The Run-In

Summer

"I was in the club for over an hour. Not once did I get the itch or the urge. I just vibed and enjoyed the atmosphere. I hadn't been able to do that in years. I even got offered a hit and I turned it down."

Today was my monthly meeting with Shay. Instead of our usual restaurant, she and I were meeting at a park.

I haven't talked to my mother since that blow up a month ago. She's been calling lately but I don't have anything to say to her. Since she was my usual babysitter for these meetings, I had to bring Gabe with me. At the moment, he's going up and down the slide with his Iron Man toy.

"That is incredible, Summer. I'm so proud of you," Shay says. We're sitting at a picnic table not far from the play area.

A warmth spreads throughout my body. Shay has been a big part of my recovery, and I couldn't wait to share this moment with her.

"Thank you. I still have no plans to hang out at a club every night, but it felt good to face that monster."

She chuckles. "It should feel good. You faced a huge trigger and came out unscathed. That should always be celebrated. When I saw my son's father for the first time after rehab, I broke out in a sweat. I ran from that man like he was a rabid dog."

We both laugh at her analogy. Shay's son's father is the person that got her hooked-on drugs.

"Lately, I've just been feeling…" I search for the right words to explain my mood lately.

"Happy?" She questions with the quirk of her brow.

I shrug my shoulders, a smile firmly planted on my face.

"Peaceful," I finally say finding the best description for this feeling.

My son has always brought me joy; a type of sereneness that can't be duplicated. My sobriety brings me happiness and a sense of pride. But Gabriel brings me a peace I didn't know I was missing. His presence around me comforts me and makes me feel protected.

It's been eight days since he came home that night and helped me take out my braids. When he walked into the living room, I could tell something was bothering him. Gabriel doesn't show emotions like most people. There was no look on his face or hidden in his eyes that gave away his thoughts. It was simply the feeling I got when he walked in that let me know. It's the way my heart nearly stopped beating or the hairs on my arms stood up that told me something was wrong.

I feared the worst that night. My soul told me he was leaving. It was something about the way he stood there silently that caused my stomach to drop. However, he didn't leave. He stayed. I still won't get my hopes up though. Even though there is no physical clock ticking down over my head, the one in my heart is telling me my time with him is running out.

"What's going through your head right now?" Shay asks, regaining my attention. "Your entire mood just changed like the flip of a light switch."

Pushing my brand-new goddess knotless braids behind my ear, I say, "Gabe's father is back."

Shay's eyes widen. This is the first time I think I've ever said anything that shocked her. She usually has the I've seen and heard it all attitude.

She sits up straighter in her seat placing her arms on top of the table. "Oh. When did he come back?"

"Six weeks ago."

She nods. "That explains your glow and giddiness."

I roll my eyes and laugh.

"But what does that have to do with your sudden mood change?"

Sighing, I glance over at Gabe. He's moved on to the climbing wall now.

"He isn't staying."

"Why not?" Her brows furrow.

"Because he cares about us." My eyes begin to water. I blink a few times to fight the tears from falling but I lose the battle.

"You're going to have to explain this one to me." She goes into her purse and brings out a small pack of Kleenex. She pulls a few out and hand them to me.

I wipe my eyes, and then ball the tissue in my hands. "Gabriel has issues," I try to explain without going into details.

"Drug issues?" she questions.

I shake my head vehemently. "No. Mental stuff. I guess that's not hard to believe after knowing me." I chuckle but Shay doesn't join me. I take another deep breath before continuing.

"His childhood wasn't good. His mother was a very cruel woman that constantly told her son that he was evil. After hearing something like that for so long you start to believe it."

I sniff and then use the tissue to wipe my nose. "Gabriel truly believes that he's too damaged and he doesn't deserve to be loved. He fears that he will one day do something to hurt us. And because of that, no matter how much he may want to stay, he won't. Because if his mother is right and he does something that causes pain to either me or Gabe, he won't recover."

The hardest part about knowing this, is understanding that it all stems from him caring about us. He would sacrifice himself for us. I have no doubt Gabriel would lay down his life for me and his son. Which is also how I know that he would rip out his own heart to keep us protected. The sad thing is, I can't guarantee his concerns aren't valid.

"So you'll let him walk away?"

I look up at her, before cutting my eyes over to my son.

"What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?"

"No, not beg, but you could ask," she says it as if it's simple. "Look, I'm not a therapist, but from one person with childhood trauma to another, you and I both know that sometimes the best way to fight the demons our parents put on us, is to face them." She sits up straighter. "Do you believe that Gabriel would hurt you or your son? I want you to be honest."

I think it over. I even think back to the night he came home and his mother was in his head. As scary as that moment was, I don't think that he would've done it. I know that bitch fucked him up. I won't pretend that he isn't dangerous. I've seen what he can do and how easily he does it.

