Chapter Seventeen

It's been a week since Josiah has come home, and you better believe I took advantage of spending whatever time I had left with him. Plus, I caught a cold the night Josiah came home. Standing in the rain with only a thin jacket will do that to you. Joaquín wasn't too happy when I asked him for a few nights off. It sucks losing a few days' worth of pay, but Josiah is so worth it. Tia, on the other hand, is ecstatic Josiah is back. Looks like her crush on Josiah never went away.

Ever since Josiah was released from jail, Dad hasn't made any more appearances. Maybe he drank himself to death, or someone finally offed him. Detective Carter, Josiah's parole officer, showed up at the house to check in on him. Carter warned Josiah to stay clear of Christian's gang. Although eventually, Christian will know he's out, he won't hesitate to give his guys a heads up to start a gang war, or worse, put a hit on him.

Josiah has been lying low since he's been out, driving him insane.

"Hi, Sadie. Thank you for waiting. Please come in." Kat, the career advisor, snaps me out of my deep thoughts.

During the last period, Ms. Santos received a call from the front office that Kat wanted to see me. I know what this is about. I haven't completed any of the college applications she sent to me via email. I missed the deadline she provided. She's probably going to say, "You're shit out of luck." I'm never going to get the hell out of this god-forsaken town.

I follow her to the office and sit on the same chair I was in the last time, setting my book bag onto the floor next to my feet. My heart is skipping stones in my chest. I don't know why I'm so fucking nervous. It's probably nothing. Maybe she wants to check in and ask why I haven't completed the applications.

Yeah, that has to be it.

"Why did you lie to me?"

Nope, this is something else.

"I'm sorry?" I ask nervously, gripping the arms of the chair, trying not to leave finger indents behind.

Kat lifts her glasses and sets them on top of her head. She leans back in the chair, crossing her legs. She gives me an unpleasant expression which makes me feel uneasy.

"Sadie, I am very disappointed in you. I thought you would be upfront and honest with me." She shakes her head in a disapproving manner.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I tell her honestly.

She opens a file that has been sitting on her desk. Kat pulls out a document and hands it to me.

Oh shit. It's the application that I forged.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

My leg bounces up and down rapidly as I watch my future go poof.

Gone. Just like that.

One mistake and I lost my chance to a normal life.

How did my life come to this?

Why do I make the dumbest decisions?

Desperation, that's why. Desperate to hold onto something that will eventually get snatched out from underneath me. What the hell was I thinking.

Kat is waiting for a response, but I have nothing.

My face is burning with embarrassment. I don't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry," I say in a whisper, refusing to look at her.

"This is a serious issue, Sadie. Unfortunately, I have to report this, which means you will lose your spot for applying for the scholarship, and you lose your chance to a better future." She sighed. "Why would you do this?"

Because my father beats the shit out of me, I was nearly raped, beaten until I was left unconscious by my ex-boyfriend in his basement, and I'm a waste of space where my father is concerned.

But all that I can come up with is, "Because it's the only way to finally be free of him." Tears stream down my face. I don't even try to hide them from her. For some reason, I feel safe in her presence, and I know I can trust her.

Kat lets out a quiet gasp. She stands, walks over, and sits on the chair beside me, placing her hands over mine. "What do you mean by that?" Her voice is calm, with a hint of warmth to her tone. "Please talk to me, Sadie." She pleads with her eyes.

I tell Kat about the years of abuse Josiah, and I endured by our parents, Christian's beating, Josiah's arrest, his return, and the reason I forged the application. I kept out that Dad still hits me. I lie and say that he's gotten better to avoid having family protection services at our door. Not an ounce of judgment came from Kat, just empathy and sadness. A huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. It felt good to tell the truth and not hide from the darkness that is my life. I just hope I won't have to stay in the dark for too long.

"I won't report this to the board. But your mom will need to sign the form." She pats my hands and walks over to the window.

Suddenly the sky becomes dark, and the light rain changes to a thunderstorm. A flash of light followed by a loud explosive sound makes me flinch. A day like today reminds me of a childhood memory. It was

April, a few months before Donovan moved away, and he convinced me—let me rephrase—he forced me to dance in the rain. Dad had beaten me so bad I laid up in bed for a week. I lied to Donovan and told him I had the flu, but he knew better. A few nights later, huge raindrops fell from the sky as they skimmed the surface of my bedroom window. It was the first night I was back to my old self. Well, partially.

