Chapter 33

Thirty-Three

Gemma

T he sand underneath my toes is warm and soft as Sutton and I walk along the beach, the sound of the waves crashing next to us soothing and doing wonders at calming my racing heart. I wish it would ease the queasiness rumbling around in my gut, but I suppose that’s nerves getting the best of me.

Since Everett and I decided to make things between us more official, I wanted to bring Sutton down to the beach to tell him about us, but I didn’t anticipate how nervous it would make me.

I know Sutton absolutely adores Everett, and he loves spending time with him, both in and out of the classroom, but hanging out with your teacher or hanging out with your neighbor is a lot different than knowing he’s dating your mom. While I love both my stepmom and my stepdad, I still remember how uncomfortable it was finding out my parents were dating again after they got a divorce. It was different and awkward, and there was always that worry in the back of my head that they’d turn out to be crummy people.

Thankfully, they didn’t, but as a kid, you never know.

“How was school?” I ask him, turning my head and taking in my son.

Sutton has grown so much in the past year, it almost feels unreal. He shot up like a rocket in what seems like overnight; he’ll be as tall as I am in no time. Watching your child grow is the most bittersweet experience. On the one hand, I love seeing him get older and learn new things, be more independent, but on the other, I desperately want to keep him my baby forever.

People always say they grow up before you know it, and you never truly understand what that means or the reality of it until it hits you in the face. He’ll be a teenager soon. In another blink of an eye, he’ll be sixteen, getting his driver’s license and wanting to drive my car. Then, in another blink, he’ll be graduating from high school and moving out of the house. It happens so damn fast.

“It was good,” he says plainly. It’s always “good” when I ask.

“Did you do anything fun?”

“Hmm, yeah. Beau and I played hopscotch at recess. That was a lot of fun. Oh! And we also got ice cream sandwiches for my friend’s birthday.”

“Oh, yummy. That sounds good.”

“It was good,” he tells me. “But it wasn’t as good as it could’ve been.”

I huff out a laugh, looking over at him. “Why’s that?”

“Well, because it was the kind with the three types of ice cream,” he explains.

“Neapolitan?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “And I don’t really like the strawberry ice cream on an ice cream sandwich. All vanilla is the best.”

“Fair enough.” I chuckle. “I’d probably have to agree with you.”

Sutton spots one of our neighbors from down the block. They’re walking their Frenchie, so he runs over and says hi to them as I try to get it together enough to finally tell him.

“You know, we should get a dog,” he announces as we start walking again. The sun is starting to set along the horizon, and it’s beautiful over the ocean.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that one…”

Huffing out a sigh, he says, “You always say that.”

I chuckle because he’s right, I do always say that, but it’s true.

“Hey, babe, can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure.”

Dragging in a deep breath, I hold it for a moment before exhaling. Here we go.

“You know how Everett has been spending a lot of time with us?” My throat tightens as he glances up at me, a smile pulling on his lips as he nods. “Well, how would you feel if he started spending a little more time with us?”

Sutton’s brows pinch together. “What do you mean?”

“You know how when your daddy was still here, he and I were together?”

He nods. “You were married.”

“You’re right, we were married. ”

He looks even more confused. “Are you and Everett getting married?”

There’s probably a million different—better—ways of laying this out for him, and you’d think having a career around putting words together, I’d be better at this.

“No, no.” A nervous laugh bubbles up my throat. “We’re not married, but we do like each other as more than just friends.”

I watch the wheels turn behind his eyes. “Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “Like that. How would that make you feel?”

Sutton is quiet for a moment as he thinks, and I give him all the time he needs. “I… like it,” he eventually says, peering up at me, a smile forming.

My heart thumps harder as that sinks in. “Yeah?”

He nods. “Yeah, Everett is awesome! Can he still help me practice and take me to the batting cages?”

“Of course he can. He loves doing those things with you.”

“I love doing them with him too.”

“So, you’re okay with me dating Everett?”

“Yeah, I think it’s cool!”

Pulling my son in for a hug, I press a kiss to the top of his head, feeling a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders. “Well, all right then.”

Gemma: Heads up, we’re almost home, and he asked to run over to your place.

I’m sitting on the front steps as I watch Gemma’s car pull into her driveway a minute later. They climb out, and Sutton runs over to me, a huge grin plastered on his face.

“Hey, bud,” I call out as I look over his shoulder at Gemma. She’s smiling too as she nods, silently telling me he must’ve been okay with the news, before she heads inside her house.

“Guess what?” he says, coming to a stop in front of me.

I raise my eyebrows. “What?”

“Mom told me that you’re her boyfriend.” He laughs as soon as he says it, his cheeks turning red.

That’s the first time I’m hearing that phrase out loud, and I can’t deny the thrill it sends through my blood. “She did?”

“Yup.”

“Want some lemonade?” I ask him, standing up from the steps. He nods and follows me inside. Sutton takes a seat on the stool at the bar that overlooks the kitchen as I grab a cup out of the cabinet. “What do you think about that?” Nerves chomp away at the lining of my stomach.

I don’t think it hit me until right now just how much I want him to be okay with this. Of course, I’ve always wanted him to be cool with the situation, but as I stand here before him, waiting for him to respond, I realize how important his acceptance is. I’m not just dating his mom, I’m stepping into his life in a potentially new role, and I need him to feel comfortable with that.

And not just for that reason, but also because I’ve come to love him as much as I love his mom, and even though I haven’t told her that yet, I hope she knows—and him too—how much Sutton means to me. That I’m not taking this lightly.

“I think it’s awesome,” he announces. “As long as you don’t stop playing ball with me.”

I bark out a laugh as I set his glass of lemonade in front of him. “Well, I don’t think you have to worry about that, buddy. You’re stuck with me.”

His eyes glint from above the glass as he takes one of those huge, chugging gulps that causes him to drag in a lungful of air when he’s done. I don’t know why all kids do that, like it’s a race.

Then he hits me with a question that knocks the wind right out of me, one I wasn’t anticipating at all.

“Does this mean you’re going to be my dad now?”

In an instant, my eyes sting, and I feel completely unqualified to answer this question. Sutton’s looking at me with big, curious eyes, and I’m desperately wishing Gemma were here to jump in.

But she’s not, so I’m going to answer this in the best way I know how. With honesty.

“Well, bud, I know that you already have a dad, even if he’s no longer here with you anymore, and I would never dream of replacing him in your heart.” I swallow against the lump in my throat, finding it hard to talk. “That said, I care about you a great deal, and I hope you know that. You and your mom are so special to me, and I will be whatever you need me to be. I’m not here to step on any toes or make you feel uncomfortable. I will be as much or as little as you need. Like I told your mom too, we can go at your pace, do what makes you feel okay. ”

As he looks up at me, my chest squeezes. “Is it okay if I tell you that I love you?”

Eyes welling up, I smile. “That’s more than okay, buddy.”

“Okay, cool!” Then with a shrug, he grabs his lemonade and chugs down some more, and that’s apparently the end of that conversation. “Wanna play catch before I have to take a shower?”

Breathing out a laugh, I clap my hands together. “Yeah, let’s play some catch.”