Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Raeblin stared at the forest in despair. Her mind was racing but none of the thoughts were useful. She tried the telepathic link, throwing all her mental energy into it until she was nauseous with the effort but there was nothing. Fisting her hands in her hair she wailed, "What do I do? Great Mother, what do I do?" Brent was right—she didn't have anything in her kit for performing delicate surgery on a human and certainly not in the middle of a damn forest. Nor was she qualified to do so. As she surveyed the rocks and trees, an anomaly caught her eye and she focused more closely, rising to go scrape moss off the rock with her talons.

The Badari had no written language but they did have trail signs and she was staring at one, cut deep into the rock a long time ago, judging by the crumbling edges of the mark. Shelter it said, with a squiggle to indicate the direction and another mark giving the distance.

Not too far, Raeblin estimated with hope.

She packed up her kit and managed to lift Brent over her shoulder, refusing to worry about doing more damage to his internal organs. Shelter was important, with night coming on and to get away from the crash site. Now she was looking for them, she found a few more trail signs and then finally came upon a sheer cliff face but as she drew closer she realized there was an opening cleverly camouflaged,

Raeblin managed to fit herself and her burden through the narrow defile and came to a door which completely blocked the way. Improbably it had a sensor at one side. Not expecting anything to happen, she pressed her palm to the touchpad and the door creaked open. She edged through the opening and found herself in a hallway at the end of which was another door, also with a lock. This one also yielded to her touch and slammed shut the instant she was safely inside. The room she was in now was completely dark, except for faint daylight filtering in at the rear, but with her enhanced vision she saw chairs, a table, a stack of stasis keepers and best of all a bed.

With one hand she stripped the coverings from the bed, the fabric falling apart in her fingers, drifting to the floor in clumps, and laid Brent carefully on the bare frame, which was woven of leather straps. He groaned but didn't awaken as she set down the medkit and her pulse rifle and explored the room. A knife and a partially carved wooden figurine sat on the table, along with a mug, as if the owner had simply stepped away centuries ago and never returned. Even in the current dire situation Raeblin was excited to be in one of the near mythical Wanderer's many dwelling places. He was the only Badari in 800 years to escape the lab and had set up caches and refuges across the continent in hopes others of his kind might also manage to escape. The Khagrish had built and equipped more labs on Ushandirr than the scientists had ever needed or used, and the Wanderer was said to have broken into many of them to steal supplies. It had been believed he might have been a myth, created by Badari healers in the early generations to give the men hope, but then Camron and his mate had stumbled on one of the caches.

Raeblin was grateful for the shelter she needed for herself and Brent, and in awe of what the Wanderer had done.

A few of the stasis keeper crates' tabs glowed green even after all these centuries but she didn't bother to check the contents right now. There wasn't going to be a full operating suite or robo med in any of them but she did find handlamps scattered on surfaces throughout the room, several of which fired up for her. Although the power reserve in the lamps was obviously low, at least there was illumination and Raeblin gathered them close to the bed.

She sank into the chair after dragging it next to the bed and hunched over, head down, staring at the floor.

He was dying.

There was only one thing she could do for him which might save his life.

She had the equipment in her medkit. She even had several units of concentrated plasma and Brent had lost a lot of blood.

But human blood wasn't going to save his life.

Raeblin had once been told by the senior Healer Timtur how the goddess had expressly forbidden any transfusion of blood between a Badari and a human unless they were claimed mates.

Claimed mates.

She looked at Brent in the dim light of the handlamps and her heart turned over. She knew he was her fated mate now, no slightest doubt in her heart. And his final words to her had been sweet but even so she admitted she was a long way from knowing he loved her or wanted to be her claimed mate. He might not even want to be saved if the price was knowing a Badari Daughter believed she was his mate.

And the Alphas who enforced the laws of the goddess were totally opposed to humans receiving Badari blood unless they were claimed mates. Aydarr didn't want any unattached humans in his pack. Of course Brent was one of the three original allies of his mate Jill so Brent occupied a privileged position in the valley and with the Badari anyway. Technically, if Raeblin carried out her defiant plan and Brent survived, he'd become a member of her own tiny pack, but of course they all owed blood fealty to Aydarr.

