Changes

Summer

I wake up and stretch my arms over my head. My body aches all over. My joints are sore, and I feel like shit. However, there is a smile on my face.

Gabriel sexed me so good I don't even remember falling asleep. After he came that first time, he was like the Energizer Bunny. He wouldn't stop. I have no complaints though. However, I will have to do something about the many times he came inside me. Last night, I was on a high with him and threw caution to the wind. Today, I need to be a little smarter.

Rolling over to my side, I scream before sitting up on the couch. Sitting on the coffee table is a beautiful black woman. Her hair is long and parted down the middle. She has smooth brown skin with wide dark brown eyes and a button nose. She's wearing a peach-colored silk blouse and black dress slacks with killer heels. Looking at her reminds me of the disheveled mess that I must look like.

At some point in the early hours of the day, Gabriel must have covered me up. A blanket has fallen down from my bare breasts and pools in my lap. I quickly lift it back up to cover myself.

"Who are you, and where is Gabe?" I look around the apartment, but there is no sign of Gabriel.

The woman reaches to the side of her and pulls out a folder. She opens it up and stares at it for a second.

"Two suicide attempts. One from an overdose of Tylenol at fifteen and then it seems you graduated to the harder stuff." I flinch as she reads off my medical records. I won't even question how she got them.

"You've been arrested six times, mostly public intoxication, a couple of disorderly conducts, and I see you have a possession of marijuana as well." She closes the folder and places it down beside her.

Narrowing my eyes at her I say, "You don't know me."

She rolls her eyes. "You will be surprised at all the things I know about you, Summer Jones."

A chill runs up my spine. Without asking, I know this woman is part of Gabriel's organization. For a moment, panic fills my veins. Did I get distracted by the best dick in the world last night only to realize he played me. When he said he wasn't going to kill me, it didn't cross my mind that he could get someone else to do it.

"Are you going to kill me now?"

She smiles, reaches behind her and pulls out a gun. I slink further back into the couch, gripping the blanket to my chest like it's a shield.

"Isn't this what you want?" She asks.

I stare at her like she's crazy. "No."

She uses the gun to point to the folder beside her. "That's not what this file tells me. You see, Beast is part of my family. And right now, he is willing to take the fall for not killing you. That means he's looking at five to ten years in solitary lockdown."

My heart immediately goes out to him. I didn't want him to suffer for not killing me.

"I didn't…."

"You didn't what?" She asks. "Think there was consequences?" I can only look away from her. She's right, I should have known. That organization doesn't strike me as one that will easily let something go.

"The problem is," she continues on. "I don't see why Beast would risk his life for you. It can't be your looks. Your skin is ashy and dry. You also look pale which shouldn't be a thing for a black girl. No matter how light you are. You're entirely too skinny, your boobs are average, your face is bruised, those braids have seen better days, and you have that sunken cheek face all drug addicts have."

It's not like I don't know all these things about myself. Hell, I've said most of them to my reflection in the mirror many times. However, hearing her say them out loud makes me feel like shit. Especially when she looks like a goddess.

"What's your point?" I ask trying to keep my chin from wobbling with my need to cry.

Her face never changes, never showing anything but mild disgust and a little interest.

"My point is, why don't I pull the trigger now and put you out of your misery. That's what you've been trying to do for years, right?"

I shake my head as tears spill down my face. "No."

She once again points to the file beside her. "That's not what this tells me. I mean this is just two documented cases, but we both know there are more. All the drug binges, the dating the drug dealer, even that fire was another weak attempt at ending your life. You're just going about it the long way.

"Eventually the coke and pills won't do it for you anymore and you'll move on to other drugs to get your high like crack, meth, or even heroine. Before long this," she waves her gun up and down my body. "Will be the best you've ever looked. So, I'm here to tell you to either shit or get off the pot. Let me make it quick."

She points the gun at my head. I shut my eyes as the tears pour down my face.

As hard as it is to hear, she's right. Everything I've done has been with the carelessness of someone who doesn't give a shit about their life. That night I burnt the trap house down, I knew I was too high to touch that stove but I did. I even knew the stove was faulty, but I still turned it on.

All the times I snorted coke or took pills I took them with the understanding that at any time it could be my last, yet it didn't stop me. I've been on a slow mission all my life to end myself. To finish what my father didn't.

Why not just allow her to make it quick? A bullet to the head is a lot faster way to go than slowly poisoning my body over time. I didn't see myself moving on to anything stronger, but who says I wouldn't. Who says I won't end up in a ditch somewhere with a needle sticking out of my arm.

