Chapter 4

4

The next morning, I’m cleaning up the oatmeal pot after breakfast—Mack cooked it so it’s only fair that I clean—when he returns to the kitchen carrying two big plastic bottles.

I glance over my shoulder to check them. One is lotion and one is body wash. A name brand from before Impact. As I give the pot a final rinse and set it on the drying rack, Mack starts packing the bottles into a bag.

He reads my questioning look. “Gotta go get more provisions.”

“Oh, okay.” I assume he’s planning to trade the toiletries for food, and I’m intrigued since I had no idea he’d made any connections with other people around here.

I’d left my jacket hanging on a kitchen chair yesterday evening, so I pull it on. Then I quickly plait my hair into one long French braid, securing it with the hair tie I slipped over my wrist earlier.

Mack’s eyebrows lower. His eyes narrow. He clearly wasn’t expecting me to come along.

I meet his frown with a level, matter-of-fact look. “Are we going to have this conversation every single day?”

There’s a moment when I really don’t know how he’ll react, but then he shrugs. “Fine. Your choice. We’re taking the quad.”

I use the bathroom quickly while he finishes getting ready and meet him outside where he’s gassing up a four-wheeler-style ATV with some of the stored gasoline in Chloe’s grandpa’s storage tanks.

He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I until he swings his leg over to settle in position. I straddle the seat behind him.

“It’ll be safer for you here, even by yourself,” he mutters.

“How dangerous is it on a scale from one to ten?”

He pauses, and I wonder if he’s tempted to lie to get me to stay. He doesn’t. “Maybe four since we’re on the quad.”

“Okay. I’m coming with you.”

He shrugs again and puts the vehicle into drive.

And we’re off.

In the year after Impact, when civilization as we knew it gradually crumbled into chaos, food wasn’t the only thing hard to come by.

The basics of hygiene and self-care got more and more scarce.

People started to stink.

At first it was really noticeable. I’d gone through twenty-three years of life around people who generally showered and used deodorant. Strong body odor, when I encountered it, was startling and unpleasant. And one of the trivial things that made life even harder post-Impact was that everyone, everywhere smelled.

Including me.

What I didn’t expect was to slowly get used to it. As the months passed, I focused on people’s smells less and less, until one day I woke up and realized they don’t really bother me anymore. Occasionally I’ll encounter someone with a particularly foul fragrance and want to shy away, but generally body odor blends into the background of life. An additional detail of identity like height and the color of one’s hair. Life is rawer and grittier and dirtier than it used to be, and the fragrance of the world has changed as much as anything else.

But Mack’s scent… That’s different to me.

Riding behind him, every breath I take is filled with him. No matter how long it’s been that he’s been absent, I could recognize how he smells anywhere. It’s not very strong this morning since the air is cool and he showered earlier. I can smell the soap on him, but beneath it there’s an undernote of something warm and base and natural.

Mack.

It does something weird to me as he drives us over the same trail in the opposite direction from the one I took to get here. The scent provokes a pressure, a tightening below my belly. It isn’t lust or arousal, but it’s akin.

Like all my female parts are trying to curl into him. Grab hold of him.

It’s highly disturbing, but I can’t breathe through it or talk myself out of it. It makes me press up against him closer than necessary and squeeze my arms around him tighter.

He doesn’t talk at all as we drive through the hilly woods, but he also doesn’t pull away from me even slightly.

We’ve been going for about twenty minutes when he says without warning, “Head down.”

I do as he says immediately, ducking low against his back as his speed accelerates. We reach a clearing in the trees where there’s a ramshackle building with a few greasy-looking guys hanging around out front. One of them fires a gun at us as we pass, but it doesn’t seem like a serious attempt to hit us.

The bullet doesn’t come close, and we’re past them and back in the trees in a matter of seconds.

We drive for ten more minutes before he starts to slow down .

When we do, I realize we’re coming to some sort of settlement. It’s not a real town or even a neighborhood. Just a handful of run-down houses in somewhat close proximity.

I straighten up and peer around. One house has a couple of barking dogs. One has a few kids playing on a makeshift swing set. Eventually we get to a larger clearing where there are old vehicles parked around. A motorcycle, an ATV, and several bicycles.

More fascinated than ever, I observe wide-eyed as Mack parks near them. I dismount, and then so does he. He scans the clearing. There are maybe a dozen people hanging around and a table set up on one side.

I have absolutely no idea what’s going on here.

“Take your gun out and wait here,” he tells me, striding over toward the table without explanation.

