You know that."

I did, but Theodora was so kind. I would feel so guilty if knowing me had any negative consequences for her. I hated being treated like a curse.

El and I parted ways when I reached the Holo ruins. My breath caught when I found Asher waiting for me in the cave, sitting on our rock. Instead of being naked, he was dressed in a button-up shirt instead. A half-smile spread across his face as I approached—one that made my heart speed up. I sat near him, and he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close. My wolf purred at our familiarity. She was at her most content when we were near Asher. And, to be honest, so was I.

"It's a relief to see you," he said, his lips brushing my ear.

"Did you think I wouldn't come?"

"Well, I worried last time was too much."

"Oh." I cursed my skin's easy tendency to blush. "It was… intense, but it didn't scare me off. Actually, it made me want to see you again."

"Is that right?" I heard the smile in his voice.

"Yeah. And I'm really glad you asked me to see you again," I said. "Not just because of that, but, you know, these days, the only person who genuinely wants to spend time with me is Eleanor."

"Really? Just the pix?"

I laughed. "Don't! You'll make it sound lonely. And I guess I have made another friend recently, but we haven't spent much time together," I said, thinking of Theodora.

Even though I'd added another person to the short roster of people who I believed liked me, Asher still seemed sad.

"But isn't it lonely?" His hand tightened on my waist. "Wolves are meant to have packs. We're meant to have people around us. It doesn't bother you to be so isolated?"

I shook my head. "It used to bother me more. I had something like a pack in high-wolf society, and after Connor rejected me, I really missed them. But now I understand that I never really belonged there. Having to be in control of my emotions at all times, worrying about whether or not I was pretty enough for Connor and his friends, making sure I excelled in my studies even when I lost days of sleep…" I shook my head. "It was awful. It wasn't until Connor requested my presence that I realized just how fake and unnecessary all that was. At least in Den City people don't pretend not to hate me."

"I'm sorry. No one should have to live that way." He turned his head toward me and pressed a kiss to my temple. "You deserve better."

I blushed, both at the kiss and his sweet words. "I thought El was the only person I could be myself around, but I think I might be able to add someone else to that list." I took his other hand in mine and smiled at him. "I missed you, Asher."

As I looked at him, his cheeks became the faintest shade of pink. I smiled. How cute. Even the big, strong alpha could blush.

"I missed you, too," he admitted gently. "Today was a hell of a day, but knowing I was getting to see you at the end of it made it so much easier to get through."

My smile widened into a grin. "Tell me more about your pack, Asher. What is it like there?"

He huffed out a light breath. "Hm. I don't know where to start. Isle Royale is beautiful, but I think that is especially true where I live. It's not just the wildflowers or the trees, it's my people. They are so resilient and so strong, and they insist on making sure everyone has what they need to survive. We don't have a ton of food to go around, but we make sure everyone gets their fair share. No one takes more than they need."

I tilted my head at that. "Don't you and your men get the most meat at mealtime?"

He shook his head. "Not more than anyone else. We have too many mouths to feed to be selfish. We're all on equal footing in the Dagger pack."

I frowned. "I really, really hope I'm not being rude, but I don't know if I get what you mean. You're the alpha of the pack, and your men ensure your pack's safety. That means you all should get first pick of the goods that you bring in, doesn't it?"

He was quiet for a few moments, gazing at me, then understanding brightened his hazel eyes. He chuckled. "I see why you're confused. Your whole life you've lived in the kind of community that gives the best materials to those who have more wealth or power. That's not how we do things. We ration our meals and preserve the excess for later. We make sure every pack member gets what they need to live and work. Our meals are shared as a community. And as a rule, we try not to throw anything away. We take care of what we've got for as long as possible, and fix the things that break."

"Oh." I blinked. I was ashamed to admit that the kind of life Asher was describing was something I would have scoffed at five years ago. When I was living at the height of society, I enjoyed all sorts of goods, and wasted just as much. It had never even occurred to me that I was taking those resources for granted. If someone had accused me of living outside my means, I would have sneered at them. When I was a kid, I was quick to pitch a fit if I was denied something I really wanted.

Thinking about the person I used to be made my body burn with shame.

"I didn't think it was possible for people to share things as a community," I told him. "In the Wilcox pack, it's just a given that those at the top get the best things, and those at the bottom get what's left." I looked away. "I think you'd hate the person I used to be."

"You might be right, but you're not that person anymore."

"No, I'm not. It wasn't until I lost everything that I realized how good I had it." I bit my lip. "No, that's not really it. Not how ‘good' I had it, but how wasteful and extravagant it all is. I can't tell you how often my friends and I would throw clothes away just because it had gone out of style, or didn't eat dinner because we didn't like what was on the menu. Now everything feels like a luxury. Even food. I feel so foolish for taking that for granted."

I laughed, not because it was funny but because the story of a once-pampered-socialite-turned-hated-nobody sounded so pathetic to my ears. Someone like me didn't deserve to be here with someone as honorable as Asher.

