Too Close

Beast

"Throw it, Hulk. Throw it."

Summer needed to run some packages to the post office and once again left me at home with Gabe. Spending time alone with him is starting to be less terrifying.

I toss the football across the yard. It flies through the air and falls between Gabe's outstretched arms and on the ground at his feet. He bends down and picks it up and runs it into the imaginary endzone.

I'm not a fan of football. I never played it and didn't watch it growing up. Until I met my son, I knew nothing of the sport. But the only thing Gabe seems to like other than Marvel characters, is tossing a football. So, I researched all I could about the sport.

"Good job," I tell him when he rushes back over to me and hands me the football. "Remember, you want to position your body toward the football, and keep your arms together when you go to catch it, okay?"

"Okay," he says nodding.

"Alright, go deep," I tell him.

He runs off, and I once again throw him the ball. This time, it falls right in his arms. The catch seems to shock him. His eyes widen before a huge smile breaks across his face. Gabe is the spitting image of me. Other than his dark skin and curly hair he has my entire face. Only when he smiles, or laughs do you see Summer in him.

He runs back toward me.

"I caught it." He says proudly.

"You did." A warmth spreads throughout my chest. I wonder is this how Priest felt when we accomplished things.

Often times he would stare at us with a grin on his face when we did something correctly or faced something new. Spending so much time with Gabe has me thinking about Priest a lot lately. I miss him and my brothers, but I'm doing all this for them.

"Want to try again?" I ask Gabe, taking my mind off my family.

He nods his head. At that moment, a bee flies between us. Gabe shrinks away from it. When it flies closer to him, he shouts and runs around me.

"Help, Hulk! Help!"

I grab Gabe's shoulder before kneeling in front of him. His eyes are on the circling bee.

"Look at me," I tell him.

He cuts his eyes to me, but constantly glances at the bee.

"Don't be afraid."

"It's going to sting me." He starts to groan louder and louder. Eventually he holds his hand up near his face and flicks his thumb and his pointer finger together.

The action causes a pain in my chest. When I was a kid, I'd pull my hair out when things got overwhelming. Mother would usually mark my skin with her belt whenever I did. Until she started to shave off my hair to keep me from doing it.

"Look at me," I wait until his gaze focuses on me. "The bee might sting you, but not if you calm down. It's more scared of you than you are of it. If you run and panic, it will chase you and may even sting you."

He looks over to the bee and then back to me. His hand lowering back to his side.

"Take a deep breath and still your racing heart." I place my palm to his chest. His little heartbeat is pounding under my hand. "It's okay to be afraid, but there is a strength and a power in facing what makes you scared. When you show fear, you give something else that power."

The bee buzzes around before landing on Gabe's shoulder. His heart rate picks up.

"Keep your eyes on me and breathe through it. Don't show it your fear."

He takes a deep calming breath, keeping his eyes on me. His heart rate slowly lowers. Soon the bee flies away leaving him unscathed.

"See. There was nothing to be afraid of. Sometimes, in order to conquer your fear, you have to face it. My father taught me that."

I repeat the words Priest told me when I was seven years old fighting my unseen demons.

Gabe drops his head and lowers his shoulders. "I don't have a father. That's why I'm such a punk."

I place a finger under his chin and lift his eyes to me. "Don't ever call yourself that."

"That's what Uncle Mitchell and MJ call me because sometimes I cry when I can't figure out my emotions. Uncle Mitchell says if I had a daddy I wouldn't be such a pussy."

I shut my eyes as I tamp down my anger.

"Split their skulls and let their brains spill onto the pavement. You allowed cowards around your son."

"I'm with the crazy bitch on this one,"Priest adds.

Shaking off my thoughts and desire to kill, I open my eyes to find Gabe watching me.

"Showing fear or emotion does not make you a punk. Just like bottling up your emotions and denying your fear doesn't make you a man. Everybody fears something."

"Are you afraid of anything?"

I nod my head. "Yes."

