Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

"Iwill go and see Birgit."

Dunne's announcement was greeted with the disbelief it deserved. Her sister stared at her as if she'd grown a second head.

"You mean you are going all the way to Mercia?" Frigyth sat back on her chair and narrowed her eyes. "Why now?"

Dunne shrugged, trying to appear innocent when her cheeks were burning. "Why not? I have wanted to go for a while. We haven't seen her since her marriage to Hereward more than five years ago. Now that I am free to do what I want and go where I wish, I want to see her."

"Mm. You know, if you wait a few more months, I could accompany you. I, too, would like to see our sister." She glanced at her rounded belly pointedly. The babe was due in less than two months. It wouldn't be comfortable or wise for her to travel such a distance now, when she could go into labor at any moment. But Dunne could not wait. This was not about Frigyth, or even the sister she had not seen in years, it had everything to do with her inability to face what she had done with Bj?rn.

"No," she murmured. "It has to be now. By the time you are ready to travel it will be winter and the roads will be treacherous."

"The roads!" With a snort Frigyth dropped the pretense that this was about anything other than the Norseman she was trying to avoid. "Listen, we both know that this has nothing to do with Birgit but with Bj?rn. You are fleeing him."

Well, what if she was, Dunne thought irritably? Wasn't it her decision to make? "I need time, and distance. I can't face him after what happened between us, surely you can understand that?"

"Not really. There is nothing more normal than a man and a woman sleeping together. I face Sigurd every morning, don't I, regardless of what went on the night before?"

Dunne refused to meet her sister's gaze. "That's different. You're married."

"Well, yes, we are now," Frigyth conceded. "But we weren't always. We did sleep together before that, in case you don't remember. I told you as much."

"I know you did. But remind me, what did you do the morning after that?"

Frigyth closed her eyes. "I fled and went back home."

"There you are, so don't go telling me not to?—"

"It wasn't the same at all. I didn't flee because I regretted what we had done, far from it! I had actually hoped we could start something from there. I only left because that same day he got involved in a fight with the man who…who…"

Feeling worse than she had ever felt, Dunne placed a soothing hand over Frigyth's arm. She knew all about her ordeal at the hands of the Norsemen who had since been sent away in disgrace and she should never have used that dreadful weapon to defend herself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that. Please forgive me."

Under her palm she felt Frigyth shiver. "In any case, this is not about me and Sigurd, even if I will add that fleeing didn't get me anywhere. I tried to fight the inevitable and look where it got me."

She stroked her belly, making her meaning clear. There was no point running away. Dunne swallowed.

"I'm sorry," she said in a breath. "But I was never as strong as you are."

"You—"

"No, I wasn't, and you know it." That was the truth. Frigyth had always been the strongest of the three sisters. Maybe it was because of her friendship with a neighbor called Caedmon, who had looked after her and thus protected her from the worst of their miserable childhood, maybe it was due to something she'd been born with, Dunne didn't know. Either way, Frigyth was more resilient than anyone she knew. She could have crumbled after what had happened at the hands of the evil Norseman, but she had not. Instead, she had found the life she deserved with a man from that same village.

As if he'd sensed his wife needed him, Sigurd entered the hut at that moment, strong and dependable. He went straight to her and placed a kiss on her mouth, before giving her belly a loving stroke.

"Are you all right, Birdie?" Concern made him frown. "You look?—"

"I'm all right. Just a little weary."

"Carrying my babe isn't too much of a burden, I hope?"

Frigyth smiled and placed a hand over his cheek. "No. Never that."

Dunne averted her eyes. Such domestic bliss had always seemed unattainable and now it just seemed to taunt her.

"I will leave in the morning," she said, standing up. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. The sooner she left, the better. "Would you look after Dawn for me? This is not a trip for someone her age."

Seeing there would be no budging her, Frigyth nodded. "Of course."

Sigurd straightened back up. "You're leaving? Without your daughter? Where are you going?"

"To see Birgit."

His eyes almost popped out of his head. "Your sister, Birgit? The one who lives in Mercia? Well, you can't travel on your own," he ruled once he had recovered from the surprise. "It's too far. Too dangerous a journey for a woman on her own."

"There will always be an excuse for me not to go. It's been five years since we have seen each other. I miss her."

She did miss her sister, but she knew she was only using it as an excuse. Thankfully, Sigurd was not to know that.

He seemed to mull on this for a while. "Wait another few days. At the end of the week a group of villagers are going to a fair in Lincoln. You can travel with them for most of the way. They will drop you off when you're close enough. It's the only way I will let you go."