While lying in bed staring at the star design on my Lite Bright screen left by Donovan, he snuck into my bedroom through the window. Donovan pulled my comforter away from my body and took me by the hands without saying a word as he led me toward the window. I followed him like a lost little puppy without asking questions because being with Donovan always felt right. We climbed out the window barefoot and danced in the rain. For one night, Donovan managed to make me forget the pain in my heart caused by my father's drunken rage.

Kat's voice brings me back to the present. "But there's one small problem." She pauses as she crosses her arms across her chest. She turns to face me with a look of devastation written all over her face. Her next words send the safety walls I've built around me for years to come crashing down.

"Your mother knows you forged the document."

Fuck my life.

If shit can't get any worse.

Mom knows.

What the hell am I going to do now?

As soon as I leave Kat's office, I run out of the front doors before the last bell rings. I need to go home, pack a bag, and head to Hector's before Mom comes home.

My phone vibrates in my backpack as I slide into the seat of my car. As I pull it out, Tia's name flashes across the screen.

"Hey," I say, trying to catch my breath.

"What the fuck, girl? Are you getting fucked right now?" she teases.

"What? No! Why would you say that?" Jesus.

"Um, because you're all panting and shit."

"Oh. I'm a—I just ran to my car. I'm getting ready to go home. What's up?" I say, looking frantically for my car keys. Doni sent me a text earlier that my car was taken care of after I specifically told him to leave it alone.

"I saw you run out of the office and wanted to make sure you were ok. Is it Jo? How is he?"

Finally! I find my keys. Turning on the ignition and putting my phone on speaker, I bolt out of the parking lot as students fly out of the building like a swarm of bees.

"He's good. He wants me to move out with him and live above Hector's garage. I guess he transformed it into a small apartment with two bedrooms."

"Hector De La Cruz? Sexy Hector with fuck me eyes and an ass so tight it can break a nut?"

"Tia." I groan.

"What? You know he's sexy as hell. Well, I'm all for you moving out. I've been telling you that for years, let your brother take care of you."

"It's not that easy, Tia." I sigh with frustration.

Doesn't she know me at all?

"Yes, it is. You're the one making it difficult. Listen to your wise hermano."

Hector is a year older and has been Josiah's best friend since middle school. I can't help but wonder if Josiah will go back to his old ways. A few months after Elisa passed away, I was the target of his latest bipolar episode. He attacked me, thinking I was out to get him. When he realized what he had done, he left, and I never saw him again until Christian's attack. I never asked him how he found me. It's one of the nights we both wish to forget, so we don't talk about it.

After ending my call with Tia, I pull up to the house and notice Mom's white Buick in the driveway. I sit in the car, contemplating if I should forget my clothes and just head over to Hector's.

The sound of my cell phone vibrating on the console makes me jump. Glancing at it, I can't help but smile when I see the name on the screen.

Doni: Are you ok?

I haven't spoken with him since that night.

ME: Yeah, I'm ok. Thanks 4 asking.

Doni: I wanted to reach out to u after that night, but I'd figured you wanted to spend some time with your brother.

ME: Yeah, I did. Thanks.

Doni: I'm glad you are ok. ??

I blush at the smiley emoji.

Doni: When can I see you?

Do I want to see him? Of course I do, but do I think it's a good idea? Of course I don't.

He sends another text a few minutes later when I haven't responded.

I start to reply yes but hit delete when I notice Mom standing at the front door with her hands crossed over her chest.

I'm in so much trouble. The power to teleport would be so useful right now.

ME: I'll call you later. And thank you for my tires. I really appreciate it.

Doni: Don't thank me. I'd do anything for you.

A few seconds later, the phone vibrates again.

Doni: Are you safe?

My heart swoons.

ME: Yea, I'm ok. Plz don't worry.

Doni: I will always worry.

"Sadie!" Mom bursts my love bubble when she yells, tapping her foot on the porch. I send a quick text to Josiah letting him know that Mom found out about me forging the document and that I am ready to pack a bag and head over to Hector's. He responds instantly.

Josiah: OMW

I walk into the house with Mom close behind me and she slams the front door. I lay my backpack on the fake leather mocha-colored couch in our living room. When I turn toward her, she's already in my face.

"What the hell were you thinking? Did you think you could get away with it? Who's going to fucking pay for that, huh?!" I back up a step, noticing the wrath in her dark brown eyes. I swear they turned pure black for a second.

"I was—"

"You what? Huh?" She interrupts me before I can finish. "How dare you lie to me! How stupid can you be?" She shakes her head in disapproval which just pisses me off even more.

"How dare I? What about you, Mom? Aren't you being a little hypocritical?"

She flinches and appears taken aback by my question as if she doesn't know what I'm referring to.

