11. Sadie

I"ve felt a sense of emptiness since Donnie left for Tennessee. It"s hard to describe the feeling of missing someone so much that it aches. Even though we have been able to keep in touch daily, it"s different from having him here with me in person. I miss touching him, holding his hand, and feeling his presence beside me. Our nightly Skype calls have become the highlight of my day, and I look forward to seeing his face and hearing his voice.

AN HOUR AGO

I sat down on my bed and opened my laptop. I dialed Donnie"s number on Skype and waited anxiously for him to pick up. After a few moments, his handsome face appeared on the screen. From the wet hair and towel wrapped over his shoulders, it seemed he had just finished showering.

"Hey, gorgeous," Donnie said with a grin. "How"s my favorite girl in the world doing today?"

"Hey," I said, my voice soft and warm. "I"m doing great now that I can see you. How"s college life treating you?"

"It"s been busy as usual," Donnie replied, leaning back in his chair. "But seeing you makes it all worth it. I wish you were here with me, though."

I nodded. "I wish I could be there with you, too…I can"t wait to see you in person."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

"I"m so proud of you, babe." I smiled as Donnie"s eyes lit up. "Congratulations on your win. It was a great game yesterday."

"Thank you," Donnie responded, beaming. "It felt great to play like that."

"I could tell even from watching it online, and you were killing it out there. You"re amazing," I told him.

Donnie"s expression turned wistful. "I wish you could have been there to cheer me on. It"s just not the same without you in the stands."

"I feel the same way," I said sympathetically. "But even though we"re apart, I always cheer for you from a distance."

Donnie reached out and touched the screen as if trying to bridge the distance between us. "I know you are." Donnie grinned at me. "You"re my home run, baby."

A sudden knock on his bedroom door interrupted our conversation. "Yo, D! You coming out, or what?"

Donnie seemed annoyed and responded, "Not tonight." He then turned to me with a flirtatious wink and said, "I"m talking to my girl," he says, causing me to blush with pleasure.

I shifted my position, tucking my legs underneath me, when Donnie"s voice pulled my attention back to him. "I want to see you," he said, his voice soft and full of yearning.

I looked up, my eyes meeting his, and I saw that he was gazing at me with an intense expression that was full of lust. I chuckled at his words. "What do you mean?" I asked.

Donnie leaned closer to the screen, and his bright blue eyes scanned my body. "I want to see you," he repeated. A flush of warmth spread through me as I realized what he meant. He wanted to see all of me, not just my face. I took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable and excited by his request. With a smile, I nodded. "Okay." I adjusted my laptop so Donnie could see my growing belly.

"Take it off," he demanded gently.

I lifted my shirt over my belly.

"Wow," he breathed. "You look beautiful, and he"s getting big," he said, a small smile playing over his lips.

"What do you mean "he"?" I teased. "How do you know it"s not a girl?"

"I just have a feeling," he replied with a soft laugh that made my panties melt.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

Donnie doesn"t know I won a full scholarship to an art college in the same city as his school. When I broke the news to Tia, she didn"t speak to me for days. I thought she was pissed at me, but she surprised me by enrolling in a nursing program in Tennessee and even going ahead and looking for a two-bedroom apartment we could share with Sophia. "There"s no way in hell you"re leaving without me. You"re my ride or die, bish," she had said. My girl Tia is fierce in every sense of the word. Her loyalty knows no bounds, and I know she will always be there for me.

Amidst all the excitement and uncertainty, I am fortunate enough to have the support of my kings: Seb, Max, and Gio. We have promised to keep in touch. They even plan to come to Tennessee when the baby is born, and I promised to be sitting in the audience, filled with excitement and pride, when my boys walk across the stage and officially become police officers.

On the other hand, Telle, Tiny, and Lupe are heartbroken by the news. The thought of living in different cities and leading separate lives made us all feel nostalgic and sad. But Tia wore them down with her nagging persistence and threatened to give them a swift kick in the ass if they continued to act like brats. After three days of Tia"s threats, they caved. The day after, we spent the day at the zoo, grabbed pizza at our favorite joint, and ended the day with a sleepover at Lupe"s. It was the perfect day with my girls. I felt like a child again as we laughed and reminisced about the past. We created new memories together, and I captured every detail with my camera. It was a day I will never forget.

