Chapter 9

I leanon the door frame of Josh's bedroom and watch him sleep. It's been a rough few days since Mum passed, and not only is the grief hitting him hard, but he's also sick. I gently back out the room and close the door just as there's a loud banging on the front door. I groan. We've had a few well wishes from Mum's place of work, and it's hard to keep smiling and pretending everything is okay while they cry and share their happy memories.

The bang comes again, and I growl, rushing down and pulling it open. I freeze at the sight of Bear filling the doorway. His eyes are full of anger and his stance is ready to fight, but I'm not in the mood for him today, which is exactly why I've been ignoring his calls. I go to slam the door, but he's too quick, sticking his hand out so it bounces back and almost hits me. He shoves his way past me and goes into the kitchen while I rush after him.

"You can't just barge in here without permission," I snap. He turns on me, and for a second, a fleeting moment of fear passes through me. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me to him, holding me against his chest almost in relief. I inhale his spicy scent and close my eyes. It feels good to be held.

Then, as quick as he grabbed me, he pushes me away, holding me at arm's length. "Where the fuck have you been?" he demands. "They told me you've left your job? Elsie is in bits thinking you left her." The guilt eats away at me, but after the funeral, I plan to take Josh back to Manchester with me so we can both start again.

"Drink?" I ask, moving from his grasp and taking the kettle from the side.

"No, I don't want a damn drink, Nora. I want an explanation."

"Why?" I ask, turning to face him.

"What do you mean, why? Because you just ghosted me for days."

I dump the kettle back in its place. "I bet you've ghosted hundreds of girls." He stares at me cautiously, like he's trying to figure out what's going on in my head. It's an impossible task as even I'm not sure. "I don't owe you anything, Bear. We had fun and it was good while it lasted, but reality came back to bite me and I have a life to get on with. One that doesn't have you in it." Each word twists my heart painfully.

"Bullshit," he snaps. "We were never just having fun."

"Come on, Bear," I say, scoffing. "Where were we going to go?"

"Were you in on it all along?" he asks, his voice laced with suspicion. "Were you and Ray planning to take me down?"

I frown. "Up until a few days ago, I didn't even know you two knew one another."

"Seems a little crazy you turn up around the same time he starts targeting my businesses."

I brace my hands on the table, glaring at him. "He was an ex who was a little too obsessed, and maybe I underestimated just how much he liked me, but I had no idea he was even in London let alone targeting you."

"And he knew Josh," he continues. "Who, funnily enough, came to warn me. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense."

BEAR

She laughs,but it's unamused and cold. "Yes, of course, I set up my seventeen-year-old brother so he could run drugs for you." The fact she knows this bothers me. Not because she could shop me to the police, but because I've disappointed her, and now, I can see it all over her face. "I got together with my psycho ex—who, by the way, was all talk as far as I knew—so we could all take you down because that's the kind of person I am." Her voice is laced with sarcasm.

"So, you didn't know," I mutter, "I get it."

"But I learned some things these last few days," she adds, and I wince, knowing this isn't going to be good. "I learnt how fucking na?ve I am when it comes to men. I also realise I need some serious help because, for some reason, I attract the bad boys even when I don't realise it. And I discovered I'm a shit big sister for letting any of you wankers near my little brother."

"Let's talk about this," I begin.

"Talk?" she yells. "You wanna talk now, do you? Because before when I tried to talk, you asked me not to tell you personal shit. That's because we weren't anything serious. And now, you're here in my house acting like you give a fuck."

"I do," I argue. "Of course, I do."

"She's dead," she spits, "my mum." I groan. "While you were fucking with my kid brother and playing hero to me, my mum died." Tears fill her eyes. "And neither of us were here."

"I'm so sorry, Nora," I whisper, desperate to hold her but knowing it will send her crazy.

"And Josh is sick, and I have a feeling that's something to do with you."

"Why?" I ask, trying to act innocent because I have no idea how much she knows.

She goes over to the kitchen drawer and pulls it open. She lifts out a large bag with lots of smaller deal bags inside and drops it on the table. "Yours, I believe."

"I told Hunter not to give him any more," I begin. "Once I realised?—"

"Are you proud?" she asks, cutting me short. "Does it make you feel bigger to get these kids to sell your shit?" She grabs the bag and throws it across the room. It splits open, sending all the deal bags flying across the floor. "I caught him snorting that crap after we got home from the hospital. And now, he's so sick, he can't get out of bed. I don't even know if he'll make Mum's funeral."

"Have you called a doctor?"

She laughs again. "And what do I say, Bear? Do I tell them he's hooked on coke so they can bring in social services to check on his welfare, to see if I'm doing a good job?"

"I'll get a doctor round," I mutter, pulling out my mobile. "He won't talk to social."

"Don't bother. Just take your crap and go."

"No," I snap. "I'll sort this mess out."

