Chapter One

“I’M SORRY,Mr. Blackstone, I know this is hard to hear so soon after losing your wife,” the pediatric oncologist said in a sympathetic and yet emotionless tone. Ryan figured when you’d given the news enough times, it became easier to say—but not easier to hear. “I concur with my colleagues that have reviewed your son’s case. Leo has leukemia.”

What was it about that word that sounded like a snake wrapping itself around his son’s tiny body? Ryan gripped the arms of the chair and tried to slow his heartbeat.

“What happens now?”

The doctor steepled his hands. “We’ll begin a course of chemotherapy. The first round will be aggressive. You need to be prepared for that.”

“When will we know if it’s working?”

“Months. Or longer. We can’t predict how a body will respond.”

Ryan walked out of the doctor’s office in a daze. His wife’s passing in a car accident three weeks ago was terrible. Now the same accident that spared his son led to a horrible diagnosis. It was an unspeakable thought, but it was a slight consolation that he could give up the role of grieving husband and focus on Leo.

A widower for three weeks and he was already sick of the sad looks and words of comfort everyone around him wanted to offer. He couldn’t stand another person telling him how perfect he and Lindsay were together and what a wonderful life they’d shared. Ryan didn’t know what wonderful was supposed to be, but it wasn’t what he shared with Lindsay. His sister Stephanie had introduced them. Lindsay and Stephanie were sorority sisters at Florida AM. Lindsay McKenzie was vivacious and driven. His parents thought she was the perfect partner for him. His sister insisted they were right for each other. He proposed to get people to stop asking him when he was going to rather than as a declaration of love. At first it was convenient that Lindsay took over their homelife so he could manage the rapid success and growth of Blackstone Financial Technologies. As time went on, her insistence on living a lifestyle that matched her vision and goals strained their relationship.

Seattle Children’s Hospital was only three miles from his home but separated by Lake Washington. Thankfully, the traffic on the 405 bridge wasn’t heavy in the late morning, and he pulled up to his home on the other side of the lake in less than twenty minutes. He looked up at the white fa?ade, and the usual feeling of gloom settled over him. Ryan hated the house Lindsay insisted they had to have. The white stucco exterior with massive columns, arched windows, and terra-cotta roof belonged in California, not in the Pacific Northwest. He’d wanted a midcentury home or maybe a classic Craftsman. Lindsay insisted they needed something grander where they could entertain clients and her society friends. The right home, the right friends, belonging to the right country club, those were the things that mattered to Lindsay. It made her a better fit with his family than he was. His parents and sister adored Lindsay, their values all aligning: money, social status, and conservative views.

Ryan parked in the three-car garage next to the house, his gaze flickering to the empty spot where Lindsay’s Mercedes had been. She had insisted a $150,000 SUV was necessary when she became pregnant. Not because it was supposed to be safer, but because it’s what her friends with kids drove. That car still sat at the far end of the garage. No, it was her other Mercedes, the one she insisted she needed for her “fun” car, that couldn’t withstand a head-on collision with a street racer who lost control.

His sister pounced on him as soon as he walked in the door. “What did the doctor say?”

He took a moment to steady his voice. “He confirmed the diagnosis. Leo will need to start chemotherapy. We have an intake appointment with oncology at Children’s tomorrow.”

Blue eyes the color of the lake outside the window, a match to his own, became bright with unshed tears. “Oh no. Have you told mom and dad yet? Lindsay’s parents?”

“No, I’m still trying to process the diagnosis myself. Where’s Leo?”

“He’s upstairs in his room with Mrs. Lieu.” Stephanie’s mouth turned down. “I think now it’s even more important to hire a proper nanny for him. Mrs. Lieu is hardly qualified for the special care Leo is going to need.”

“Stephanie, I’m not going to have this argument with you again. Mrs. Lieu has worked for me since before I married Lindsay. She’s a part of this family and an excellent caregiver for Leo.”

Stephanie’s mouth pressed into a thin line. This wasn’t over. He could see the fight in her eyes. Most of the time it was easier to give in than argue, but Mrs. Lieu’s presence in his life was nonnegotiable.

His sister never warmed up to the Vietnamese woman he’d hired as a housekeeper. When he first started his company, he bought a building in Seattle’s Belltown neighborhood and used the lower floors for office space. Ryan turned the top floor into an apartment. Mrs. Lieu kept him fed and the condo from turning into a pigsty while he worked a grueling schedule at his financial tech company. It was the one thing he put his foot down with Lindsay. Whatever home they moved to, Mrs. Lieu came with it. Lindsay realized with Mrs. Lieu around she had more time for her friends and hobbies, so she let go of any complaints. The two women weren’t friends, but as long as Lindsay stayed out of Mrs. Lieu’s way, and as long as Mrs. Lieu kept the refrigerator stocked with salads, there was peace in the land.

Ryan ran his hand through his hair and heaved a sigh. “Look, Steph, I have a lot to take care of before tomorrow. I’ve got to rearrange my schedule, and I’ll be working remotely from now on.”

“I’ve got it. I’ll take care of work for you. Don’t worry about that.”

“I didn’t mean to snap at you before. It would be good for Leo to have a nurse. I can’t ask Mrs. Lieu to care for Leo and manage the house. That would be too much for her.”

Ryan never intended for Mrs. Lieu to help care for Leo and handle everything else she did: cooking, cleaning, and managing scheduling for the gardener and other services. He knew she would if he asked. Mrs. Lieu was more of a grandmother figure to Leo than Ryan’s own mother was. She loved Leo as if he were her own grandchild, and Ryan loved her for it, but it was too much to ask of her. He’d been putting off hiring a nanny. At first he thought he could manage everything on his own, but he was already overwhelmed trying to keep up with work and Leo’s care. His sister was right; as usual she was looking out for him, and he needed to remember to appreciate it.

