2. Emrie

Sunday was one of my only days off.

So, after getting up and getting a shower, I got dressed in jeans and a sweater and puttered around my house, watering plants, working on some small woodworking projects for my own home, and just generally being a lazy, lazy bear.

Roarke was off on what he called a stretchingflight and wouldn't be back until after my weekly dinner with the Clan, so hanging out with him was out. I missed him. Was that weird? Was I turning into one of those women who was obsessed?

After nearly drowning my plants in too much water and putting the first coat of paint on what would be my built-in bookshelves for my den, I jumped into the shower again to clean up and get ready for the Clan dinner.

Every Sunday, rain or shine, my alpha asked everyone to be present at Sunday dinner. Usually, only a dozen or so could make it because the rest of the bears were either working or patrolling our Clan property.

Bears are funny, in that we're happy in a Clan, but just as happy to be alone or with a small family unit. If left to our own devices, we would just do our own thing, and Alpha Riggs knew this about us, and knew that wasn't what being in a Clan was all about.

In order to bond, Clans needed to socialize.

And honey truffles did we socialize! I mean, I loved my Clan, but there was a reason I lived in my own house and not in the lodge.

Being in a bear Clan gave you a sense of community. Nowhere else could you get so many diverse kinds of bears together. My Clan alone had everything from pandas to polar bears to sun bears and black bears. I, myself am a black bear, which is one of the more common bear shifter forms.

The mile or so walk through Clan property to the lodge was beautiful.

While most non-shifting bears were hibernating right now, I enjoyed the light dusting of snow, the icicles on the evergreen trees, and the clean, fresh air.

I rarely got cold, needing only a sweatshirt through the winter, so the weather was invigorating for me. I skirted the outdoor fire-pit and the many cushy chairs set around it, made my way past the pool along the side of the lodge under a huge awning, and stomped my feet on the grey stone steps and entry rug before I opened the door.

Zin would have my hide if I tracked mud into the lodge. He had his hands full keeping the lodge maintained and cleaned with so many bear shifters in and out as it was, I didn't want to create more work for him.

I bypassed the cozy entry and den and followed the sound of voices and the smell of my bear Clan. When I entered the room, I spotted the tee shirts that everyone was wearing and snorted, choking on a laugh. The tee shirts were mint green and said Moonhaven Cove Bear Clan on the front, with the various illustrated bears all flexing, and then on the back they said The only B Team Worth Mentioning.

"Did you guys seriously have tee shirts made up?" I really wanted one. They were hilarious.

Atanassio, or Taco, as everyone called him, grinned at me as he grabbed a twenty-pound bag of ice out of the freezer and started adding ice to everyone's glasses with a slightly dinged metal cup. "Of course. peque?o. We've gotta represent! The wolf, lion, and tiger shifters all have their own Pack tee shirts and sweatshirts. I've been complaining for ages that we need our own."

I didn't roll my eyes, even though I wanted to. Badly. No one had more Clan pride for our Moonhaven Cove Bear Clan than Taco. If there were a Clan job that required a bear shifter to go out and bring in recruits like the military did, we would all send Taco. No contest. He's funny and charismatic, and he'd have them all agreeing and following him like the pied piper before they even realized what they were agreeing to.

I shook my head, laughing, and entered the kitchen to help set out dinner. Our sprawling, two-story Clan lodge had a massive kitchen that had grey brick facing over the stove, huge lofty ceilings with open beams, and a gigantic table that could seat twenty or so bear shifters with ease, with padded benches for seating.

Sullivan, who was our main Clan chef unless someone was feeling either adventurous or peckish for something specific, was stirring something on the stove that smelled amazing, and everyone who had kitchen duty was bustling around, setting plates and sides on the table for dinner. The rest were sitting around and chatting, waiting for Alpha Riggs to arrive with his First and Second, and for everything to be out on the tables so we could eat.

I didn't have kitchen duty tonight, but I pulled two ginormous salad bowls full of salad out of the fridge anyway. No one else would, except maybe Sullivan. His attempts to get the male shifters to eat anything other than meat and honey were a never-ending battle, and one I was wise enough to stay out of. Besides, the mates would eat some of the veggies with me. At least I hoped they would, because I couldn't eat two huge bowls of salad all by myself.

