36. June 19th

JUNE 19TH

TB

The sun was just beginningto peek over the horizon. TB's eyes opened quickly and clearly. He hadn't been dreaming as he dozed, but his brain had been processing information. Something had been bothering him. He knew better than to try and tease it forward, so he had let it percolate on its own. In his half-sleep, it came to him.

The sleeves. Why naked except for the sleeves?

His gaze slid over her arm. When he'd taken her to bed, she only had her nightgown on. A nightgown with only the skinniest of straps. Her robe was draped over her chair where she'd put it before catching sight of those emails. She'd been distracted.

Sure enough, no sleeve. The barest, creamiest, softest skin he'd ever touched.

His eyes caught on what looked like a bruise.

Did I do that?

He shouldn"t have. It was too high. The other night, he'd wound the belt around her wrists, and this was just under her elbow, almost in the crook of it. And even then, he was extremely careful with his bindings so that they didn't bruise, welt, or cut off blood circulation. In his fog over her, had he miscalculated?

Gently, so as not to wake her, he turned her arm so he could see the underside to make sure there weren't more marks.

His eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. There wasn't just one mark. Not even just two. There were a series of marks all the way down her arm following the main vein. They were scars—not current. They showed that her use in the past had been often and damaging.

He knew he needed to slow his brain down and think rationally. He really did know it. It hadn't bothered him in the slightest to recover drugs for people during his time as the Collector. It hadn't bothered him that one of his teammates was a recovering user. So why was this so difficult now? It wasn't as if she were currently using.

His brain rewound to when she had insisted that her arms remain covered. She knew what he'd see. Was this what she was so ashamed of that she was afraid to talk about her past? What could be so awful to cause her to hide something like this?

He thought back to everyone pushing him to give her a chance. Steel talking about her truly living in reality. Waters' sanction to pursue her. Kubrick's fierce protectiveness. Was it all bullshit? Had he and his friends been taken in by this seemingly sweet little thing?

Idiot! Don't jump to the wrong conclusions. There are a number of reasons why she wouldn't say. You. Know. Her. Don't get stupid about this.

She lied.

Do you tell everyone about your fuck ups from the past? No. I didn't think so.

I need to think!

He swung out of the bed, his body hunched over his legs, his elbows propped up on his knees, and his head in his hands as his fingers ran through his hair. After a few deep inhales and slow exhales, he stood and began pulling his clothes back on.