Chapter Twenty-Eight

Banks

Sitting at the bar, I heard Laurel yell as she stormed into the clubhouse. “Damn it, Mom! You are marrying Mr. Munson in a little over two months!”

“I know that, darling.” LeeAnn followed along with Laurel’s sisters and Bailey, who was laughing her ass off. “But the heart wants what the heart wants.”

Rounding on her mother, Laurel pointed her finger in her mom’s face and sneered. “No. You saw a handsome devil with the keys to the promise land!”

Sitting next to me, Bailey whispered, “You missed the fireworks, Banks. Your mother-in-law is fucking awesome.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, LeeAnn met Josie’s dad and let’s just say that poor Mr. Munson is now Gone with the Wind.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t see what the problem is,” Lilly spoke up. “Mom isn’t married yet.”

“You stay out of this!” Laurel snapped at her sister, who quickly shut her mouth. Looking back at her mother, Laurel added, “I’m serious, Mom. You do this and I will have nothing to do with it. Mr. Munson is a respectable man. He dotes on you. Gives you everything you want. You don’t even know this man!”

“I know enough to know he’s the one,” LeeAnn whispered.

“Every man is the one!” Laurel shouted, throwing her arms in the air before turning to walk away, only to have LeeAnn reach out and snag her arm.

“Laurel Shay, listen to me,” she said seriously. “I know what this looks like and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt Mr. Munson. That man is kind, generous and the salt of the earth. He’s perfect, darling.”

“But not for you?”

“No, darling. When I met your father, I just knew. I felt it deep in my bones that he was mine. You know what I’m talking about because you feel it every time you look at Nikoli. Darling, I never thought I’d ever have that feeling again.”

“But you did with Mr. Orlean.”

“Yes, sweetheart. The second I looked into his beautiful eyes, I just knew. I felt it in my soul. I never imagined I would get a second chance at true love again. Please, Laurel. I can’t walk away from this.”

“What the hell is going on now?” King asked, walking over.

“Apparently LeeAnn met someone new,” I explained, still trying to listen to the women.

“Damn.” King chuckled. “She bounces back fast. Well, before she can start planning that marriage, she needs to plan a funeral.”

“What funeral?” Bailey asked as I turned to look at my Prez.

“Lidi just called me. Mr. Munson had a heart attack. He didn’t make it. She couldn’t get ahold of LeeAnn, so she called me and asked to relay the message in case LeeAnn wanted to say goodbye.”

“Damn,” I groaned as King slapped me on my back.

“Go tell your mother-in-law the bad and good news.”

Grumbling, I got to my feet. “I hate you.”

Walking over to Laurel and LeeAnn, I winked at her sisters, then interrupted the bickering duo. “Excuse me, ladies. I hate to pile on.”

“Then don’t!” Laurel snarked, glaring at me. “Do you know what my mother has done?”

“Baby, listen to me.”

“No, Nikoli!” my woman ranted. “My mother is going to call off the marriage to Mr. Munson and marry a man she just met thirty minutes ago! I can’t be around her anymore. I’m done!”

“Laurel Shay!” LeeAnn screeched. She placed her wedding binder on the nearest table before stomping her heeled foot on the floor, damn near bursting my eardrums.

Holy shit, that woman’s pitch was deafening.

“You take that back right now, young lady!”

“No!”

“I am your mother, and you will do what I say!”

My woman laughed. “Oh please.”

Knowing this argument could go on for days, I blurted out, “He’s dead!”

All four McDonald women gasped.

“Is it George?” Lilly smiled. “I hope it’s George. That means I get half of his estate. The divorce isn’t final yet.”

“You’d be so lucky.” Leigha sighed. “Mine is healthy as a horse.”

Looking at LeeAnn, she stepped back.

“No. He was perfectly fine.”

“I’m sorry, LeeAnn.”

“No.” She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes as her face paled. “He can’t be. I just left him a half hour ago. We made plans to have dinner tonight.”

“What?” I asked.

“Who’s dead, Nikoli?” Laurel groaned.

“Oh, Mr. Munson. He had a heart attack and didn’t make it. Lidi called King when she couldn’t get ahold of your mother.”

LeeAnn grabbed my shirt and pulled me close and sneered, “So Jack’s fine?”

Gulping, I muttered, “Yeah. I think so.”

“Oh, thank God!”

“Real smooth, Mother,” Laurel scoffed.

“Oh, that poor sweet man,” LeeAnn quickly muttered. “I need to go. Come on, girls. I have a funeral to plan for.”

Both of Laurel’s sisters groaned.

“Why us?”

“I hate funerals. Black is so drab.”

Laurel stormed off toward the kitchen, leaving me standing there all alone. I still wasn’t sure what the hell happened and honestly, I didn’t want to know.

Seeing LeeAnn’s wedding binder on the table, I picked it up and sighed. “Well, I guess she won’t be needing this now.”

Without thinking, I walked behind the bar and threw the damn thing in the trash.

“Hey, Dad!” Nash shouted from the top of the stairs. “You any good at math?”

“Nope, but Cameron is.”

“Great,” my son groaned as he walked away.

Not even twenty-four hours later, I was standing next to Laurel and her mother, who stood dressed in all black, weeping tears of shame under a black veil while they lowered Mr. Munson into the ground.

Had to give my mother-in-law props.

The woman was efficient.

That was for damn sure.

She left nothing out.

“Did you know that Mr. Munson was Jewish?” I whispered.

“No,” Laurel clipped while she glared at the man standing on the other side of the coffin, leering salaciously at LeeAnn. “The nerve of him, showing up here. This is a family funeral.”

“Uh, babe, you’re not family either.”

“Shut up,” she snarked. “We were almost family until he had to go and have a heart attack.”

