Chapter 29

Isnap awake, a loud piercing scream filling my ears. I slap my hands over them, trying to block out the horrible noise. My throat feels scratchy and raw, and it's only then that I realize I'm the source of the eerie sound.

"Cat!" A voice barks and then a face appears in front of me.

Hunter.

He's so close I can feel the heat of his heavy breathing. My mouth snaps shut and the screaming abruptly stops.

"Jesus Christ, baby," he mutters, pulling my hands down from my ears.

"Hunter," I croak. Even just that single word makes my throat ache.

He turns the lamp on and it momentarily blinds me. Then he's back in front of me, his big, rough hands framing my face.

"What in the fuck was that?" he asks, his own voice hoarse. "You've never screamed like that before."

Tears start streaming down my face like rivers as my bottom lip wobbles. Visions from my nightmare flash through my mind. Visions I don't want to see and refuse to acknowledge. Ones I've fought so hard to hide from.

I shake my head hard, dislodging his hands from my cheeks. I put my hands on his chest and push him back. Catching him by surprise, he falls to his back, and before he can sit up, I've crawled my way on top of him, straddling his waist.

"Cat?" he questions. "What are you doing?"

I lean down until my face is only inches from him. "Fuck me, Hunter." A tear drops and lands on his cheek. "It hurts. Make me forget. Make everything go away again."

His expression softens as understanding dawns. He lifts a hand and curls it against the side of my face, sliding his fingers through my hair. "Baby," he whispers. So much feeling is in that single word.

"P-please," I whimper. "I'm not ready yet. I need more time."

I know my time living in a blissful make-believe world is coming to an end. The whispers of memories have been trying to push past the wall in my mind more and more lately. I've hidden from them for so long, refusing to allow them to see the light of day. I'm afraid to let them out. I'm afraid they'll drag me down into a black abyss from which I won't be able to escape. But no matter how much I fear them, I know I need to let them out. It's time for me to release them and face them. It's the only way I'll ever be whole again. It's the only way to be the wife Hunter truly deserves.

Grabbing my waist, Hunter rolls me so that I'm on my back and he's hovering above me. He's barely settled between my legs when I jerk my tank top off. My movements are frantic as I reach for my sleep shorts.

"Slow down, Cat," he says calmly.

"No," I shake my head heedlessly. "I can't wait. I need you right now."

He sits back on his heels, his hands moving to mine as I wiggle the shorts down my legs.

"Baby, I'll give you what you want. Just give me a minute."

I shake my head again. "No. I don't want to wait. I don't want soft. I don't want slow. I want you to fuck me. Take me like you take Scarlett."

He frowns and a small amount of surprise fills his eyes. I didn't mean to say that last part out loud, but now that the words are out, I don't want to take them back. I want Hunter raw. Unrestrained. So delirious with lust that he loses control. It pains me to know Scarlett has had him that way when I've secretly fantasized about it for years. I love Hunter's gentle side, especially because I know for most of his life he's been forced to be hard, but sometimes a woman just wants to be manhandled. To be taken roughly by her lover.

I want that right now. I crave it so badly that I ache for it. And I need it to rid myself of the demons in my head.

"I will not take you like I take her," he says, his tone harsh, as if just the thought of it is abhorrent to him. "It's brutal, Cat. Nothing Scarlett and I do is loving. It's pure, raw need, with no emotion."

"I don't care," I reply stubbornly. Now that the thought has entered my mind, I can't get it out. I reach for his cock, wrapping my fingers around his thick length. He's hard, giving away the fact that, even if he doesn't want to admit it, he likes the idea of taking me hard and rough.

He hisses when I squeeze him. "You love me, Hunter. I know how much. I know you'd do anything for me and you hate to see me hurt. All of those things, I feel for you too. Manhandling me, forcing me to submit, taking me without control won't change that." I stare up at him imploringly. "Please. This is what I want. What I need from you right now."

I'm wearing him down. I can see it in the indecision in his eyes, the naked need he can't hide, but he still holds back.

"I can't," he says quietly. "I've hurt you too much already. You're not in the right frame of mind to know what you're asking."

I rub my thumb across the tip of his cock, smearing a small drop of pre-cum. He hisses, baring his teeth.

"I do know what I'm asking." I push up on my elbows and slide my body down the few inches I need so he's poised at my entrance. "This isn't out of the blue," I tell him. "I wanted this before I knew about Scarlett. I've just been too afraid to ask for it. I want you to leave bruises on my hips and thighs from grabbing me so hard. I want to be sore between my legs from your forceful thrusts. I want the bite of pain from you gripping my hair as you fuck my mouth. I want your hand around my throat, squeezing so hard that I struggle to breathe. I want to feel you in every hole I have. I want you to need me so badly that you can't wait, so you take me no matter where we are. I want you mindless with lust and desperate enough to give me those things, not only because I want you to give them to me, but because you want me to have them."

