Chapter Fourteen Mist

I made my way back down to the river, my bag full of dirt-covered sweet potatoes bouncing against my hip. The sun was warm on my skin and a gentle breeze rustled through the tall grass. I couldn't stop smiling as I walked, still reveling in my newfound freedom. I never knew being outside that dome could feel so good. It seemed almost criminal to be this happy.

Even though we were in an unknown realm and potentially in danger, I felt more alive than I had in years. The simple act of foraging for food, of being useful and providing for Baldr, filled me with a sense of purpose and pride. For so long I had been helpless, trapped and dependent on others. But now I could take care of myself - and more importantly, I could take care of Baldr. Now if I could just figure out how to express my feelings to him. But I supposed I had to take things one step at a time. Today sweet potatoes, tomorrow the world.

As I reached the river's edge, I knelt down and began washing the sweet potatoes one by one. The cool water felt refreshing on my hands as I scrubbed each of them down to their shiny brown skin. Even though I’d left half of my clothing back in the woods, I was still sweating under the single layer I had left on. And while the sun had dried the dampness from washing them away, sweating was just making them itchy again.

I knelt by the river and began washing the sweet potatoes. But I couldn't help as my thoughts wandered back to Baldr. The way he had looked at me when I was naked, the gentle touch of his hand on my cheek, the warmth in his eyes when he smiled at me. My heart fluttered at the recent memories that were still so fresh in my mind. I wished I could go back to those moments and do something different with them. Maybe I could tell him how I felt. But how would I even begin to explain those emotions?

I had never felt this way about anyone before. Of course, I hadn't really known anyone else besides Tyr and the occasional glimpse of others through the dome's barrier. But what I felt for Baldr was different. Special. When I was with him, I felt safe and cared for, something I’d never felt with anyone else. He made me laugh, challenged me to think, opened up whole new worlds to me through his stories and knowledge. And now he had literally given me a new world, freeing me from my prison and Tyr’s grasp.

As I finished washing the last sweet potato, I made a decision. Too many things had gone unsaid between us already. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he felt more than just friendship. And so did I. If there was one thing I’d learned in my time in the dome, it was that life was too short and time too precious to waste. Was I sure I was making the most perfect decision ever? Not at all. But I was sure that I wanted Baldr close to me. Besides, the worst thing he could say was no. So, I was going to tell Baldr how I felt and then, at the very least, the decision would be up to him and I could quit torturing myself over it.

I grabbed my bag and turned it inside out, dumping all the dirt onto the ground. Then I placed the neatly washed sweet potatoes into the opposite side, keeping them nice and clean. I stooped to take one last drink from the creek before heading up the hill and back to the woods where Baldr was waiting for me. And to my surprise, the moment I crested the ridge, I saw smoke. A lot of it. Way too much to be from a little camp fire.

“Shit…” I muttered, digging my feet into the soil and taking off for the woods.

There was a surge of cold panic through my chest as I watched the smoke rise high into the sky. I hoped Baldr was okay of course, but I also knew that we were in a strange realm potentially full of creatures that we knew nothing about. That smoke was high above the treeline already. If anyone for twenty miles was looking our direction, they’d see it. And if we weren’t supposed to be there… well, it could only mean trouble.

I got back to the woods as fast as I could, forgetting about going to find more blackberries. And not a moment too soon. As I skidded to a halt in the dry leaves on the forest floor, I saw they were the cause of the smoke. Baldr had managed to light a fire, just not the collection of sticks he’d gathered. Instead he’d set the forest floor aflame and was now running around like a crazy person, attempting to stomp it out before the entire woods went up.

Dropping the potatoes to the ground, I ran over to him, digging my foot into the soft humus and kicking it over the smoldering leaves.

“Use dirt to put it out, not water,” I cried. “It’ll keep the smoke down!”

Baldr nodded furiously, digging his shoes into the dirt and kicking it over the dry leaves. It took us the better part of five minutes to put it all out and by the time we were done both of us were sweaty and panting like dogs.

“Fucking… fuck,” Baldr berated himself. “I didn’t mean to do that! It looked like it was going well and I turned my back for two seconds then poof!” He threw his arms up in the air, wincing as his bad shoulder stopped halfway. “The whole fucking place is on fire!” He looked up at me, anger in his eyes, although I could tell it was directed at himself and not me. “I’m sorry… I didn’t think I was this useless.”

“It’s okay and you’re not useless,” I grinned despite myself. “But we have to move before we try again.”

The smoke was still thick around us in the unmoving air under the trees. Baldr waved his hand in front of his face, trying to clear it unsuccessfully.

“Because of the smoke?”

I shook my head. “No. Because every creature for twenty miles just saw your accident rise into the sky as a giant smoke signal.”

A look of confusion crossed Baldr’s face before realization replaced it in a rush. He swore loudly, kicking the dirt in frustration.

“Fucking goddamnit I’m an idiot!”

I placed a hand on his good shoulder, trying to calm him down. “No you’re not. Mistakes happen.” I turned him around, forcing him to look at me. “Besides, you’re too handsome to be mad at.” I reached up and caressed his cheek. “But we do need to get going just in case.”

He seemed to freeze for a moment, savoring the touch of my hand against his skin. Then, snapping himself out of it, he nodded at last.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

“Here,” I said, scooping up the blackberries that had survived the fire. “Eat these on the way. You need to heal.”

“But aren’t you–”

“No,” I said, before he could finish. “I’m fine. Once we find a place for the night, I’ll share these sweet potatoes with you. Maybe we can find some salt along the way.”

“Oh yeah,” she scoffed. “I’m sure they have a grocery store around every corner here.”