“I don’t think Mr. Munson planned on that happening, babe.”

“Regardless, he shouldn’t be here.”

“Your mother took out a full-page spread in the Rosewood Gazette. The whole damn town is here.”

“Well, they were invited. Not him.”

The second the funeral was over, I watched the man behind all this drama mosey over to LeeAnn and whisper something in her ear.

LeeAnn smirked.

Laurel growled.

Then in front of the whole damn town, the man extended his arm. LeeAnn took it and he escorted her away from her dead fiancé as she continued to sniff into her handkerchief.

Taking Laurel’s hand, we followed at a respectable pace.

Not that I didn’t trust my woman, but I was not having another throw down in a cemetery.

I knew the McDonald women. Their blood ran hot when the mood suited them and with the air of animosity still reigning supreme, I knew the faster I got Laurel away from her mother, the quicker their tempers would simmer.

“Hey.” Bailey ran over, catching up with us. “We’re all gonna head over to Beth’s for some coffee and snacks. Wanna go?”

Laurel was about to say something when I spoke up first, “Lead the way.”

Beth’s coffee shop was full when Laurel and I walked in. Seeing my family gathered around a table in the back, I ushered Laurel through the crowd, snagging a few chairs before someone else got them.

“Already placed the order.” Sarah smiled as we sat. “Mom’s getting it now.”

“Thanks.”

“Laurel, your mom did a beautiful job at the funeral,” Sugar said.

Laurel nodded but said nothing.

“Woman knows her shit. That’s for damn sure,” Gunner piped up.

“Will she be joining us?” Devlyn asked, looking at Laurel, who huffed, crossing her arms.

Sighing, I replied, “Not sure, Dev. LeeAnn may have other plans.”

“Yeah, like planning her next marriage before poor Mr. Munson is cold in the ground,” Laurel snarked.

“Will someone please tell me what the hell happened?” Lidi asked, looking around the table. “I spend more time at the clinic and hospital than at the clubhouse. I miss everything.”

“You want to know what happened?” Laurel spoke, and I groaned.

Leaning back, I rolled my eyes, placing my arm on the back of Laurel’s chair. “Here we go.”

“My mother,” Laurel shouted, getting everyone’s attention in the coffee shop, “is a Southern Jezebel! She takes one look at Jack Orlean and goes coo-coo for coco puffs! She can’t make up her mind. She’s all over the map. She had a reasonable and respectable man, but was that good enough for her? HELL NO! Now, she’s fawning like some debutante socialite, all giddy and full of her sugary sweet southernisms and it makes me sick.”

“Come on, babe,” I muttered. “Your mom isn’t that bad.”

“No, she’s worse!” Laurel snapped, ticking off her fingers one at a time as she informed everyone, “Daddy was lucky. God took mercy on him and let him die peacefully in his sleep. Husband number two died doing the deed. Husband number three choked to death on a chicken bone. Husband number four already had one foot in the grave when she married him. He didn’t survive the wedding night. Husband number five was trampled at a Bama Football game when he wore a Georgia Bulldog jersey, and poor Mr. Munson had a heart attack.”

Bailey was flat-out laughing her ass off, like most of my brothers.

I, however, concealed my mirth because I knew Laurel was just getting started.

“And another thing!”

Yep.

Did I know my woman or not?

But before my woman picked up steam, the bell jingled and in walked the woman of the hour, all smiles.

“Laurel Shay. Have you seen my wedding binder?”

“No.”

“Well, I can’t find it anywhere. I wanted to show Jack what I have planned and make a few tweaks tonight at dinner.”

Smiling up at my mother-in-law, I said, “Congrats, LeeAnn. When did he pop the question?”

“Oh, he hasn’t yet. Jack’s a proper gentleman. He knows he has to wait a respectable twenty-four hours before he can ask. You know, ‘cause of Mr. Munson and all.”

Nodding, I replied, “I get it. Don’t want to look desperate.”

“Exactly.” The woman smiled beautifully. “Now, Laurel, I had my binder when I was with you and your sisters, and I dropped you off at the clubhouse yesterday. Are you sure you haven’t seen it?”

“I’m sure.”

“Are you talking about that pink frilly thing with flowers all over it?”

“Yes!” LeeAnn sighed, looking relieved.

“Oh. I threw that away.”

“YOU WHAT!” every fucking woman around me shouted, including my wife Laurel, who was gaping at me in shock.

“Nikoli,” Laurel said, slowly getting to her feet. “Tell me you are lying.”

“Nuh-uh,” I gulped. “With Mr. Munson dead, I figured she wouldn’t need it anymore, so I threw it away. Babe, why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, Nikoli,” LeeAnn groaned.

Sugar sighed, shaking her head. “Banks, you never touch a wedding binder. Those things are like the holy grail for Southern women. My mom still has hers from when she married my dad.”

“Shug’s right,” Enigma piped up. “I’ve seen it, too. It’s encased in glass on the mantel.”

“Nikoli Henric Dubrovsky, you march your ass back up that mountain right this instant and go find it!” Laurel ordered sternly, full naming me in front of everyone.

“But the trash was picked up this morning. It’s at the dump.”

“Then go dumpster diving!” Laurel yelled while Bailey roared with laughter. Woman was having way too much fun lately.

Where the fuck was Scribe when I needed him?

“But you just said—”

“I don’t care what I said,” Laurel snapped. “Go find that binder, because until you do, you are sleeping with the dogs!”

“But we only have Bagel at the clubhouse, babe.”

Laurel growled and I quickly moved when LeeAnn and Laurel both stalked toward me.

Running for the door, I heard Lidi yell.

“Wear gloves, Banks! Or you’ll be getting another tetanus shot.”