I pull out my pistol and keep watching. A lot of the people are staring at me, and almost immediately a man around fifty comes over. He’s got a graying beard and a wiry, competent look. “You Malachi’s lady?” he asks, his eyes scanning me from top to bottom.

Malachi is Mack’s given name, but I’ve never heard anyone ever call him that.

“Uh, not… not really.”

“I been lookin’ for one for a while now. Got a good house and a garden and a few goats. Not too far—’bout ten miles to the north. You’re real purty. I like your hair. You’re not as young as I could hope, but you still got good hips for having babies. I’d set you up real good and treat you right. Ain’t never hit a lady in my life.”

My eyes get even bigger as I search for an appropriate way to handle this blunt proposal. I used to get offers like this fairly often, but things have been so settled and established in my region for the past few years that it’s been a while since a stranger asked to couple up with me.

“Thank you for the offer. I’m sure you’d be a great man to have. But I’m not looking for anyone right now.”

“Why not? Purty thing like you can’t be on her own.”

“I’m not alone. I have plenty of people. Thank you though. I hope you find someone.”

He makes a harrumphing sound and gives up, walking away.

When I look back to Mack, his head is turning away from me like he might have been watching. He’s waiting to talk to the older woman behind the table who is presently conversing with a young woman with an infant in her arms and two toddlers running circles around her.

I scan the clearing again and wait to see if anyone else will approach.

It takes about three minutes before someone else does, but this time it’s a woman.

She’s probably younger than me, but it’s hard to pinpoint her age. Her skin is stretched, and there are shadows around her eyes. It looks like she’s had a hard life. But she’s got pretty dark hair framing her face and a slim body with long, slim legs .

“Is Malachi your man?” she asks me.

Evidently it’s a common theme around here. I’m tempted to say yes since it would be easier, but I’m quite sure Mack wouldn’t appreciate the untruth. So instead, I shake my head.

“Oh good,” she says, smiling for the first time. “I was afraid he was taken. He said he wasn’t last I saw him, but that was a while back. Hard to find a man like him around here.”

“It’s hard to find a man like him anywhere,” I murmur. Then I wish I hadn’t spoken my mind because this woman is obviously after him, and I don’t want to give her any extra encouragement.

“Yeah. He’s big and strong and knows how to get things done. Not to mention he’s hot. And there’s just somethin’ about him. Like you know he’d treat you right and never hurt you.”

I swallow hard. “Yeah.”

“Anyway, few months back, when he first showed up here, I thought finally . But he told me he’s not lookin’ for somethin’ serious. But I keep trying. I think he’s warming up to me. We’ve hung out some and had a good time. So maybe…”

It feels like someone has walloped me in the gut. I’m winded. My heart sinks heavily and aches in my chest. I don’t say anything.

My silence doesn’t bother her. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re not his woman. If you might put in a good word for me, I’d sure appreciate it. My name is Lily.”

“I’m Anna,” I tell her, amazed I actually still have a voice. I feel like I might be sick, and I can’t even explain why. “Good luck to you.”

“Thanks.” She smiles again and walks away, her eyes fixed on Mack, who has been talking to the woman behind the table and is now packing things into his bag.

He finishes up in a couple more minutes and comes striding over. He gives me a few close looks before he leans over to stow the full bag in the cargo compartment. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Something wrong with you?”

“No, of course not.” I force a smile.

His frown deepens, but he doesn’t question me further. He swings his leg over the seat and then waits until I’ve climbed on behind him.

I wrap my arms around him, but I don’t lean forward or hold him as tightly as I did on the way here. I keep my back straight.

It shouldn’t upset me. When I let Mack go two years ago, I knew he’d see other women. That was the point. He needed to find someone who could give him what he wanted, what he deserved, and that could never be me.

But I thought he’d been retreating from the world for the past six months. I thought he’d been holed up on his own, licking his wounds. I’ve been so worried about him because it’s not like him at all.

Yet evidently he’s had the time and interest for screwing around with Lily.

Mack is silent for most of the drive, breaking the quiet only to tell me to duck my head when we pass by that building with the guys out front.

He’s so uncommunicative that I actually jerk in surprise when he suddenly barks out, “Tell me what the hell happened!”

“Nothing happened. I told you.” When he makes a guttural sound I can hear over the buzz of the engine, I add, “That one guy came over and asked if I wanted to be his woman.”

“Yeah, I figured. That shouldn’t have upset you.”