I patted him on the shoulder and gathered up our things as he reproachfully ate the blackberries. It was easy to smile seeing him so grumpy. The Baldr that read to me back at the dome was always so calm and collected. He seemed more human than ever now and I liked it. It was adorable.

We decided it was better to keep just inside the woods as we headed away from the smoke. Without really knowing where to go, we decided to keep toward the river side, following it toward the mountains in the distance. There was a point we could see some miles off where the river and the forest butted up against one another. I knew we probably wouldn’t be going that far tonight, but it might be a good place to set up a more permanent shelter until Baldr was strong enough to get us home. And I had no idea how long it might take him to fully recover. Sweet potatoes were good, but being a wolf, he’d need some meat if he wanted to get back to his full strength. So far, I hadn’t spotted another living creature.

As we walked, I found my ears perking up here and there to the sound of animals throughout the forest, but I never seemed to be fast enough to spot them. They didn’t sound like the creatures back home. The one trapped in the dome alongside me anyway. All I had was a family of racoons, a few possums, some game birds, and a single fox that only managed to survive the first three winters in the dome. More than once I’d left food out for him and he made it a habit of coming around the hut fairly often. I gave him as much as I could knowing hunting had to be slim in such a small area. But it turned out it wasn’t enough. I’d found him dead on my fourth spring there, his body frozen in the melting snow. It had been a sad day since he was the only companionship I had, thin as it was, outside of Baldr’s visits.

“Can you see anything in here?” I asked as we walked. “Any critters? I feel like I can hear them but I can’t quite see them.”

“It’s not much,” he replied. “Just a few rabbits and some squirrels I think. At least that’s what they smell like, mostly. But there’s something off about them that I can’t quite place…”

“I had a rabbit once,” I smiled, looking over at Baldr. “His name was Fluffy.”

“Original name,” Baldr chuckled. “You never told me about him.”

The smile faded. “Well, I didn’t have him for long.”

“What happened?”

“Tyr…”

Baldr was silent, but I could almost feel him seething with anger next to me.

“He brought it to me one spring, telling me it was so I didn’t feel lonely. Fluffy was so tiny that he fit in the palm of my hand. I thought, for a moment, that Tyr had finally cracked and done something kind for me. That he might not be as bad as I thought.” I sighed, shaking my head. “I spent every waking moment caring for that rabbit, keeping him safe, and getting him food. He was my constant companion and for a couple months, I felt almost normal.”

I stopped and Baldr stiffened next to me in anticipation. He knew what was coming before I’d even said it.

“Then Tyr came one day, picked him up the scruff of the neck, and demanded I do magic. When I couldn’t draw on my power, he… he snapped Fluffy’s neck and tossed him on the ground in front of me.”

“God I wish that man was dead,” Baldr growled.

“He almost died that day,” I replied, my voice low.

“What? How?”

“My magic.” My voice shook as I recalled the feeling of losing control and total chaos taking over my body. “It… It exploded out of me in waves of blue and sickly green. It wrapped around him and nearly choked the life out of him.” I felt myself choke up. “If I’d been able to hold out just a few more seconds… Tyr would’ve been dead years ago and I wouldn’t have had to deal with his malice and torture for all this time. But the magic was too much for me to handle. When I awoke Tyr was gone, nothing but a giant crater left in the earth where he’d stood. I held out hope for a few days that I’d killed him. But he came back. He always came back.”

“I… I never knew…”

“I didn’t want to scare you,” I said, reaching up and wiping the tears from my eyes. “And I didn’t want you to know it was my fault that Tyr tortured me. Or that he tried to kill you.”

“None of that was your fault–”

“It was,” I said, cutting him off. “Because I gave him a taste of my power and let him live. I didn’t teach him to fear me that day. Instead, I taught him that I could be broken. And ever since then, I’ve done everything I could to keep my emotions at bay.” I glanced over at Baldr, sadness curling up the back of my throat. “But when I thought he was going to kill you… I almost lost control again. I couldn’t bear the thought of my only friend in the whole world being gone. Not… Not again.”

Baldr stopped, reaching out and pulling me into a hug. I returned the gesture, savoring the heat of his body against my own. I felt a sort of shock where our bare skin touched. It made me feel alive and cared for, something I wasn’t used to in either respect.

“But I’m okay,” Baldr said softly against my neck. “And even if something does happen to me someday, it won’t be your fault.”

“You don’t know that…”

“No,” he said sternly, pulling back and looking me in the eye. There was something there in his gaze, like he knew something that I didn’t. “I need you to promise me that if anything happens to me, you will not blame yourself no matter the circumstances.”

“But… you’re not going anywhere. Are you?”

He didn’t answer my question. “Just promise me. And mean it.”

I stared at him for a long moment, trying to figure out what he meant. But when I couldn’t puzzle him out, I just sighed.

“Alright. I promise.”

He let out a long sigh before giving me another hug. “Now come on. Let’s find a place to finally rest.”

I watched him walk a few feet before hurrying after him. He was hiding something from me, I just wished I knew what it was so I could help. I hated to see him hurting. That look he’d given me was a mixture of pain and knowing. I didn’t know a single detail beyond that, but it broke my heart, anyway. Out of everyone I’d ever known, Baldr was the one who deserved happiness the most. Something was holding him back though, and I needed to find out what it was. Not because I had to know, but because I wanted to help him through it. It was the least I could do after all he’d done for me.

With a sigh, I tucked away my feelings for the time being. I’d planned to tell him everything, but now that I saw the hurt in his eyes, it felt wrong to add more stress to his life. For now we would concentrate on getting home. And then, once the craziness was over, maybe then we could finally be truly honest with one another at last.