And the honey... Let's just say the stereotype of bears and honey was alive and well in my Clan. We had honey everything. Honey flavored sticks, honey cereal, peanut butter and honey, honey protein bars, honey-based dinners that Sullivan prepared, honey flavored drinks and teas... If there was a new product on the market that featured honey as the main flavor and ingredient, my crazy Clan eyed it like a magpie eyed shiny things. I tried to tell them once that they were perpetuating a stereotype, but they just laughed and kept sucking on their honey sticks, so I gave up.

I sat next to Akeno, who nodded distractedly at me and kept typing something into the notes app on his phone at rapid speed. Akeno was a slightly hyper, high-energy bear, but he needed all that high energy as he was the Clan teacher for the cubs.

Akeno spent a good six or seven hours a day at the school on Clan property, trying to teach the handful or so cubs of various ages. Teaching the juniors and seniors was easy because everything was mostly handled through an online school offsite, but to teach the younger ones, especially those under ten, he had to get creative to keep them interested. He always managed, and I was fully convinced he used magic.

"What's up?" I asked, taking a peek at his phone. "New science project for the younger cubs?"

Akeno nodded as he typed one final thing, then closed his app and gave me his full attention. Akeno was Japanese American. He had black, straight hair, cut short and messy; dark, liquid eyes; long black eyelashes; and very light bronze skin. His shifted form was a sun bear, otherwise known as a Malay bear.

Which, to me, looked like an oversized marsupial, and not really like what people pictured when someone said bear. And...you know...he didn't have a pouch. At least, I didn't think so. I wasn't going to ask him, that was for sure.

"Yes," he answered, his full lips tilting up in a small smile. "The younger cubs will be making solar ovens to cook s'mores in. We're learning about solar energy."

Drew, who had barely turned nineteen and was new to the Clan, chimed in. "It doesn't seem like it's hot enough for that. For late January we're barely in the forties."

Akeno nodded, taking no offense, which was kind of his MO. "Yes, I agree. That's why we will be using hairdryers to provide the heat of the sun."

Three of the Clan males immediately volunteered to let him borrow theirs, and I offered mine up as well. I rarely used it anyway, choosing the ease of taming my long sandy blonde hair in a messy bun instead.

Personally, I thought it was hilarious that at least three of the Clan guys had hair dryers. I didn't think Roarke would get within thirty feet of one. Not that he needed it. For one, his hair was pretty short. It probably dried in like three seconds. And for two, there was probably some dragon shifter short-cut that he could use to dry off, like steaming his hair dry or something.

"Where are you going to set the ovens up?" I asked Akeno, curiously.

"I think the concrete firepit circle will work fine if we move all of the seating out of the way." He gulped water from his filled glass, then refilled it and drank some more. All of that speedy typing must have dehydrated him, poor baby.

Alpha Riggs came in, his power and presence filling the room before his body did. All of the bears at the table straightened in respect, dipping their heads when he sat down. Matteo, his First, sat on the other side of Akeno. He just scooted in in his quiet, graceful way without any fuss. "Can you help Akeno and the cubs with that, Matteo?" Alpha Riggs asked.

Matteo nodded. "Yes, Alpha."

It wasn't unusual for me to look around at the male members of my Clan, like I was doing now, and wonder why I wasn't half in love with all of them.

For one, bear shifters were built like tanks. The males had muscles for days and were stocky and broad from the time they hit their teen years. Most of them were good-humored, treated females well, provided well for themselves, their families, and their Clan, and were just all around good males to have in your corner and in your life.

Of course, there were some that were more on the crazy side—*cough* Taco—but they were all good males that didn't embarrass me too badly or make the female species as a whole hate their guts. We had a small group here today, only twelve or so, and as my eyes traced over the few shifters at the large table, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in my Clan.

