Chapter 13

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

Liv

I feel an overwhelming sense of relief as I finally get out of my classes for the day. Watching a video of a ballet dancer doing pirouette after pirouette made me feel even more nauseous, but I couldn’t afford to miss another day of class.

Yesterday, I just needed to numb myself to get through the day somehow. I’m still feeling hurt but spending the day sitting with my grief was helpful. Allowing myself to remember and miss them will eventually help me move on, or so my therapist says. We’ll see.

This morning, I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a bus and couldn’t remember anything after I got to the beach yesterday, like how they found me or how I got there. I found myself lying between the twins in River’s room, with Chase asleep in River’s desk chair and Jaxon standing beside the bed with a glass of water and pain meds. He didn’t say anything, and there was no accusation or pity in his eyes, just understanding. I took the pills, had a shower, and put on yesterday’s sweats again, but I needed to get home so I could get a fresh set of clothes.

As I stepped out of the shower, I found Ryder and River waiting for me at the door. They were all set to drive my car to my apartment complex, since Jaxon told them that I might still be a little too drunk to drive. I was grateful for their concern, but I wanted to take care of myself. I insisted on driving myself, and after some convincing, they reluctantly agreed. As I walked out, I could sense their unease, but I promised them that I would be careful.

Now I’m walking towards my car, which I parked just off campus, and all I can think about is getting something greasy to eat to satisfy my growling stomach. I place a hand on my belly, trying to calm it down.

“We’ll get you something disgustingly unhealthy, like a burger swimming in grease,” I mutter to myself, but I hear a laugh from behind me.

I turn to see River and Ryder grinning at me, while Chris comes up and puts her arm around my shoulders.

“You’re my kind of girl,” she says with a laugh, and I smile, but the movement hurts my head.

“We know just the place, baby. River, do you want to drive with her or with me?” Ryder asks.

“Back off, Casanova. I haven’t seen my BFF in far too long. You guys can take your rusty car,” Chris interjects, taking my hand and starting to pull me towards my car, but I resist her. Instead, I turn to Ryder with a big smile, forgetting about my headache.

“Your car is fixed?” I ask. He steps closer to me and kisses my nose.

“Yes, I got it back yesterday morning, good as new,” he replies. River coughs, and Chris chuckles.

“If by new you mean ready for the scrap heap,” she says.

“At least it won’t break down again on the side of the road,” Ryder says with a huff.

“What a pity,” I tease, giving him a playful look, and his eyes fill with heat.

“Uh-uh, you guys are gross,” Chris interrupts, pulling me again, and this time, I let her.

Ryder drives in front of us, River riding with him, and I just follow them.

“I missed you, you know,” Chris starts.

“I missed you too, but we did workout last week together,” I say, smiling at her.

“Yeah, but that was like a week ago, and we couldn’t talk much because Ryder was there too,” she says. “Next time, don’t be such a drama queen when one of them fucks up, and I’m telling you, they will fuck up. You just come to me, and we’ll go drinking or do a girls’ weekend at a spa or some shit.” I laugh and reach for Chris’ hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go.

“You know, for someone studying psychology, you’re not very good with emotional stuff,” I tease, and she nods in agreement.

“I know, right? Maybe I should drop out,” she says, and I chuckle.

“Stop it,” I say.

“I could be a great stripper, but I don’t want creepy men leering at me. Maybe I’ll ask Jaxon to open a women’s only strip club for me and call it Lady Lust Lounge,” she says.

“You might want to work on the name a bit, or else girls will come in, thinking it’s a male strip club, and find you,” I say, chuckling again.

“I could definitely convince them to stay, though,” she says, and I smile at her before taking the turn Ryder just did.

“You sure would. I think your stripper name should be Diamond Diva,” I say.

“Huh, I like that. Yours would be Temptation Tango,” she says, and I burst out laughing.

“God, that was just bad,” I say.

* * *

We enter a diner that looks like it’s straight out of the sixties. Ryder holds the door open for us and pinches my ass as I walk past him. I scowl at him, but he just grins. We sit in a booth, with me squeezed between River and Ryder, and both of them place a hand on my knee. The waitress comes to our table, bringing us each a laminated menu, and I look over the options.

“If you want greasy, you should take the cheeseburger. It’s so good,” River says in my ear. I smile up at him, and he looks at me affectionately before pecking my lips.

