Chapter 30

30

" C lear your mind, Barbs," he instructs. "Now picture your shield expanding."

I do as he says, focusing on the energy shimmering around me but also making sure I keep its signature hidden. Easier said than done, though. Within moments, I crash to the ground, sweat dripping down my face as I heave uncontrollably.

"Almost there, sweet thing," Nyk says as he leans down to pat my hair. "You've already done better than anyone I know."

"But I've only reached the second gate," I say in between harsh puffs of air. "It's going to take me forever to get to the fourth."

He smiles.

"You will do it. I know you will."

"I appreciate your confidence in me, but I'm tired," I complain as I slump down. I lie on my back on the grass and stare at the semi-dark sky.

We've been here two weeks now and the lack of light has certainly taken a toll on my body. I laugh less, I smile less, I do everything less except for sleep. When it comes to sleep, I'd just sleep the days away. But with Nykander waking me up every single day to train, it's nearly impossible to get a moment to myself.

He does everything.

He cooks. He cleans. He takes care of the dogs. In return, all I have to do is train.

And I'm so damn tired of it.

"Can I have a break?" I glance up at him, batting my lashes flirtatiously.

He tilts his head to the side and lifts one brow.

"Open your third gate and we will talk."

"But… How?" I cry out in frustration, flailing my limbs around.

"It's all in here, Barbs," he says as he takes a seat on the grass next to me and points at my head. "Clear your mind and let go of all your doubts. Trust yourself and your abilities. Now enough rolling on the grass. I want you to hit those targets with your energy." He points toward a few wooden sticks a distance away.

"What?"

"As I said before. Picture your shield as an unlimited resource that you can draw from. Take a piece of it and aim it at the target."

And with that, he gets up and leaves, going to spend time with the dogs.

I want to spend time with them, but I barely have time to sleep and eat.

Grumbling a few curses under my breath, I get up and position myself in front of the targets.

Closing my eyes, I picture my energy shield in my mind. Pink particles shimmer around me, surrounding me from head to toe.

Initially, it's only a few inches thick. But I do as Nyk instructed and I push against it, willing it to become wider.

The first few tries result in failure—as the hundreds of times before it.

The shape and size of my shield does not budge. It remains steady. And when I feel like I am about to lose control of my cloaking spell, I stop altogether.

I release a deep breath as I rest my hands on top of my knees. I might not channel enough energy to hit the targets, but the mere exercise of summoning my shield while cloaking it is entirely exhausting.

Not one to give up, though, I take a five-minute break before I try again. And again. For hours on end.

Unfortunately, each exercise ends in utter failure.

Tired, sweaty, and barely in control of my own body, I slowly make my way back inside the lighthouse. I haven't seen Nykander in a few hours, so I assume he's inside with the dogs.

The moment I open the door to the lighthouse, a delicious smell of roast meat wafts toward me, making me salivate.

I am on autopilot as my feet lead me to the kitchen on the first floor where Nykander is arranging the dinner table with a variety of dishes. There are bowls filled with soup, roasted meat, and vegetables as well as warm bread.

"Come eat," he says when he sees me stare at the food.

"Damn it, I am ravenous, Nyk," I blurt out as I take a seat. I don't even wait for him as I dig in, eating a mouthful of meat and washing it with soup. I take a little of each, stuffing my mouth as if this is the last meal I'm ever going to have. But with the way my body has been consuming energy recently, I doubt this will be enough.

"Easy, Barbs." Nykander chuckles.

"You spend an entire day training and then eat slowly," I mutter in between bites.

"How did the last round go?"

"The same."

"Do not worry too much. It will happen," he mentions as he pats me gently on the shoulder.

I glare at him, but it only serves to amuse him further.

My portion is not enough, and I finish everything within minutes. Nykander gives me seconds, then thirds.

"You certainly worked an appetite," he jokes when he pours the last of the soup in my bowl.

"I've never eaten so much in my life," I say, my mouth filled with food. I am the least ladylike woman in this moment, and if my mother saw me, she would have a fit. But if I am training like a soldier, then maybe I am allowed a respite from those socially constructed standards.