Alpha Riggs, down at the end, was a massive polar bear shifter who looked Scandinavian in his human form, with ice-blue eyes and pale blonde hair. He was naturally a quiet person, so when he spoke, others in the Clan listened. Power rolled off of him in waves so strong that humans could even feel it. It wasn't too much for us in the Clan, but I knew that non-Clan members, even alphas from other Clans, felt bowled over by it. He was methodical and wise, even-tempered and intelligent, and I wondered for the millionth time why the honey drops he was still single. In fact, most of my Clan was single. There were some families with cubs, but they were in the minority.

Alastair, Alpha Rigg's secretary, sat next to him. He had short dark hair, emerald-green eyes, and was grumpy as all get-out. Despite his feral personality, Alistair was one of the bears I was especially close to. He could be kinda intense, but he was a good guy. I sensed a lot of heartache within him. From what little information I'd gotten from him, his heartache revolved around an incomplete mate bond.

Mating for shifters was a thing dearly hoped for. Sometimes you got those shifters that didn't want a family, and that was a completely valid choice, so they dated whomever they wanted to, but for most shifters, they longed for their mate, they hoped daily to find their other half, and they felt a sense of emptiness without them. It was a difficult thing that many of us unmated shifters had to bear, and it never got any easier.

So, for those hoping to find their mate they usually didn't date around. In fact, most of the time, the first time they went out with someone was with their mate; they were that dedicated.

Mate detecting was done primarily through our sense of smell, but it was also a sixth sense we were born with, and it happened right away upon meeting the right person. There were no guessing games. We just knew. And that was true for all shifters, from the tiny alpine foxes to the huge dragon shifters.

Well, it was true for all shifters except for shifters like me.

I sighed, and Mateo glanced at me, eyeing me in concern. I shrugged and gave him a wry attempt at a smile. Not gonna lie. The whole not being able to find my mate was an ache so deep it sometimes hurt to breathe. But I was a pro at trying to ignore it. I used those skills now and stared at Mateo with my chin on my fist, pondering him and all of his awesomeness. He was quietly talking with the alpha, but could obviously feel my gaze, because he glanced at me and bulged his eyes, making me laugh.

Mateo was on the quiet side, and even though he was quite large, he was smaller than many of the others at the table. He had copper-brown skin and mesmerizing hazel eyes. When you looked at him, you got the sense that he noticed everything.Literally. Everything. I'd heard from the others that his IQ was off the charts. I didn't know how old he was, but he appeared to be in his thirties, like all of us at the table except for Sullivan and Drew.

I moved my gaze to Taco. Taco—well, he really needed no introduction. He was definitely our larger-than-life class clown. He was also protective, and warm, and full of natural charisma, which he used to the detriment of the paranormal and human race. He was also the biggest flirt in our Clan, bar-none. I adored him. He never failed to get a laugh out of me.

Sullivan, our Clan chef, looked like he was in his mid-fifties, so in bear shifter age he was probably approaching a century old. He'd never mated and was kind of a loner, but he'd still wanted to live close to the Clan. He was a good chef. He cooked for us and lived in a little house just down the path a bit.

Opposite me was Mathan. His name sounded like Mahan out loud, with the t being silent. Mathan was our grumpy black bear Second, which in a bear Clan is the third in charge, in case the alpha and First are killed or incapacitated. He's from Scotland so his speech is heavy on the brogue and he has reddish-brown curly hair, and a close-cut mustache and beard. His eyes are a startling, deep-as-a-lake blue.

Alastair and Mathan joined the Moonhaven Cove Bear Clan together. Alastair's shifted form was also a black bear, and the two of them speaking sounded like moonlight and a cozy fire, which was what the Scottish accent sounded like to me with all of its rolling r's and sexy brogue.

Don't ask. I have a thing for accents. I think most people do, so I know I'm not alone.

Fitz was down at the other end of the long table. Fitz's full name was Fitzgerald, but no one called him that except for his employees, where he was the CEO of the Moonhaven Cove Credit Union. His mate, June, was the bank vice president, so their cubs stayed with Akeno during the day.

Finally, of those I was closest to, there was Zin, our mellow, chocolate-complected panda bear. He maintained the lodge, was very deliberate in his speech and actions, and could usually be counted on to be one of the wisest and least hot-headed bear shifters in the Clan.