“It didn’t upset me.”

“Did Lily say something to upset you?”

I don’t like the way he says her name. Like he knows her. It’s such a silly and irrational feeling that I want to tamp it down, but I can’t. “No, of course not. She was friendly. She was very relieved to hear we aren’t together.”

There’s no way I can see Mack’s expression in this position, but I swear I can sense his frown. He’s thinking. Trying to figure out my mood.

I tell myself to shut up. Anything else I say is going to give him further clues, and it will be mortifying if he realizes how I’m feeling.

For some reason, I fail to listen to my good advice and ramble on instead. “She’s got a lot of hopes for you. Went on and on about how great a guy you are. And how hot. I guess the two of you have had some good times together, and she’s hoping it will turn into something serious.”

He’s breathing faster and louder. After a minute, he asks gruffly, “You jealous?”

“No! Of course I’m not jealous. I’m reporting on the conversation since you asked.”

“Sounds like you’re jealous.”

“I’m not!” My voice wobbles slightly on the last word, and my cheeks are blazing red. I make myself stop talking after that since I clearly can’t control my tone or words.

To my relief, he doesn’t say anything else, and a few minutes later we’re finally pulling back up the driveway to the cabin.

I stand next to the quad bike after I dismount, rubbing my face and composing myself. The breeze from the drive pulled half my hair out of my braid since I didn’t get it very tight this morning. With a sigh, I slip off the tie and undo the braid.

Mack straightens up after grabbing the bag of provisions from the cargo compartment. He stares at me. Then bites out, “You dumped me .”

It takes only a few seconds to catch up to what he’s saying. He’s back to my being jealous and making it clear I have no right to be.

My shoulders stiffen. “What does that have to do with anything? ”

“You dumped me. You don’t get to be jealous now.”

I’m so outraged by his terseness and his words that I sputter briefly. “You know exactly why I ended things with you, and it had nothing to do with how I feel about you. My feelings have never changed. How exactly am I supposed to stop myself from being jealous?”

He’s angry in a clipped, grumpy way, but it also looks like he’s confused. “You were never jealous before. When I was seeing other women.”

For an entire year after we broke up, he dated one woman after another in close succession. They were all smart, sweet, beautiful girls from the communities around us, and any one of them would have had all her dreams come true to have Mack become her man for good.

I hated it. Every one of them. But I made myself accept the situation since I knew so absolutely that it was best for Mack to find someone who could make him happy.

“What?” I choke out. “You think I wasn’t jealous every time you were with all those women?”

He’s breathing even faster now, sucking in thick inhalations as he stares at me. “You never acted jealous.”

“Of course I didn’t act jealous! I was trying to be good! Trying to do the right thing. Giving you what was… what was best for you. I knew it could never be me, but I wanted it to be me. I wanted to claw the face off every single woman you ever put your hands on!”

I can’t believe I just said that. I’ve worked so hard for so long to make sure he’s completely free .

We stare at each other, both of us breathless and tense, for way too long. Until finally I can’t stand it anymore. “Can we just drop this? I’m sorry I was acting petty. It doesn’t mean you’ve ever done anything wrong. You can see anyone you want. You can fuck anyone you want. You can fall in love and get married and have dozens of babies with anyone you want. And I’ll… I’ll always try to be happy for you because you deserve everything you want. So can we just drop it?”

His expression deepens into a frown again, and I don’t like how he’s still trying to dig into my brain.

So I shake myself off and walk toward the front door of the cabin, relieved when Mack follows and doesn’t restart the conversation again.

The provisions Mack traded for at the makeshift market were eggs, goat cheese, ham, and a loaf of bread. It all looks really good to me, but it’s way too early for lunch.

Mack is back to his gruff, brooding silence, and I’m awkward and restless. So I tell him I’m going to take a shower since I didn’t have time for one earlier this morning.

I don’t need to wash my hair today, so I twist it into a bun to keep it out of the way before I get in. Then I scrub down my body and stand under the spray, enjoying the hot water until it runs out .

I found a little bathrobe in the closet that was obviously Chloe’s, so I brought it with me to put on after I dry off. When I return to my bedroom, I jerk in surprise to discover that Mack is there, sitting silently on the side of the bed.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, stepping farther into the room once I’ve processed his presence.

He doesn’t say anything. Just looks at me.

“What’s going on?”

Again he doesn’t answer, but I can see his expression better now. There’s a familiar tension on his face. His eyes are crawling over my body with a heat I well recognize.

