Chapter 8 Darcy

8 DARCY

NOW

She’s late, which she hates. Darcy is never late, not even on holiday, but she must be more exhausted than she realized because she slept straight through the alarm she set for half twelve, which is when she was meant to meet Camilla and Kate for drinks. That plan was probably a bit too optimistic, given they’ve all had such a long journey. She’s heard about what happens to your body when you don’t have to be up at dawn for work or small children—it forces you to sleep, compensating for all the rest you’ve missed out on.

And the heat! God, it’s intense. She loves it, and the way the water sparkles everywhere the eye falls, palm trees towering above, much larger than any she’s seen before. The resort is like a miniature jungle, a vast green canopy of tropical leaves. Small paths stream away to various buildings. She walks across the wooden causeway, where the gym sits to the left, a white building with ice-cold air-con. To the right, an old swimming pool. She plans to use it while she’s here. And why not? She’s started training again. She came fifth in the under-eighteen British Swimming Championships many years ago. Five miles was easy for her. Now she finds a hundred laps hard going, has to use the loo halfway through, on account of how crap her pelvic floor is after the kids. The joys of getting older. But her arms are still toned, the cap of a defined deltoid visible at the opening of her kaftan. She put on a slick of red-tinted ChapStick, and the gold bracelets she bought just for this trip. She’s glad she got her nails done now. They seemed garish back in London, but they’re perfect out here, where the light sharpens all the colors. She reminds herself to tell Camilla how grateful she is for pushing her into it. Sometimes you need friends who see through your own bullshit, right?

She heads back, following the path that forks off to the restaurant, where breakfast, lunch, and dinner are served in a buffet that extends across three different rooms, one entirely dedicated to salads. More tables on the deck outside, by the ocean, restaurant staff shifting chairs.

“Darcy!”

An arm is waving from the outdoor pool, where a row of sun loungers faces the ocean. She recognizes Camilla’s hat and walks toward her. Kate is there, too, and there’s another girl, seated beside Camilla. She looks young, early twenties, wearing a white string bikini, slender, undimpled limbs fake-tanned to an almost grubby bronze. She has a lip piercing, and her black sunglasses take up half her face. Icy-blond, ruler-straight hair with a long fringe, and her nails are acrylics, like Darcy’s, though sharp as claws, with a French polish and diamanté nail art. Darcy’s nails look tame in comparison.

“Sorry, girls,” Darcy says. “I overslept.”

“We thought maybe you were shagging a handsome stranger,” Camilla says, shielding her eyes.

“We hoped you were,” Kate says. “Not that we don’t enjoy your company.”

Darcy watches Camilla and Kate and smiles to herself—you couldn’t find two more opposite women if you tried. Camilla wouldn’t look out of place in a magazine, a long string bean in a red bikini with gold clasps, red lipstick, glossy black hair, microbladed eyebrows, every part of her body cinched and shimmering. Kate is sweating under a strange bucket hat that has been badly creased in her luggage. She looks flustered, strands of gray hair sticking to her cheeks and her pale legs bent at angles on the sun lounger. She’s wearing a heavy green dress, no nail polish, no makeup. Her hands are swollen and her cheeks flushed, and Darcy wonders for a few seconds what she’s doing with that towel, moving it strategically around herself—ah yes, she’s using it to conceal the parts of her body she feels awkward about. Poor Kate.

She sits down on the sun lounger beside the new girl and smiles at her. “Hi,” she says. “I’m Darcy.”

“This is Jade,” Camilla says, leaning forward. “She’s from London. She’s staying in the villa next to mine.”

“Hiya,” Jade says. “Camilla was telling me all about you.”

“Lies, all of it,” Darcy says, lifting the bottle of sunscreen on the table next to her, and Jade laughs. “That’s not a London accent, though?”

“I’m from Liverpool originally,” Jade says. “I moved to London a couple of years ago.”

“Nice,” Darcy says. “Whereabouts in London?”

“Stockwell. It’s not that bad, actually. Where are you from?”

“Dudley, originally, though we’re in Richmond now.”

“Posh,” Jade observes.

“ This place is posh,” Camilla tells Jade. “Therefore, by extension, so are you.”