With all of these attractive males around me, you would think I would possibly find my mate among them, but not a single one of them felt like more than a Clan brother to me, and everyone here saw me as a sister. I was mostly okay with this, although at times, like tonight, it was disappointing. It would have been so convenient and lovely to have my mate in my home Clan and not feel these hopeless things for a certain dragon shifter.

To put it bluntly, my dating life had not been going well. Two years ago, right around the time I'd met Roarke, I'd decided—despite my crippling anxiety and shyness—to put myself out there and date more. I knew I'd never find my mate, but I'd thought, in the absence of a mate bond, I could find someone else to share my life with.

I mean, humans did it all the time. How hard could it be?

I laughed at my younger, naive self, and wished I could smack some sense into her, because dating was insanely hard. Like, doing math dosed up on Benadryl after a night of no sleep trying to juggle flaming knives hard. And sometimes you dropped the knives, and they stabbed you.

Dating was not for sissies.

Either there was no chemistry, they couldn't let go of their dumb stereotypes about bear shifters, or they saw me as a sex object because I was so curvy and well endowed. I'd had more than one date stare at my chest all evening. This had left me feeling uncomfortable and red-faced until Roarke had come out to rescue me and tossed those males out of his restaurant.

If the eyes were the windows to the soul, then most males didn't seem to care for a female's soul at all.

Which I thought was really a shame, as our souls were the best part of us.

I knew attraction was essential. I got it. But looks faded, and then what were you left with if your relationship had been built on just attraction and not friendship? Not a dang thing.

The food got passed around, and everyone was quiet as we filled our bellies with Sullivan's rice, vegetable, and sausage gumbo. There was even garlic twisty bread and hot fudge lava cake for dessert. We all thanked him for the meal as he finally sat down. He nodded quietly and dug into his own food.

June came in late with her two cubs, Ally and Ben, who were eight and ten, and they sat next to their dad, talking quietly with him and catching up on their day. The cubs were usually decent about using their inside voices because Akeno taught them better in school, but the older adult males were not so great at this.

Alpha Riggs took a drink from his ice water and glanced around the table, much as I was doing. His gaze touched on the twelve or so bear shifters sitting there, then he turned to his First. "Clan meeting tomorrow in the lodge overlook. Mandatory."

"Yes, Alpha."

The alpha's ice blue eyes shifted to me, and I froze. Wait, I hadn't done anything wrong! Down autonomic nervous system, down.

You're not in trouble, Emrie, but I need to speak with you after dinner, okay?

I nodded. Yes, Alpha. I had to set my spoon down because my hand had started shaking so badly.

Maybe he wanted me to design more houses? I couldn't really imagine him wanting to see me for anything else, unless it was for one of his random check-ins to see how I was doing. He did that frequently with the Clan bears. While I liked this idea less, I could handle it. Hopefully without bursting into tears or throwing up.

Ugh, anxiety was the worst!

At the end of the meal, I took my dishes to the sink and rinsed them off, making it easier for the person who had dishwashing duty tonight, then I quietly made my way to my alpha's office.

I was too keyed up to sit in the chair outside his door , so I just stood, looking out over the first-floor living room, trying to keep my thoughts from spinning in useless circles.

Our alpha's office was on the second level, well away from the normal hustle and bustle of the main parts of the lodge. Also up on this level were Alistair, Mathan, and Mateo's offices; another smaller kitchen, Alpha Riggs', Mathan's, and Mateo's bedrooms; a second set of laundry facilities; a library, and a conference room, which was rarely used.

The ground-floor held everything else: bedrooms for individuals, and connecting bedrooms for the shifters with families; a game room; a few lounge areas; a living room; a lower laundry room; a den; our huge kitchen; an enclosed sun room; a technology room, loaded with game systems and a huge flatscreen TV for the older teens; and a play room for the younger cubs.

Most of us didn't live in the Clan lodge. It was used mostly for guests and the alpha, the secretary, and our First and Second. The loudness of the lodge usually got to me after a while, and I liked being able to retreat back to my cozy home and workshop.

