Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

FERN

Gasping, I clawed at the concrete floor.

“You need to be punished, Estelle. You know you do. You were very bad, weren’t you?” Grady’s boot was on my rib, pressing down. “Weren’t you?”

Hissing, I nodded.

“Say it.”

“Fuck you,” I snarled and coughed uncontrollably. My throat was raw, my mouth full of my own blood.

The Chemist had decided to let Grady loose on me to teach me a lesson. He didn’t like getting his hands dirty, not in this way. Didn’t like to be the one to dish out the punishments. He did enjoy the aftermath though. He liked to repair the damage done so he could tear me apart all over again for medical research.

This had been going on for four days. Grady beat me, and then The Chemist would come in and take pleasure in playing the depraved, psycho doctor.

My mind was fracturing. I could feel myself slipping away.

As soon as Grady had carried me through that door and the smell hit me, a switch flicked. It was like I’d never left, and besides the burned down wing of the building, nothing had changed.

After all the work I’d done to put the shattered pieces of my mind back together, they were falling away, one by one. I felt myself reverting back to that wild thing. The feral little girl The Chemist had to get Grady to tie down before he came into my room.

Grady dropped to one knee and gripped my jaw, his fingers digging in hard. When he leaned in close, I tried to swing, then realized my shoulder was dislocated, so I couldn’t do shit. I spat in his face, and he punched the side of my head with a curse.

“Filthy fucking whore.” Grady forced my jaw up so I couldn’t do it again. “He’s still here, you know, Essie.” His voice was so cold that it sent ice down my spine. “Ghoul’s been down there, chained in that hole in the ground, all alone, since you left. Bet he’s really fucking hungry.”

I froze, my heart seizing in my chest. Warmth slid over my thighs, soaking my underwear and the drab gray smock they’d put me in. The monster’s glowing red eyes filled my mind, huge in his sunken-in sockets, followed by the vicious fangs, the cold, leathery skin, and protruding bones. The long black nails that dug into my flesh, adding to the scars all over my body. When I was young, I’d told myself he was a monster. Now, I knew better; he had to be demon, savage and starved, and the most terrifying being I’d ever encountered.

“You pissed all over yourself.” Grady tutted, grabbing me by the hair, so tight that I thought he’d tear it from my scalp. “You really are a disgusting little bitch,” he hissed.

He shoved me away with force, and my head hit the concrete floor. Fisting the front of my smock at my chest, his other hand grabbing the fabric just above my knees, he lifted me roughly before dumping me on the gurney.

“No.”

I struggled, but he pushed me back easily, lifted my hands over my head, and I silently screamed, choking on the pain as he chained my wrists to the top, followed by my ankles to the bottom.

He patted my cheek. “The Chemist will be in to tend to you shortly.” He grinned. “Oh, and he has something new he wants to test. It’s a nasty one.” Then he left, shutting me inside, bound and helpless.

Silence filled the treatment room, and minute later I heard it—the slow drip from the sink on the other side of the room. That sound came to me in my nightmares. It filled my head when I least expected it, bringing me back to this room in my mind time and time again.

The last five years, physically, I’d been free, but in my head, I’d never left. I’d been right here. I’d known, hadn’t I? It was only a matter of time before I ended up back here in this room, in this place, as The Chemist’s creature, to torture and experiment on as much as he liked.

Before, when I’d been here, I’d waited for my chance to escape. That, one day, an opportunity would present itself. And it did. Grady had walked out of the room without securing both my hands after a beating, and I’d taken my chances. I’d set the place on fire, barricaded them in, watched, making sure it went up in flames before I ran like hell.

He’d never make that mistake again. This time, there would be no escape for me.

Gods, I was so fucking stupid. I’d actually convinced myself that Relic cared about me, that he wanted me. Of course, he didn’t want a disgusting demon. I’d tricked him into selling me his soul. He saw the real me—the depraved bitch in heat; the twisted wreck who had poisoned herself, then thrown up in front of him just so she could control her fear; the repulsive, scarred whore who’d fed from him, while she’d rubbed up on him, lost to her lust.

