14-Sadie

The doctor said I was out for two days. I remember hearing Donnie's voice as he whispered and sang in my ears. When I woke up, he was lying beside me, our legs tangled in a web and his head buried in my neck. I cried in relief when he was the first person I saw.

Donnie is alive.

And when he told me the baby was fine, I cried harder.

Three days later, I was released from the hospital. The girls fussed over me, and the guys never left my side. Abuela wanted to tie me to the bed so I would never leave the house, Donnie wanted to move with me, and Mom…well… she doesn't know what happened, and I want to keep it that way. She has enough weight keeping her down, and I didn't want to add any more.

After a month in the hospital, the doctor released Mom since she was improving faster than usual. Mom has physical therapy three times a week and started seeing a psychiatrist twice a month. She seems stronger and more confident in herself. Now that Dad is no longer with us, she can let go of the fear she's been fighting all her life.

When we told her the house had been sold and we had moved in with Abuela, she was surprisingly ok with it. I wasn't sure how she would take the news that I made a swift decision without her. But she reminded me that it's just a building with walls filled with bad memories. The happy memories are stored in our minds and hearts so we can take them everywhere we go.

Mom asked where Jo was buried this morning, so we drive to the cemetery. I help Mom out of the car and place the walker in front of her. Even though Mom can walk, she is still unsteady, especially over long distances. I push the squeaky gate open and walk down the stone path that leads further into the cemetery.

It's a perfect spring day. The flowers have bloomed, and the birds are chirping in the trees. Looking up at the sun, I close my eyes tightly and absorb the warmth on my face.

We're getting closer when we pass the bench underneath the American beech trees. The moment we reach his grave, Mom raises her hand to her mouth and gasps when she sees his name on the headstone.

Josiah Rodriquez

A Brother became my Protector and is now an Angel.

Gone but never forgotten.

Seb picked out the stone for me. It's black marble with specks of diamond molded into the stone, giving it a glossy shine. The grass is freshly cut, and the flowers that Tia planted are still blooming. I called earlier and asked the caretaker to leave a chair by his grave, so Mom would have somewhere to sit. She collapses on the chair now, lowers her head into her hands, and cries. I walk a few feet away to give Mom privacy. She struggles to say a prayer through her tears. I close my eyes to hold back the ache in my chest.

"I want to go, mija," she utters under her breath.

"Ok," I respond.

I set a single red rose on the stone and stroke the edge with my fingertips.

"Hey, Jo. I have news. I'm pregnant, and Donnie's the father. I bet if you were still here, you'd kick my ass and give me the silent treatment." I laugh.

"You may have been disappointed, but eventually, you would've forgiven me." My eyes are wet with tears. "I miss you so much, Jo."

Mom's arms wrap around me like chains, her whispered words comforting me.

"I wish I could hear his voice again." My voice cracks.

As we return to the car, the wind blows through my hair and whispers amongst the trees.

A smile forms on my face.

I love you too, Jo.