"What?" his little brows pinch.

"I fear myself. I fear that one day, I'll get lost to the things inside my head and no matter what anyone does, I'll never come back from it." I imagine that was pretty deep to lay on a child, but I will never lie to my son.

Gabe smiles and places a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, Hulk. I'll always bring you back. Me and Mama."

My chest seems to expand with each breath I take, and I'm forced to swallow to relieve the sudden dryness of my mouth.

"If anyone can do it, it's you and your mom." I ruffle the curls on top of his head before standing up straight. "Alright. Want to go long again…." My words trail off when the wind blows the smell of stale cigarette smoke through my nostrils. Just as soon as the scent captures my attention, a twig snaps in the trees behind the house.

My hands fist at my side, yet I don't turn in the direction of the sound. If I acknowledge it, whoever it is will either run or attack. I bend back down to get eye to eye with Gabe again.

"Let's play hide and seek," I tell him. His hazel eyes light up with excitement. "Go inside and hide and remember don't come out until I find you or I declare you the winner."

He nods his head and then takes off running.

"One, one thousand," I start counting until he's fully inside the house.

The moment Gabe is out of view I turn to the trees. It takes only a second for the person hiding there to step out. Shade, a deacon from the church, that specializes in guns and is known for his tracking skills comes into the yard.

"You alone?" I ask, even though I already know the answer. The Church isn't known for group projects. Outside me and my brothers, most Deacon's work alone.

"Yeah, I'm alone." Shade says hopping over the fence, his gun aimed at my head.

I don't make any sudden moves because he's a sure shot. There is only one person that can handle a gun better than Shade, and that is my brother Hawk.

"But at any time, all I have to do is hit this button on my phone," he holds up the phone. "And this house is swarmed with Church members. I don't think we want that do we?"

"No," I say, keeping him in my sights.

He moves in closer feeling more confident. "Let's not make this hard then. All they want is for you to come back. If you come with me peacefully, I won't tell them about your little mini me in there." He tilts his head toward the house. He moves in even closer.

I lift my hands up in a posture of surrender. Shade watches me wearily, he's debating if it's really going to be that easy.

The first thing I learned while in the Church is that competition is encouraged amongst the Deacons. They thrive off being better than the next man. Priest never stood for that. He taught us that a diamond will shine no matter where it is. As long as we did our job and did it well, we didn't have to worry about competing.

Shade will never miss the opportunity of being the one to bring me in. He's feeling so cocky about getting the jump on me, he doesn't realize that with our short conversation he's revealed that not only is he alone, but he also has no back up on the way. He also revealed that he knew my secret.

If he had done just the slightest bit of research on me, then he would know, I could never let him walk out of here alive with that last bit of information.

As I thought he would, he stuffs the phone in his pocket before walking over to me. He moves around me pressing the gun into my back.

"Walk," he demands.

"You shouldn't have put that phone away," I say.

"What?"

I don't answer, instead I lean to the side and reach around with my left hand shoving the gun toward the ground. It fires a round. I spin around to face him, bending his wrist with the gun in it toward his pocket. He fires once again and the bullet hits something hard and metal making a crunch sound. First threat taken care of. In no way could I allow him to alert the Church.

Shade reaches behind him, for what I assume is another gun. It would make sense. Without letting go of his right arm, I spin around him, bringing the arm I'm holding to his back. He's still clutching the gun. Taking my free hand, I shove his elbow up, popping the bone out of place, rendering the appendage useless.

Shade howls in pain and drops the gun in his right hand. He swings around aiming the newest weapon at my head. I move to the side a split second too slow and the bullet grazes my ear.

I grab his arm with the new gun, pushing it out in the opposite direction. I slam my head into his nose. Blood squirts out everywhere. I then chop him in the throat. When he bends down, I use the momentum to flip him over onto the ground landing on top of him. As he's falling, I reach for the bowie in my ankle holster. It was a gift from Seth.