He’d asked one of his brothers to get me a sex toy so he didn’t have to deal with me—anything to get me to stop pawing all over him—and still, I hadn’t seen it coming. He abandoned me in that forest, for fuck’s sake. I’d shared more, and he’d bailed, desperate to get away from me. Honestly, I didn’t blame him.

But what I really hated was that he was still all I wanted. I’d let him beneath my armor and made myself so fucking weak.

I wasn’t sure how to process the loss of him. Could you lose something that never wanted to be yours?

He’d never been mine, not by choice, but even now, I wanted to feel the heat of that big body against mine and the feeling of safety that I’d only ever experienced with him. I wanted to hear that low, rough voice call me baby, and Tink, and sweetness. I wanted it all back, and Lucifer help me, I’d give anything to have it back. I didn’t care that it had all been a lie. I just wanted it back.

I wanted Relic back.

The door opened, and I viciously shoved it all down. That was the last time I’d think of him. That was the last time I’d let those emotions in, or I wouldn’t survive this. So, I slammed the door and sealed those feelings in tight, and let the numbness come—because I would break if I didn’t. My mind would fracture totally, and I’d never come back from it. The Chemist would throw me in that hole in the ground as well and leave me to rot.

“How are we this evening, Estelle?” The Chemist said as he walked in.

My fingers tapped against the cold vinyl beneath me. One, two, three, four. Four, three, two, one, as I stared at the ceiling instead of looking at his scarred face. Though seeing the burns covering his cheek and one side of his neck—scars that I’d caused—gave me sadistic pleasure.

“Not in the mood to talk today? That’s okay.” He slid on his black latex gloves. “Let’s see what we have here.” He undid the ties at my shoulders and dragged the gown from my body, and I lay there bare, except for my piss-soaked underwear. He studied the raw, weeping, concealment sigil he’d carved into my stomach the first day I was brought back here. Every morning he had Grady reopen it, so it couldn’t ever heal. He scanned the rest of my body. “A few superficial bruises and lacerations, broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder. Nothing I can’t fix. But first, we need to get a gauge on the strength of your regenerative capabilities. It’s been a while since we conducted an experiment on you, Essie, so I’ll have to be rather aggressive, I’m afraid.”

I knew what that meant. He was going to get me as close to death as he could, and see how long it took for me to recover. The clink of metal on metal sent icy dread through me, but still, I didn’t look.

“Open your mouth, Estelle,” he said, his excitement making his voice tremble.

I did as he’d said; otherwise, he’d make me, and it would hurt even more.

“Your teeth have always been a good gauge, haven’t they?”

Panic filled me, but I fought it down. I didn’t scream or cry as he used his pliers and wrenched out the first tooth, and I didn’t struggle as more blood filled my mouth, choking me. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. One by one, he pulled out my teeth, and my fangs. The only sounds in the room were of my teeth hitting the bottom of The Chemist’s stainless steel dish, and me breathing heavily through my nose.

As the last tooth was pulled free, the rigidness of my body eased, and I turned my head, letting the blood run from my mouth onto the floor.

“Very good,” he said. “But we’re not quite finished yet.”

He filled a small basin with water and carried it over. Looking at me with that unhinged excitement in his eyes, he began cleaning me up, dipping a cloth into the freezing water and dragging it over my bloody and bruised body. “We need to repair what Grady did before we continue. This needs to be a controlled experiment, and we don’t want those injuries to interfere with my results.”

I locked my jaw as he dragged the cloth over my wounds again, causing me more pain and enjoying it.

“It appears you’ve soiled yourself, Estelle.” He licked his lips as he slid his scalpel from the small table beside him and sliced through the sides of my underwear. Pinching them between his gloved finger and thumb, he dragged them off and dumped them in the trash. “You’ll have to go without.”

I lay there, utterly naked in every way there was, while he cleaned between my thighs and down my legs. He hummed to himself as he continued to clean me, waiting until he removed every trace of blood and piss before he finally rested his hand over my ribs. Magic pulsed from his palm, and I choked back a scream when my ribs snapped back into place, followed by my shoulder jerking back into the socket.