After my conversation with Jo and Javi, I finally decided to think of me for once. Despite our sadness, we all know we are destined for great things. Each of us has something unique and special to offer to the world, and we firmly believe that no matter where life takes us, we will always remain in each other"s hearts.

As I prepare to have this difficult conversation with my mother and Abuela, I feel a sense of anxiety spread over my skin, like a bad rash. It won"t be easy, which is why I didn"t tell them right away when I learned I was accepted, but it"s necessary and it can't be put off any longer. I take a deep breath when my heart begins to race. Once I am calm, I pick up Sophia from her crib and make my way to the living room. As I sit down with my mother and Abuela, Sophia looks up at me with her big, bright eyes and babbles softly. It"s as if she knows what"s happening and is offering me her support. I smile down at her and kiss her forehead, grateful for her presence in this difficult moment.

"Sadie, what"s going on?" Mom sips her coffee, casting a curious glance in my direction.

My heart racing, I begin in Spanish. "I need to tell you something important."

Both Mom and Abuela turn to me, their eyes filled with concern. "What"s wrong, mija?" Abuela asks, her voice gentle and soothing.

Here goes nothing.

"I entered a photography contest to win a full college scholarship," I blurt. I take another deep breath, and Sophia touches my face as if to reassure me to keep going. Encouraged, I take a deep breath and continue. "I got accepted to a photography school in Tennessee."

Mom and Abuela gasp in unison, their faces reflecting mixed emotions. "Tennessee? But that"s so far away," Mom whispers, her voice laced with worry.

Be gentle, I remind myself.

"I know, but it"s such an amazing opportunity, Mom. I"ve always dreamed of studying photography, and this school is one of the best," I try to explain in Spanish.

Abuela"s eyes sparkle with pride, but there is also a hint of sadness in her voice when she speaks. "We"re all proud of you, mija. But it"s just that it"s unexpected."

"I know, Abuela. I didn"t expect to get in, but I can"t pass up this chance," I reply, feeling a pang of guilt at the thought of leaving them behind.

Despite her attempts to sound calm, Mom"s voice shakes slightly as she speaks up. "What about Sophia and Jo? They need you here." I sense her unspoken concern for me, making my heart ache a little.

What she really means is, what about me?

"Sophia is coming with me, and I"ll still be there for Jo, Mom. I"ll come back to visit as often as possible, and we can video call all the time," I say, trying to calm her down. "And guess what? Tia is coming with me too, so I won"t be alone. She found us an amazing apartment."

My mother"s eyes widen as she processes my response. "Paloma was okay with Tia leaving?" she asks, her tone incredulous.

I nod. "Yes, she was," I confirm.

Tears brim in Abuela's eyes as she speaks. "We understand, mija. It must have been a difficult choice to make. You have to do what"s best for you," she says, her words heavy with the weight of sadness. "We just want you to be happy and fulfilled, no matter what path you choose."

I feel a surge of gratitude for their understanding, but I also know the weight of their sorrow. "I"ll miss you both, but please, try to be happy for me. I promise I"ll make you proud," I say, my voice breaking.

Mom looks up at me with tears in her eyes and a sad smile on her face. Without a word, she gets up and makes her way over to me, embracing me in a tight hug. I feel her warm tears on my shoulder as she whispers in my ear, "I am so proud of you. I"ll miss you every day, but I know this is what you need."

As I pull away from her, I see my abuela on my other side, holding Sophia in her arms. She looks up at me, her own tears streaming down her face, and rests her hand on my belly. "Promise me you"ll take care of yourself, Sophia, and your baby," she says, "And never forget that we love you."

I nod, tears streaming down my face as I hug her tightly. "I promise," I say softly. "Thank you for everything and for taking care of Sophia when I couldn"t. I"ll never forget the love you"ve given me."

As we hold each other close, I know this moment has marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life but also for them. I am leaving behind the comfort of familiarity with home and stepping into a future filled with promise and potential. I will be able to give my children the life they deserve. A home without fear, hate, and violence. I understand that their love will always be my anchor, no matter how far away I am.