Chapter 1

The beeping never seems to end.

I have a strong urge to throw the damn machine against the wall.

How can anyone get any sleep in this place when your body is being poked and prodded every fifteen minutes? Ever since I woke up, I've seen everyone but Josiah and Mom. I keep getting bullshit responses which just pisses me off. I don't like secrets. I despise them. Secrets don't keep you close. They tear you apart. I should know— I've been swimming in a pool of secrets all my life.

The door creaks open. I keep my back to the door, so I won't see who is coming in. I keep my eyes shut and listened carefully whenever anyone walks into the room, I overheard the guys talking about how Christian fled the scene, leaving me behind to die. I'm not surprised since he beat me within an inch of my life while our daughter was still inside me.

The bed dips from the weight of the person sitting here. I don't have to open my eyes to know who it is. The woodsy and citrus smell gives him away.

I hide my smile, but I know he sees it.

"Hey, beautiful." His voice is deep and gravelly.

I open my eyes and turn my head to see a set of bright blue eyes staring at me. The heat in his eyes is so intense it could burn right through my soul.

"Hey," I smile back.

Donnie has been in my bed every night since I've been awake, which I love, don't get me wrong. However, I can't help but notice a sense of uneasiness and sadness from him just now.

"How's Sophie?" Donnie and Ash have been spending more time with Sophia. From what I hear, even Abuela has enjoyed their frequent visits.

"She's good."

His bright smile melted away every worry that went through my mind. The way his eyes shimmer whenever he talks about her takes my breath away.

His phone dings and he reads the text, his lips draw together tightly, and his eyebrows pull closer together. Whatever the message he received said, it wasn't good.

"What's wr—"

The sound of the door opening interrupts me. In strolls Ash, Tia, Seb, and then Josiah. My heart rate picks up in a good way. I'm so happy to see my brother, but something's off…he doesn't look right.

There are dark circles underneath his eyes like he hasn't slept in days. He's not even wearing a coat. His hands are tucked inside the pockets of his black hoodie. Once his eyes meet mine, he turns away.

I glance between everyone in the room. Ash is standing by the window, looking out with a blank stare with both hands in his navy puffer coat. Tia sits in the chair underneath the TV across from me, putting her hair up in a messy bun.

When Tia meets my gaze, I notice her eyes are red and puffy. Seb stands beside Tia with his back against the wall, hands behind him, and legs spread apart. He smiles sadly and winks at me in a comforting way.

Donnie gives my hand a squeeze. With my free hand, I tug the blanket to my chest and turn to face Donnie. He gently rubs his thumb over my fingers.

"What's going on?" I wait for a response. When I don't get anything, I turn to Josiah. As if he can sense my eyes boring into him, he looks up at me.

"Jo?" He looks torn, empty, and lost, just like when Elisa died.

Josiah slowly takes a few steps toward me. He pulls a chair closer to my bed.

"Hey, sis." His voice sounds all wrong, like he's struggling to breathe. His elbows rest on the side of the bed and he rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"What's wrong, Josiah?" My voice sounds calm, but there's a storm brewing inside of me.

"Where's Mom, Josiah?" He lowers his head to his chest.

"Josiah." My voice comes out louder and full of panic, and he flinches. I reach for his nearest arm and give it a squeeze. "Talk to me. Please," I plead. "You're scaring me."

He slowly raises his head and tears begin to fall, cascading down his cheeks.

My God.

What happened?

"Sade," he cries. "Mom's… Mom's…she's gone. D-dad killed her." His shoulders shake as he sobs, and he rests his head on the bed.

What did he say?

I look around at the faces of the people I love most in the world. All eyes in the room are red and full of tears.

No. No, no, no.

My heart beats faster inside my chest. A sting of melancholy and confusion hits me when I see the haunted look in Donnie's eyes.

"No. No. Mom is fine. She was fine." My voice comes out torn; I refuse to believe Mom is dead.

"Sade…" My brother's voice cracks when he reaches for my hand.

Josiah never lies. When he lifts his eyes to me, the devastating look on his face breaks me.

"NO! I shake my head from side to side, tears flooding down my face.

She can't be gone. No, she can't be.

Things were starting to get better between us.

"Tia. He's lying, right? Tell me he's lying!" I scream through my sobs. Tia places her head in her hands, unable to answer me.

With his back to me, Ash rests his forearms on the wall, fisting his hair with his head down. Seb stands frozen in the same spot, but I see the glassy look in his eyes. Seb is not one to show his emotions, but when it comes to me, he isn't afraid to break those walls down.

Tuning out the voices around me, a sob tears from my throat.

My chest hurts in the post that was once occupied by my heart.

I can't breathe. It feels like I'm drowning trying to reach the surface to come up for air.

My head is spinning like a merry-go-round, holding on to dear life so I won't fall off the damn horse. But it's too late. My grip loosens around the horse's neck, and I tumble to the ground falling over the edge.

"Baby, listen to me," Donnie pleads.

He gently removes my hands from my ears I didn't even realize I was covering them.

"It's ok."

I shake my head as the tears keep falling. "No, it's not ok. It's not ok." I whisper.

The room begins to fill, and two nurses argue while my friends try to calm me down.

"What is going on in here?" one of the nurses says, tone sharp.

"Sadie, are you in pain?" the nurse fussing with my IV asks.

Yes, I am in pain.

I don't respond but shake my head against the pillow.

The beeping sound beside me goes wild. My heart pounds against my chest as I struggle to breathe. I shut my eyes to ease the dizziness.

"She's dead, she's dead, she's dead," I repeat in a whisper, desperately wanting it to be a lie, a bad dream.

"Sadie, I need you to relax," one of the nurses says.

I want to drift into a deep sleep, but different voices prevent me running away from this nightmare.

"Young man, I need you to step aside."

"No, I'm not leaving her."

Donnie.

"Come on, D. Let them work."

"Can't you see she's on the verge of losing it?"

"Yes, that is why I need you to step aside so we can give her something to relax," one of the nurses says.

Eventually, my mind shuts out the voices full of sadness, pain, and fear. My breathing slows, the panicky feeling dissipates, and my body is fully relaxed. I'm either dying or they just injected me with a sedative.

"Baby, can you hear me?" Donnie's soft voice begs me to respond to him.

But I can't.

I won't.

I just want to sleep.

Why won't they let me sleep?

"Sadie, it's Detective Carter. Can you hear me?"

What is he doing here?

"Sadie, she's alive. Your mom's alive."