My laugh ended with a sigh. "Now, I just want to get off the island and make a new life on the mainland somewhere. I want to leave behind all the regrets I have for the person I used to be and the life I used to have. It's tough working and living around so many reminders of my past."

"I'm sorry," he said.

I shook my head and forced another laugh because it was suddenly very hard to look at him. "You don't have anything to be sorry about, Asher. When I reach the mainland, I've got some apartments in mind, and I'm pretty confident I'll find another cleaning job. Maybe I'll go to school." I felt like I had been talking too long, so I finished with, "To me, your pack sounds like paradise."

"Paradise? I don't know." He squeezed my hand, and I looked up to see him smiling. "We're a smaller pack than you're used to—everyone is in everyone else's business. You wouldn't have much privacy."

"Sounds like the kind of place where no one has to hide who they are or what they think," I said. "And that sounds really nice."

He laughed. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted to visit."

"Maybe I do. Maybe I'm saying that if I lived in a pack like yours, I might not want to leave the island so badly—or at all."

My words were met with silence. I risked another glance at him. His expression was serious, and his eyes were the soft gold of honey. The way he was looking at me, I couldn't have turned away even if I wanted to.

I kept talking. "I mean, it's not like getting off the island is a viable option for me anymore. With the statue gone, I have to accept that I won't be able to save enough to pay off my loyalty contract." If I didn't have the option of paying my way out of the Wilcox pack, that would be fine as long as I could join Asher's pack instead.

I liked the idea of being with him, of getting to see him every day. Goddess, if I could spend the rest of my life waking up to him in my bed, how could I ever have a bad day?

"Phaedra," he said gently, squeezing my hand again. "Living with me… it wouldn't be easy. Don't forget my pack and I, we're cursed. I can't ask you to condemn yourself to the kind of life we live. You deserve a bright, happy future, but you might not have that with me."

My heart started racing again. Were we really about to talk about this? About a relationship? "To be honest, I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you talk about your curse. I believe you now," I rushed to add when I saw him frown. "But I've only ever seen you shift when you wanted to, never against your will. Even so, the idea of being cursed doesn't bother me." I squeezed his hand and laced my fingers through his. "When I think about being with you, I can't imagine any existence would be so bad as long as I had you by my side."

He let out a trembling breath, and this time he was the one looking away. I couldn't see his expression, so I wasn't sure how to interpret that response, but I assumed he didn't like what I'd said.

My hold on his hand lessened, then I let go so I could wrap my arms around myself. "I'm sorry if I offended you. Actually, I probably said too much."

But he shook his head, his other arm wrapping around me so he could pull me in his lap. "No, you didn't do or say anything wrong. It makes me happy to hear you say that, but I'm scared. I've wanted you by my side for a while now, but I thought it was just the mark's influence. Now I know better." He tucked me under his chin, and I felt it moving on the top of my head as he said, "Hearing you say that you want to be with me only makes the urge to be with you stronger. It's exhausting having to constantly fight what I want."

His words took my breath away and made me lightheaded. I felt like I was drunk on his presence.

"If I claimed you…" His voice was almost too quiet to hear. "I'm worried you'd be going into this curse unprepared."

"I don't care," I said with a quiet laugh. "The worst thing I thought could happen to me has already happened. I was publicly rejected, humiliated, and banished from high-wolf society. Since then, everything in my life has been temporary. But I don't want this to be. Even if being with you means I'm cursed, at least I'll be with you. At least I'll have made the choice myself."

He kissed the top of my head, then my forehead, and finally my nose. I felt his heart beating powerfully against my arm, the rhythm matching my own.

"I want to choose you, too," he said, his lips a breath away from mine.

"Then… let's."

He closed the distance between us, and I was eager to meet him. His kisses were sweet, but I sensed his desire, his ache behind them. The way he held me against him like he was worried I'd disappear, the powerful beating of his heart… it burned me in the most wonderful way.

I buried my hands in his hair and adjusted myself so I was straddling him. He gripped my waist, his tongue dipping into my mouth to caress mine. A guttural groan escaped my throat, and my hips, taking on a will of their own, gyrated. His moan followed mine.

I continued to grind on him until, with a deep sound that was somewhere between frustration and need, his hand slipped under the waistband of my pants.

"Mm," I said, because I couldn't say "yes" around his kisses.

Asher stroked me through my panties until I shivered from the sparks of pleasure. He pushed the cotton aside and slipped his fingers between my lower lips, teasing me with featherlight touches. When I thought I couldn't take it anymore, Asher's fingers slipped inside me. I was so wet, he was met with no resistance. I moaned as he pushed two fingers into me and whimpered when the pad of his thumb pressed against my clit.

"Mm." My grip on his hair tightened. My heart should have beat right out of my chest, but it stayed behind the cage of my ribs and kept my body hot and my blood pumping.

His fingers were deliciously deft, and everything he did with them added fuel to the warmth spreading from my core. The pace of his pumping fingers increased, but he kept the stroking of his tongue slow.

