Chapter 21

"Hey, whatcha doing?" Tia asks while she sits beside me on Abuela's bedroom floor. Tia picked up a few more of my clothes from the house since I have no desire to go back there.

"Nothing," I struggle to say while flipping through the pages in one of Abuela's twenty photo albums.

"Oh, I love this one." Tia grabs one of the photos in the box. Abuela said after some time, she got lazy and that's why she kept the rest of the photos in a box. And when I say a box, I mean a fucking tote.

"Which one?" I ask, trying to keep my mind on anything besides Donnie.

Tia hands me a photo of me and Mom taken when I was about three years old.

Mom was even more beautiful then. Her cocoa brown hair was styled half up and half down. She was holding me in her arms, squishing my face against her cheek. Her smile was big and bright, full of life and love. You could never tell she was a victim of domestic abuse.

My eyes fill with tears, but I'm unwilling to let them shed. Tia wraps me in her arms. Tia has been my rock since all this shit went down. I don't know what I would have done without her by my side.

"I wonder where the hell he's been at?" Tia asks, with a hint of anger in her tone. "He should fucking be here with you and Sophia."

I know she's talking about Josiah.

"I don't know," I respond truthfully.

I know what Tia means, but Josiah has his own demons to deal with. Taking Dad's life… I can only imagine how his brain is trying to register all that has happened.

The doorbell begins to ring annoyingly like whoever out there isn't letting their finger off the ringer.

"What the fuck?" Tia asks while she sits up.

"?Quién diablos está tocando la campana así? Solo un minuto maldito sea," Abuela cries out in annoyance.

Tia and I roll on our knees to stand up. As we both walk out the bedroom and down the hall, Abuela screeches when Josiah storms past her to the kitchen.

"Josiah!" I yell, running after him while Tia stands in the doorway.

"Jo!" I call his name again. This time, his head snaps in my direction.

Jo stops and starts to pace back and forth, wringing his cap in his hands. He looks like he hasn't slept, eaten, or showered in weeks. It's not that warm out and all he has on is a long sleeve red and white shirt, black jeans, and white sneakers that are covered in mud. This isn't the Jo I know. Jo always keeps his shoes in pristine condition. He cleans them every night after wearing them and sets them out like a display.

"Josiah, please look at me." Keeping my voice low, I slowly walk toward him, keeping a safe distance.

"Tia, please take Abuela to Sophie's room and lock the door," I say in a gentle tone, keeping my eyes on Jo.

Tia breathes out in frustration but does what I say. After I hear the door close behind them, my mind is now one hundred percent focused on avoiding spooking my brother, who looks like he's two minutes away from losing his shit.

Jo smacks his head several times, mumbling something incoherent. I stand behind the table that separates us and watch his every move. One wrong word or action will set him off and I need to be prepared for when that happens.

"Jo. Can you look at me?" I ask calmly.

Jo stops pacing but keeps his back to me, facing the back door. I can tell how tense he is by the rise of his shoulders. From his heavy breathing, it seems as if he"s having a difficult time trying to maintain his composure.

"Jo. It's going to be ok. You're safe here," I continue.

Jo doesn't move. Doesn't say a word.

I run my hands through my hair with shaky hands, knowing I'm going to have to survive another fight and make sure we both get out of it alive.

"How about we get you some clean clothes and I'll make you something to eat. You must be hungry, right?"

"Stop," he warns in a whisper.

"Ok, just tell—""I said stop!" He whips around to face me with anger and hate burning in his eyes. "Can't you just listen for once in your goddamn life?!" His face turns bright red when he yells.

My heart beats hard against my chest.

I swallow and blink.

"Nothing to say now, huh? Little miss perfect. You know…" Jo continues to wring his cap with his hands.

"You're always the one who needed to be saved from him. Well, guess what, sis?" He laughs bitterly, shaking his head. "You'll never have to worry about him again because I fucking killed him. Shot him like a fucking animal and felt nothing. As long as you're safe, the fuck with everyone else, right? Who gives a shit that Mom almost died and you didn't?" He spits the harsh words out with venom.

Even though his words are like a dagger to my heart, I know the real Jo doesn't feel that way. I need to latch onto that thought and remember he is not himself at the moment.

"I'm sorry, Jo. I never— "

"Shut up!" he roars and I flinch but my eyes never leave his.

"Stop with your fucking tears, God, you're so pathetic." He shakes his head in disgust and obliterates my heart at the same time.

I know Tia heard him yell and is probably calling Seb and the guys to intervene. So, in the meantime, I need to keep him alive and talking even if he continues to tear me down piece by piece.

This is not about me.

It's about the one person who fought to keep us safe. The one person who made sure we lived another day. The one person who sacrificed his life for us. It's about making sure my brother gets the help he needs.

It"s time for you to heal, Jo.

Let me help you get the peace you need.

For once, let me be the one to take care of you.

The tears fall without my permission which sets Jo off. I take a deep breath, waiting for—

"Stop your fucking crying!" he yells, pushing the table against me hard enough force me to take a few steps back.

"You're such a selfish bitch. Always thinking about yourself. You don't care what happens to anyone else as long as you keep breathing."