Taking a small pot from the table, he dipped his finger into the salt and began the process of rubbing it into each and every new slice, whispering a spell as he did it so that when he used his healing magic, I’d still be left with a scar. He liked seeing the scars. He’d once told me I was a living, ever-changing piece of art. A map of his tests and trials, and that with every mark on my skin, I became more beautiful. Which was why he left the sigil open and raw, it wasn’t from one of his experiments and would mess up his living, breathing canvas.

Again, when he finally finished, he checked my ankle restraints, tightening them. I didn’t fight it, and I didn’t resist because there was no getting away, there was no escape.

“I have a new virus to test on you, but with your rapid healing abilities, we’ll need to hinder your body’s natural immunity further.” He wheeled his table closer, placing another empty dish on top. “For that, we’ll need to remove your liver. From past experiments, we know it regenerates fairly quickly, but this way, the virus will have more of a chance to take hold.”

Oh gods, no.

There was no fighting down the panic inside me this time. I yanked at my restraints, squirming and gurgling through the blood in my mouth and spilling down my chin.

His eyes brightened. “Fighting will do you no good.” He placed a hand on my ribs. “Let’s begin.”

Searing pain burned my stomach, and I gasped, choking on my blood as he sliced me open.

When the incision was long enough, he shoved his hand up under my ribs, found my liver, and sliced it from my body. I screamed until my throat was raw, then I passed out.

When I came around, he’d already sewn me up and salted the wound.

“You’re back,” he said as he wiped my bloody mouth. “Nearly done. My new virus is transmitted through sexual intercourse. So, I’ll need to place it inside you.”

He picked up a large needleless syringe filled with a yellow substance. Pressing one gloved hand down on my stomach, he positioned it, and looking at me with twisted glee in his eyes, pushed it inside me, pumping me full of his poison.

“If administered correctly, you should feel the effects of this one within a few hours,” he said, his voice lower, as he slid the syringe from me and tossed it back onto the tray. “But you’ll need to stay like this to make sure it works, I’m afraid.”

His gaze moved over my naked body, then back, locking on mine. “You know why it has to be you, Estelle,” he said, faux contrition rearranging his hateful face. “No one else can handle my experiments like you can.”

No, most were permanently disfigured or went mad, and if the virus didn’t kill them, Grady did.

“You’re special. That blood in your veins is special, there’s no one else like you. I tried, you know, many times to replace you.”

His voice grated over me while I tried not to writhe in pain.

“Most recently, in the city you made your home. I found an abandoned building, an old boarding house, and Grady brought me test subjects, but alas, they all died. So many females died because of you, because you left me. You won’t leave me again, will you Estelle?”

Nausea made my empty stomach cramp and the horror of what he said was a tight band around my throat.

“You won’t leave me again, will you, Estelle?” he said more sharply.

I forced myself to shake my head.

“That’s right.” He shivered and rubbed his tented trousers against the gurney. “It is extremely good to have you back, Essie—you have no idea.”

He rounded the gurney, moving to stand above me, and pushed it through the double swinging doors and into the hall. The things that walked these halls—his creations, like patchwork marionette dolls controlled by magic—followed his orders without question. But their eyes said it all; if they could, if his hold on them wasn’t so strong, they would kill us all. They turned their beady eyes on me now as I was wheeled by, naked and exposed. Their crude, garbled taunts filled the hall; their grasping hands bruised my flesh, and claws scraped over my skin.

The Chemist let them, and instead of taking me to my cell, he wheeled me into a large room that smelled like rotting flesh. This was where the creatures slept. He was going to keep making me pay for leaving him, for running away. His monsters followed, surrounding me, growling and salivating.

The Chemist turned to them. “My dears, I would like you to take care of my patient. You may come close, but you may not touch her in any way with any part of your body. If she vomits blood, come and get me.” Then he walked out.

As soon as he left, they swarmed closer, so close that I could feel their breath on my bare skin, and their stench choked me. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the perverted things they said, and opened the door I’d told myself I needed to keep locked because if I didn’t, I would break completely. Instead, I let my mind take me away to a room underground that was warm and smelled like everything good and safe.

In my mind, Relic lay beside me, his strong arm around me, his voice telling me I was going to be okay. It hurt—gods, it fucking hurt—but I let it. Better that than reality.

Better a fantasy that was lost to me now than what surrounded me.

If this was madness, I welcomed it.