"I have dessert, too," Nyk says.

"Chocolate?"

He shakes his head.

Taking the dishes from the table, he uses his tentacles to wash them in the sink while he extends his arm toward me.

"Feed, Barbs. You need it."

I gulp down. Not only do I need it, but I crave it.

With how grueling the training has been lately, Nykander has fed me his blood daily. He rarely takes more than a few drops from me a day, saying I need all the energy to work.

Although his blood works wonders on my stamina, refreshing both my mind and body, the fact that he hasn't fed directly from my neck in so long has put a damper on our growing intimacy.

We sleep together. We sometimes kiss. But we haven't done more than that. Of course, the moment I hit the pillow, my eyes are closed, so it's hard to muster up the energy for bedroom activities. Still, somehow I'd hoped that when we got here, we'd be able to move things along a bit faster.

Though I had been the one to suggest we take things slow, now I am the one who is impatient.

"You should go shower. I have already fed and walked the dogs. I even got Ander a new toy to chew on when I went into town," he mentions with a smile. "I shall finish cleaning up and I will join you in bed."

With that, he turns his back to me, effectively dismissing me.

I am too tired to pick a fight with him for his lack of attention. Dear Lord, but I'm becoming as needy as Ander, requiring words of affirmation every five seconds to know I am loved.

Speaking of love. Has Nykander ever said the words to me before?

My brows draw together as I try to remember.

I slowly walk up the stairs, wobbling every now and then from the ache in my muscles. When I reach the third floor and get inside the bathroom, I still have not found an answer to that question.

He has mentioned time and time again that he feels something for me, but has he defined that something?

I discard my sweaty clothes and throw them in the laundry bag. Turning on the shower, I step inside. There is a slightly sweet smell that accompanies the jet of hot green water. You'd think I would have gotten used to it by now, but these odd features never fail to startle me.

I scrub my skin clean, after which I apply some of the lotion Nykander had gotten for me.

How the hell can I doubt him or be mad at him when he's so thoughtful?

Half the day he spends with me, training. The other half he goes into nearby towns to buy food, clothes, and any other items I or the dogs might need. Although the main purpose is to gather intel, he has never come home without a small gift—which always warms my heart.

As I get out of the bathroom, sure enough, I spot a little package on the bed.

Chocolate. Or, at least, the Tartarian version, which is more bitter.

My lips curve up in a smile.

"Thank you, Nyk," I whisper, knowing he can hear me.

I eat the chocolate and nestle between the clean sheets.

"I am happy you like today's surprise," he murmurs from the doorway. He's leaning against the wall, dressed in a pair of loose dark pants and a white shirt that emphasizes his striking looks.

The gray of his eyes is different in this lighting, the color more like a silver white.

He steps inside the room, closing the door behind him.

"Come." I pat the empty spot next to me on the bed.

He pulls his shirt over his head, making it vanish before he kicks his pants, remaining only in his boxer briefs.

Sliding under the blanket, he draws me to his chest and holds me close.

"Sleep, sweet thing," he whispers, laying a kiss on my forehead.

"So tired," I mumble, my eyes already closing. "But, Nyk… Do you not want me anymore?" I ask sleepily.

"What?"

"You…" I yawn. "You never try to take things further than a kiss. Is it the lighting in this place? Do I look worse?"

"Barbs," he starts in a stern voice.

My eyes flutter open, worry filling me.

"You are absolutely stunning in any lighting, and in any world. And I want you. Very, very much," he confirms, taking my hand and sliding it over the bulge in his underpants. "But I would never make any demands of you when your body is already at its limit. We have an eternity for lovemaking, sweets."

I blush furiously and snatch my hand back.

"You said lovemaking," I mumble dreamily, burrowing closer into him and wrapping my arms around his waist. "That means you love me, no? Because I love you, Nyk. I love you so, so, so much."

There's a pause before he replies.

"Of course I do, sweet thing," he says in a gentle voice.

That is enough to lull me into a sense of comfort and security.

Closing my eyes once more, I let his warmth be the only cover I'll ever need in the cold of the night.

