Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Callisto

"Are you doing okay?" Sophia whispered as they watched the taillights of Clay's truck fade down the street and make a right hand turn. "We don't have to go inside right away. We could just… stand out here for a little bit."

Sophia's had the intense look of someone about to explode if she didn't get the words out she needed to say. Callisto was going to encourage her. She didn't need to be afraid. The worst was over.

The evening felt close, the evening sun sinking low in the sky. It was that time in the evening when the bugs were most ferocious, and the mosquitoes started to whine around their heads. There seemed to be no one around, although it wasn't that late.

"I think this is the natural end to our time in Greenacre."

Callisto's heart squeezed. Her blood turned to ice. That was not what she'd been expecting. She was wrong. Her world crumbled instantly. She knew that her time had an expiration date, but it was too soon. She missed Yellowstone fiercely, but the thought of leaving made her feel physically sick. She pushed it away. It wasn't the time to be irrational. She'd been in Greenacre hardly any time and already she was turning into someone she didn't recognize. She never wanted to be a mother, but she couldn't help but think of two little girls and one lanky teenager. She'd never wanted to be a mate, but immediately an image of Rory filled her mind.

A muddled mind. She used to be able to think so clearly, but now that the goal she'd fixated on was finished, there was an empty space inside her head, a vacuum that sucked up her ability to focus. She didn't feel whole, and she didn't feel empty. She truly had no idea what she had going on inside.

"By our time, I mean our time together. I need to go back to Yellowstone and make sure everyone is okay. We never meant to leave the clan permanently. I have to go back, I miss my old life. I want your blessing."

There she was, suddenly at the mercy of complete change.

What are you talking about? It's not over. I can't… I need… no one will understand me! This isn't my place. I can't do this without you. We've walked the same road for far too long!

"I know." Sophia reached for her hand, then dropped hers back to her side. If she took Callisto's hand, she crippled her ability to express herself. "This is your place right now."

Hurt hit her like a thousand biting needles. It might as well have been raining hungry sharks, she felt so eviscerated.

I can't partly gain my family only to lose you.

"You're not losing anything. I promise. Yellowstone is my home. I think- I think that this might be yours, at least for right now."

What makes you think I want to stay here with him? Callisto stabbed a hand up to the darkened apartment. A single light burned inside—the lamp near the couch.

Sophia softened. "Why would you not?"

Callisto wasn't going to go with that logic. She didn't know how to address it. She just knew that the thought of not having Sophia with her made her hurt with every breath she took. This is your home too. You can leave and come back.

"This isn't my peace to make."

We're family. All of us.

"I adore the twins, and Fraiser is a great kid. Rory is so kind. This whole place, I think the people here could be great. But that's your family. It could be, if you wanted it. You could get things figured out. You could be a real mate. You could be a mother."

Callisto shook her head madly, but it wasn't that notion she was disagreeing with. It was impossible to sever lifelong ties like the ones she and Sophia shared, but they hadn't been parted since they met. Thirty-five odd years ago. Maybe… maybe that was the problem. Sophia had her own dreams. She had her own life.

You could stay too. Callisto tried again. You could have your own cabin. You could be close. You could find someone here if you want. You could have a good life too.

Sophia took Callisto's face in her palms, leaving her hands free. "Darling. I love you. You know I truly do. Real soulmates aren't romantic, or at least, they don't have to be. I feel very strongly that Greenacre isn't my place. This is your destiny. This is where your heart has been leading you all these years. It was broken once, but it has a chance to heal. This isn't the end of your path, it's just the start."

Callisto stepped back, signing wildly. You sound like it's the end of yours.

"It's not. That's not what I meant. I wanted this to be happy, not sad. I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to break mine."

We planned to go home together. I can't just abandon Yellowstone either.

"You're not. Just because you're here, doesn't mean you've abandoned anything. but there are no other natural leaders. They've always seen us as one unit. I need to go back and make sure everyone, and everything is okay."

Even though it hurt worse than anything she'd ever endured, Callisto knew it was wrong to stand there and keep denying Sophia when she'd already made up her mind. She'd stuck it out with her for years. She'd seen her through a mission, if it could be viewed that way. She deserved to be able to take a breath. She deserved to find what she truly wanted.

I know that you'll always have my back. It was a blade, slicing her skin to shreds, but she forced her way through it. You're always looking after me. Even from Yellowstone, that's exactly what you'll be doing. It's not just something I built. It's something you built as well.

