4-Sadie

Ileave Donnie's room with my legs feeling like jelly. The moment we shared our first kiss on the roof, I felt it. It was right and true. It felt like home because Donnie is my home. But this kiss felt different than the other times. The way he looked deeply into my eyes, I felt the passion and desperation in his heart, and it sent chills through my body.

"Sadie?" I glance up to see Dr. Morales walking toward me with a clipboard held against his chest.

"Hi," I reply, meeting him halfway.

"I wanted to talk to you about your mom."

"Is she ok?"

"Yes, in fact, she's improving." Dr. Morales gestures to the waiting room. I follow and pull up a chair once we reach the room.

"I understand you were able to see your mom." He says it as a statement and not a question.

"Yes, that's right."

"That's what I was afraid of. I wanted to talk to you before you had a chance to see her." He leans back in the chair across from me, resting one leg over a knee.

"Your mother has been awake for the past three days," he starts.

"What?"

Did I hear him right? She's been awake for days, and I am just finding out about it?

"Yes. We monitored her motor skills when she first started showing signs of movement. Surprisingly, she responded better than we expected."

"Why didn't you call me when she first woke up?"

Dr. Morales shifts in his seat. "She was disoriented and extremely agitated."

You think? She's been in a freaking coma!

"It's common for coma patients to wake up confused. For the past few days, we conducted physiotherapy and psychological assessments to determine the care she will need during her hospital stay and for her aftercare once she leaves."

I see the doctor's lips moving, but his voice fades away because all I'm thinking about is the aftercare and how I will be able to work, be a mother, finish high school, and look after my mom at the same time. And how the hell am I going to pay for all the medical bills on a waitress's salary? And not to mention the bills that will come with what the new baby will need.

I think I'm going to be sick.

"Sadie, are you feeling ok?" Dr. Morales leans over the table with a concerned look.

No, no, I'm not fucking ok.

Jesus. When did it get so hot in here?

Why? Why does this shit happen to us?

I mean, seriously!

Why does it feel like I'm suffocating?

"Just breathe, Sadie," Dr. Morales encourages.

"That's it. Breathe in slowly through your nose. Then breathe out slowly through your mouth."

I follow the doctor's directions.

"Just focus on your breathing," he continues. "Is there anyone I can call for you?"

I shake my head in response. "I'm fine," I say as I exhale a breath.

The doctor reaches for his vibrating pager. He unclips it from his pants and looks down and back at me.

"I'm needed in surgery. Are you going to be ok?"

I nod.

"I don't want you to worry about your mom's treatment plan. We'll talk more about it when it gets closer to her discharge date." He rises from the chair and places a hand on my shoulder.

"I will help you as much as I can and provide resources to help you and your mom get through this." He gives me an encouraging smile and walks out the door.

God, I hope he's right.

After the doctor leaves the room, a text message dings on my phone. Pulling my phone out of my hoodie pocket, I see several messages from Tia.

TIA: WTF, girl! I've been calling and texting you, but you're not answering me. CALL ME!!!

TIA: Why are there cops outside your Abuela's house??? The cops won't even let me check on them. What the hell is going on?

TIA: Girl, if you don't answer your phone, I'm going to kick your ass!

I dial Tia's number.

"What the fuck, girl!" Tia shouts. I pull the phone away from my ear.

"Hey," I respond.

"Hey? Hey? That's what you're going with?"

"I'm sorry. A lot is going on right now, Tia," I snap. A family of four enters the room and sits near the television by the window.

"Is that Reina? Put her on speaker phone!" Seb yells in the background.

I sigh.

"Reina!" Seb bellows.

"Would you stop yelling! I can hear you. I'm not deaf," I shout back.

"Sorry." There's a slight pause. "Are you ok?" Seb's voice softens.

"Yeah, I'm ok." I rub my temples, feeling a migraine forming. I notice the family glaring at me, so I leave the room and stand out in the hallway. I go into the details of the shooting, the revelation that I have a half-brother, and my mom being awake.

"I don't even know what to say," Tia says quietly.

"Is Sophia ok? How's Abuela holding up?"

I haven't been able to have a detailed conversation with Abuela since all this went down. Javi assured me that cops surrounded her home as soon as the shooting occurred. I've been trying to keep my shit together while I'm unable to be with her and hold my baby girl in my arms. Abuela was crying, wanting to see Mom, but the doctors felt that too many visitors at once would be too much for her to handle.

"Yeah, Reina. Sophia is doing good, and Abuela is doing her best with everything happening," Seb explains.

I lean back and close my eyes, taking everything in.

"Sadie?" I turn to see Abbey in the doorway.

"I gotta go. I'll call you later," I say to my friends.

"You promise?" Tia asks.

"Yeah, I promise."

"We love you," Seb and Tia say simultaneously.

"Love you too," I say before hanging up.

"You've got great friends," Abbey says.

I nod. I don't know what I would do without them.

"Is Mom ok?" I glance at Abbey while putting my phone away.

"Yeah, she's been asking for you. Are you up to seeing her?"

No, I'm not, because she'll want to talk about Jo. His death is still fresh, and my wounds are still healing.

"Javi mentioned to me earlier that he doesn't think you've eaten anything." Abbey says.

When was the last time I ate? I can't remember.

"You have to eat something, Sadie. You're pregnant." Abbey sighs. "Come on, let's go to the cafeteria, and then you can see your mom."

I reluctantly follow her to the cafeteria.

One burger and a side of fries later, I walk into Mom's room. Mom's lying on her back with her head raised.. The TV is set on a low volume, and tissues are scattered all over her bed.

She's been crying.

I close the door behind me and pull up a chair beside her. The movement causes her to stir. Her eyes find me, and her lips tremble.

"It's going to be ok, Mom," I reassure her, even though a part of me wonders if she will ever get past her husband being killed by her son, who later died while she was asleep for months.

I crawl into bed with her as she rests her head on my shoulder. Her body wracks with sobs as I hold her like she held me and Jo as children. I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand, but new tears tumble down before I can swipe the old ones away.

After a while, Mom's sobs turn into quiet whimpers.

"Tell me what happened to my boy," Mom says in a heartbreaking whisper.

What can I say when I don't know what happened to him? I now know he was murdered, but Javi and Carter didn't get a chance to fill me in on the details. And honestly, I don't want to know.

"I was just told that he took his own life."

Which isn't a lie since that was what I was initially told.

"I'm so sorry, mija, for not being there for you," Mom chokes out.

"Shh, it's ok, Mom. We could never have predicted this."

Mom doesn't ask any more questions but just continues to cry. Together, we share our grief and comfort one another. Eventually, we both cry ourselves to sleep, our dreams filled with memories of Jo.