"I don't want to die," I mumble as I fight through my clogged throat.

"I don't believe you," she shrugs.

Before tonight, I don't think I would've believed myself. However, after truly staring death in the face so many times tonight, I can honestly say I'm not ready. I don't want to die. Yes, the shit with my father haunts me.

I'll never get over the look in his face when he pulled that trigger, but I've been held hostage to that night for too long. It's time I used the extended life I was given. There is a reason I didn't die that night. I need to figure out why.

"I mean it this time. I'll go to rehab. I'll get clean."

She shakes her head. "You've been seven times already. What's the point? You're just wasting everyone's time. Why should I believe, this time will be different?"

Again, it's hard to argue when she's right, but this time, I really mean it.

I shut my eyes and those green intense one's pop into my head. I'm once again standing in that room with Nic and Gabe. The pills are on the floor and my mouth is watering for an escape. His words play back in my head.

I open my eyes and lift my chin as I stare at the woman in front of me.

"It will be different, because I'm better than this," I angrily wipe at my eyes.

I'm tired of allowing my past to overrule me. Yeah, I got scars, but I'm not the only one that's dealing with shit. I met a man tonight that has more demons than I'd ever imagine, but he saved me in more ways than he knows. I want to be a better person.

She watches me without saying a word. My heart pounds as I wait for her ruling. Finally, a slow smile lifts the corner of her lips slightly. She stands, places her gun at her back and then rakes a hand down the front of her pants.

"Thank you for your assistance. The program you're going to is a one-hundred-and-eighty-day program," she says. "I pulled a lot of strings to get you in this facility. They usually only do ninety days, but I asked them to take extra care of you."

My brows pinch, she already had me enrolled into a program?

"You were never going to kill me?" I ask.

She chuckles. "Oh, I was. It all depended on your response. Just know that if you drop out of the program or come out and fall back into your old ways, my beretta will be waiting for you."

I gulp, knowing she really meant what she was saying.

Running a hand over my fuzzy cornrows, I stand to my feet.

"Can I see him before I leave?"

She cocks her head to the side. "He doesn't want to see you."

Her words feel like cold water being splashed in my face.

Shaking my head, I say. "That's not true. Gabriel wouldn't do that."

She laughs in a mocking tone. "So now you're a Beast expert? You've known him for a total of ten hours. Is it the dick that has you so delusional?"

Her words hurt like hell, but again she's right. I've only known Gabriel for a short time. How could I possibly believe that I meant anything to him? He took care of me, helped me fight my demons, allowed me to take his virginity, and in the end made love to me so tenderly my soul felt it.

He was too good for me, and that should've been my first sign.

"You don't have to be so mean," I whisper the words as I fight the tears threatening to spill down my face again.

She takes a step toward me, lifting my chin with her finger. "You hate me now, but eventually you'll look back on this day and thank me for my harshness."

"I just want to see him."

She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Never beg a man for something as little as his attention. Walk away with your head up. Trust me on this."

I nod my head, taking her words of wisdom to heart. He didn't want to see me and that's okay. I won't hold it against him.

She lets my face go and turns her back to me. She grabs something off the coffee table, before turning to face me. When she turns around she's holding clothes in her hands.

"Get dressed," she says dropping the clothes on the sofa behind me. "They will be here to take you to treatment in a few minutes."

She heads for the door, but I stop her. "Hey, what's your name?"

She doesn't turn to look at me. "Call me Fem." she says before walking out of the apartment.

I quickly put on the leggings and T shirt she placed on the sofa. I put the expensive shoes back on that Gabriel brought me last night. The last thing I put on is his hoodie. Despite wearing it last night and being knocked around in it, it still smells like him.

Yeah, I should toss his shit in the trash, but she's right. I'm walking away with my head high. I also keep his things as a reminder of last night. It might not have meant shit to him, but it did to me. It told me that I'm stronger than my addiction and I deserve to be happy.

The moment I finish getting dressed, the door to the apartment opens. Fem, and two men walk in.

"Are you ready to go?" She says looking me over.

I take one last look at the apartment. Last night started out as a night from hell. Everything that could have gone wrong did. However, whenever I look back at the night it will only be with fond memories. No matter how disappointing the morning turned out.

Last night will live in my memories for years as the most epic night of my life. It's the night that taught me to live, and the night I spent with a beast.