"?Qué estás diciendo?" she bites back in confusion.

"Doni."

There's a look of shock in her eyes and they widen as if I slapped her. "Yeah. Imagine what he felt when he sees the girl from his past risen from the dead. I ran into him while I was working. He told me what you did.

The lie you told his mom." Now I'm the one shaking my head in disappointment. "How could you do that?"

I thought Mom was showing a bit of remorse for a second, but her face contorts to an expression of anger and frustration.

"How dare you question me? Hago lo que es mejor para mis hijos. No tengo que explicarte nada. Yo soy tu madre, y tú harás lo que yo digo." She steps closer to me. "You will NEVER see that boy again."

I completely freeze in place. Panic starts to take the place of my anger. "You can't do that," I say in a whisper, trying not to freak out. It's like being eight years old all over again.

"Yes, I can. You're not a little girl anymore, so stop acting like one." Her tone is obnoxiously condescending. "You think you can go to college in a different state without me knowing? Do you really think I'm going to allow you to go?"

Allowme?

"I'll be eighteen. You can't tell me what I can and cannot do," I bite back.

"You're not eighteen yet. And you still need my signature on those forms. I know you're trying to run away from me, but you're safer here."

"NO! I'M NOT!" I'm practically screaming at her. How can she be this dense? "Did you forget how he beat me last week? And all the other times he put me in the hospital? Do I need to remind you?"

"Stop it." She closes her eyes and takes a step back.

"No, I won't. How about the time he broke my wrist, or the time he punched me so hard my tooth fell out?"

"No. Stop."

"Or how about when he threw the radio at my knee, leaving a scar, or the time he burned me with the iron because I wasn't going fast enough?"

"ENOUGH!" she screams in my face. "It's because of him, isn't it? Donovan? She says his name as if it disgusts her. "As long as you are living under my roof, you will never see him again. He is the reason for your father taking his shit out on me. On YOU!"

"No, it's not his fault, and it's not my fault!" I scream back.

She puts her finger in my chest. "He is not allowed anywhere near you, and you are not allowed to see him—EVER!"

"You can't do that!" I argue.

"Yes, I can. And you know why? Because Yo. Soy. Tu. Madre." She proudly sneers. I'm so frustrated I want to pull my hair out. I have no more energy to deal with this.

"I need him." My voice is quiet as I seek solace from my mother, hoping she will understand my love for this boy.

I feel like I can't breathe, and the walls are caving in.

She scoffs. "You don't know what love is until you know how to wipe your own ass. You are still a little girl."

"I know love is not supposed to hurt. He doesn't tear me down. He keeps me safe. How do you know what love is when your own husband doesn't love you?"

That gets me a slap right in the face. My cheek is on fire as I hold it, trying to rub the sting away.

She slaps the opposite side of my face.

"Don't look at me like that!" She slaps me again, causing me to stumble back toward the couch.

What the hell? Mom has never hit me before.

Tears spring from my eyes. "How are you any different than Dad?" My voice is laced with hurt and disappointment.

She looks at me as if I slapped her.

"You hit to control me. You hit instead of talking to me like a normal fucking parent!" I yell as my voice quivers.

I am so tired of all this pain.

I'm tired of these so-called adults who are supposed to look after me and instead use my body as a fucking punching bag just to get some sort of sick twisted point across.

I can't do this anymore.

I need to get the hell out of here! Screw packing.

Mom holds her hand to her mouth and looks at me in disbelief. Her shoulders slump, and she lowers her arms to her sides, holding her head down. "I'm sorry, mija." She cries and collapses on the couch. "I didn't mean to—" She hiccups in between her cries.

The front door flies open. I jump to my feet, ready to make a run for it if Dad decides to finish what Mom started. My heart sags in relief when I see Josiah at the front door.

"What the fuck happened?" He looks between Mom and me. Anger flashes across his eyes when he notices the red marks on my face.

"Sade, go pack your bags now." His voice is low and dark.

Mom stops crying. She gives Josiah an evil look and then back to me. "No, she's not going anywhere. She's only seventeen! You are not her parent, Josiah!" She's on her feet in seconds and stands between my brother and me.

I don't know what to do.

"Sadie, go NOW," he warns, keeping his eyes on Mom.

I start to walk away, but Mom grabs my arm and yanks me back to her, and I yelp in pain. She begins to raise her hand as if she will hit me again, but Josiah steps in and gently pushes Mom off me. She falls back onto the couch as he hovers over her. He grabs my backpack and hands it to me without looking away from Mom. "Sade, don't make me ask you again."

