15. Casey

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CASEY

Four days ago, Marcus called to offer me an extra ticket to join him at the Mariners’ game. Austin couldn’t go because he was camping with his dad in the mountains. I jumped at the chance, grateful that he thought to ask me. I was a diehard Mariners fan and hadn’t been to a game all season. My own team kept me too busy to keep up with the Mariners’ schedule this season.

Wearing a huge grin, I knocked on his door, but it quickly disappeared when he answered. Marcus looked like shit. Dark circles under his eyes, chapped lips, a red nose, and bedhead.

“Hey,” he croaked, which sent him into a coughing fit.

“You look terrible.”

“I feel terrible. I’m not gonna be able to make it. I hope you don’t mind, but I gave my ticket away to someone else.”

I didn’t care who I was stuck sitting next to today, as long as I got to see my team play. “I don’t mind at all. I just hate that you’re going to miss out.”

“Don’t rub it in,” he groaned, scrubbing his face. Marcus handed me his ticket.

“Who did you give your?—”

I jumped when someone behind me shouted, “P.A.D.R.E.S.” I’d know that voice anywhere. No one had a louder mouth than…

My eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “No, no, no.”

Marcus reached into the pocket of his sleep pants and pulled out another ticket, handing it to the man behind me. “Catch me a game ball.”

“Shit, if I catch a game ball, I’m keeping it.” He smacked me on the back way too hard for a friendly greeting. “What are you doing here, Coach?”

“No. No, no, no.” I kept repeating it like a mantra, hoping it would make him disappear.

“I gave him my ticket,” Marcus explained. “Have fun. I’ve got to go lay down.” And then he shut the door in our faces, and I was left standing there, staring at my seatmate.

Slowly, I turned to face my nemesis. Baylor grinned like his day hadn’t just been ruined as badly as mine had.

“You want to take my car or yours?”

The unfortunate eventuality set in, along with a pounding headache. “Mine, I guess.”

Baylor pulled his cooler from his back seat and wrestled it into mine, bumping my door panel and scratching it all to hell. I could feel my blood pressure rising and reminded myself to take deep, calming breaths.

When he tried to stuff himself into the front seat, smacking me in the face with his giant foam finger, I lost my shit.

“Would you fucking quit!”

He tossed it in the back and when he turned around, he almost took my damn eye out with his Padres pennant. “Lighten up, Collins. We’re having fun.”

“We are? When does the fun start?”

Baylor gave me a look. “I brought an extra one if you want it.”

I huffed. “I wouldn’t wave a Padres pennant if I were stranded on an island and it was the only way to signal for help.” I took in the full assault of his appearance. Two red slashes of face paint cut under his eyes. His cap and jersey were Padres, and he wore white baseball pants to match, as if he were on the actual team. And who could forget the foam finger and pennant paraphernalia? I snorted, choking on my resentment. “You look fucking ridiculous.”

He glared back. “Look who’s talking,” he laughed bitterly.

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” He was pushing his luck. If he didn’t watch it, he’d be walking to Seattle.

“That jersey is a waste of money. The hat is a fucking crime.”

“My hat?” I wore the vintage white cap with the Mariners name and logo and had added a trident keychain to dangle off the side of the bill. “This hat is fucking awesome!”

Baylor huffed, shaking his head. “If they zoom in on us with the camera, duck.”

A genuine laugh escaped before I could bite it back. Sometimes, he could be funny. “What’s in the cooler?”

“Beer,” he joked.

“You can’t bring beer into the stadium, jackass.”

“I know that, dipshit. It’s just bottled water. I also brought snacks. Want some jerky? I’ve also got chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and a ham and cheese sandwich.”

“Jesus Christ, it’s only a four-hour drive. We’re not going cross-country.”

“I’ll remind you of that when you get hungry. You already seem a little peckish,” he accused.

“Whatever. You bake?”

“Do you?” Baylor returned.

“Yeah, I do. I cook.”

His brows rose like he wasn’t expecting me to say that. “No, I don’t bake, but Austin does.”

“Austin?”

“Marcus is teaching him. These are from him.”

“So you have to harass your friends for baked goods?”

“I don’t harass,” he scowled, making me chuckle. “You might find this hard to believe,” he glanced sideways at me, “but back in SoCal, I was quite the ladies’ man.”

I backed out of the driveway, laughing.

“No really, I was. I dated a lot, and the women always brought me baked goods. Zucchini muffins, banana bread, cookies, and brownies. I ate well. ”

“And now? The women of Mapleview don’t bake?”

Baylor looked out the window, hiding his face from me. “I haven’t been dating much since moving here. And certainly not women.”

Why did a satisfied thrill shoot through me? “And why is that?”

“Been busy, what with moving and starting the new job, settling in.”

“Well, I seem to recall you had plenty of time to hit the clubs.”

Baylor glanced at me, his brows pinching. “That was different.”

“Different how?”

“What about you?” he evaded. “Do you date a lot?”

“Not really. I’m too busy doing my job.” Among other reasons.

“But you had time to hit the club,” he repeated.

“Every once in a while.”

“So, do you date women at all?”

“No,” I answered, sounding insulted. “Why would I?”

“You don’t have to say it like that. There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual.”

“Of course there isn’t. Is that what you are?”

“Yeah. What about you?”

“Just gay, Baylor. I’m only interested in men. When did you know you were interested in men?”