There would be no convincing him that she would be fine on her own. Her brother-in-law had always been very protective of her. And, in truth, she was relieved at the idea of having an escort. The journey to her sister's village would take four or five days in her estimation, longer if she didn't manage to find transportation and had to walk some of the way. If she could avoid being on her own for most of that time, it would reassure her.

Yes, it was better to wait.

The only problem was, she had no idea how she would manage to avoid Bj?rn for the best part of a week.

In the end she could not even avoid him for a day.

As she rounded the corner of her hut later that afternoon, she found herself face to face with him. Evidently, he had come to see her. Cursing her ill-luck, Dunne came to an abrupt halt. If only she had stayed another moment with Frigyth and Sigurd, they would have missed each other. At least he was dressed today, not bare-chested, she noted wryly. Unable to meet his eye, she lowered her gaze to his hands and regretted it when the memories of how he had caressed her made her shiver.

"Dunne."

"Bj?rn. How are you?" So dreadfully formal. She kept her head bowed.

"I'm very well. You?"

"I'm well." She shuffled on her feet. This was excruciating. "I'm going to see my sister Birgit next week."

Why was she telling him that? Because she was ill at ease and had no idea what else to say, that was why. The only other option was to talk about their night together and she couldn't do that.

Mercifully Bj?rn followed her lead and pretended this was a normal conversation to have with someone you had last seen naked and hoarse from shouting your name in ecstasy. "Does she live in town?"

Could she lie? She sensed he wouldn't like the real answer, but she could not see a way to avoid telling the truth. "No. She lives in Mercia. Just before Lincoln."

"Mercia?"

Bj?rn recoiled. Had Dunne told him Birgit lived in Denmark, he might not have been more surprised. She was going to Mercia? Now? Why?

The answer descended upon him like an eagle diving on its prey.

She was leaving because of him.

He had disappointed her. Not because he had been unable to ensure her physical pleasure. He had seen, heard and felt that her body at least had been sated by his attentions. But somehow he must not have given her what she expected, he had disappointed her by not being more tender, and not kissing her, by leaving her bed before she woke up.

"Have I done anything to upset you?" he murmured, although he already knew what the answer would be.

"N-no." Still she refused to meet his eye. Clearly he had, only she lacked the courage to tell him as much.

It was as bad as he had feared. Because he had not kissed her, she thought last night had meant nothing to him other than an opportunity to finally bed a woman. By the gods, she would resent him for using her for his pleasure, for pounding into her all night, and then leaving at dawn without a word. He'd possessed her one last time while she was still half asleep, without asking what she wanted, and then he'd left while she'd slept, too exhausted by his relentless attention to resist the lure of some well-earned rest.

She would have been hurt and humiliated to find herself alone in the morning, to see he had not given her any assurances of commitment and left as if what they had done didn't matter. It did matter. More than she knew, more than he could tell.

Appalled, he stared at her. "You think I should have?—"

"It matters not what I think, what is done is done. Perhaps…Perhaps we should forget about it."

Everything within Bj?rn protested. Forget about the best night of his life? Behave as if nothing had happened between him and the woman he wanted above all others? That was the last thing he wanted to do! He had come to her to talk about what they should do next, perhaps even mention marriage, not to agree to pretend nothing had happened.

He bunched his fists. How had he thought for a moment he would be enough for this woman? How had he fooled himself that she would want him after he'd treated her so callously, that she would be satisfied with an inexperienced, clumsy lover not decent enough to tell her what he'd felt in her arms, not thoughtful enough to kiss her while he took possession of her body and so stupid he'd made it all look like a meaningless fuck. It had been more, so much more than that. Dunne, the goddess he had hankered after for years, had allowed him access to her gorgeous body and he had lost himself in the delight of it, forgotten everything else, indulged his senses, and gorged on her like Geri and Freki, the two wolves the god Odin fed from his own plate, gorged on meat.

As a result, he stood to lose all he had hoped to gain only this morning.

"I don't want to forget about it," he said through gritted teeth. "Dunne, look at me, damn it!"

"I can't." There were sobs in her voice.

Ruthlessly, he lifted her chin up to him. Her amber eyes were brimming with unshed tears. The sight sliced through him. He was making her cry when all he wanted was to make her happy.

"We need to talk about this, I know I've not?—"

"Not now. Please. I can't."

There would be no sense in pushing her when she was so distraught. He would have to wait until she was ready. "When then? Tell me when I can come to tell you what I need to tell you."

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I have to go."

And he knew she didn't mean just now, to go to her hut. She meant she had to leave the village, get away from him, go all the way to Mercia alone, and put herself in danger as she did. All because of him.

He watched, powerless, as she slammed the door of her hut behind her.