The day of

Tick, tick, tick.

That fucking sound makes me want to rip the goddamn clock off the wall. My hands that are securely cuffed to the table have gone numb. I don't know how long I've been sitting at the police station.

The demons were taking over my body. The voices in my head have gotten louder and desperate—desperate to take away what light I had left in me. I don't recognize myself anymore.

I rock back and forth, locked up in a box with four walls and one door that could lead me to my death, or toward my freedom.

"Shut up," I mutter, banging my fist on the table to shut the voices out.

I want them to leave me alone. Why won't they fuck off? They took my first love from me and my mother. What more do they want?

And what about Sadie?

Fuck. I could've killed my sister.

I'll never forget the look on her face. She's suffered so much, and now I added to that pain. I was supposed to be the hero in her story, not the villain.

The door clicked open, and I looked up to see Carter. He brought me a bottle of water, a sandwich, and chips.

He sits on the chair across from me.

"Jo, you should eat something." He puts the food on the table in front of me.

You don't deserve it.

You keep fucking up.

Do you think your sister is ever going to forgive you?

You're a waste of space.

Kill yourself already.

"Jo? Did you hear me?" Carter's calm voice breaks the thoughts momentarily.

I nod and reach for the food. After inhaling the sandwich and chips, I down the water bottle without taking a breath between each gulp.

"Your sister is not pressing charges, but you need help, Jo. You have been off your meds for a while now."

He's lying.

They're all lying.

No one gives a shit about you.

I shake my head violently, unable to form the words to explain to him what the voices are making me do.

No one's going to believe you.

"There's a rehab center thirty miles outside the city. You can get clean and get the help you need to help deal with everything that has happened. I want to help you, Jo. Please, let me help you," Carter pleads.

Carter wasn't assigned to my case, but that didn't stop him from checking in after I was released.

"What happens if I don't go?" I finally find my voice, although it doesn't sound like me.

"I can lock you up and make sure you have a bed to sleep in, food in your stomach, and that you get back on your medication. Or, you can go back on the street, but I'm not letting that happen."

I slowly nod.

"What will it be, Jo?" Carter asks.

Rehab. Jail. Rehab. Jail. Death.

"I'll go," I rasp.

"Ok, good. That's real good, Jo."

A few minutes later, Carter uncuffs me and walks me toward the front door. He stops by the front desk and retrieves the manila envelope holding my cell phone from the police officer behind the desk.

"Yo, Carter!" another cop calls out. "The boss wants to see you."

Carter gives him a nod. He waves his hand in the air when he notices another officer walking in our direction.

"Hey Monroe, can you stay with Jo while I talk to the boss?" "Sure, thing, man," Monroe responds.

Carter turns to me. "I'll be back, Jo," he says before walking away.

I sit on the cushioned chair by the front desk and power up my phone. I have several messages from Hector, Donnie, Tia, and Sade. I don't get a chance to read them when loud voices ring out through the station. I turn to my right and see a group of bikers ready to tear this place apart along with everyone in the building. Monroe leaves me alone to help the other officers control the crowd. He didn't even think twice or give me a second glance.

I have to get the fuck out of here. There's too much noise and too many people. I'm going to lose my shit if I can't get away from the chaos. I find an opening and sneak around the crowd, going unnoticed, and walk out the police station's front doors.

I walk as far as my feet can carry me until I end up at the park Sade and I used to go to. I showed her how to play horse for the first time at this park.

My phone vibrates in my hand. I look down to see a new voicemail from Sade.

I press play.

"Hey, Jo. It's me, Sade. Um, I miss you, and I'm really scared. I need you to come home. I'm not mad at you, okay? I want you to come home."She sobs throughout her message. I'm about to hang up assuming her message ended until she speaks again. Her next words nearly kill me.

"You matter, Jo. The world needs more men like you. A protector. A hero. A good man. Please, please let me help you. I can't lose you, Jo. I can't. I won't survive it." She sniffles.

There's a silent pause before she speaks again. "Just come home."

"I love you, Jo. I love you so much. I'm so happy you are my brother."She cries, and my heart splits open all over again.

Make your choice, Jo.

Heads or tails?

Life or death?