However, I know that Gabriel has control of his actions. And in the end, he would never allow himself to lose control.

"No," I say truthfully.

"If his mother spent years telling him he's dangerous, then he needs someone he loves and trusts to tell him he's not. And maybe the way you tell him that, is by asking him to stay and showing him that you trust him."

Two hours later, Shay's words were still floating in my head. I understand what she said. Gabriel just needs to know that I trust him, and I have faith in him. But there is a part of me that's afraid to ask. What if I ask him to stay and he still says no. I don't think I can take that kind of rejection.

"Well, hello, stranger." The deep voice has me looking up from my seat at the table.

"Hi, Andrew."

After leaving Shay, I had to drop off some jewelry at one of the boutiques that happens to be two stores down from Books and More. And whenever we are near Books and More, we have to come by, even if Malia is on a leave of absence. I glance over to the fireplace to find Gabe engrossed in the new book I just bought him.

Andrew pulls out the chair across from me and sits down as if I invited him. "My last few phone calls have gone to voicemail. Is everything okay?"

I honestly have been meaning to have a conversation with Andrew. However, it seems every time he's called Gabriel was standing right beside me and it didn't seem like a good time to answer.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that." I straighten in my seat. "You're a great guy. I mean, I had a lot of fun with you, but right now is not a really good time for me to date. With Gabe and the business…"

Andrew cuts me off with a dry chuckle that doesn't sound friendly at all.

"Let me guess," he says leaning back in his seat. "You're getting back with your deadbeat baby daddy."

To say his words shocked me is an understatement. Never has anyone ever accused Gabriel of being deadbeat. Absentee, sure. But not deadbeat.

"Excuse me?" I ask rolling my neck.

He gives one of those fake ass laughs again. "You know what kills me about girls like you. You swear you want the good guy. The guy with his shit together. But the moment one of us shows you any attention, you run right back to the abusive asshole bad boy."

"Wow," I say astonished by his arrogance. I'm definitely seeing a new side of Andrew today. "You know nothing about me or my child's father. And fun fact, calling yourself a ‘good guy' usually means you're not."

"Says the ex-junkie."

His words sting a little, but nothing more than I've heard before. My sister and mother have said much worse.

"This conversation is over." I stand from my seat and grab my purse. Andrew leaps up also blocking my way. I try to go around him, but he grabs my arm.

"Let me go," I grit out as I snatch away from him.

"I had no real intentions of going back out with you after that first date. I don't lower my standards to date single mother drug addicts. But while I was in that bathroom, I thought about it. The least I could get out of this farce is an easy fuck. Because let's be honest, what else are you good for? I know you didn't think I was really interested in you."

Part of me is screaming in my head that he's only saying those words to hurt me. He's lashing out because I didn't choose him. But I can't lie as if they don't hurt like hell.

"Fuck you, Andrew."

I walk past him, heading for my son before he can see the glimmer in my eyes from the tears I'm holding back.

"He's going to leave too, Summer." His words stop me in my tracks even though I don't turn to face him. "As soon as baby daddy gets done using your body, he's going to leave you too. No one keeps trash."

I walk away from Andrew. No matter how much I tell myself to ignore his hurtful words, my heart is not trying to hear it. Old thoughts run through my head. The desire to escape, to run away to that dull place where emotions can't reach me, is so loud I can almost taste the relief on my tongue. After five long years, my demons have made a reappearance.

Beast

Sliding the back patio door open, my heart races with excitement to see her. I now know what the feeling is. As soon as I step into the house, I know something is wrong.

The living room is dark, and the television is off. Glancing at my watch, I notice it's only a little after ten. No way Summer is in bed.

I drop my black duffle by the door and lock up before heading upstairs. I first check on Gabe. He's fast asleep in his bed. I close his door back and head to Summer's work room. The lights are off and she's not there.

A strange feeling takes over me. It causes me to stop in my tracks. I shut my eyes and place a hand over my racing heart. Something is wrong. Opening my eyes, I rush to Summer's room.

Her door is closed, but I quickly push it open. My gaze goes to the bed. It's still made up from this morning. The bathroom light is on, and the door is open. However, the silence coming from the bathroom has my feet feeling like lead.

Summer is not a quiet person. Even when she's working there's always music playing or her humming. This silence feels eerie.

Slowly, I head to the open door. My head throbs in fear. As soon as I walked in, I notice a few things. Her clothes are tossed on the floor. An empty bottle of alcohol is lying near the toilet, and an empty glass is sitting by the tub. Lying in the claw foot tub with her long braids hanging off the back and her arms over the side, is Summer.

I walk over to the bottle first, picking it up.

"It's non-alcoholic," she says just as I read the sparkling grape juice label.

She snorts drawing my attention. "I know, lame right. I needed a hit so bad I had to use the imitation."