She nodded. "Yes. And always."

I can't come now but I will.

"Don't leave your family. It wouldn't be right for you."

I could bring Rory—

Sophia made a gentle noise of protest. "He wouldn't want to come. This is his home, these are his people. We've never been a place that allowed men. Some women have been incredibly hurt by men. They wouldn't feel safe, no matter what."

I'll leave. I'll come with you. I just need more time. I'm not attached here. I'm not- we're not real mates.

Callisto's throat was so tight that it was just as well that she spoke with her hands.

"Maybe not, but you could be, just like you could be a sister and a daughter and a member of this community. Give it some time. Give it some thought. Give it a chance."

That's a fantasy. Rory is- he's not chasing me, I know that. He's giving me time. I have a feeling that he'd wait forever. That's kind of pathetic.

"Pathetic?" Sophia choked. She watched the other side of the street with an intense amount of concentration. "That's not the word I would use."

Callisto tapped her on the shoulder, forcing her to return her attention back to her so she didn't have to sign right into her face. What is then? Romantic?

"So what if it is? So what, Callisto? Is that the worst thing in the world?"

Her head nodded up and down so hard and fast she probably looked like a crazy person. Yes. It's the worst when I can't reciprocate.

You don't know that. Sophia switched to signing, to ensure their conversation would be private. You don't know that with time, it's not possible. You didn't think ever having a relationship with your parents or your siblings would be possible.

I wouldn't call two conversations a relationship.

You're being stubborn on purpose. Today was different. Today was everything. You've never pretended that you couldn't be hurt. You've never said that strength has to be about not having a single weakness. I know you're capable of great love beyond the borders of Yellowstone. She pointed at her chest. Beyond me.

Callisto never felt that her control had slipped away and was completely beyond snatching it back. She'd held it together all day. Sophia was leaving and she had a choice to make. Maybe it felt so out of control because it was a choice that had already been made for her. She knew she couldn't leave. Not yet. She had three good reasons to stay in the form of Jem, Clay, and Taylee. She'd waited years to know them and have them want to know her. She wasn't sure she could ever forgive her parents, let alone want any sort of relationship with them, but they were no longer a nebulous evil. There were other good reasons to stay. Two sweet twin girls. Fraiser, with all his awkward teen assuredness. Greenacre itself. And- and maybe Rory. The mate she'd never asked for, but to be fair, he'd never asked for her either.

I don't know what to do, Callisto admitted. Now that I can stop fighting. There's always been this mission. Despite everything else I've done, it's always been what I want from life and then what I have to do. It's like a race that I've been training for since I could afford to train, and at the same time I was always running an entirely different one. How do I just stop all of that? How do I want something else? I didn't take revenge. This isn't the hollowness that everyone promises, but it's a big hole cut into my life.

She felt shaky. Not dizzy, but almost lightheaded. She doubted it was the weight of the burden that she'd carried evaporating. It was something else. Too much change. Too short a time. Tears threatened again and for someone who hadn't spent a lot of time in her life crying, she'd been doing it entirely too much lately. Her eyes still felt swollen from the past few days and the tears she'd shed. She'd thought that she was brave because there was no other option, a survivor because she couldn't just give up and die, but now she didn't know who she was.

Falling apart wasn't a good feeling. It didn't make any sense. The past few days had given her all the pieces of herself she knew were missing. She should be more put together, but the opposite was true.

Sophia's eyes seemed to glow in the night, but that was impossible. She wasn't a shifter. Maybe there was just enough light. Maybe it was dampness in Callisto's eyes that created a halo around Sophia's face. She appeared so young, almost childlike.

Change is hard, Sophia signed. We never expected it would be anything less. You're not losing me, I promise. I'm just going to be a few states over. If it doesn't work here, then come home, but that definition has already changed for you.

I'm not going soft. There was a tremendous need for her to inform Sophia of that fact, just like she'd panicked and got out of bed and slammed that notebook into Rory's face as soon as he woke up.

"You don't need to be hard or soft." The glow around Sophia's head grew brighter. It was definitely the tears obscuring her vision, making the surrounding streetlights and the lamplight from inside above them go haywire. "You've always been perfect as who you are."

Sophia stopped talking. She stopped signing. They were beyond that. She might have been smaller, but she tugged Callisto to her and hugged her tight. Fiercely tight, with far more strength than anyone would have credited possible for someone with such a slight build.