I'd only been standing there a few minutes, stewing in my thoughts, when Alpha Riggs' steady footsteps sounded down the hall. I couldn't scent his mood, but that wasn't unusual. The alpha was always locked down pretty tightly, rarely letting trace emotional scents seep through his control. His ice-blue eyes were warm with affection as he nodded at me and opened his door, ushering me inside with a sweep of his large, callused hand.

His office was huge, with unfinished beams on the vaulted ceiling and a warm honey-brown wooden desk that sat near the middle of the room. His secretary, First and Second met here with him often, and the seating arrangement reflected that. I chose a chair at random and sat down.

Alpha Riggs sat back in his chair and looked at me for a few moments. His gaze seemed to take in the bags under my eyes, my messy hair, which was falling out of its bun, my ratty sweater, and the general air of nausea that I was probably giving off because I was in a meeting with him. He politely refrained from mentioning any of these things.

"How is school going?"

I was taking online classes to be an architect. Unofficially, I already knew a lot on the subject matter because I'd been designing houses and doing carpentry and woodworking since I was a small cub. I'd worked alongside a Clan member who was an architect. He eventually moved when he found his mate. I'd wanted to the get the degree because Moonhaven was tightening down on the requirements for their builders and my Clan needed an on-site architect.

Per the PNW Council, anyone building within Moonhaven Cove's boundary limits needed to either hire an architect or be an architect, and there was only one architectural firm in town, so they were constantly busy.

"Good, Alpha. I'm just finishing up my Bachelors. I start my Masters next spring."

"That's wonderful to hear. When we're alone I'd rather you just called me Riggs," he gently reminded me. "The deadline the Council enacted passed this last December, so any further actual building on our Clan property we will need to hire the local firm to do until you get your degree."

I nodded. "I'll work hard, Alpha."

"Just Riggs," he corrected again gently.

I winced. "Respectfully, Alpha, you're not just anything to me, and the title of alpha deserves my respect." I twisted my hands in my lap in nervousness. "I hope you don't mind?" I asked gently. "It's just...it's how I was raised. To give respect, and to remember to use the correct respectful titles for other beings."

Alpha Riggs' glacial blue eyes grew softer. "What about between friends?"

I looked down, fiddling with the hem of my sweater, then sighed and looked back up at him. "I think between friends it's okay, but only when we're alone, because I want to give you the full respect you're due among the rest of the Clan."

He looked touched for a moment, then he cleared his throat. "Thank you. I know it's not something you're used to."

I shook my head. "But I understand why you like the informality when we're alone. I get it, I do. I'll get better at it."

He nodded his thanks and leaned back in his chair, circling back to his earlier topic. "We'll still need you for the odd woodworking jobs around here. We'll always be in need of your expertise." He smiled and shook his head. "With the way our Clan breaks things, we might need you until the next millennium." He tapped his fingers on his smooth desktop. "The woodworking, is it still fulfilling to you?"

"Yes. I love what I do. It's wonderful, especially when people request custom orders from the Pirate's Chest in town, and I'm able to create something that someone has been dreaming up. It's fun creating people's dreams...even though people's tastes can be a little bit weird."

I thought of my recent custom order. Someone had asked me to make a headboard and footboard for their queen bed, and they'd wanted vultures as the finials. It had been hideous, but I'd done a good job on it.

Alpha Riggs nodded thoughtfully. And even though this had turned out to be a check on Emrie meeting, and he was being gentle with his questions, and I knew he wouldn't hurt me, I was still so nervous that my hands were sweating.

Call it nature, call it my more introverted and quiet personality, or the fact that my alpha was huge and his full, direct attention was very intense, call it whatever you wanted, but I would definitely need another shower after this because I was sweating so much my deodorant was having to work overtime.

I eyed the bottle of water on his desk, feeling suddenly as though I'd gone ten rounds with a desert and lost. He handed it over with a small smile, and I guzzled it down gratefully.