"Fuck," he growls a mere second before he smashes his lips to mine.

I moan into his mouth, desire ravaging me like a category five hurricane. My mind spirals, pushing away the unwanted images of a past too painful to remember and replacing them with Hunter. A husband who has put up with way too much shit from me. It may be shit he's willing to deal with, but it's not something I want to put him through anymore. He's hurt too much because of me.

I wrap my legs around his waist, and the moment my feet lock together at the small of his back, he forcefully thrusts his hips forward. The impact of suddenly being full is deliciously painful.

A loud cry escapes me, and I dig my fingers into his biceps. Hunter stops with his hips pressed against the back of my thighs.

"Shit, baby. I'm sorry," he groans.

"Don't you dare apologize, Hunter St. James," I tell him heatedly, lifting my hips to show him I want more. "I want all of you. Every dirty and twisted part. Now take me," I squeeze my inner muscles, "and show me I'm yours in every single way."

He growls, the deep and guttural sound making my pussy gush around his cock. He hikes one leg up on his waist and wraps his other arm around my back from underneath so his hand is curled around my shoulder. His firm grip keeps me in place as he pulls back his hips and slams forward. Our chests remain pressed together, only his hips moving. With every forceful move he makes forward, I lose my breath.

This is what I wanted. The unhinged version of Hunter.

His face falls forward and his lips meet the spot between my neck and shoulder. His lips are sweet and gentle for all of two seconds before they latch onto the skin and he takes a bite. The sting is almost too much, just on this side of pain, but I lap it up.

He lets go, his tongue licking the spot before he moves his mouth to my ear. "Is this what you wanted, baby? Taking you like an animal? Needing you so fucking much I can't control what I do to you?"

"Yes," I hiss, arching my back. "Give me more."

"Goddamn it, Cat." He picks up speed, his hips hitting the back of my thighs with enough force that I should have bruises later. I look forward to seeing them.

Hunter's deep groans and my loud cries of pleasure are mixed with the bed banging against the wall and the sound of flesh slapping together. Our sweat-slick bodies slide together.

Suddenly, Hunter's warmth is gone as he pulls away from me. Before I can protest, he's off the bed and pulling me with him. Picking me up as if I weigh nothing, my legs instinctively wrap around his waist. When the tip of his cock meets my entrance, and I slide down his shaft, my mouth drops open and my eyes roll back. With my weight coming into play in this new position, he hits deeper.

"Oh, God, Hunter," I moan.

I tighten my legs around him, and with the help of his strong arms, I lift up until just the tip is left inside and then impale myself again. He feels deliriously good.

I've never had complaints about the way Hunter has taken me. Our sex life has been incredible, and if we ever only have sex the way we have in the past, I would be perfectly fine with it. But this, dear Jesus, is divine.

From the look in his beautiful green eyes and the tense lines around his mouth, it's clear just how much he's enjoying this too. My mouth drops to his, taking his lips in a kiss not intended for lovemaking, but for pure raw fucking. My breasts scrape against the coarse hairs on his chest as he lifts and drops me up and down his cock.

The telltale sign of my impending orgasm hits me hard and fast, but I'm not ready yet. There's something I want to try first. It's something I've been curious about, especially since Hunter told me about Scarlett.

Sliding my fingers through Hunter's hair, I grip the strands and move my mouth to his ear. "Fuck my ass," I pant.

With him fully inside me, he jerks to a halt and pulls his head back to see my face. My eyes show him how much I want him to do this. It's not just a want, it's a deep-seated need.

"I don't want to hurt you," his deep voice rumbles.

"Sometimes a little pain can feel good."

"And sometimes it can do irreparable damage," he retorts.

I scrape my nails against his scalp. "I trust you won't hurt me that much. You won't go too far."

The muscle in his jaw twitches and indecision mixed with wanton need flares in his eyes. After a slight moment of contemplation, he unhooks my legs from his waist, and I drop my feet to the floor.

He grabs my hair and tilts my head back, forcing my eyes to his. "If it becomes too much, we stop. Swear to me, Cat, that you'll tell me to stop. I don't need to take you that way."

He may not need it, but it still feels good to him. Whatever he does with Scarlett, I want to offer it to him as Cat. Nevertheless, I give him what he wants.

"I promise."

He drops his head and presses his lips against mine in a bruising kiss before spinning me around. His breath whispers against my ear when he says, "Stay here."

After he leaves me, I hear him enter the bathroom and emerge a minute later. I breathe faster and my body vibrates and hums with excitement.

