Chapter 23 Jade

23 JADE

NOW

Kate heads back to her villa. I tell her good night before heading in the opposite direction toward the small island over the bridge.

Oh my God, my head is absolutely banging. Kate’s story is so messed up. And the idea that the man who killed all those people let her live so she’d know that every breath she took was enabled by him. How twisted is that? How did she even carry on after something like that? And yet Kate had the kindness to offer me money to escape. I could tell she was genuine. But, fuck . Yes, she survived, but her life must have been so hard after all that. Waking up in a shitty guesthouse to find everyone had been slaughtered…

I need to walk to stop my brain from spinning, from imagining what Kate saw. But also it’s like she’s cracked open the prison bars, showing me a way out. For the first time in ages, I felt less alone when I spoke to her. Like I wasn’t the only one with problems. Being here was actually making me even more miserable, and not just because of the situation with Rob. Everyone in the Maldives looks so bloody happy, radiant with bliss. And in the meantime, I’m over here, drowning in broad daylight.

I head through the trees, cutting away from the sand path in case Rob comes out looking for me. People are still sitting at candlelit tables on the beach enjoying supper, a string of fairy lights set up by the waiters to make it romantic. So many couples here, honeymooning. They look so happy. Maybe Rob and I look happy, too, from the outside.

I used to think it was cute that Rob asked so many questions about the people I spoke to. Who was that? What did they say? And what did you say? I thought it was because he cared. Now I know it’s because he has to control everything. I guess I always knew that, but what I’m learning fast is that control isn’t love.

Kate’s right. I do need to act quickly. But I’m scared, too, because when we were kayaking, I told him to change direction. I saw someone was snorkeling just ahead of us and he was in the front seat, steering the kayak. But he kept paddling toward her, even turning us to go right in her path.

I didn’t tell Kate that. What would she think? That he tried to hurt her on purpose? He had no reason to.

But then, he has no reason to hurt me, either. And it doesn’t stop him, does it?

I turn left and see a light illuminating a doorway. The sign on it says SAUNA, and when I duck inside, there are male and female sections. Relief floods me. A moment of respite.

I strip down to my bikini. There’s a woman in the small room. She looks up and smiles, and I recognize her. It’s Darcy.

“Hi,” I say. “You can’t sleep, either, I take it?”

She smiles and sighs. “I’m hoping the heat will help reset my body clock. Hey, are you OK? I was worried about you after what happened in the restaurant.”

I nod, sitting down next her. “Yes, thanks. Rob was just a bit worked up.”

“What are your plans for tomorrow?” Darcy asks. “No more kayaking, I bet?”

I laugh. “Maybe we’ll go to the sandbank. I’ve heard it’s nice.”

She brightens. “Oh yes, Camilla mentioned that. I think I’ll try it.”

I nod, trying to muster up enthusiasm, but my mind keeps turning back to Kate’s offer. I mean, I barely know her. And I don’t like borrowing from anyone. But I’m desperate.

I clasp my hands against my stomach, praying I’m not pregnant. Rob’s sudden decision to have a baby is strange. I feel like there’s more to it than him actually wanting to be a father. I mean, we talked about starting a family, but we always said we’d wait until we’d bought our own place. I only get statutory maternity leave. We can’t pay rent on just one wage. But I’m too scared to say all this. He’ll accuse me of not loving him, of stringing him along with false promises only to disappoint him.

“Jade?”

I look up at Darcy. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. Tears are rolling down my face. Darcy moves closer to me and touches my arm.

“What’s happened?”

Her face is full of concern, but I can’t say it. I can’t even begin to tell her everything that’s going on.

“Can I ask you something?” I say.

“Of course.”

“Do you think someone can love another person enough to change?”

She looks surprised. “Yes,” she says, and I feel so relieved I want to cry. Darcy is older than me, almost twice my age. She would know these things. “And no,” she says, and my heart sinks. “It depends. People can change, but a lot of the time, they don’t.” She smiles sadly. “Does that help?”

I nod, hiding my dismay.

“When I was very young,” she says then, turning to me, “I was deeply in love with someone. And I believed I could change him. I really, really believed that our love could transcend all the habits and beliefs that hold us back, you know? I honestly thought that if I loved him enough, I could make him what and who I wanted him to be.”

I scan her face, feeling a bit better. It’s like she understands what I mean.

“And did you?”

She hesitates, her eyes fixed on me. “No. And I was foolish for believing I could.”

She rubs my back, and I try not to burst into tears again.

I wanted her to say yes. I wanted her to tell me I have another way out.