She starts to laugh, but it quickly turns into deep sobs. Placing the bottle down, I grab her large white fluffy towel and walk over to her.

"Get out the tub," I demand.

"He's right you know. I'm trash. No matter what I do I will always be the fucked-up drug addict with PTSD. You really should have picked a better woman to have a baby with."

Kneeling beside the tub, I place the towel over my shoulder. Grabbing her face between my hands I use my thumbs to wipe the tears that are rapidly falling down her face.

"What happened?"

She shakes her head, trying to turn away from me. I force her to keep her eyes on me.

"No, I don't want to talk," she shouts, shooting up from the tub. Water runs down her naked body. She grabs the towel off my shoulder. I come to my feet.

She climbs out of the tub in a rush, nearly falling face first. I wrap my arms around her to catch her. After steading herself she pulls away from me and wraps herself up in the towel.

"Talk to me, Summer," I plead.

She shakes her head. "Why, it won't change anything."

It's clear something triggered her. I try to think back on her schedule for today. She was supposed to go see her sponsor at the park and then drop off some jewelry at the boutiques. What could have happened that upset her.

"Tell me what happened."

She tosses one hand into the air. "I got hit with the truth today. Just a reminder of something I already know."

My brows pinch, I'm still not understanding. What truth? What does she already know.

"What do you know?"

She kisses her teeth. "I ran into Andrew at the bookstore Gabe and I visit. He let me know that no matter what I do I'll never be more than my past. He reminded me of how unworthy I am and I'm never going to be on anyone's list."

"Fuck that list," I growl through clenched teeth.

My anger at her tears and her pain has me seeing red. I shut my eyes to drown out the voices.

"Let me out to play, Gabriel," the deep sinister voice comes out of its cage.

I was expecting mother or Priest. I wasn't prepared for this one. "Get back. Get back," I fight against myself to push the voice away.

"Easy for you to say," she replies cutting into my internal battle.

Her voice is just what I need to refocus. The dark voice is put back in its place. I open my eyes to find Summer pacing in front of me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

She scoffs, turning to glare at me. "You don't even want to be here."

"Who said I don't want to be here?"

"You," she shouts. "Every day I can see the exit plan on your face. You've had one foot out the door since you got here."

"That's not true."

"Stop it, Gabriel. Stop telling me what you think I want to hear," she shouts. "Be fucking honest and tell me the truth. Nobody wants me."

"I want you," I roar.

Summer goes silent. I never raise my voice. Mother beat that out of me when I was a kid. but watching her tell me that I didn't want her, that my world doesn't revolve around her, has me losing my grip with my control.

My hands clench and unclench at my side.

"Let me loose. Let me take control,"Mother whispers in my head. "I'll teach that whore a lesson."

I shut my eyes to block her out, glad it was her and not the other voice.

"You talk about being on someone else's list, but you are my list, Summer. There is no one else but you. You are the only thing I thought of for five years. You are the silence in my head, the peace in my damaged mind. I crave your company more than I desire my solitude, and I've thrived my entire life being alone. You say you're unworthy, but to me you are the very thing that keeps me alive."

She stares at me, tears filling her eyes and slowly falling down her face.

"I don't want you to leave," her voice sounds small. It's nothing like her normal tone.

I eat up the space between us, cupping her face in my hands, I stare down into her eyes.

"Then I won't go."

My mind runs rampant with all the ways I could hurt her and Gabe. The vision of George in my hands, the sinister voice in my head, all the things my mother told me would happen. It all plays on a loop in my head warning me this will never work. Yet, I don't take the words back and I have no plans of letting her go.

"Promise me, Gabriel. Promise you won't leave."

I snatch the towel from around her and toss it to the bathroom floor. I lift her up easily. She wraps her legs around my waist before locking her lips to mine in a feverish kiss. I carry her into the bedroom placing her on the bed gently. My heavy body covers hers as I bite into her bottom lip and then suck it into my mouth.

Tears still track down her face. I take my time kissing them away. She takes my hair out of my bun. I've come to realize she likes my hair down when we make love. I ease down her body, giving her breasts attention. I suck the peak of one, then quickly move to the other.

She purrs underneath me like a sated kitten. I nip the flesh of her breast and then suck the sting away.

"Yes, baby," she moans.

I run my tongue from her nipples down to her belly button loving the way her skin tastes against my tongue. When I get to her bare mound, I place soft kisses all over her pelvis.

Gliding my hands up her knees onto her thighs, I push her legs apart. She opens them wide for me. I bury my face into her middle inhaling her intoxicating smell. The vanilla body wash she must have used in the bath compliments her natural scent.

I swipe my tongue up her center, lapping up her essence. She lets out a moan that turns into a cry when I suck her clit into my mouth. I can't get enough of the way she tastes. Pulling her hood back so her nub can stick out further I work my tongue over it. Feasting on her, feeling her body move underneath me, hearing her cries of pleasure and her fingers tug at my hair has my senses overloaded in the best way.