"Bend over, baby, and show me that gorgeous ass."

The desirous cadence of his voice sends shivers down my spine. I bend at the waist and place my hands on the end of the bed. The sound of a bottle opening fills the room, and I jerk involuntarily when something cool drips down my ass crack. His finger touches my hole next and my muscles automatically tighten on reflex.

"We're gonna take this slow," Hunter says, applying a tiny bit of pressure. "I won't take you like Scarlett likes, uncaring if it hurts." The tip of his finger slips inside, and I can't help but moan at the foreign feeling. "We'll do this my way at first, slow and steady, until I fit every inch of my cock inside you. After that, once you get used to having your ass full, then I'll fuck you fast." Inch by inch, he wedges his finger inside. "You understand?"

I can't concentrate on words right now, so I don't respond to his question.

"Do. You. Understand, Cat?" He punctuates each word with a sharp thrust. "Don't push me on this. It's not something I'm willing to give in on."

"Yes," I moan, pushing back against his finger. "Please give me more."

He adds a second one and my breath catches. Going just as slowly as he did with the first finger, he slides them in until his knuckles press against the flesh of my butt.

All too soon, but not soon enough, he removes his fingers from my hole and replaces them with the tip of his cock. I hold my breath, waiting on tenterhooks as he presses forward. My fingers dig into the blanket and my stomach muscles tighten when the tip slips past the tight bundle of nerves.

"Oh!" I moan.

Hunter pauses, running his hand down my back to rest his palm on one ass cheek. "You good?"

"More than good," is my breathy reply. "More, please."

His chuckle fills my ears, and it adds to the exquisite feeling coursing through me.

Another inch slips inside, and a little pinch of pain flares in my backside. I welcome the feeling, surprised at how much more I want.

Hunter does just as he said he would and takes his time filling my ass. I soak up every groan he releases, loving that I'm giving him something new. Giving him a part of me he's never gotten from me before. Technically, anal sex with me is not new to him. However, I do not have those memories, and the woman he took as Scarlett is very different from me.

"Sweet Jesus," he mutters once he's buried every bit of his length inside me. His fingers bite into my hips. "So goddamn tight, Cat. Fucking incredible."

I have to agree, but I can't do so out loud, because I've forgotten how to talk. So instead, I show him my appreciation by pushing back against him, telling him without words that I want him to move.

He slides out, only to slide back in again. He does this several times before picking up speed, taking me faster, going deeper with each thrust. I love it. At first it was a little intense, but now I don't want to stop.

"You ready for more?" Hunter asks, keeping his pace steady.

"Oh God, yes."

As soon as the words leave my lips, he pulls back and suddenly slams forward. I wasn't ready. There was no way I could have prepared myself for the onslaught of pleasure that grips me as he fucks the holy hell out of me. If I thought it felt good when he took it slow, this is beyond my imagination.

A long cry escapes my lips, his name shouted hoarsely, and my inner muscles tighten around him, my stomach muscles spasming. My head falls forward, too weak to hold it up. My body wants to slump forward like Jell-O. Only Hunter holding me up by my hips keeps me on my feet.

"Holy fuck," he growls. "You like this, baby?"

"Yes!" I cry.

"You like having your ass full of my cock?"

"Yes." I moan this time.

"That's a good thing, because now that you've given it to me," he slams his hips forward, jolting me, "I'm going to want it all the time."

He thrusts so hard that I'm lifted off my feet.

"You going to give it to me anytime I want it?"

"Yes, Hunter. You can have it whenever you want it."

He hooks one of his hands around my stomach and pulls my body upward. My back meets his hard chest as I stand impaled on his cock.

"That's my good girl," he whispers, then bites the side of my neck hard enough to leave a mark.

I whimper, the pleasure of everything Hunter is doing and making me feel is almost too much. He pulls away and pounds his way back inside. Over and over again, he fucks me, using my body for his own pleasure, but giving me the same in return.

Turning my head, I seek his lips, and blessedly, he gives them to me. Our teeth clash from his pounding, but we stay connected.

Lifting one arm, I reach behind me and wrap it around his neck. The changed position pushes out my chest and Hunter takes advantage, pinching and pulling hard on my nipples. His other hand finds mine, sliding his fingers through them and taking them both down my stomach, over the thin line of hair covering my mound and straight to my soaked pussy.

I yank my mouth away and toss my head back on his shoulder. A low moan drifts from my lips when he pushes the middle and ring finger of both of our hands into my slick hole. With his cock in my ass and four fingers in my pussy, I'm almost too full. He uses both of our hands to fuck me, all the while his hips steadily thrust. A flood of overwhelming sensations clouds my vision and ignites my body. The heel of my palm, pressed inward by Hunter's hand, grinds against my clit, intensifying those sensations.