Alpha Riggs' lips curved upward. "I can tell that you're still nervous. Really, Emrie, there's no need for nervousness. You've been in this Clan your whole life, and I've been alpha for several years, and you've never given me a moment's worry. Now, Taco, on the other hand. He's in trouble every Tuesday." He smirked, clearly trying to set me at ease.

I had the sudden, crazy urge to laugh, but I didn't think he'd intended to use the words Taco and Tuesday together in the same sentence that way, so I controlled myself. "Taco is special," I said instead.

Alpha Riggs sighed. "Let's go with that descriptor for him." He smirked. "I, personally have others that I prefer to use for him. But yours is more PG rated, and a lot kinder."

He then laced his hands together, leaning forward again, and directed the conversation to what had probably been his original query and reason for me being called into his office in the first place. "I've heard of a few of the Clan's attempts to set you up on blind dates. Are you comfortable with that?"

I swallowed, grimacing. I really didn't want to talk about this, or get anyone in trouble, but he was my alpha, and he was asking. I couldn't not answer him fully "A few have given my number out to people they think I might hit it off with. Most of the dates have ended in...disaster. It's funny, really, and I know they're just trying to help."

I mean, if you looked at it in a certain light it was funny? Maybe?

But my alpha didn't think it was funny.

His posture went ramrod straight. "They gave your number to random males?"

I cringed, lowering my eyes. "Yes, Alpha."

The power radiating from him increased ten-fold, and I swallowed and started to tremble again. Not because I thought he would hurt me, because of course he wouldn't, but because of the staggering weight of his power that flowed through the room. It was so thick I could see it.

"They mean well, Alpha," I said, clutching the chair to keep my hands from visibly trembling. "They know how difficult it is for me to interact with strangers, and they know how much I want a mate and family." Sometimes I repeated this mantra to myself weekly. They mean well. They mean well. Some weeks it worked, others it didn't.

Alpha Riggs got up very carefully so that he wouldn't scare me, gently squeezed my shoulder to let me know he wasn't upset with me, opened his door, and went to stand at the railing looking out over the living room where a few of the Clan were watching TV below.

"Whohas been giving out Emrie's number to males in Moonhaven?" Riggs asked in a deadly quiet voice. You wouldn't think it would be able to be heard over the TV, but of course it had been. Everyone below instantly came to attention. Only Drew, Taco, Matteo and Mathan were still here. It looked like everyone else had gone home. They all stood at the quiet, powerful voice of their alpha.

I had to lean on the wall outside my alpha's office door because the queasiness was back. I felt terrible. Like I'd just ratted out my Clan. I was trembling so much that my vision started wavering like a ninety-year-old hula dancer.

"I don't give out her number," Mateo answered quietly. "I ask her first, letting her know a little about them, and then I give her the other male's number."

Mathan nodded. "I do the same."

Drew and Taco went pale, which was saying something because Taco's skin-tone was usually a toasted golden bronze. They looked at each other. "We do, Alpha," Taco said, obviously the braver of the two. "We just thought it would be easier on her, because she gets really nervous talking with someone and initiating things the first time she meets them."

I did. I really did. Bless their sweet, loving, very blind hearts. I mean, I think a turnip would have better taste in males for me than these Clan brothers, but it was the thought that counted, right?

"Alpha," I said in a tremulous voice. "The system they're using may be flawed, but their hearts are in the right place. I've been okay, really. Roarke is always there. I make sure we always go to one of his restaurants."

My alpha turned to me, and from below I could see Matteo turn and look at me as well, both of them giving me the full measure of their very piercing gazes, like they could read each other's minds—which they could, sort of—then they both looked at each other, and had a conversation that none of the rest of us could hear.

The power radiating off of my alpha lessened and softened. "While I appreciate that your hearts are in the right place, please respect her privacy, and don't give out her number anymore. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Alpha."

Alpha Riggs nodded, then gently ushered me back into his office and shut the door.

I was shaking hard as I sat down. No one had raised their voices, but I hated conflict, and what was worse was the fact that I felt like I'd gotten my Clan in trouble for a kindness they were doing for me. I couldn't help the tears that fell, and I couldn't look at my alpha's gentle gaze for a full minute as I struggled to get control of myself.

