16. Lottie

The suffocation hit me like a foul ball.

I'd been too comfortable after we'd had sex in his office. Hunter had been so sweet, so reassuring afterward, that even running into Jared didn't feel as horrible as it should have. I'd let him carry me to my front door. I'd fallen asleep in his car. It was too much. The walls had come down too far, and I was more than happy to build them back up again.

I had avoided him for days before we set off this morning. Sure, I'd responded to his urgent business messages and calls, but under no circumstances had I gone out of my way to see him, speak to him, or touch him. I'd sealed my fate back in his office—I just had to pick up the crumbling pieces of myself and glue them back together before they shattered even more.

The private jet was nice, though.

Texas was hot. Not boiling like I'd imagined, but definitely not cold enough to even warrant an overcoat. I was perfectly comfortable in my long-sleeved black shirt and blue jeans, even if Hunter was somewhere around here in a suit, likely trying to find me.

As I paced down row after row of stalls, collecting pamphlets and business cards and feeling ridiculous for not thinking to bring my own to hand out, I couldn't help but wonder what my dad had said to him. Hunter wasn't offering much, he hadn't reached out at all. Not even after the meeting, which I thought at least he would say something about. I hadn't spoken to Dad that night after he'd come back inside, I was too worried I'd get my own lashing if I dared to ask.

I couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing that I didn't want him to find me in the sea of people that surrounded me. I was more than capable of speaking to strangers about what I'd spent the last few weeks training for. There wasn't a part of me that needed him here to help. There was only that tiny, minuscule part that wanted it.

The reminder of how truly awful men can be, especially men in this professional space, was enough to make me want that distance between Hunter and me again, especially if Jared was going to be appearing more often. I'd played it cool enough with Hunter to get him off the scent that Jared was my ex, but I knew that would only last so long.

I'd tried not to think about it. Tried not to remind myself that there was this major, horrible thing hanging over my head, wedging itself between us. I needed to tell him eventually, and when that eventuality came to fruition, I could only imagine Hunter being filled with anger. Jared has a reputation in this space, one that I had become aware of only after our relationship ended. The idea of Hunter lumping me in with someone like him, someone so spineless, so ruthless—it made my stomach churn. It made me want space. It made me want to cut this off before the inevitable happened.

A warm hand against the small of my back nearly made me jump.

"We should head to the last talk," Hunter says casually, as if I hadn't just avoided him for a solid two hours. "It starts in five."

"Okay. Sure."

"You alright?" His hand presses firmer against me, ushering me toward the doors along with the other people heading into the same talk as us. "You seem… off."

"I'm fine," I lie, forcing a grin as I glance up at him. I hold up my handful of pamphlets before shoving them into my bag. "I've got a lot to look at. That's all."

————

If there was any hope of me concentrating with Hunter's hand on my thigh for the entire seminar, it had been blown out the goddamn window.

I'd spent every second either feeling endless guilt for not telling him who Jared was, or lost in swirling thoughts imagining the way he'd gently held my throat as he fucked me into goddamn oblivion. Neither made it easy to listen to what the person on the stage—some high-profile equine vet—had to say. At least I'd gotten another pamphlet to read.

The ride to the hotel had at least been quick. No time to have a real conversation, just a few words about new products I'd seen or breeds I was interested in. Hunter took it in stride, asking me questions pertaining only to what happened at the seminar. I wondered if he could tell that I wasn't fully engaged. I wondered if he cared.

No, Lottie, he doesn't.

But what if he did? What if there was a part of him that had noticed I was ‘off,' being quiet? Was there a possibility of him putting the pieces together after the situation with Jared?

Fuck. I hadn't thought about that. The way I'd acted, the chance that he'd heard any of that conversation before he appeared around the corner, the coincidences… he could figure it out for himself if he really tried. Maybe I didneed to tell him.

If I didn't, he'd find out eventually. There wasn't a chance in hell that he wouldn't. I wasn't that lucky, no matter how much I wished otherwise. But I could maintain a calm between us while keeping my damned legs closed, and deal with it later.

I couldn't win either way. If I told him, he'd be angry. If I didn't tell him, and he found out some other way, he'd be angry that I kept it from him. I knew there'd be more tension between us. Maybe that wasn't exactly a bad thing, considering our current situation. But the thought of him being angry with me instead of our usual reverie felt icky on my skin.

Maybe I should just get it the fuck over with and deal with the consequences sooner rather than later.

I didn't know how to ask the question bouncing around my mind when we entered the elevator at our hotel. Our bags had been delivered for us, and all it had taken was Hunter giving his name at the front desk to get our room keys. I was hoping the woman behind the counter would at least verify the kind of room we were in, but all she'd said was penthouse.

I had to ask. I just had to know.

"Is this a one- or two-bed kind of situation?"

The laugh that rocked Hunter's frame told me that I already knew the answer. "One. But there's a pullout couch that I'm happy to sleep on if you'd like me to."

I took a deep breath and watched the number on the inside of the elevator climb higher and higher. "Penthouse means top floor, right?"