Jade beams.

“Cocktail or wine?” Kate asks Darcy.

“Ooh, what are you having?” Darcy asks, eyeing the gorgeous drink on Kate’s side table—a tall glass filled with something yellow, an elaborate skewer garnish of watermelon, mango, and dragon-fruit balls.

“A peach Bellini mocktail,” Kate says, craning her neck to get the server’s attention so Darcy can order one.

“I can get it,” Darcy says, jumping up to head to the bar. “Anyone else want anything?”

“Jamie from Outlander ,” Camilla says. “Preferably naked. Je suis prest , baby.”

“I’ll take another Negroni,” Jade says.

“Could you ask if they have any fans?” Kate says. “Perimenopause and sun don’t mix very well, I’m afraid.”

Darcy orders two peach Bellini mocktails and a Negroni at the bar, and a tall glass of water. She’s drained from the plane journey, and from worrying about her boys and whether or not she packed sunblock. She is olive-skinned and doesn’t tend to burn, but she has several large moles on her shoulders that the kaftan doesn’t cover, and you never know. Skin cancer’s so prevalent these days. It’s not worth getting a tan, even though Jacob used to compliment her when she returned from their holidays looking golden, her tan bringing out the fiery hues in her hazel eyes.

She lifts the tray of drinks and heads back.

“Oh,” she says, as soon as she reaches her sun lounger. “Sorry, Kate. I forgot to get you a fan.”

“It’s fine,” Kate says, wafting herself with a napkin. “I think I packed one.”

“We could go into the pool,” Camilla says. “Much cooler there.”

“No, thanks,” Kate says, spreading the towel across her legs.

“You on HRT yet?” Camilla asks Kate, while Jade looks on, both curious and shy.

Kate pulls a face. “The GP says my bloods are fine. He recommended cold medicine and sent me on my way.”

“ Cold medicine ?” Camilla exclaims. “Not even proper sleeping pills?”

“Nope.”

“Ugh, I told you to go to a private clinic. I’ve brought my estrogen pump if you want to give it a go?”

Darcy notices Jade looking disoriented by the turn of conversation. “Have you been here long?” she asks her, steering the subject onto better terrain.

“Just a few days. I’m here with my fiancé… I mean, my husband.”

“Ah,” Darcy says, grinning. “Freshly wed. This is your honeymoon, I take it?”

Jade nods, smiling. She glances away, and Darcy notices something beneath the girl’s sunglasses. A purple bruise around her eye. Ouch. She decides not to pry.

“Can you recommend any excursions?” Darcy asks her. “We fancied doing the manta ray trip.”

“We did the dolphin trip on our first day,” Jade says. “I love dolphins. Rob’s big on exercise, though, so he’s either in the gym or swimming. He finds it hard to sit still.”

She sounds apologetic. Darcy nods and smiles, flicking her eyes to Camilla. She’s certain Camilla has already clocked the bruise.

“Is the dolphin trip on tonight?” Kate asks. “I fancy doing that.”

“I thought you were against excursions?” Camilla answers.

“I’m not against them,” Kate says. “I wasn’t keen on dying, that was my point.”

“Dying?” Jade asks, amused.

“You have to understand—Kate’s a control freak,” Camilla tells Jade.

“I am not a control freak—” Kate counters.

“So because I planned some fun activities, she got huffy about it—”

“Walking over burning coals,” Kate says loudly, “hardly sounds like fun .”

Jade scrunches up her face. “To be fair, I wasn’t keen on that one, either.”

Kate is vindicated. “You see? A sane woman, at last.”

Camilla flicks her long hair over her shoulder archly. “Change doesn’t happen in your comfort zone, love.”

“Who said I want to change?” Kate says, winking at Jade.

“Shut it, you two,” Darcy says, shielding her eyes from the sun. “You bicker like an old married couple.”

“Did you have a traditional wedding?” Kate asks Jade. “Or did you do something more… elopey?”

“?‘Elopey’?” Camilla repeats with a laugh.

“I’ve never been married,” Kate explains to Jade. “And the last wedding I went to was in 2003, so I’ve no idea what the done thing is anymore.”