The psychological strain of the training is getting to me. Failure after failure has shot my confidence down until all I can expect is failure.

I take a deep breath as I plop myself on the ground.

Nykander is gone. Again.

He said he went to gather intel from the capital, but when I offered to go with him, he told me to focus on my training.

And I am… But it all seems to be in vain.

Tired, hungry, and annoyed at myself, I decide to take a break and play with the dogs. It's been a while since we've spent time together, and I miss them terribly.

Going inside the lighthouse, I place the harnesses on their backs and take them out for a run. The moment they see me, they jump up and down in excitement and rush to lick every inch of me.

"I missed you too, babies," I murmur lovingly. "I promise I will make up for all the lost time."

We walk alongside the shore of the lake. The sky is a reddish gray color, but it's not yet entirely dark. The two moons provide plenty of light so we can take a longer walk before returning to the lighthouse.

The dogs are excited, and that means my happiness level has immediately gone up.

Yet I can't deny that I feel weary and tired. While I understand Nykander's concerns, I can't help but feel he has been pushing me too much. I know he needs me to open my fourth gate soon, but his training has been far too grueling considering I've never before done any of this. It just makes me wonder what the hurry is.

Before, he was ready to take on Baine by himself—he certainly did not need my assistance. Aside from helping him get to Tartareia, my role was supposed to be minimal. Now, though, he needs me to perfect my abilities in such a short period of time when he's had thousands of years to do so.

He's just worried about you, my inner voice chides.

A spark of warmth erupts in my chest. He is, isn't he? Despite having insane standards when it comes to my training, he's been supportive throughout the entire process. It's just that I wish he were a little more…affectionate?

Ugh! Why am I out here overthinking things when I'm supposed to be enjoying some time with the dogs?

Getting to my knees, I remove the leash from their harnesses and let them play around. And when they jump on me, nibbling on my hands, I can't do anything to stop them.

"You cuties. I've missed you so much. Come give me some love!" I coo.

And oh but they do. They cuddle with me and lick my face and bite my clothes—all part of their love language. PomPom and BonBon are the first ones to retreat, going to play by themselves a distance over and leaving me alone with little Ander.

"You've grown so much, baby," I murmur as I thread my fingers through his thick baby coat. It's so soft and black, I want to bury my face in it and kiss him all over his little body.

He grabs the hem of my shirt with his little teeth and pulls on it, mistaking it for his toy.

I giggle at his lousy attempts, but I don't stop him.

"You're a playful little man, aren't you? Oh, you cutie pie!"

He releases a soft whine, jumping up and down before finding another part of me to bite on.

I shake my head in amusement.

Nykander needs to buy them more toys.

But as I play with Ander, a foreign sound echoes in my ears. I place him down and urge him to go to his parents while I get up and go to investigate the source of the sound.

The sound of thudding steps becomes louder and louder in my ears. I frown.

Who can it be? Nykander mentioned no one comes by this place any longer.

As the sound intensifies, so does my fear.

"Babies, come here!" I call out, grabbing the three of them and running back to the lighthouse with them.

I push the door open and dash to their room, placing them inside. After I make sure they have food and water, I lock the door and go up to the third floor to survey the area.

My eyes widen in shock as I spot a group of men coming in the direction of the lighthouse.

By my count, there are about ten or twelve.

But what would they be looking for here?

I continue to watch them with trepidation, hoping they'll change their direction at the last moment. But as the seconds trickle by, it's clear they're coming directly for the lighthouse.

Did I make a mistake? Did I accidentally reveal my energy signature while I was practicing?

My body tenses as I mentally go over everything I did today. I trained hard, it's true. But not harder than in the past.

It doesn't make sense.

The strange men continue to get closer.

Without Nykander here, I don't know how I'm going to manage, so the only recourse I have is to call him back. But in a world where there are no mobile phones, there is only one way I can reach him.

I rush down the stairs to the kitchen in search of a knife. Pressing the tip of the blade on the surface of my forearm, I trace the word help . I wince at the pain, grinding my teeth to push through it. The word takes shape on my skin, but in mere seconds, my skin starts healing and it's gone.