I run out of the room like a bat out of hell and start packing the essentials. I try to ignore the voices in the living room getting louder and louder as I fill my duffle bag. Before grabbing my hidden stash, I hear glass breaking and objects being thrown against the wall. Mom screams from the top of her lungs, but I don't hear Josiah.

Oh, God.

Dropping my bag to the floor, I run out and find Josiah on the floor holding the side of his face as blood seeps between his fingers.

"Mom! What did you do?" I turn to see Mom heading toward Josiah with a shard of glass clutched in her hand.

Oh my God. What is happening right now?

"Mom!" I tackle her to the ground, the glass dropping from her hands. I remove the piece of glass and throw it over the couch where it's out of reach. I'm straddling her with the urge to beat her for every mark that was ever left on my body. But that's not who I am.

Josiah yells, "Sade, don't!"

Mom doesn't fight back. Instead, she lays on the ground and sobs uncontrollably. I grab a kitchen towel and apply pressure to Josiah's wound. I grab his cell to call 9-1-1, but he stops me with shaky hands. "Don't call the cops." He coughs, gasping for air. "They'll arrest her." He coughs again and

shakes his head. "You don't want that on your conscious. I think she's off her meds."

I glance over at Mom, who is still on the floor crying. So that's why she was freaking out.

It makes so much sense now.

I can't believe I missed it.

Mom hasn't had a major manic episode for a few years because she's been taking her meds. I'm starting to wonder if she stopped taking them when Josiah came back home. For just a little while, she thought Josiah was the solution to her illness.

I look over at Mom lying flat on her back as she continues to sob and cry out for her children, covering her face with her hands. My heart breaks all over again. Why does this have to happen to our family? I know she's suffering too. Even though she may love Josiah more than me, she's still my mom.

Josiah notices my facial expression, and as if he knows what I am thinking, he places two fingers on my chin to face him. Tears cloud his vision as he stares at me. The fearless toughness in his eyes is replaced with sadness. He nods in agreement. He knows I have to stay behind, even though we both know he can't stay. If he does, he will eventually go to prison for life for murdering our parents. I can't allow that to happen.

After giving Mom her meds, she climbs into her bed and falls asleep. According to her med planner, she missed a whole week's worth of medications. Thankfully Josiah's injury is superficial, nothing a Band-Aid and ointment can't fix. Josiah and I clean up the mess in the living room while Mom sleeps.

"I'll check on you every day, ok, Sis?" Josiah stands by the front door, leaning against the wall.

"Ok." I give him a half-smile as I straighten the pillows on the couch.

Josiah walks to the living room and places both hands on the back of the chair. He lets out a big sigh and leans forward with both hands entwined.

"That was Donovan the other night, wasn't it?"

Josiah is a few years older than Donovan, so he never spent much time getting to know him when we were kids. Back then, Josiah tried to stay away from the house as much as possible, but I think he knew Doni and Ash were looking after me. Even so, I still wanted my big brother.

"How did you know who he was?"

Josiah hangs his head low and sighs. "I ran into him two years ago at the pit. As soon as he started talking about how he used to live on the Southside with his fraternal twin, I knew exactly who he was." When he looks back up at me.

The pit? That's an illegal underground fight club. How the hell was Doni involved in that?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I knew it would hurt you."

"Do you know what Mom did?"

"Yeah, I did. After I told her I ran into him. She begged me not to tell you because it would only put you in danger. That was enough for me. It's fucked up, but I understand why she did it. She was trying to protect you both from Dad."

I don't say a word. Just listen to my brother trying to justify what our mother did even though a part of me agrees with him.

Josiah walks over and pulls me into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. "I'm glad he's back in your life. You need more good people in your corner, Sade. Just be straight up with him about all the shit that's going on. It's the only way he can help you. I can't always be there when you need me, so knowing he's willing to step up is a big deal to me. I feel at peace knowing there are other guys out there willing to go to bat for you."

"Ok." I sniffle.

"He's one of the good ones, Sis." He places a kiss on my head and pulls me away from his chest. "You good?" he asks with one arched eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'll be alright. Thanks for coming over."

"Anytime." Josiah walks toward the front door. "You can always change your mind if it becomes too much for you. I'd take you in a heartbeat."

"I know. But Mom can't be alone right now." I glance at her bedroom door, contemplating if I am making the right decision or if it's going to fuck me over later.

"Oh, hey, I got my job back at the club. So, you can stop by anytime. Bring Tia if you want." He gives me a mischievous grin.

"You'd like that too much."

He laughs.

"See ya later, Sis. Love ya." He grins and walks out the door before he can hear me say I love you too.