Hunter's hot, panting breath flutters across my ear. "Is this what you've been wanting, Cat?" he rasps. "Your ass full of my cock and your pussy filled with our fingers?" I nod, unable to form words. "Bet I could get another finger inside that tight cunt," he grits out, shoving our fingers in as far as they can go and punching his hips forward.

His crass words and the mental image they evoke send a shockwave of pleasure through me. Arching my back, I grind my hips against the fingers and cock filling me up.

"Mmm… You like that idea, don't you?" he murmurs darkly, his voice rumbling against my neck. "After all these years, who knew I married such a dirty girl."

"Please, Hunter," I moan, desperate for something, anything, to take me over the edge.

He slips our fingers out of my pussy, and I whine in protest. His chuckle tickles my ear. "Don't worry, baby. You'll get what you need."

With his fingers slick with my juices, he moves my hand up so the tips of my fingers hit my clit. "Rub that clit, Cat, and I'll take care of the rest."

His hand travels back down to my hole, inserting three of his fingers this time. His other hand trails up my torso, between my breasts, and he wraps his fingers around the base of my throat. My breath stutters, not because of the exquisite pleasure wracking my body, but from the harsh grip Hunter has around my throat. I can still breathe, but only barely. Little white spots dance behind my closed eyelids as euphoria filters through every cell in my body.

Little whimpers erupt from my lips, barely heard over the loud slap of flesh hitting flesh. My head falls back on Hunter's shoulder and my legs weaken. It's only his grip around my throat and his fingers and cock that keep me standing. My fingers swirl over my clit, chasing a high that's just centimeters away.

Hunter's thrusts become more forceful. My body is so lax, I feel like a rag doll being tossed around. But holy hell, the pleasure is more than anything I could have dreamed of.

Hunter's fingers curl inside me, hitting a spot that makes my stomach muscles tense. My release hits hard and fast, stealing the last of my energy. My toes curl against the floor and my mouth drops open, a hoarse cry, restricted by Hunter's grip around my neck, pierces the air.

My arm around his neck falls limply by my side, my bones feeling like they're made of jelly.

He releases my neck, placing a kiss on the side, and moves his arm to wrap around my torso just below my breasts. His chest presses against my back, bending me slightly at the waist. Then, with his fingers still inside me, and my ass still full of his cock, he thrusts hard and fast, using his arm around me to pull me back to him. His grunts fill the room, along with my low cries.

Shockingly, the moment I feel Hunter stiffen, another orgasm hits me, holding me in its tight grip, refusing to let me go.

Hunter's arm still holds me up, despite my body wanting to fall to the bed in a pile of mush. His chest is pressed against my back, both slick with sweat, and I feel his heartbeat hammering erratically.

My gentle husband is back when he carefully slides out of me and eases me down on the bed. "Stay right there," he says, kissing my bare shoulder.

Even if I wanted to move, I couldn't, so I remain on my side with my feet hanging off the end of the bed. I hear the water run in the bathroom and a moment later, the bed dips as he climbs on the end.

"On your stomach, baby," he murmurs gently.

With the last of my energy, I roll to my stomach. My legs are moved apart and a warm washcloth is pressed between them.

After the washcloth is tossed away, he pulls me up to the top of the bed. Hunter settles on his back and drapes me over his chest with the covers pulled up over us. His big hand rests on my back just above my butt. The other hand tips up my chin until my eyes meet his.

"You okay?"

I curl my lips. "Okay is an understatement. Fantastic is closer, but still not accurate."

His eyes crinkle when a deep chuckle leaves his lips. "You always manage to surprise me, even after all the years we've been married."

I press a kiss against his chest, right over the spot where his heart beats.

"Why have you never told me you wanted something like that?"

I lift my eyes back to him. "Because I was worried it was something you didn't want."

"Baby, I want anything you want. You only have to let me know."

I smile again. "Well, now you know."

He tilts my head back further and dips his down. "Now I know," he says against my lips. When he pulls back, his expression is serious. "About your nightmare."

I'm already shaking my head before he finishes his sentence. "Please not tonight." I fight hard at pushing away the images of my nightmare, wanting to forget about them for as long as I can. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"

Concern pulls down his eyebrows, but thankfully, he doesn't push. "Yeah."

I lay my head back down on his chest, my eyes so heavy they close before I'm comfortable. I concentrate on the steady rise and fall of Hunter's breathing.

I can feel the images, the memories, fighting to come back to the forefront of my mind. I know the wall I've kept them behind won't ever be rebuilt. Now I must find a way to prevent them from crippling me.