His sister’s expression brightened. “I’ll call an agency tomorrow.”

He should take care of it himself, but he already had so much to deal with, it would make it easier to let Stephanie take care of it.

“Thanks, sis.”

Between Mrs. Lieu and his sister, Ryan could focus on what he loved, writing algorithms and studying numbers. He’d always had a natural affinity for math. He happily spent hours analyzing data. Before he received his degree in data science and his master’s in business and technology, he sold the first banking program he’d written. A year after college he created an investment algorithm that every investment firm in the country was clamoring to buy. Instead of selling the program, his parents encouraged him to start his own firm, and Blackstone Financial Technologies was born. With his family’s involvement and Stephanie’s leadership in sales, they grew the company to nearly a billion dollars in revenue last year. He started life in a well-to-do family; now they had wealth that meant anything they wanted or needed was always within reach. Ryan didn’t care about the money, but he enjoyed the convenience it brought to his life and happily shared it with his family and Lindsay’s parents. Being able to use work he enjoyed to take care of his loved ones reassured Ryan he was fulfilling his role in the family. Oldest son, big brother, responsible husband and father. All the roles he’d been taught a man was supposed to fulfill. For a long time, he’d believed it was enough to make him happy. Since Lindsay’s death and Leo’s diagnosis, he’d started questioning what brought him happiness and a sense of fulfillment.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. Don’t worry, Ryan, everything’s going to be okay.” Stephanie gave him a quick peck on the cheek and said goodbye. Thankfully, she didn’t mention prayer, as Lindsay’s parents constantly preached. Their answer to everything was faith, sometimes putting prayer before common sense.

Ryan went upstairs to Leo’s room. His heart stuttered the same way it had every day since the accident. The dark shadows under Leo’s eyes, against his pale skin, seemed to get worse with each passing day. He was going to lose his light brown curls, the fine strands a mixture of his parents’. Every day Ryan got to look at bright blue eyes that matched his own and brought him more joy than he’d ever thought possible.

“Daddy!” Leo pushed himself out of Mrs. Lieu’s arms and threw himself into Ryan’s arms.

Ryan’s little boy wasn’t as energetic as he used to be, and the bruises he’d gotten in the accident still stood out against his skin. Ryan picked him up, Leo’s small body clinging to him like a spider monkey.

“Did you have a good day, buddy?”

Leo’s face fell. “I didn’t get to go to school again, Daddy.”

Ryan rubbed his back, sharing a worried look with Mrs. Lieu over Leo’s shoulder. “I know. But you know what? Summer is almost here. What do you think about starting summer early and not going back to school?”

“Because I’m sick?”

“Yeah.” Ryan’s voice became thick. “You’re going to have to spend some time at the hospital, but I’ll be there with you the whole time.”

“But Mommy won’t be there, will she? Because she’s still dead.”

A child’s wisdom could bring great joy or break your heart. There wasn’t a parenting book in the world that could prepare you for that. Ryan decided early on that honesty was best when it came to what happened to Lindsay. Her parents could weave fairy tales about how she was an angel in heaven, but Ryan didn’t want to create a narrative that would give his son false hope.

“You’re right. Mommy won’t be there. But I’ll be there, and Mrs. Lieu will be there, and your Aunt Stephanie. Maybe Grandma and Grandpa McKenzie will come for a visit, and grandma and grandpa Blackstone too.”

“Grandpa McKenzie only wants to talk about football.” Leo pouted while he fastened and unfastened the top button on Ryan’s shirt.

“I think Grandpa McKenzie likes to share about his job with you.”

“I don’t want to play football or be a football coach.”

“And you don’t have to. You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up.”

Leo wiggled out of his arms. Ryan put him down gently, and he went to play with his Legos.

Mrs. Lieu gestured for Ryan to follow her out to the hall.

“What did the doctor say?”

“The same as all the others: leukemia. He’s going to have to start chemo right away.”

The diminutive woman’s face fell. After a few moments, she nodded. “Okay, then. I’m going to cancel my trip home.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. You’ve been looking forward to visiting your family in Vietnam for months.”

“You aren’t asking. I’m telling. You send me every six months. Missing one trip won’t be a sacrifice. Besides—” She tilted her head, gazing up at him, her dark eyes beginning to brim with tears. “—you are my family too. You were there for me when I lost my beloved Danh nine years ago, and I’m going to be here for you now.”

He’d argue, but once Mrs. Lieu made up her mind about something, she became a heavy stone that would not be moved without a significant amount of effort. It was a different kind of stubbornness than his sister’s. Mrs. Lieu always listened, and her determination came with motherly love. Knowing she would be with them for the tough days ahead was a relief.

“Thank you, Su.” He rarely used her first name. Calling her Mrs. Lieu seemed to fit. It might have seemed more formal, but it was always said with genuine affection.

She patted his cheek. “We’ll get through this one day at a time. It’s not going to be easy, Ryan, but I’ll be here.”

SLEEP ELUDEDhim again that night. Sleepless nights had become a constant after Leo’s diagnosis. Ryan would need every moment of rest he could get to make it through the tough days ahead. Fear kept his eyes open. Staring at the ceiling, Ryan couldn’t stop replaying the meeting with the doctor in his head. At the first signs of the sky lightening to a dull purple-blue, Ryan left his bed. It would be another rainy spring day in Seattle. The gray reflected his mood. He walked into his home office and sat down at his desk with a heavy sigh as he made preparations for what was to come. As weary and heavy as he felt now, Ryan wasn’t prepared for the brutal days, weeks, and months ahead fighting to keep his son alive.