I wince like I'm in pain.

"That's not true and you know it," I quietly say.

He lets out a cynical laugh and I feel a presence behind me. Jo looks over my shoulder and suddenly his face is full of pain instead of the anger and hate he was throwing at me.

"Elisa?" The vulnerability in his voice makes my heart break.

"Jo, it's ok." The brave tone in Tia's voice doesn't make me feel better. I briefly shut my eyes, plotting ways to kill my best friend for trying to save me.

"Tia, go back to the room, please," I plead with her, desperation rolling out of me.

"Why'd you leave me, huh?" Jo cries, not bothering to wipe his tears away. It's like he subconsciously wants us to know how much he's hurting.

"You were my world. I loved you. I would've given anything for you. You knew that and still left me. You left me!"

Oh, no.

Jo thinks Tia is Elisa. Elisa and Tia have the same hair length and color, and Elisa used to wear red lipstick similar to Tia's.

"I'm sorry, Jo. But I'm here now. Let me help you, ok?" Tia now stands beside me. She may sound brave, but I can sense the fear in her tone.

For a few minutes, Jo remains calm until his eyes darken as they bounce between Tia and me.

Shit.

I know Tia senses the change in his behavior when her breathing picks up.

"You think I'm stupid? You think you're my girl?" He laughs. "You wish, Tia. You fucking wish."

He paused, eyes full of rage snapping at me.

"Get out."

Tia tightens my pinky with hers.

"I SAID GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Jo picks up a chair and launches it over our heads.

"Go! Tia, get out!" I yell.

Her eyes widen when I glance over my shoulders. I only care about one thing and that is keeping her safe. I push her as hard as I can into the hallway.

Jo continues to yell and scream.

"Just stop it! Stop it, Jo. Let me help you. Please," I plead, knowing it won't do a damn thing.

And Jo loses it.

He shoves me hard enough I fall on my ass. I quickly roll to the side and get back up.

I make a mistake when I place my hands against his chest and try to hold him back even though I know there is no way in hell I am going to win against his 200 some pounds of muscle.

Jo roughly grabs my wrist in both hands and I wince. He pulls me close to his face. "You think you're tough? You think you can take me, little sis?" He grabs me by the throat. "I should've killed you too." He sneers.

My heart cracks.

Tears blur my vision.

Without warning, his fist hits my stomach, not once but twice. I fall back like I had the wind knocked out of me.

I feel a kick to my back, and I cry out in pain.

Another kick.

Abuela screams and starts to say something to Jo in Spanish, but I can't make out her words because of the ringing in my ears. Suddenly Jo is no longer towering over me.

I hear more voices.

Heavy footprints hitting against thefloor.

Seb and the guys.

Red and blue flashing lights are the last thing I sense before I go under.

I must've not been out that long because when I came to, Tia sat beside me.

"What's going on?" I attempt to sit up, but everything hurts.

"Hey, take it easy," Tia says softly.

I glance around the room and see Seb talking to the police officers and Max holding a sleepy Sophie.

"Where's Abuela?" I ask for the room.

"She's outside…with Jo," Gio replies, coming out of nowhere.

Shit, Jo.

Ignoring the pain surging, I move off the couch toward the front door.

And that's when I hear it.

Abuela's heart-wrenching sob is heard as I rush to get to her.

"Sade, wait!" Seb cries, reaching out to me, but the officer holds him back.

"Miss!" Another officer calls out as I limp down the sidewalk, holding my stomach as if that will provide me with any comfort.

"?Por favor, no se lo lleven! él está enfermo." Abuela cries out.

I stand frozen, watching the scene unfold in front of me. It's like a reality Cops show.

Abuela was kneeling, crying, and begging the police officer to spare my brother.

What hurts the most? Watching Josiah handcuffed and escorted into the back seat of a police car.

I move so quickly to him when a young female officer holds her hands, stopping me.

"Miss, you can't come any closer."

"Please, he's my brother. He doesn't need jail," I plead, keeping my eyes on Jo.

"Miss, he attacked one of the officers." She explains.

I bite my lower lip from crying. I turn to face her. "He has bipolar."

Realization sits in when her shoulder droops, and a look of compassion spreads over her face.

"We didn't know," she whispers, glancing at Jo.

"Can I please talk to him?"

She nods without looking at me.

Once I reach the squad car, I open the door and crouch, holding back from screaming in pain.

Jo stares straight ahead, not acknowledging my presence.

"Jo, I'm going to see what I can do to help you out of this. You don't belong in jail."

He doesn't speak.

He doesn't turn to face me.

Josiah sat silently, emotionless.

"I love you, Jo. No matter what happens, I will always love you. I will never turn my back on you. Just—" my lips trembles as I cry—"I want you to be safe. I don't want you to di-die. I can't lose you. Please, don't give up."

The pain was too much to bear. It squeezed the hell out of my lungs, making breathing difficult.

"I love you, Jo," I whisper.

Jo hung his head and let the tears flow. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

I throw my arms around his neck. "I know you are," I whisper.

"Forgive me," he asks, holding me as if his life depended on it.

"Always."