14. Jordan

FOURTEEN

Maybe gettingmy ears pierced unlocked a secret superpower in me, or maybe I'm a whore for jewelry and Blaise's promise was the incentive I needed, but my game over the next few weeks is on fire. Coach actually smiles at me. Twice!

And just like I boasted to Blaise, the rest of the team can't stand the idea of me being better than them, so they lift their game to match. We're gelling like we never have before, and considering what a close-knit team we are, that's really saying something. Whatever it is, we win the first four games of the season, two of them so easily that I wonder if we have a secret benefactor paying off the other teams. That's not something I'd ever say out loud, though.

I decided to keep my piercings—I tape them for games, since that's more comfortable under a batting helmet. Plus, the stones catch the light a lot, and as much as I like being the center of attention, the last thing I need is to get in trouble with an umpire because I'm too distracting.

Speaking of distracting people…

I FaceTime my sister.

"Jordy, I'm in the middle of what did you do to your ears oh my god!" she shrieks, then bursts out laughing. I knew she'd react that way. "Jamie, come and see this!"

"Hi to you too, sis."

"Don't talk to me while I'm blinded by your pimp bling." She snorts at her own joke. "Holy crap, Jordy, are those real piercings or are you pranking me?"

Jamie's face appears in view before I can answer. "Hi, Jordan. What are we— Oh." He grins as I move my head to catch the light. "They look surprisingly good on you."

"Thanks, bro. See, Mila? That's how you support family."

"You don't need my support to wear jewelry," she points out. "They do look good, even if I wasn't expecting to see them. Are they real?"

"Yep. I lost a bet." I scowl. Stupid game. As soon as that app gets released, I'm downloading it and kicking the shit out of level one—and level two.

"Of course you did. Did the terms also say you had to have the biggest studs available? I mean, there are bigger ones out there, but not by much."

"Nah, that was all me. Blaise tried to convince me to get the smaller ones, but go big or go home, right?"

Mila blinks, and then she and Jamie exchange glances.

"Blaise… as in blowjob Blaise?"

I cringe. "Rude, Mila."

"Sorry. I meant, Blaise, as in the guy who sold you a suit and gave you a blowjob?"

I nod. "That's him."

"So… you've seen him again?" Jamie asks, trying to be casual but failing.

"We're friends. And he's letting me practice gay sex with him. You know, fuck buddies."

Mila makes a doubting face. "That's not exactly fuck buddies, if he's coming with you to get your ears pierced."

"How would you know?" She's dated one other guy besides Jamie, and I'm pretty sure they never fucked.

Jamie laughs. "Yeah, babe, how would you know?" he teases, and she elbows him.

"I have friends who had fuck buddies. They never went shopping together."

I shrug. "Well, we're friends who fuck then. I dunno. Does everything need to fit in a box?"

"Of course not," Jamie assures me. "It's good that you're making more friends outside the team. Congrats on the killer season so far, by the way. I've been watching your games, and you're playing like magic."

"Don't jinx me," I warn. "Blaise said he'd buy me a pair of earrings for every game we won."

They exchange another glance. "Did he?" Mila asks. "That's nice of him. Are you guys hanging out a lot?"

"Well, sure. His friend Calla loves ball and just started dating Polly, so she brings him to games when he's not working. And we have dinner and sex a few times a week. Plus he's doing these costumes for people going to a convention, and sometimes I help him with that."

Mila puts her face in her hands.

"What?" I ask.

"She's being dramatic," Jamie says. "So Blaise likes baseball?"

"I think he's starting to. He'd never been to a game before he met me, but he says he's been having fun."

"Uh-huh. And do he and his friends come hang out with the team after games?"

"Sure, when we're playing at home. Boyle's sister and Blaise's friend Butch are dating now too."

"Your friendship group is way too incestuous," Mila says, the words muffled by her hands. Because she's still being dramatic.

"Tell us about helping him with the costumes," Jamie prompts, ignoring her. "I didn't know you were into that stuff."

I lean back in my desk chair. "I'm not, but it's kind of fun. Mostly I do grunt work—cut out pattern pieces and hold pins and iron seams open. Did you know you have to iron seams open when you're making clothes?"

"I did not."

"But one of the costumes needs horns, and Blaise couldn't find any that fit the concept that didn't cost a bomb, so next week we're making them with wire and papier-maché."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah. It's better than just watching TV while we hang out, though we do that too sometimes. We decided to start that vintage show everyone used to love—Friends."

Mila's hands come down, and she stares at me. "How can you be this stupid?"

I blink. "What?"

"Jordy, you're dating him!"

"Don't call me Jordy," I say automatically, my brain in a tailspin. "And what the fuck are you talking about?"