Signal for help sent, I get back to monitoring the situation. Moving a chair to the kitchen window, I climb on it and watch what's happening outside while I wait with bated breath for Nykander to return.

"Please hurry," I whisper, even though I know he cannot hear me.

My eyes widen, though, as I realize that the people outside could hear me. I don't know what their abilities are. If they are strong individually, then in a group of almost a dozen people they will be no match for me.

Nyk had mentioned there are people in Tartareia without abilities, but they are unlikely to be dressed in military uniforms or move in a rehearsed formation as those people are.

My pulse quickens as the minutes go by and Nykander doesn't come.

Another glance outside reveals the men almost at the entrance of the lighthouse.

Damn it!

I cannot allow them to come inside. I don't know their intentions and I'm not about to let them hurt the dogs. The only way to keep them safe is to get the men away from here.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

I am not ready for this. Good Lord, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

Before, I'd had Nykander by my side and that had given me confidence. I could channel my energy because he was there, having my back.

But now?

Where are you, Nyk? Why are you not here?

Yet waiting more time for him means potentially placing the dogs in danger, and I can't afford that.

I take a few steadying breaths, calming my racing heart and clearing my mind.

I can do this. To protect my babies, I can do it.

After giving myself a much-needed pep talk, I straighten my back and head downstairs.

I can hear them.

They're right outside, talking amongst themselves—laughing.

They're making bawdy jokes about their plans tonight at a brothel and how many hours with a prostitute this job will buy them.

Gross .

But that reveals something about them. They are doing a job, which means they were sent here by someone.

I can work with that.

Pulling the door open, I stare them right in the eye.

"What brings you here?" I ask in a fake sweet voice.

But as I regard the group of men, I realize that my initial estimates were way off. It's not ten or twelve, but close to twenty. Where the hell had the rest come from?

I do my best to keep my poker face so they don't see how intimidated I am. But a woman alone with a group of men? When is that not absolutely terrifying?

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" One of the men steps forward, narrowing his eyes at me.

I note the weapons peeking through their clothes.

"What?" I smile.

"The lighthouse is property of the House of Jubal of Sattoriya. You are trespassing."

"Oh, really? I am so sorry. I did not know," I say in a sweet voice. "I thought it was an abandoned place. But no worries, I will gather my things and leave."

With another smile, I take a step back, closing the door.

A booted foot blocks it.

"You must identify yourself. Trespassing on the property of the House of Jubal is a crime."

"Oh, maybe you can overlook it this one time?" I bat my lashes at them. "You have no idea what I've been through." I let out a quiet sob. "I was just trying to get to my grandmother who's severely sick and?—"

"We have received a report that you have run away from your husband, which is against the law," the same man says, interrupting me. "We are here to retrieve you so you can be judged accordingly."

My eyes flare in shock. I gawk at them, slowly digesting these outrageous accusations.

What?

They received a report? About me?

What the hell? And the report said I ran away from my husband? This must be a mistake. Maybe there was another woman who fled from her husband in the area, and now they decided to pin this on me. Otherwise, nothing makes sense.

"You are under arrest and will stand trial at the House of Jubal for trespassing, after which you will be moved to the Public House of Sattoriya for abandonment of the marital home," he continues in a robotic tone. "You are required to tell us your name and your affiliation so we can identify your husband. He will need to be present for the trial."

"What are you talking about?" I frown.

He stares at me blankly.

Before I know what's happening, he pushes the door open and instructs two men to hold me.

"W-what are you doing?" I stammer when I note him removing a device from his pouch. It resembles a pair of cuffs, but there is something odd about them. They are made from a golden material, but there is an unusual green glow to them. As it nears me, the glow intensifies, and specks of foreign energy float around the metal.

It must be a magical device of sorts. And if they put that on me, I don't know what might happen.

Panic swells in my breast and I start flailing my arms and legs.

I struggle to get the men off me, but they are much stronger and within seconds, they subdue me, pushing me against the wall and pulling my hands behind my back.

A scorching heat envelops my body as the cuffs make contact with my skin.