She quickly erupts on my tongue, thrashing against the bed. I continue my attack on her pussy. Dipping my tongue inside her and then back to work her pearl.

"No more, Gabriel. Please," she cries as she tries to scoot my meal away from me.

I yank her hips back down. I remove my mouth but work my way back up her body. I allow my fingers to slowly continue the job my tongue was doing.

She whimpers as I kiss her.

"How could you think, I didn't want you. I told you; you were mine. I meant it. I'm never giving you up Summer."

I continue to slowly make circles around her clit as I use my other hand to free my cock from my pants.

"Don't leave me, Gabriel."

Her words make me pause as I stare down into her brown eyes. I finally realize the damage I did to her by slipping away that night five years ago. I know the reason I did it was valid. Had I woken her up to say bye and she asked me not to go,

I would have tossed all my plans out the window to stay with her. I would have gone on the run, breaking Priest and my brothers' hearts. Plus, it would have left them at the mercy of the Church with no way to break free. Leaving her the way I did was the best option. But it doesn't mean that she didn't hurt.

I place a kiss to her lips before staring into her eyes and making a promise I was willing to die by.

"I will never leave you again." I push into her tight heat.

She gasps as I seat myself inside her.

"I love you," she cries when I grind into her.

"I love you more, Summer," I pant, rocking into her slow and deep. "More than you will ever know."

I don't rush this moment with her. I fuck her slow and deep, feeding her every inch of me before pulling out to the tip. We kiss as we make love, her fingers in my hair. One of my hands is on the bed while the other is wrapped around her neck.

I don't think about my anger while I make love to Summer. I ignore the red haze that is building in my head. I focus all my attention on her.

She slides her hands up my back under my shirt.

"Take this off, I need to feel your skin," she whispers.

Pulling out of her, I climb off the bed and quickly disrobe, leaving my clothing on the floor. When I climb back on the bed, I don't take my spot back. I lie on my back beside her. I lift her up and place her over me.

"Ride me."

She bites her bottom lip but doesn't hesitate to position herself over my shaft. She reaches behind her and lifts my cock up to her opening. Slowly, she lowers herself down.

"Ugh, oohhh," she coos as she settles. She rocks forward slowly with both her hands planted on my chest.

She is so fucking beautiful. I reach up and push her new braids out of her face. She told me they were called goddess braids. She looked every bit like a goddess in them.

She tosses her head back as she rocks forward and back on me. Her wetness smearing all over my pelvis.

"Am I yours, Summer," I ask?

She nods her head, with her eyes closed.

I grip her neck, causing her to open her eyes.

"I asked you a question. Am I yours?"

"Yes."

"Then give me a baby." Her movements halt. Her eyes narrow.

"I know what you've been doing. You're getting those pills from the pharmacy, and you made an appointment with a gynecologist."

She shakes her head. "How do you know that?"

I won't explain how I have access to her phone calendar or how I followed her to the drug store the other day to watch her pick up those plan B pills.

I don't explain any of that to her.

"I didn't get to experience your pregnancy with Gabriel. I know it's my fault. And I know I have a lot of issues that could spread to our child and I'm not talking about autism."

There are a lot of things she still doesn't know about me. Things I should tell her. I never thought I would ever want children, but having Gabe has been the biggest highlight of my life. I want that experience again and I want it with this woman.

"Give me another baby."

She stares down at me, her mouth open and hesitancy dances in her eyes.

She looks to her left. I get the sinking feeling she doesn't want another child with me.

"Okay," she finally says looking back at me. "Let's make another baby."

The euphoric feeling swells my chest, I flip her over to her back, lift her legs over my shoulders and fuck her hard. I want this more than I want my last breath.

"I love you," I whisper down to her as I drive into her. "I fucking love you."

"I love you too," she cries out as she shoots off like a rocket soaking my dick.

I speed up my strokes wanting to reach my end as well. My balls tighten, my eyes roll back and I come undone shooting off inside of her. I don't have the right to pray. Mother says I'm too evil to talk to God, but I close my eyes and ask that this time, gets her pregnant.

I collapse down beside her, immediately pulling her into me. She tosses a leg over mine and places her head on my shoulder.

We lay in silence, trying to catch our breath. My heartrate finally slows.

"You don't happen to have twins in your family, right?" she asks suddenly.

I don't want to admit that I don't know my family. I've never met my mother's family and I don't know who my father is.

"No," I lie for the first time ever to her.

"Good," she says, "because I'm not trying to have two of your giant ass babies at once."

I drag her on top of me as I tickle her sides. Her laughter sounds like heaven to my ears. I pull the covers over us and get us settled in bed.