"I don't want you to. I don't want you here at all." She begins to really cry now, and I close the gap between us, pulling her against me even though she fights against it. When she finally gives up, she falls against my chest and sobs while I hold her, gently rubbing her back. I've fucked up, and I hate that I've hurt her.

"Let me get the doc to take a look. And then I'll go, if that's what you want." She nods, and I send a text off to Doc.

Once she's calmed a little, I send her to sit in the living room while I clear away the drugs. Ten minutes later, Hunter arrives with Doc. Nora leads Doc upstairs, and Hunter follows me to the kitchen. I hand him the bag. "I told you not to give him any more," I snap.

He frowns. "This ain't our shit, Pres."

"Great," I mutter. "She ain't gonna believe that, though, is she?"

"She's pissed?" he asks.

I drop down in the seat at the kitchen table. "What do you think? She hates me, I can see it in her eyes."

"You like her a lot," he points out with a grin. "I ain't seen you like this in ages."

"But it means fuck all now I've messed it up."

"You didn't know Josh was her brother," he argues.

"She doesn't care," I snap. "I got a seventeen-year-old pushing drugs, brother. She loves kids."

"He came begging for work."

"And I willingly gave it to him and tried to get him hooked."

He sighs, joining me at the table. "He did a couple lines. He'll be fine in a few days."

"Maybe," I sigh again. "Maybe we've gotta look at the way we run shit, brother."

"Shifting drugs brings us the most revenue," he says. "Look, you want the girl, so lie."

I fix him with a glare. "That ain't gonna end well."

"She knows you're into shit that's not legit. She isn't stupid. But for now, tell her what she wants to hear and keep her away from the crap. Get the kid prospecting for us."

"I don't think she's gonna want that."

"Sell it to her cos we can't let them just walk away after everything they've seen. You know that as well as I do. They need a family, we can give them that."

I check my watch. "I gotta go grab Tinks, then I need some food for Nora. Stay here ‘til I get back." I push to stand, before adding, "And don't fuck this up any more than I already have."

NORA

SeeingBear's henchman in my kitchen is the last thing I need, and I stiffen when he sets his eyes on me. "Relax," he drawls. "How's the kid?"

"He'll be fine, no thanks to you lot."

He grins. "Blame us if it makes you feel better."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're his big sister. You're meant to be watching out for him."

His words hurt, partly because I know deep down they're true. I was so busy worrying about bills and money, I took my eye off the ball. But that doesn't mean he gets to rip me apart for it. "I was doing my best. If it hadn't been for you and your gang, he would've been just fine."

He stands, closing the distance between us. "You really believe he wouldn't have done the exact same thing with some other gang?" he snaps. "Lady, my club is my life and I resent the way you refer to it. We're a family of brothers who take care of one another."

I scoff, stepping back to distance myself. "And employ children to run your drugs."

"Kids who feel they have nowhere to go. Kids who come to us because they see what we have and want a piece of it too. Your brother was no different. He craves a stable family, people who can look after him."

I slap him. It's hard and the sound rings out around the room. I gasp and pull my hand to my chest. My stinging palm probably didn't do anything to his chiselled face, but he still snatches my wrist and hauls me against him. "The truth hurts," he hisses. "You lay a hand on me again and I'll cut the fucker off, understand?"

His eyes burn into mine with a deep intensity, and I know he could snap my wrist with a flick of his hand if he really wanted to, so I give a slight nod and he lets me go. "For whatever reason, my President likes you," he continues, "and you ain't gonna hurt him."

"He lied," I spit.

"I don't care," he mutters.

"I'm not going to let him into mine and Josh's life because you want to protect him."

He sneers. "Don't lie to yourself, Nora. You're crazy about him."

"It doesn't matter. He lied and used my brother. I don't want anything to do with him."

"Like I said, you ain't hurting him, so think of a way forward."

I busy myself with emptying the dryer, folding clothes, and pretending the man-giant isn't in the room demanding I make his President happy. I like Bear, of course, I do, but the man I thought I knew and the man Josh describes him as are two totally different people.

"You know, your ex wasn't a good man either. Seems you have a habit of falling for a bad boy."

I roll my eyes. "Unintentionally," I mutter. "Seems I'm good at attracting liars and deceitful men."

"Maybe you like it," he says. "Maybe deep down it's exactly what you crave, the danger and excitement."

"What happened to Elsie's mum?" I ask, turning to face him.

"She died," he says with a shrug.

"How?" I push.

"In a car accident."

"I know that," I hiss through gritted teeth. "How? Bear was driving, right, so how did he crash?"

He lowers his eyes for a brief second, and I think he won't answer, but then he sits down. "She flipped out, which she did a lot. She was going batshit in the car, and he got distracted, swerved, and went into a road sign. She didn't have her seatbelt on and got thrown out the car."