"None of it fucking matters," Raeblin said out loud, defiantly, wiping away a tear. "I love him and I'm not going to sit here and watch him die without trying everything to save him. I'm sorry, Great Mother, if that condemns me to lose the afterlife but I will not let Brent die."

She opened her medkit and laid out what she needed, then prepped Brent to receive the gift she was going to give, removing his boots and making him as comfortable as she could. Bending over him after these efforts, she gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Forgive me if this isn't what you want." His heart was missing beats now and weak. There wasn't much time.

With another prayer, in case the goddess was listening and kindly disposed, Raeblin did the necessary procedure to send her rich red Badari blood through a tube into Brent's human arm. She sat in the chair, monitoring his vitals periodically with her diagnosis device, but mostly holding his hand. Having no idea how much blood she needed to provide, she allowed the flow to continue unchecked. Her Badari constitution was already hard at work replenishing the supply and she wouldn't suffer any long-term physical repercussions. Eventually she was having black spots in her vision and vertigo and she'd done all she could, so she ended the procedure, cleaned up Brent's arm—her own healed itself—and sat quietly, holding his hand.

She needed to eat, she needed to rehydrate. There was a tiny stream running through a corner of the room and there might be survival rations in one of the stasis keepers, although the packets would be hundreds of years old but probably still edible, but Raeblin couldn't summon the energy to go explore. Neither did she want to leave Brent's side.

From the little she'd been told by the other healers, Badari blood took over the bone marrow of the human and then began working on the person's entire immune system, bringing it to an approximation of Badari efficiency. Of course since she was basically a Generation One Badari, without all the enhancements and changes of the 800 years of experiments, her blood might not work the same kind of miracle as one of the males could achieve for their partner. Claimed mates also acquired a telepathic bond as a result of a transfusion but since she and Brent had no relationship she wasn't expecting such a link.

But the Great Mother had to agree to allow the miracle to occur because this shouldn't work at all. Badari and humans weren't the same species. Even the Khagrish scientist who had done the first Badari-human transfusion had treated the blood in particular ways to make the transfer happen without killing the human woman. Of the transfusions done since, most had been straight from donor to recipient with no processing and all had worked as far as Raeblin was aware. Badari were pretty much universal donors. It was standard practice now for claimed mates, so the couple could share the telepathic bond and eventually have children. Raeblin wasn't convinced the goddess would forgive her sufficiently in this case to save Brent, who was after all a human and no one's claimed mate.

Badari blood was magic and the goddess controlled the magic.

His breathing sounded better and his heart was beating more strongly so she forced herself to rise and take a long drink from the stream, which flowed into a rocky basin. When she turned after slaking her thirst and washing her face, she saw there was a short hallway before the room opened out onto a small grassy meadow, ringed with trees so big she marveled they'd been able to grow in such a constricted space. The soil must be incredibly rich. Drawn by the peace of the night and the call of the three moons, Raeblin stepped across the threshold with a glance at Brent, who lay unmoving.

Normally she wouldn't leave his side until she knew he'd survive, because the alternative was unthinkable, but the lure of the moonlit glade was too strong. Her inner predator stretched and purred at the idea of moonlight.

Stepping into the grassy enclosure she was overwhelmed by a feeling of peace and she walked to the center where there was a boulder shaped like a bench where she sat. Although she'd never been to the goddess's grove at the original lab where Aydarr and the others had been created, she was sure this place was meant to be a miniature version. Fancifully she imagined the Wanderer bringing seeds from that grove to start his trees here. Aydarr and his men had built a stone circle deep in the forest of Sanctuary Valley to serve as an approximation of the grove, which was in enemy territory. She'd been to the stone circle for various ceremonies and found it awe inspiring but this soul deep ease she'd been gifted with tonight was special. Different. For her alone.

Raeblin closed her eyes and prayed again to the Great Mother to allow Brent to live. Then she rose and took a few steps toward the dwelling, intent on checking on him.

"It's been a long time since I was called to this place," said a voice behind her, light and musical.