I’ll never not recognize it.

Slowly I untie the sash on my robe, letting it drop open. I wait to see what he’ll do.

He stares at the gap in my robe, his breathing accelerating.

Since he’s made no objection, I push the fabric off one shoulder and then another until the robe slips all the way to the floor, the soft fabric puddling at my feet.

I’m completely naked beneath it.

“Get over here,” he says in a hoarse murmur.

My heart hammers wildly, and my skin has started to flush. It feels like my blood has roared to life in my veins as I walk over to where he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. When I’m in arms’ reach, he grabs my hips with both hands and pulls me closer, fitting me between his parted legs .

He leans over, stretching his neck until he can take one of my breasts between his lips. He sucks the nipple. Releases it and teases it with his tongue. Then takes more of it in his mouth and works it hard.

I gasp and clutch at his shoulders, swaying toward him as the sensations flood my body. As he plays with one breast and then the other, I whimper as my pussy pulses with growing arousal. I stroke his smooth head, barely able to keep on my feet.

When he withdraws, we stare at each other for several long seconds. Then I know exactly what to do.

Somehow Mack must have read my mind because he helps guide me down to my knees in front of him. I reach over to undo his trousers and pull his cock out of his underwear. He’s already fully erect. I swipe a drop of liquid off the tip with my thumb.

When he’s scooted a few inches closer to the edge of the mattress, he reaches over to remove the clip from my bun so my hair falls loose down my back. He takes my head in both his big hands and guides it forward toward his groin.

I hold him steady with my fingers around the base of his hard shaft, giving him a few teasing licks that make his breath hitch. Then I slide my mouth around him until my lips meet my hand.

I suck hard.

His whole body twitches as he gasps out, “Fuck!”

Thrilling with excitement from his responsiveness, I take a minute to coordinate a rhythm of sucking and squeezing with my hand. The muscles of his thighs on either side of me are tensing up as I work. He’s taking long, loud, thick breaths.

When I’ve gotten comfortable, I speed up my rhythm and apply harder suction with my mouth.

“Oh fuck, Anna.” He’s still holding my head in position with both hands, and they tighten in my hair, like he’s fisting handfuls of it. “That’s right. That’s good. Just like that.”

Pleasure and the deepest sense of entitlement I’ve ever experienced are throbbing all through me. My head. My chest. My pussy. Every pulse point.

He needs this. It’s so obvious he needs it. And I’m giving it to him.

His cock is filling my mouth. I’m taking him as deep as I can without choking. I adjust on my knees to get better leverage. He’s still guiding my head, claiming the rhythm he wants. The natural scent of him surrounds me, fills my nose and my lungs. I’m making messy whimpers of pleasure and excitement as I work.

And I’ve never in my life felt more powerful. The satisfaction from it is roaring in my head and my ears.

“Yes,” he hisses with a long exhale as I adjust to my new position. “Now you’ve got it good. Take me just like that. Take me all the way. Just like that.” He’s still seated on the edge of the bed, but he’s making a primal rocking motion with his hips like he can’t quite hold them still .

I’ve gone down on Mack before. More times than I can count over the years. But only occasionally would he let me suck him to climax. He was reluctant at first because he was always so careful because of my past with Josh. But after a while he was more open to it, but he usually only let me get him started and then pulled out of my mouth to finish another way.

Maybe that’s why I’m responding the way I am right now. It’s more thrilling than any orgasm I’ve ever had, watching him let go, take what he needs from me.

His body has kept getting tighter, and his breathing more ragged as I really go at it hard. He’s staring down at me, his hot, hungry gaze never wavering. His hands are almost demanding as they hold my head, spurring me on even more.

Then he gives a sudden jerk and lets out a strangled exclamation as his cock spasms in my mouth. I slide my mouth off him and keep squeezing him as he comes in several hard spurts all over my face and neck.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, moving his hands down to hold my neck. “Fuck, Anna, that was so good.”

I’m washed with pleasure at the assurance. He helps me stand up, and then he pulls me onto the bed with him, rolling me over onto my back and climbing over me.

I think he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he wipes his come off my face and then mouths a line down my neck until he’s sucking on the sensitive spot he was working on yesterday. It was bruised this morning, but that doesn’t stop him. He mouths it until I’m gasping and arching. Then he finally moves farther down my body to my breasts.

He teases and suckles them until I’m whimpering, frantically trying to hold his head in place and move it at the same time. It feels like forever, but it’s probably not all that long when he finally slides a big hand between my thighs and fingers me.