He lifts his arm up to aim his gun at me, I slice the bowie into his arm nearly severing the hand from the wrist. He screams, kicking me off him. I flip over his head, popping up quickly and coming to my feet.

Shade rolls over on to his knees as he cradles his bleeding appendage to his chest.

I toss my knife into my other hand and smile. Shade growls, springs to his feet, and then rushes toward me. I spin out of his way causing him to run past me, I grab him by the back of the neck, yank him back, and then shove the blade of my bowie into his back again and again. Even when his limp body falls to the ground, I don't stop stabbing him.

He thought he would threaten my son and walk free. I raise the blade over my head and bring it down over and over.

"He got too close. What if it would've been a disciple? They would've killed the boy and then taken you. You're a failure."Mother's insults are loud in my ears.

I stab down so hard; my blade goes through his skull and sticks into the ground beneath him.

"Useless cum stain,"she continues. "You are worthless."

"They got too close. I failed." Looking down at the body beneath me is a reminder of how much I've messed up. I clutch my bloody hands to my head.

"Failure." Mother taunts over and over.

"They got too close. They got too close," I repeat as I tug at the strands of my hair nearly yanking them out of my scalp.

"What in the hell?"

I shoot to my feet at the sound of Summer's voice. Turning to face her, I find her staring wide-eyed at the body on the ground.

"Useless failure,"Mother reiterates.

However, I don't think about how bad I messed up, my first thought is Summer. Blood and dead bodies are triggering for her.

I put a cap on my shit as I take a step in front of her blocking her view of the body.

She looks me over. When I glance down, I realize I'm covered in blood.

"It isn't mine," I quickly explain.

She shuts her eyes, her hand covering her chest.

"Where's Gabe?" She opens her eyes and looks back at me.

"The whore knows you're a failure. She can't even trust that you kept your son safe."Mother snarls in my head.

"Hiding," I say, clenching my hands tightly at my side.

She lets out a breath, dropping her shoulders in relief.

"Okay, well, what happened?" she asks hesitantly.

"They came here."

She looks around me once again, her attention landing on Shade.

"Don't," I warn taking a step to the right to further block her view.

"She wouldn't have to worry about being triggered if you were doing your job. Instead, you let the flesh lead you. Lying in her bed last night. Allowing your little cock to get hard. You are a failure."

I flinch at mother's words.

"Are you okay?"

It doesn't surprise me that Summer caught my reaction.

"I'm fine."

She bobs her head as if she's agreeing with me. "Is he dead?"

"Yes," I tell her.

"Is that it, are we safe now?" I don't miss the tinge of sadness in her tone.

"This guy worked for the Church. He was here to bring me in. He knew nothing of you or Gabe."

I look away from her. The guilt of how close the Church came to finding out about them has me avoiding eye contact. They got too close. The thought once again eats away at me.

"Okay, well we need to get you cleaned up. Your ear is bleeding." She reaches for me, but I take a step back avoiding her touch.

"Failure."

Her hand falls back by her side. "What's wrong?"

I ignore her question. "Keep Gabe inside. I'm going to call a clean-up crew to take care of this body."

"Gabriel, talk to me. What's wrong? Why are you…"

"I have to go," I say cutting her off as I turn to leave.

I don't get far before she steps in front of me. She stares into my face, her brows pinched as she studies me. I'm pretty sure she's looking for the red haze. She thinks that's why I need to leave. No, the haze hasn't hit me yet. I feel it around the edges of my mind ready to take over. However, guilt has its grip on me at the moment.

"You're running," she finally says. "You can't leave us."

"A trained member of the Church just showed up at your house. They got too close because I was busy trying to pretend to be a father."

"Pretend?" she repeats, her head moving back as if I struck her. "Your nut fertilized my egg. There is no damn pretending about it."

"You know what I mean."

"No, please enlighten me?" She folds her arms over her chest. I don't need my emotional rolodex to know that she's angry.

"You want me to be something that I'm not. You still think I'm some hero that saved you that night, but I'm not." Her arms fall to her side. She looks away, but I continue.