“Could you guys stop with the smooching? I don’t want to lose my appetite,” Chris says, her eyes on her own menu, and I chuckle.

“How are things going with your classmate?” I ask her. Ryder and River turn their heads to her in sync, seemingly surprised by this information, and I bite my lip. Fuck, I shouldn’t have mentioned anything in front of them. Except Chris just smiles at me.

“Good. I asked for her number and she gave it to me. We’re texting,” she says, and I let out a shriek of excitement.

“Really? That’s awesome!” I exclaim. “Are you guys going out?”

“I haven’t asked her yet,” Chris mumbles, and Ryder makes chicken noises before I elbow him in the ribs.

“Ouch,” he mutters, rubbing his side.

“I think you should ask her out, Chris,” I say, trying to encourage her. “You’re amazing, and any girl would be lucky to go out with you.” She looks at me and smiles, a hint of nervousness in her eyes.

“Thanks. I’ll try to work up the courage to ask her.”

The waitress comes back to take our orders, and we all get a burger and fries. The conversation flows easily between us, with jokes and laughter filling the air. It feels good to be with them, to forget everything else and just enjoy the moment for a while. I take a bite of a fry, relishing in the pure potato goodness, before turning to Ryder.

“When is your band’s next gig?” I ask him, but he shrugs in response.

“We don’t have one scheduled,” he replies. I glance over at River and see him make a face before Ryder continues. “It’s not easy to get gigs here. There’s a lot of competition.” I nod.

“You guys should make a YouTube channel and upload some videos. That could get you more exposure and help with getting booked,” I suggest, grabbing another fry, and Ryder smiles.

“You think it’s that easy to get famous on YouTube?” he asks, a hint of humor in his eyes.

“I don’t know, but I’ve heard if you do it right, you can get millions of subscribers,” I tease back.

“As if one of you could get millions of subs on that platform,” Chris mutters, causing River to nearly choke on his fry before bursting out in laughter. She shoots me a smile.

“Ryder, why don’t you give it a try? What do you have to lose?” I offer, feeding him one of my fries. He bites it off near my finger and licks my fingertip before leaning back.

“I don’t know how to film or do any of that social media stuff,” he admits.

“Yeah, I don’t think Ryder even has any social media,” Chris says with a chuckle, and I raise a brow.

“You know, you’ve got a girlfriend who’s not too bad with those things,” I say, smiling at him.

“Right, I do,” he says, pulling me closer, putting our foreheads together. “Would you help us make a video and upload it to YouTube for us, pretty please?” he asks, his hand in my hair massaging my scalp.

“I’d love to,” I whisper, and he finally kisses me until I hear a fake puking sound from across the table.

“Seriously, guys, stop it,” Chris says, and River squeezes my knee. I laugh and push Ryder away, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks.

“All right, all right, we’ll save the PDA for later,” I say and turn back to my food, taking a big bite of my burger, my head already feeling so much better. “So, when do we start?” I ask Ryder with a smile.

“We’re meeting tomorrow after classes in our band room. I can text them and ask if they’re up for it,” he says.

“Perfect, please do and let me know the location if they’re down,” I reply before taking another bite of my food.

After we finish our meal, we head back to the cars. Since it’s on the way, we drive to Chris’ apartment complex, where she gives me a hug before getting out of the car, promising to text me later about her potential date. Before I can start the car again, River jogs over to the driver side, and since my top is open and windows down, he leans into the car.

“You doing okay, beautiful?” he asks pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear, concern etched on his face.

I nod, but the truth is I’m not sure. I’m still grieving, still hurting, and I don’t know how to move forward, but I force a smile and answer.

“I will be,” I say, trying to convince myself as much as him. “Thanks for the food and company.”

“Should we come over?” he asks, trying to read my face.

“I think I need some time alone, if that’s all right with you guys,” I reply, and he caresses my cheek.

“Sure, text me if you change your mind, okay?” he asks before leaning in to kiss me gently and whispering, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whisper back before he steps away from the car and I drive off.

I make my way up to my apartment, feeling the weight of the day on my shoulders, but as I unlock the door and step inside, I feel a sense of relief wash over me. This is my safe space, my sanctuary, and I can finally let myself be vulnerable. I collapse on my bed and close my eyes, taking a deep breath, letting the tears fall.