"It does sound like you're boyfriends, dude," Jamie says apologetically. "You hang out all the time just watching TV, help him with his work, he comes to your games… he offered to buy you jewelry."

"No, that's…" Click, click, click go the puzzle pieces. "Oh my god."

"Yeah."

"I think I have a secret boyfriend." So secret that neither of us even knew about it.

"Congratulations?" Mila offers. "He sounds great."

I smile, the issue of what to do next seeming less urgent all of a sudden. "He really is. His dad is a total asshole, and his mom died, so he's basically on his own, but his friends are so supportive. He's got goals and he's so determined to meet them—it makes me want to try harder, you know?"

"Wow. I can't believe you didn't know you were together."

In retrospect… neither can I.

Now that I've discovered I have a secret boyfriend, I need to work out what I'm going to do about it. I still don't want to do the whole big coming out thing—and I think Coach would murder me if I tried. The media is mostly focused on our winning streak at the moment, but Hannaway's name does still come up, and that's probably going to continue until he's tried—or whatever happens in cases like this. I should find that out. Regardless, I don't want my name mentioned unless it's connected to my game and my stats, so that's a problem I'm going to need to solve… and discuss with Blaise.

About that… does Blaise know? Like, this whole time, has he known we're boyfriends and just thought I wanted it kept a secret? Because I'm not sure how I feel about that. It would mean that we're really shitty communicators, for one thing, but also that he thinks I'm basically making him go back in the closet. Or that I'm ashamed of being with him?

The other option is that he's just as oblivious as I am and also doesn't realize we're secret boyfriends. Which is scary, because what if he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, and once I tell him that's what we are, he decides to end things between us? I don't want that. I actually want more, if I'm being honest. I like the idea of hanging out with him more often and kissing him more. I've been… not avoiding kisses, because that would be stupid, but sometimes I've wanted to kiss him and haven't because it seemed too intimate for friends.

I want to be intimate with him. What happens if he doesn't want that too?

I don't know exactly, but I know it's not a situation I can just leave the way it is.

Which is why I'm on the street outside his apartment, waiting for him to get home from work. I texted him earlier and asked if I could come over, and even though he's never said no when I ask him that, this time I held my breath waiting for a reply. I was irrationally afraid that he was going to tell me he had a date or something. I guess knowing I'm in a secret relationship has made me paranoid.

A car turns the corner ahead, the headlights preventing me from seeing If It's Blaise's as it gets closer. Then it's close enough to blind me, and I look away—just as it turns into the forecourt of Blaise's building. Yes!

He parks in his spot, and I get out of my car and walk over to meet him.

"Hi," he says, smiling brightly at me as he slams his car door. The overhead fluorescents mean I can see every inch of him, and I'm reminded of how sexy he is. Men in suits—even famous ones—never really did it for me, but something about Blaise in his work clothes makes me wonder why suits aren't legally mandated for all men.

Of course, he looks a lot better in his suit than I do in mine. I don't know how he does it.

"Hey." I shove my hands in my pockets, suddenly nervous, and his smile fades.

"Everything okay? I thought you were working on your Communications paper tonight."

"I am. I mean, I was." Not all that hard, though. I was too distracted after I talked to Mila and Jamie. "But I, uh, need to talk to you about something."

He looks dead serious now, likely in response to me sounding like I'm about to go to my own funeral, and it changes his face. I hadn't really thought about how… happy is the wrong word. Animated, maybe? His face is always so friendly and open, even when he's talking about something that's painful, and to see it close down in this solemn way makes me feel shitty. "It's not bad," I add. "I think. Just… Could we go upstairs?" The late winter evening is chilly.

Nodding, he leads the way, and when we're inside, I look around and wonder how I ever thought we were just friends. That's my hoodie on one of the kitchen stools and my Stats textbook on the coffee table. I don't leave my stuff scattered like that at my other friends' places.

Folding my arms across my stomach, I turn to face him.

"Jordan, you gotta tell me what this is about. Because you said it isn't bad, but you look like your dog just died." His face falls. "Oh, shit. Did?—"

"Nobody died," I assure him. "I don't have a dog." He did, though, when he was little. A yellow lab called Sunny. I have no idea if any of my other friends had childhood pets.

"Then what is it? Did you meet someone and want to end us? Do you have Chlamydia? What?"

I blink. Why did his mind go straight to an STI? Oh my god, does he think I'm fucking other people? Is he? "Nothing like that. Uh… so I was talking to my sister before."

"Mila." He nods. "Did she and Jamie decide if they're going to start looking for a new place, or wait another year?"

Howdid I not know? Seriously. How?

"It didn't come up. Anyway, it was a video call, because I wanted to show her…" I lift a hand to my ear. "And somehow we started talking about you. And…" I falter, and he walks over and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Jordan. Seriously. Just say it."

"Did you know we're secret boyfriends?"