"Why didn't she have it on?"

"Because she was too busy hitting Bear in the head to think straight. She was fucking crazy, and he deserves better. So does Elsie."

I join him at the table. "You care about him a lot."

"He's my President—I'd die for him. Look, things are a mess right now and your head is all over, but don't chuck away what you have with him. Cos I gotta tell yah, he don't do this shit. For him to invest time in you, it means he likes you, Nora. Whatever he's done in the past, he can put right if you give him a chance."

When I nextcheck in on Josh, he's sitting up in bed. He still looks exhausted, but I'm pleased he's at least awake and alert. "You okay?" I ask.

He gives a nod. "I'm hungry."

I grin. "Thank god, I was starting to worry when you stopped eating everything in sight."

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I give a nod, sitting on his bed. "Tired. Sad. The usual."

"I'm sorry for adding to your stress," he mutters, and I grab his hand and give a reassuring squeeze. "I just wanted to help."

"It's not your fault. Those men took advantage, and I wasn't there to protect you, so I'm sorry."

"I begged," he admits. "I wanted the money and I asked for a chance. When I told Bear I was seventeen, he didn't want to take me on."

"It's not the point."

"I wanted what they had," he mutters, lowering his eyes. "They all look out for each other, Nora. A real brotherhood."

"Josh, they're criminals."

"They do a lot of good too," he argues.

I stand. "Look, keep resting, I'll get some food together."

I head downstairs and I'm met by Elsie, who rushes to me and wraps her arms around my legs. "Miss Cole! I really missed you."

My heart breaks a little more as I lift her into my arms. "I missed you too."

"What happened to your mum?" she asks, looking back into the living room at Mum's empty bed.

Tears brim in my eyes. "She went to heaven."

Elsie smiles, wiping my eyes. "That's okay. She's with my mummy now."

Bear appears, holding a fork. "You hungry?" he asks. I shake my head as I lower Elsie back to her feet. "Tough. You're eating," he tells me, going back into the kitchen.

"He's so bossy," whispers Elsie.

I smile when she slips her hand in mine and leads me to the kitchen, where Bear has laid out some takeout Chinese containers on the table. The henchman scoops Elsie into his arms and takes her from the room, balancing a plate of food in his hand.

I shift uncomfortably. "You didn't need to do this," I mutter.

"The first thing you lose after someone you love dies is your appetite. But you still gotta eat, even when it makes you sick."

I sit down, and he begins to load my plate with noodles. "Why was she hitting you in the car?" I ask.

He pauses for a second, showing me he knows exactly what I'm talking about. "I wanna tell you everything, Nora. I wanna be honest and open. But I know if I do, it'll make you run the opposite direction, and I can't stand that."

"You cheated on her?" I guess, and he lowers into the seat opposite before nodding once. I shake my head in annoyance. "You cheat. You lie. You're a criminal. Why shouldn't I run?"

He places the container down and grabs both my hands in his. "The man you're talking about is different from the man I am with you." I roll my eyes. "It's true," he argues. "You make me want to be different, but I can't promise I'm gonna change my ways and be the man you deserve because my life doesn't roll like that. There are things I do, things that are expected of me, and I can't just change it overnight. But I wanna try and be better. Yeah, I cheated on Harley and I'm a fucking prick for it, but she did it too. That's not an excuse, I don't pretend it is, but we were petty and spiteful, and we did shit to trigger the other so we could fight and fuck and do it all over again. The adrenaline was addictive, and it was a hard cycle to break. But since her, I realised it's not who I want to be and it's not what I want."

"What do you want?"

"You." I roll my eyes again. "I'm serious, Nora. You make me want to burn the fucking world down so it's just us four." The fact he brings Josh into it almost makes me smile. "We can be a family."

"I'm going back to Manchester," I tell him firmly. "Me and Josh."

He shakes his head. "I can't let you go."

"You can't force me to stay."

He almost looks defeated as he releases my hands. "I'll follow you."

"And leave your precious club?" I arch a brow.

"Nope. I'll follow you and bring you home. And each time you go back, I'll do the same."

I smile, unable to stop myself. "That's kidnapping."

"Yep."

"And illegal."

"Yep."

I give a small laugh. "Josh needs a fresh start."

"Josh needs the club," he says firmly. "Nora, I see kids like him every day. I know a lost soul when I see it. I can help him."

I laugh again, this time with sarcasm. "Like you did before?"

"I was a dick, again, but I'm serious about this. He needs the brotherhood because, otherwise, he'll keep looking for a place to fit, like he did with Ray. There will be some big shot in Manchester who'll spot what I did and take advantage, like I did. Let me help channel him in the right way. Give me a second chance."

I bury my face in my hands. "I don't know," I whisper.

"At least don't make any big decisions until after the funeral." I give a slight nod, and he relaxes. "Thank you."