“We had a massive wedding,” Jade says with a grin. “At Lindhurst Hall? Both Rob and I are only children, so our families wanted something special. And after Covid, we thought, Fuck it .”

The trio make noises of understanding.

“Very sweet of you,” Camilla says. “To think of your parents like that.”

“It was Rob’s idea,” she says. “Nothing like a big wedding to bring lots of family together, yeah?”

“Quite the opposite, in my experience,” Camilla says with a frown. “A fight broke out at my first wedding.”

“A fight ?” Jade says, drawing a hand to her mouth.

Camilla nods, smiling. “Between two of the bridesmaids. A cousin and a family friend. Proper fisticuffs. Dresses torn, hair ripped out. Madness.”

“The photographs must have been something,” Kate says, and Camilla laughs ruefully.

“Oh, a complete train wreck,” she says. “Mother-in-law in tears, bride looking daggers at the bridesmaids, both bloodied and bruised. Groom so drunk he can’t stand.” She shrugs. “Standard.”

“What on earth were they fighting about?” Darcy asks.

“I think one of them was cheating with the other’s boyfriend,” Camilla says. “I can’t remember which one it was. We’re talking a quarter of a century ago, here.”

“You don’t look old enough to have been married that long ago,” Jade says sweetly, and Camilla reaches out with a mock sob and hugs her.

“Darling,” she says theatrically, “you’re my new bestie.”

“It’s the Botox,” Kate says, rubbing a fresh layer of sunscreen into her freckled arms.

“And this is why you and I don’t see eye to eye, Kate, darling,” Camilla says, flicking her hair in irritation.

“Just over here keeping it real,” Kate says, which is such an un-Kate thing to say it makes Darcy laugh out loud.

“What was your dress like?” Darcy asks Jade, trying to keep the tone light.

“Oh, it was lush,” Jade says. “Off-the-shoulder, right? A pearl bodice, ivory satin skirt with a short train. Classy. I didn’t wear a veil. Just white roses pinned into my hair. I wore it in a long plait, like Elsa. You know, out of Frozen .” Her eyes slide to Darcy, and she looks apologetic. “I feel awful for talking about all this,” she says. “Given that you’re here after a divorce.”

“Oh God, no,” Darcy says. “Please don’t feel bad. I’m glad I’m divorced, honestly. It was a long time coming.”

“Glad?” Jade repeats. “Was he bad to you?”

Darcy shrugs. “Well, if you call having multiple affairs being bad to someone, then yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Jade says.

Darcy finds her skin prickling, the shame of it still in her body. “Oh, it’s hardly your fault.”

“Jacob is a grade-A bastard,” Camilla offers, and Darcy makes a noise of disagreement.

“You’re saying he wasn’t?” Kate asks, sitting forward.

Darcy considers this, faltering. The conversation is getting a little deeper than she intended. “Oh, I think people are more complex than that is all. He changed once his company took off.”

Jade looks interested now. “What does he work in?”

“He runs a tech company. Artificial intelligence.”

Jade gasps. “I’ve seen loads about that on the news lately. People are frightened, aren’t they?”

Darcy rolls her eyes. “It’s all hogwash. Fake news.”

Kate takes off her sunglasses. “You think so?”

“Well, yes, there are reasons that AI can be a bad thing,” Darcy says, “but most of the fearmongering is just corporations trying to fudge the markets.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Kate says. “I reckon there’s more than a grain of truth behind the fear. What about those driverless cars that crashed into people?”

“I read something the other day about this AI chatbot for mental illness that encouraged people to attempt suicide,” Camilla offers.

“Bloody hell,” Darcy says.

Camilla nods at Kate. “And what about the AI that writes stuff? You’ll be out of a job soon, babe. The robots will be writing all the novels, mark my words.”

Kate takes that in. “You don’t think a robot can teach downward dog?”

“That’s yoga,” Camilla says, sipping her drink.

“Pilates, then,” Kate sniffs. “Pretty sure your job’s the one in jeopardy.”

“Ladies, play nice,” Darcy says, softening the tone.

Jade looks like she doesn’t know what to make of all this. “How long were you married?” she asks Darcy after a few moments.

“Fifteen years.”