Pivoting with a gasp, Raeblin saw a woman seated on the stone bench where she'd just been. The new arrival was dressed in filmy white draperies shot through with gold and silver threads which glinted in the cold moonlight. Her hair was long and flowing and her face was in shadow, although the gleam of her eyes stood out.

Raeblin fell to her knees. "Thank you for directing me to this sanctuary. I wouldn't have found it without your intervention to show me the trail sign."

"The Wanderer, as you know him would have been happy to provide this shelter for you and your wounded companion." The goddess fell silent for a moment. "The only thing he ever wanted, ever asked me for, was freedom for his brothers. Of course he didn't know he had sisters as well." Her laugh was delightful to Raeblin's ears.

"Please, will you allow the transfusion to take hold, to give Brent his life?" Raeblin had no idea how long the goddess would remain and rushed her words.

"Do you know why I'm so strict about this commandment of mine?" The Great Mother raised one hand to prevent Raeblin from venturing a guess. "Because if it was known how magical Badari blood is, what miracles it can produce, there are those who would hunt down every single member of the packs, to use them for their own purposes. The Khagrish are evil and depraved, yes, but they aren't the only such species in the galaxy."

"Secrets can only be kept for so long," Raeblin said. "Someone will guess, someone will talk, but it won't be Brent. He has too much honor."

"Indeed secrets do have a way of revealing themselves eventually but not now. The Badari are in a precarious position and will be even if the packs ultimately prevail over the Khagrish. Aydarr needs more time—a great deal more time—to solidify his gains here and to be able to protect his people. The secret must remain within the packs." She raised one finger now, to forestall whatever protest Raeblin was going to make. "As to Brent, I agree he's an honorable human."

With a flicker of hope in her heart, Raeblin said, "I love him—he's my mate, whether he ever agrees or not. I'll take any punishment for my transgression if he's allowed to live."

"What if I offered his life in exchange for yours then?" The goddess leaned forward and Raeblin gasped as her face became more visible. To see the Great Mother's face clearly was to be close to death.

Straightening her spine, Raeblin said, "If my life is the price, I'll pay it gladly." Swallowing hard, she added, "He wouldn't even be on this mission except for me. It's my fault he's lying in there in pain and close to death."

Sitting back, face again in the shadows, the goddess shook her head. "He's a soldier, girl. It's what they do and he knew the risks. He accepts the risks every time he goes out, not merely because you were his to guard this time. Beware of taking on too much unwarranted guilt." There was silence and Raeblin waited with her heart pounding. She was afraid to ask again. The Great Mother sighed. "He is your fated mate but whether he'll accept the bond isn't up to me or you. It's up to him. But he is worthy of your love and of claiming you and a place in the packs or I wouldn't have made your paths cross. I'm not a cruel deity. Such is never my intent—I present possibilities and then it's up to the Badari to make choices. The future shifts in accordance, you know."

"I—I want him in my future, if possible."

Raeblin felt as if she was being hugged, a warm, happy sensation of closeness and caring. The goddess had disappeared but her voice lingered.

"I grant your wish. The man will live and the Alphas will know you have my permission, nay, you didn't wait for that, did you? You have my forgiveness, which none may question."

A wind shivered through the trees, which moved and rubbed against each other with an eerie creaking sound. Raeblin got to her feet and ran inside the shelter, rushing to the bedside. She'd barely wrapped her fingers around Brent's before his eyes flickered open. He stared at the ceiling and then turned his head with an effort to see her.

"Sweetheart?" His voice was weak but tears came to her eyes.

Blinking them away, she asked, "How do you feel?"

"Like I've been stunned, knifed, crash landed and got too close to an explosion, all in one damn day." His grin was an echo of its usual cocky self. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, now you're awake."

"I'd ask where the seven hells we are but as long as it's not a Khagrish lab, I'm too fucking tired to care." He squeezed her fingers and closed his eyes again.

"We're safe for now," she said, hoping he could hear her. There was another faint squeezing of her hand and then his fingers relaxed. She didn't panic, able to hear his steady breathing and the strong beat of his heart with her Badari ears, now her hearing had returned after the earlier blast.