I broke the kiss with a cry. Asher looked at me with eyes that glowed in the darkness. I was close, and we both knew it. My thighs tightened around his hips, and my body went rigid. The orgasm erupted, and warmth pooled in his hand.

"Goddess," I breathed, pushing hair out of my face. "Asher… wow."

He grinned. "The night's not over yet, Phae."

I almost froze. It was the first time he'd referred to me by a nickname, and I loved the way it sounded in his voice.

He stood up with me in his arms, then settled me on the rock. I watched him unbutton his shirt and reveal those tight, taut abs, and his tanned, golden skin. Quickly, I stripped off my shirt, then he dropped on one knee in front of me. He took my hand.

"There's nothing I want more than to make love to you right here," he said. "But if we do this, it means no other man will be able to do this to you. You'll be mine from here on. Are you sure this is what you want?"

The lines of his face were normally so hard, so serious, but as he spoke, they softened and became tender. If I hadn't already fallen for him, there was no way I could guard my heart against the sight of him like this. No man should be so beautiful, and it should never have been possible for someone like me to get to touch him. Yet here he was on one knee, asking for permission to make me his. How could I say no?

"I'm sure," I said with a determined nod. "I want this. And I want you."

The relief spread across his face in a smile, and the expression was heartbreakingly sweet. He got to his feet again, kissing me on the way, and unzipped his slacks. His pants dropped, and his cock stood proud now it was free of its constraints. I bit my lip. Soon I would know what it felt like to have all of him inside me.

Again, moving quickly, I removed my bra, my pants, and finally tossed away my soaked panties. As I stood, his eyes roved over me, following each line and curve of my body down to my feet and back up again. I wanted him to look at me like this, with lust darkening his eyes, every day of my life.

We'd been naked with each other before, but today was different because this time, our nudity was a prelude to sex. Even though I understood the gravity of what we were about to do, I wasn't embarrassed. How could I feel self-conscious when I had a man like Asher claiming me with his eyes?

When I smiled tentatively, Asher took my hand and led me to a patch of grass just outside the cave that was soft as a mattress when we lay down. The grass would look verdant in the sun, but in the light reflected by the moon, it became more muted, bluer. As Asher crawled on top of me, the grass was taller than his shoulders. How special that when he took my virginity, we would be cocooned in softness, with the perfume of the night on the air.

He kissed me once, twice, and on the third, he lingered. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth, and I shivered, spreading my legs beneath him. He kissed me a fourth and a fifth time as I smoothed my hands up his chest and over his shoulders.

"I'm ready," I whispered.

In response, he wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me again before pressing his forehead to mine. The tip of his cock nudged my opening. For a split second, I panicked. Would it hurt? Would I cry?

When I stiffened, Asher raised his head just enough to look into my eyes. "It's okay," he assured me. "I'll go slow. And if it's too much, I'll wait for you."

I nodded and let my eyes slip shut. "I trust you," I said as I relaxed again.

He kissed my nose, then he pushed in a bit more. I dug my fingers into his shoulders in anticipation, but it didn't hurt. Even though I was a little tight from climaxing so recently, all I felt was a bit of pressure and the thundering beat of his heart.

"You okay?"

I opened my eyes and brushed my lips over his chin. "I'm okay," I said with a smile.

He smiled back, then kissed my lips and my chin before burying his face in my neck. His breath tickled my skin as he started to move, his pace steady and slow. The second time he thrust inside me, it came with a wave of wonderful, crackling pleasure. I gasped as he moved faster, each thrust bringing more bliss. My legs wrapped around his waist, allowing him to go even deeper.

"Yes," I moaned. "Asher…"

My back arched, and Asher pulled me tight against his chest. A deep groan fell from his lips. His enjoyment only heightened the intensity, the wonder of what we were doing.

He increased his pace, and my groans became sharp cries. I'd always thought I'd be quiet the first time I had sex, but it was too much to keep bottled up. The passion needed somewhere to go, and scratching at his back and groaning only relieved so much of the pressure that was starting to build in me again.

Each thrust brought release even closer. His moans and the little tremors of pleasure vibrating through his shoulders sent goosebumps over my skin. His breath was hot at my neck, his palm spread on my back to keep my body flush with his. Asher was so deep inside me it was driving me wild.

I whimpered. "I think… I think I'm?—"

He crushed trembling lips to mine, and I knew he was just as close.

When I thought I'd reached the peak of what my body could feel, Asher stopped kissing me. He dragged his mouth down to my neck again and stopped at the spot where it met my shoulder. His sharp teeth grazed over my skin, and my breath hitched at what was coming.

Asher sank his teeth into my skin, and I screamed as my blood rushed into his mouth. It was the second time he'd bitten me, but this time, even though tears pricked my eyes, there was no pain. Only ecstasy. I came, every nerve ending exploding with joy. Asher pulled back, grunting against my shoulder. His seed spilled heat into me, and I shivered, scraping my nails along his back.

I opened my eyes and looked up at the moon and stars above. Inside, I felt whole. And thankful.

Asher hadn't just mated with me.

He'd claimed me, too.