“Wow,” Jade says. “That’s a long time. You must have been quite young, like me.”

“I was twenty-six,” Darcy says wistfully. “He was my first real love.”

“I’m twenty-three,” Jade says. “Rob’s forty-one. Everyone comments on it.”

The others make noises of disapproval.

“It’s no one’s business,” Kate says.

“Oh, I think you can know if someone is your person,” Darcy tells Jade reassuringly. “Age is just a number, right?”

“It’ll be my eighteenth wedding anniversary in December,” Camilla says.

“What’s your secret?” Jade asks.

“I think neither of us can be bothered getting divorced, to be honest,” Camilla says, which makes Jade laugh. “Too much hassle. And we do like each other, Bernie and I. Maybe more like brother and sister now. We have kind of a silent open-marriage arrangement.”

“A silent open marriage?” Kate says. “Is that a fancy way of saying you both have affairs?”

Camilla shrugs. “Bernie watches these ASMR videos when he’s feeling stressed. Rugs being cleaned. Vets gouging nails out of cows’ hooves. I thought he was bonkers but then I found myself watching them, too. Surprisingly soothing.”

“What has that got to do with anything?” Darcy asks, laughing.

“Hmm?” Camilla says. “Oh, I mean you impact on each other without even realizing it. Your lives become so intertwined that it’s difficult to disentangle, even if you want to.”

“It wasn’t difficult at all for Jacob,” Darcy says flatly.

“Shit,” Camilla says, sitting upright. “Sorry, Darcy. I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”

Darcy raises her glass and offers a brave smile. “It’s why we’re here, remember? To celebrate. Here’s to a new chapter for me and Jade.”

“Cheers,” they all say, clinking their glasses.

“Gouging nails out of cows’ hooves is soothing?” Kate asks.

“Honestly, it is,” Camilla says. “I’ll WhatsApp you a link. You tell me I’m wrong.”

“So where is he, then?” Kate asks Jade, setting her glass on the table next to the lounger. “Your new hubby?”

“He’s at the gym,” Jade says. “He’s training for the Battersea Park Marathon.”

“That’s soon, isn’t it?” Darcy asks. “Third week of October?”

Jade nods. “Just over six weeks. He ran the half-marathon last year. This is his first full marathon. I can’t even run a mile, never mind twenty-six of them.”

Her face falls suddenly, and Darcy tracks her gaze to a figure walking toward them. A dark-haired man, significantly older than Jade. He could be her father , Darcy thinks. He’s about five foot nine, a brick shithouse compared to his wife, but with the same rust-colored tan. His muscular arms and chest are covered in tattoos, a large one of a bare-breasted mermaid on his left arm.

She spots the tattoo of the tiger on his neck, and her stomach spasms. His eyes slide to hers and she looks quickly away, a sudden heat rising in her throat.

“Rob,” Jade says as he approaches. Darcy watches fear skid across her face, an involuntary reflex that she moves swiftly to hide with a smile. “This is Camilla, Kate, and…”

She’s so flustered that she’s forgotten Darcy’s name. “Darcy,” Darcy offers, smiling up at him. “How do you do?”

He grins at the women. He’s handsome, and his manner toward Jade is affectionate, if not a little rough, plucking up her hand and pressing it against his lips. Darcy watches him closely, trying to figure out if he’s the cause of the bruise on Jade’s face. “I was worried,” he tells Jade, “when I found you weren’t in the villa.”

“Oh,” she says. “Sorry. I was just—”

“I can see you’re having fun with some new friends.” His eyes rest on Darcy. It’s hard to tell in the glare of the sun, but for a moment he does a double take, as though he recognizes her.

Jade rises. “I’ll come back….”

“No, no,” he says, backing away. “Take your time. Nice to see you having fun.”

With a wink, he slings his towel over his shoulder, walking toward the villas. Jade hesitates, visibly weighing something up in her mind. Finally, she turns. “Sorry, girls,” she says. “I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?”

“Of course,” Camilla says, raising her drink.

“We’ll be here all week,” Kate adds.

Darcy says nothing, watching the desperate way Jade runs after Rob. She thinks of her younger self, the way she ran after her love, too.

The things she would have done differently, if she’d known then what she knows now.