Hardly daring to breathe she lifted the diagnosis sensor and ran it over Brent's body, relaxing a little with every beep and each result which showed closer to normal. His body was healing itself all right, not as rapidly as a Badari might have but better than a human's could have done. She whispered a prayer of thanks to the goddess and then fetched the blanket from her pack, laying it over him gently. He needed sleep to support the healing process. A Badari hurt this badly would have been in a comalike state for a few hours so she was grateful he'd been able to speak to her.

Her stomach rumbled and she squared her shoulders. Brent was going to need food too and not dry survival rations, if indeed there were any in the Wanderer's stasis keepers. He needed hot soup or broth, protein, fluids…she'd have to go and hunt. Raeblin hated the idea of leaving their safe place and leaving him alone, even if he was recovering, but food was a priority now. Delaying the decision to leave, she walked to the few bins where the green tabs glowed and searched through them. The Wanderer had done his pilfering well for she found ready to heat meals which satisfied her requirements for Brent, not to mention herself. She wolfed down two packets of a meat with sauce and pasta, barely waiting for them to cool down after the rapid cooking process. There were various nutrition drinks in the functioning bins as well and she drank one, chasing it with stream water.

Then she finally tended to herself, taking a bath as best she could in the small stream and rinsing her hair, to get the twigs, dirt and leaves out after all the adventures she'd gone through the preceding day. One of the active stasis keepers had contained clothing so she dressed in utility pants, rolling up the cuffs and a black tee shirt, relishing the small luxury of clean fabric against her skin. Tomorrow she'd help Brent bathe and change clothes, or give him space if he was up to doing it himself.

Raeblin tried not to get her hopes up too much about how fast or how completely he'd heal. A Badari would be at full strength by dawn but Brent had been close to death and it had taken her blood time to affect the mechanisms of his body and start reversing the damage. Exhaustion swept over her, now she had a full stomach and she went to the bed, eyeing it. The Wanderer had obviously been a full grown Badari male because the bed was easily big enough to hold her and Brent so she climbed in, working hard not to jostle or wake him. Taking a corner of the blanket for herself, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep with ease, praying she wouldn't have nightmares about anything she'd been through since the mission went bad back at the lab.

She woke as daylight filtered into the room from the glade outside, to find her head pillowed on Brent's shoulder and his arm around her. He was smiling at her and his heartbeat under her ear was normal. Strong, reassuring. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Like I was twenty," he replied, turning so he could face her. He touched her face with his knuckles, stroking her cheek softly. "I'm guessing I owe you a lot and I have two questions but there's something I want to do first."

Raeblin braced herself for the questions, which she was sure were going to lead to a difficult discussion.

Brent lowered his head and brushed his lips across hers before settling in for a serious kiss, tongue tracing her lips and asking for entry. Surprised, she granted his unspoken request and he took full advantage, his tongue dancing with hers, tasting and exploring. Brent tasted so good to her she was transported into another plane of existence, her inner predator purring and rubbing its fur against their mate with happiness. He reached down to squeeze her derriere and pull her closer and the length of his hard cock settled in against her, pulsing through their layers of clothing. "Oh yes," she sighed, breaking off the kiss and reaching to press her hand against his arousal.

"Too many clothes," Brent said, reaching to remove her tee shirt.

She lifted her arms and the tee shirt was gone in the next heartbeat. Brent kissed her fleetingly and then his hands were at her breasts, lifting them from her bra cups, thumbing the aching nipples with little flicks.

"You good with this?" he asked.

Arching her back to bring her body closer to him, she voiced her agreement emphatically. "Absolutely."

Lowering his head, he drew one of the tightly furled buds into his mouth and began swirling his tongue around the sensitive skin, kneading her breast with his hand in a way that had her squirming with delight. She slid her hand down across his taut stomach, enjoying the sensual exploration of his six pack abdominal muscles, before she continued past the waistband of his pants and curled her hand over his shaft in a possessive grip. Brent murmured his approval of her move and thrust against her grip, which encouraged her to do more, massaging the hard shaft and caressing the weeping tip with her thumb.

He broke off his attention to her breasts and said with effort, "We gotta lose these clothes. I want to see all of you."

"And I want to taste you," she said, raising her hands to her mouth and flicking out her tongue to lick off the precum.