I guess I really was a sensitive soul, as Roarke often called me affectionately.

"Every time they gave your number out to someone, they were risking your safety. I'm sorry that I had to say something to them, Emrie, but your safety, and the safety and happiness of my bears are paramount to me," Riggs said gently.

"I should have said something to them earlier," I whispered. "I kept meaning to, but I didn't want them to think that I haven't been grateful for their attempts."

"We can be grateful for someone's attempts on our behalf, and still struggle with the manner in which they are attempting it."

I nodded, wiping my face with the tissue he handed me and tried to pull myself together. Taking a deep breath, I looked up and found my alpha's compassionate gaze. He was always so gentle with the females in his Clan, and possibly, because I was so broken, even more gentle with me.

"You can tell them no, Emrie. I know they wouldn't get offended or hurt by that."

I shook my head. "I don't feel that I have to go out with whomever they pick for me, Alpha. I just feel that..." I stopped, frustrated, not sure how to explain.

I was the only female bear shifter in the Moonhaven Clan.

The. Only. One.

Sure, there were families in our Clan, as about twenty percent of our Clan were already mated, but those mates were human or some other type of shifter or supernatural. I was the only female bear shifter.

And that wasn't true for just Moonhaven. This absence of female bear shifters was a huge problem in bear shifter Clans. The Clans closest to us—one in California, and the other in Washington—both only had three female bear shifters between them. Three. The ratio of females to males was nearly one hundred-to-one.

A staggering number.

Our Clan, with the addition of Drew, now had twenty-seven bear shifters. And for bear shifters, that's a pretty large Clan. In fact, it might even be called massive by some.

One of the main reasons a bear joined a Clan was to find their mate. Being in a Clan allowed you access to the Clans that were allied with each other, which allowed you access to a greater number of bear shifters in which you might be able to find your mate. And a bear looking for their mate was serious business.

A bear's longing for their mate started in their early twenties—I'd just passed my twenty-eighth birthday—and a bear female's best years for conception were her late twenties to thirties.

This was not something that I was just humoring my Clan brothers with. I yearned to find my mate, and I had the worst baby fever ever. Yes, I had a lot on my plate at the moment, and my time was very limited. And there was also the fact that I was heavily introverted, which made it that much harder to search for my mate. All of these things were true, and yet I yearned for a family and a mate, the same as others in my Clan did. Maybe even a bit more.

But my brokenness made it impossible for me to find them.

It was assumed that I had a genetic defect, because my hormones, including the hormones that allowed my mate to scent that I was their mate, were broken. My hormones regulated all of the things in my body that they should, but to other shifters and paranormals I smelled like absolutely nothing. I had no scent. It was like I was a blank canvas with no paint on it. An empty room. This was devastating for me, because if they couldn't scent me, then they would never know if I was their mate or not.

I could scent everything else about others: pain, exhaustion, fear, breakfast choices, but I couldn't scent my mate, because the knowing of that required both of our scents mingling together in order to detect, and that wasn't possible with me.

Which meant that I would never find my mate.

So, yes, my Clan brothers had seen the loneliness in my eyes, and they knew how badly I wanted a family, so they'd taken matters into their own paws. I guess they hoped that if I met enough males, I'd find the right one and we'd somehow know, even though knowing was impossible for me.

My alpha and I and the Clan doctor had tried to fix me. I'd undergone numerous tests to determine what was wrong with my hormones. I'd even taken a whole spectrum of artificial hormones to kind of jump-start my own and make them more detectible to others, but all to no avail. None of it had worked, and we'd finally had to stop because it had affected my mental health too badly.

I didn't realize how long I'd been zoned out, lost in thought, or that I had tears streaming down my face once again, until my alpha was suddenly kneeling in front of me, pulling me into the world's best and most gentle bearhug.

"Don't give up, Emrie," he said softly. "There's always hope."

As I left his office and made my way back to my house a few minutes later, I thought about my alpha's words and I came to realize that he was right. There was always hope. And if I had to wade through the bad and the ugly to get to the good, I would do it. Because the good was something worth sacrificing for. And hope was always something worth fighting for.