"Look at me." I hold my arms out at my side. "Look at what I'm capable of. This is who I am."

"It's not," she argues. "It's just who they made you. You're so much more."

I shake my head. "The Church didn't make me a killer, Summer, they trained me to be a better one."

Her brow pinches in confusion. She's still not understanding me.

"I'm not my brothers. I'm not normal and I never will be. There is something inside me that has to be fed. I'm not the hero in your story."

"I didn't ask you to be a hero," her voice catches as her eyes brim with tears.

Part of me is begging to stop. It pleads with me not to hurt her. Yet, I know I have to do this.

"Yes you do. When you ask me to lay with you at night. When you want me to watch TV with you. When you ask me to watch Gabe while you run to the post office. You want me to be something that I'm not. I have a mission, and I can't allow you and him to be a distraction."

I've never said anything that I didn't mean. Every word that ever came out of my mouth has always been true. However, watching the tears gather in her eyes and then track down her face has me resenting my words.

She turns away from me as she bites into her bottom lip. She doesn't even wipe the tears away.

"A distraction," she repeats.

I remain silent, not sure what I can say to fix this. Not even sure if I should say something.

She looks back at me, swiping at her cheeks. Her head lifted a little higher. "I'll keep Gabe occupied." She turns and walks back into the house, closing the door behind her.

"Well, that was fucking stupid, Kid. You handled that about as well as Seth handles people's feelings,"Priest says finally coming forward.

"They're better off without you. Do you see the problems you cause. Because God giveth and he taketh away. You are unworthy," Mother quickly reminds me.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial the private clean-up crew.

"Hospitality," the gruff voice on the other end of the phone says.

"I have a special leak. I'm sending you the address."

"How big is the leak?" The man on the other end of the phone asks.

"One single leak."

"And what makes it special?"

"I need it rerouted."

He's silent for a moment. Usually, a cleanup crew's job is to get rid of the body and make sure no one finds it. "I'm guessing this one is a private matter?"

"Yes. To everyone," I add since all my brothers use the same cleaners.

"Be there in twenty minutes." The line goes dead.

I hide Shade in Gabe's playhouse in the backyard before taking off. I have no doubt that the cleanup crew will handle everything thoroughly. Right now, I need to release this rage. I've contained myself well while I was with Summer, but now the red haze has taken over and I need to exorcise these demons.

"Let's go have some fun,"Mother coos in my head.

***

Using the end of my shirt I wipe the blood from my fist. My breathing is still labored and my throat hurts from yelling. It's been hours since I killed Shade but the haze has yet to leave me. I still feel the fury inside of me. I still have the urge to destroy everything. The walls of my rented apartment took the brunt of my anger.

"You're in here throwing a tantrum like a toddler,"Mother fusses. "You should be out there cleansing the world of its sin. You're a waste."

The image of Summer's face after I called them a distraction pops up in my head again. The night before, she laid in my arms and laughed, and then today I made her look so broken. I punch my fist into the drywall in front of me, enjoying the bite of pain it caused.

When I was a kid and I would get this dark, Priest would take me to the quiet room. I would destroy everything until I was able to chase the red haze away. However, today it isn't working.

"You need to feed,"Mother states the obvious. "This isn't going to help you. let me guide you."

Despite the small voice of reasoning telling me that I shouldn't, I don't refuse.

"Yes, Mother."

Placing my hood over my head, I walk out of the apartment. The moment I step out the door, the older lady in the apartment beside me quickly ducks her head back inside.

"She's called the cops. Did you see the phone in her hand?"Priest asks.

This apartment is now compromised. I won't be able to come back here. The moment she called the cops and gave my description, Lucien will pick up on it and they will be here first thing tomorrow.

I know my brothers and Priest are worried about me. I would be too if one of them took missing. The least I can do is let them know I'm okay. I head back into the destroyed apartment. I have a few seconds to leave them a message.