He watched her as if mesmerized. "Now that is hot."

There was a flurry of activity as they assisted each other out of their clothes. Raeblin took an extra moment to check the wound he'd had from the force blade, finding only a long pink scar, which appeared to be fading. Brent drew her away from her scrutiny, pulling her into his arms, where the full body skin to skin contact between them made her dizzy with need and desire.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," he said. "Let me show you how fine?"

"Works for me." Raeblin kissed him and then moved to where she could wrap her lips around his jutting cock as he threaded his fingers through her hair, which she'd left down after her makeshift bath the night before. He wasn't forcing her to the task but clearly he was enjoying what she was doing.

The longer she played and especially when she used her tongue on the long vein on the underside of his shaft or the notch at the head, Brent had a hard time controlling himself. She loved her power over this strong man and devoted herself to the pleasure giving with renewed creativity.

Finally he pulled her off and held her tight against him. "Two things before we go any further. I know the Badari don't do casual and this ain't casual for me, sweetheart. You're a beautiful, smart, funny, capable woman and I want to experience all of you in a way I never wanted a woman before. Got me?"

Unable to speak past the lump in her throat, Raeblin nodded.

"And secondly, if this is your first time, gotta let me know so I can be gentle."

She closed her eyes and said, "The Khagrish at the lab where I was created?—"

Brent kissed her hard to keep her from having to explain further. When he was done, he said, "I wish I could kill those fuckers for you."

"Gabe already did, when he rescued us," she said. "I'm all right about it, Brent. The experience was ugly but it's the past now and I've moved on."

He put his hands on either side of her face and forced her to look him in the eyes. "I'm proud of you. You're a strong woman but if anything—anything—I do today bothers you or brings back bad memories, promise to tell me."

Tears were threatening over his caring but she resolutely held them in abeyance and gave her word. "Promise."

He held her gaze for a moment longer and then nodded. He reached to run one finger through the curls at the vee of her legs and pushed inside her folds. "You're so wet for me, sweetheart. Let me take care of this for you."

Not sure what he meant Raeblin drew in a breath of pure bliss when he inserted three of his fingers into her and massaged the sensitive, heated skin. His used his thumb to play with her clit and the combined stimuli sent her over the edge into an orgasm the likes of which she'd never had before. Brent watched her experience the waves of her climax and kissed her neck as she threw her head back.

"Beautiful," he said.

Without a pause he positioned himself at her entrance and let the blunt head of his arousal take the place of his fingers. Raeblin tried to adjust to the girth as he thrust deep, withdrew and thrust again. She locked her heels behind him and managed to match his rhythm, their passion rocking the old bedstead as Brent continued to take her, until he was sheathed in her core to the root.

Overstimulated, Raeblin lost track of the world around her, the creaking bed and everything else outside of Brent's cock buried deep inside her body, giving her waves of aching pleasure, pushing her to the edge of a climax which terrified her because of the intensity of the sensations.

"Fly with me," Brent whispered in her ear, holding her close and safe even as his body and hers drove to the finish.

She let herself go, falling into the orgasm screaming his name, and then Brent followed her, his hot seed jetting into her already overheated core, setting off another orgasm for her. Overwhelmed, she felt her fangs extending and retracted them hastily. This, beautiful as it was, was not a claiming. They hadn't even discussed the subject of mates or anything else beyond the point this wasn't a casual coupling for Brent. Raeblin was happy, floating on the aftermath of the incredible climax, safely cradled in his arms.

They lay together for quite a while, her head pillowed on his shoulder again. She wanted to stay there all day but eventually Brent cleared his throat and said, "Question time. Where the seven hells are we?"

"You've heard of the Badari Wanderer?" she asked.

"Vaguely. Camron mentioned him once. The Badari don't tell us humans much about themselves, you know. Gabe and Flo know more than I do, being in all the big meetings with Aydarr and his counselors."

She raised herself on one elbow and studied his face. "Why aren't you there too? You helped Jill Garrison free the Badari as much as your partners did."