"Kind of. It's the upper floors. We're in the smallest one though since it was a last-minute booking."

"Great."

————

The suite itself was lavish but not massive. There were two rooms: one living room and kitchen combo, and one large bathroom with an ensuite. The views were nearly one hundred and eighty degrees overlooking the Austin city limits, and the flat plains beyond. I couldn't think of a more boring landscape other than the drive to Florida when my parents took me to Disney World. But at least Florida had signs warning you of alligators crossing the road. Texas had cowboy boots and cattle.

I heaved my suitcase onto the bed. Dana had come over last night to help me pack, trying to hype me up for the trip. I'd just ended up laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling while she threw item after item into my bag. My anxiety tipped the scales wondering what she'd given me.

The door creaked open, and from the corner of my eye I watched as Hunter's booted feet came closer and closer. "Hey," he said, his voice low, that little drop of something more within it. I sidestepped him before he could get his hands on me.

His eyes met mine, a swirling mixture of confusion and curiosity.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied. "I just, I need to unpack. And I'm desperate for a shower."

His lips pursed together, his fingers flexing and fisting. "Okay," he nodded. "I've got some work to do anyway."

"Okay."

"But we're going out to dinner tonight," he said before turning on his heel and heading back toward the door. "Be ready by seven. That work for you?"

Godammit. I was hoping to just relax and unwind for the evening, maybe leave that reading shit for the next couple of days, but that wasn't going to happen. We needed to show that we were traveling together and that we liked each other. That we were serious.

"I guess."

He gave me the most awkward thumbs-up I'd ever seen and closed the door behind him, his footsteps fading quickly. In the peace and quiet of privacy, I unzipped the top of my suitcase and flopped it open to find out exactly how fucked I was.

I lost my goddamn mind. Dana was trying to kill me.

I pulled out item after item, hoping to God that this was a joke and she had put the useful things at the bottom. But all I found at the bottom was hard plastic, confirming it was no joke. In place of the loungewear I'd asked her to pack were different sets of lingerie. Instead of casual clothes, such as comfy shirts and jeans, she'd packed every single tight dress I owned. Only uncomfortable, lacy bras meant for sexy, not support, filled the zipper space along with panties that were practically connected by straps.

It was like she'd spotted every single sexy piece of clothing I owned and packed it. Clearly, she approved of the relationship. I shot her a text message, typing faster than I thought possible.

Very funny.

I scrambled across the bed and grabbed the fluffiest pillow I could find, shoved my face into it, and screamed until my throat ached. Maybe telling him about Jared was a good idea. At least then he probably wouldn't be overcome with ideas about fucking me into the mattress.

But goddamnit, why did I want him to?

————

After taking a long shower, I took my time applying my makeup and styling my hair. I did everything I could possibly think of before forcing myself to truly evaluate what the fuck I was going to wear to dinner. Staring down at the pile of clothes on the bed, haphazardly strewn in anger, only made my stomach churn.

Food sounded horrible. But what sounded worse was having to walk out into the living space in whatever I could scrounge together, hoping to look somewhat presentable and not like a streetwalker.

I grabbed the least frilly set of lingerie. It was black and strappy with thin bits of fabric that crossed my stomach and chest, but at least it didn't have any loose bits or extra padding that would stick out under a dress. It was also one of the only complete sets she had packed, and I was going for coverage, not perfection. I slipped a pair of stockings on, clipping them to the garter belt before glancing at the clock by the bed. I needed to hurry up.

The easiest and best choice in terms of dresses was a long-sleeved, black skintight dress. It would give me the most amount of coverage up top, but the bottom hem was super short, barely covering the tops of my stockings. Unless I wanted to be bare from the crest of my breasts upward, it was going to have to do.

I stretched the fabric down as much as possible to try to give it a little more length. I could tell it was going to be a task I would need to repeat over and over throughout the evening.

Thankfully, Dana had done me the decency of packing a collection of somewhat comfortable heels. I settled for a pair of black, strappy ones avoiding the mirror at all costs before stepping out into the living space.

Hunter stood at the window, his back to me, still clad in his suit from earlier that somehow didn't have a single wrinkle in it. "I know, I know, but honestly, you don't need to worry about it," he said into the phone. "The changeover will likely be seamless."

I cleared my throat to grab his attention.

"Well, no, I don't exactly know who will be taking over the company yet." He turned on his heel, holding up a single finger, a silent request for just one second, but the moment his eyes landed on me, everything stopped.

His phone fell to the floor, shattering the screen.

I tightened my grip on my clutch. The way he looked at me made me feel like a deer registering a sound it didn't quite trust, like prey standing right in front of its predator. His chest didn't appear to be moving, and I wasn't entirely sure if he was still breathing.

Every part of my body felt like it was on fire, from my head, to in between my thighs, and down to my fucking toes. There was an invisible pull to him in that moment, one that I couldn't quite shake. The flame within was attacking me from every angle, and I knew better than to try and fight it.

It wasn't until I spoke that he finally regained some kind of control.

"Hunter."