I’m as wet as I would have been from an hour of foreplay. I cry out hoarsely and flail out with my hands, clutching at the bedding when he slides two fingers into my pussy.

He’s still got one of my breasts in his mouth, and the dual sensations tug inside me, threatening to pull me apart. I come almost immediately, my inner muscles clenching around his fingers as I make a helpless, mewing sound that is honestly kind of embarrassing.

Mack doesn’t stop thrusting his fingers or suckling at my breast. He continues as I shake through the climax until the pressure begins tightening below my belly again.

“Oh God!” I can’t lie still. My arms are stretched spread-eagled as I clutch at the coverlet. I’m tossing my head so much my hair’s all over my face, and I’m rocking my hips eagerly like I’m trying to ride his hand. “Oh God, I’m gonna come again. Fuck, Mack. Don’t stop. I’m almost there.”

He’s fucking me with his hand so hard and fast now that it’s making a wet, choppy sound. He mumbles something over my breast, but I’m too far gone to interpret the words.

I cry out loudly as I reach another orgasm. When I’ve come down, he gets up, muttering, “Hold on a second.”

Since I’m slightly dazed, I wonder if he’s giving me time to recover, but he walks out of the room. I hear him briefly in the bathroom before he returns.

I’m still sprawled exactly where he left me.

He climbs over me again, teasing my nipples and fingering my pussy. Then he lets my breast out of his mouth and withdraws his hand from between my legs. He straightens up onto his knees, pushing his trousers down farther. He’s hard again—already—and I stare in excitement at his thick erection, panting and still in an aroused blur from my orgasms.

He reaches down and turns me over onto my hands and knees. He moves one of my hands to the headboard and then the other. He repositions my legs to spread me open farther and then lines his cock up at my wet pussy.

He thrusts in, making both of us moan loudly. There’s no slow, careful buildup like I used to expect. He gets going immediately, pulling his hips back and driving into me with a vigorous rhythm.

“Oh God!” My whole body is shaking from his motion, and I’m clutching at the headboard to hold my position. “Oh God, Mack, yes! Fuck me just like that.”

He makes a loud sound of satisfaction that doesn’t form any clear words. He’s working so hard now that he has to lean forward so he can brace himself on the headboard too. Our bodies are slapping together. I can still hear that carnal sound of wet suction. My lungs and chest and throat are burning, and we’re both grunting in time with our rhythm.

When all the pressure inside me finally shatters, I give a loud sob as deep pleasure pulses through me. He keeps pushing into my spasming pussy, groaning in a long, stretched way like he’s exerting massive effort.

After my orgasm has finally worked through me, Mack slides his cock out at last. I turn around to face him, overwhelmed by the hungry need in his expression. Still completely in sync, he moves onto his back, and I crawl toward him so he can guide my head back down to his groin.

“Yes,” he rasps as I slide his cock back into my mouth. “Fuck, yes, that’s what I need. That’s what I need.”

His words are raw and almost unconscious, but nothing he could have said would have thrilled me more. I hollow out my cheeks and bob my head as fast and hard as I can so I can get him where he needs to go.

He was pretty far gone, so it doesn’t take very long. He holds my head and rocks up with small thrusts as his body tightens like a fist. Then his cock shudders, and his whole body shakes as he lets out a bellow as he comes.

I didn’t plan ahead, so he ejaculates into my mouth, but I swallow it down as best I can. Then I keep sucking him through the last of the contractions as he moans and gasps and slowly relaxes.

He’s soft in my mouth before he loosens his hold on my head. I sit up, almost trembling in the aftermath of everything I’m feeling.

His eyes have been closed, but he opens them as I reposition myself. He must see something on my face but not know how to interpret it. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

“Was I too rough for you?” He must get worried because he raises his head with a frown. “You shoulda told?—”

“It wasn’t too rough!” I swallow hard and tell him the truth. “It was exactly what I wanted.”

He releases a long breath and lets his head fall back to the mattress. His body is softer now than I’ve seen it in a really long time. “Yeah. Me too.”

I lie down next to him, curling on my side, catching my breath and enjoying the aftermath of such a deep physical release. Beyond that is a different kind of flutter in my heart. His checking in with me like that—his concern that he took it too far—means at heart he’s still the Mack I’ve always known.

After a while, he turns his head toward me. I meet his eyes but have no idea what to say.

He must not either because we end up lying on the bed and gazing at each other for a really long time.