He laughed, the amusement rumbling through his chest. "They're the brains of our operation, sweetheart. Those two eat up strategy and tactics and are happiest when they're planning crazy shit. Me, I'm just a soldier, a weapon—point me at the objective, tell me the mission parameters and I'm good to go. I like it that way."

"You're not just a soldier," she said with heat, tired of him making himself sound less capable than his friends. "You're a tier one operator, you can do amazing things, like when you killed the Khagrish who captured us?—"

"I appreciate the vote of confidence more than you know," he said, playing with her hair. "But I prefer things the way they are. I deploy, I do my job, I kick back until the next time."

In his usual fashion Brent was minimizing his own contributions but he was done with the topic or so it seemed.

"So this is one of the Wanderer's hideouts," he said, gazing at the rustic features of the room. "How safe are we?"

"It's well hidden, two doors, locked to a Badari DNA reading. I think we're ok."

"I'll do a thorough recon later. Now for the second question."

But he didn't continue and she sat up, so she could see his face.

"Why aren't I dead?" He paused as she drew in a shocked breath at the question. "I mean unless this is a really strange afterlife, I shouldn't be here today. I sure as hell shouldn't be up to making love to a woman. I know how badly I was hurt and there's no way I make it to the next morning, let alone wake up ready to rock and roll."

Mentally she girded herself for his reaction. "I gave you a transfusion of my blood."

Brent drew her near and kissed her on the lips. "Yeah, I figured that had to be the answer. You gonna be in trouble now?"

"The goddess forgave me," Raeblin said, heart pounding. "She said the Alphas would know I was forgiven."

"Gotta ask, would you have done it for any other human soldier?"

Now she couldn't meet his eyes. "No." It was a hard truth but undeniable. Raeblin wouldn't have gone this final length to save anyone but him.

"Sweetheart, I'm grateful. You're a special woman, important to me?—"

"But?" she interrupted bitterly, sure he was going to break her heart and wanting to get the blow over with.

"But I'm not ready to be in a relationship, especially not the way you guys do it, this whole mate thing."

"At least you're honest with me," she said.

"Not saying I won't ever be there, but I've never seen myself settling down to one woman, in one place, having kids and all the rest of it. I've been here on Ushandirr longer than anywhere since I left home to enlist and of course staying here hasn't been by choice. I know for a Badari becoming a mate is forever and into the afterlife and I don't have that kind of commitment in me, Raeblin."

She thought he was wrong. In her opinion he was scared of what they could have together if he let himself but she didn't know what to say to open his heart to the possibility.

"If it was going to be possible, it'd be you." He hugged her and gave her a gentle kiss. "My parents didn't set a good example, always fighting, both of them cheating with other people while we kids took care of ourselves and tried not to get hit. Or not too often. I know you and I wouldn't do any of that but it's hard to envision a life you've never seen or lived, you know?"

Raeblin heard the pain in his voice and sadness for the child he'd been crept into her heart.

"Let's enjoy what we have here, get ourselves home to the valley and then maybe we can see where it goes, all right?" he asked. "That's the best I can offer."

Crumbs of what she craved, she thought, fighting tears. Her inner beast curled up in a corner, tail over her eyes and hunched as if against a cold wind. I've been a fool. I'd still have saved his life but clearly humans and Badari are so different—how do any of the mated pairs make it work? Well both of them must have been all in on the idea and Brent clearly was not.

"You're going too fast for me," Brent added and she could hear in his voice he was pushed to his limit trying to explain his feelings to her without hurting her any more than he had to.

"You're right." She'd give him that. "I didn't exactly have the luxury of time to decide whether to share my blood with you, but we don't even know each other outside of this mission and being on the run from the Khagrish." She didn't need to know any more—her heart knew he was her mate but now she was remembering idle talk among the men to which she hadn't paid much attention but they all said a Badari had to work hard and be smart and patient to win their mate because often the humans did not get it nearly as quickly as the Badari did. No instalove for them. "I vote we table this discussion now and get some sleep since we have no idea what tomorrow will bring."

"Now we're on the same wavelength." Relief flooded his voice and his frame relaxed against her. "We good?"

"We're good."

But she lay awake long after he'd gone to sleep, trying to envision a future where she could be happy without Brent.