Baylor got quiet and then changed the subject. “We should place a friendly wager on the outcome of the game today. ”

“Sure, maybe. I asked you a question.”

“You did?” He pretended not to have heard me, but I knew he did. “What was it?”

“I asked when you started to realize you were interested in men.”

“Are you sure you don’t want some jerky?”

“Baylor,” I warned. He was raising red flags all over the field.

“About a year ago.” My foot hit the brake and Baylor jolted forward. “Jesus Christ. Warn me before you do that.”

“A year ago?” I glanced at him wide-eyed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No, why?”

“You’ve been gay for like five minutes.”

“I’m not gay,” he insisted. “I’m bisexual. You’re one of those jackasses that perpetuates bi-erasure. You assume that if I’m sleeping with men, I must be just gay.”

Oh, for the love of Christ! “That’s not what I’m doing! I’m just curious as to why the sudden change.”

“Sexual orientation is fluid. In the last year or so, I’ve realized my attraction to men growing stronger, and I finally decided to act on it, to see if the reality interests me as much as…”

“The fantasy?” I asked.

“It’s not a fantasy. It’s just a fact. I’m attracted to men. I just wanted to know what that felt like to be with one.”

“But you said you haven’t dated much, so how many men have you been with? ”

“You sure you don’t wanna bet on that game today? I’m thinking like twenty bucks.”

“Sure, but twenty bucks isn’t even enough to buy dinner.”

“All right, fine then. The winner buys dinner.” Baylor laughed. “That rhymes. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. But if you’re buying, I’m getting a steak, not chicken.”

I wanted to throttle him, but I needed an answer to my question more, so I had to keep him alive…for now. “Baylor, you’re doing it again. Answer the fucking question.”

He turned to me and burst, “Why are you so interested in my damn sex life?”

“I don’t care how many men you’ve slept with.” Not entirely true. “And I wouldn’t tell you if you asked the same of me.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“Why aren’t you answering?” Only Baylor would argue with me like a toddler, despite appearing to be a full-grown man. “Either you sleep with so many that you’ve lost count, or there haven’t been all that many.” I was beginning to form my own conclusions, and they were setting off warning bells that blared, making my head throb worse.

“So now, in addition to bi-erasure, you’re going to slut shame? You’re a real standup guy.”

“I’m not slut shaming you, Baylor! I just have a feeling that you aren’t the swinging single bachelor you claimed to be in SoCal. ”

“I told you, I’ve been busy.” He reached into the backseat to grab a bottle of water from the cooler, his elbow knocking into my ribs. I pushed him and he turned, shoving his ass in my face. The perfectly round one I remembered so well. “Sit down before you get me in an accident.”

He settled, and silence reigned, making my skin itch. “I’m waiting, Baylor.”

“For what?”

“An answer! How many men have you slept with?” Baylor reached for the radio knob and I smacked his hand away and growled. “Three?” Baylor remained quiet. “More than five?” He looked out the window, taking a long swig of his water. “Am I hot or cold?” Fuck. It was like pulling teeth!

“Why do you care?” he burst out.

“Because the less you say, the more I want to know. You’re hiding something.” Our eyes locked, and it dawned on me. My eyes widened in horror. “No way. No fucking way!” Baylor looked away again, which confirmed it. “I am not the only man you slept with.” Baylor shrugged, refusing to meet my eyes. “Say it out loud, Baylor.”

“You’ve already said it.”

“No.” I slammed the brakes again.

“Quit fucking doing that,” he growled.

“You can’t be serious,” I accused disbelievingly.

He finally looked at me, challenging me. “But I am.”

“Why? Why me?”

“Why you what?”

“Why did you pick me up in the club that night?”

“ I picked you up?” he asked, sounding incredulous. “It was the other way around.”

Now he wanted to split hairs? “So why did you go with me?”

“Why does anyone go home with anyone? You were hot and…”

“And what?”

“And you smelled really good. I liked the way you danced.”

I had a feeling my being his one and only carried a heavier weight than just coincidence.

“Why did you hit on me?” he asked.

“Like you said, I thought you were hot, and I liked your mouth.”

“My mouth? What kind of fucked up thing is that to say?”

I laughed. “I thought your lips might look good stretched around my cock. And they did.”

Baylor rolled his eyes. “That’s a total ‘man thing’ to say.”

Like he’d never thought the same thing about a woman. “Well, Blue, I’m a man in case you haven’t fucking noticed.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, you did.” Traffic slowed and I braked. Our gazes locked in challenge and awareness, and it turned into a smile. “So why hasn’t there been anyone after me? And don’t say it’s because you’ve been busy.”

“Because your cock was so unforgettable and amazing that I knew I could never replace it. Every man after you would be a disappointment,” he said snidely.

Jackass. “I’m not gonna quit asking until you give me a real answer.”

“I don’t have to tell you shit, Casey.”

There was a lot of responsibility that went with being someone’s first, and doubts began to creep in. “Was it so terrible that I ruined you for men? Did you not like it? Did I hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t hurt me,” he huffed.

“So you didn’t like it.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“I liked it fine. I mean, how do I know if you were good or not? I’ve got nothing to compare it to.”

Some of my panic began to subside. “Well, my first couple of times sucked,” I admitted.

“Really?” Baylor’s face softened, looking less defensive. “So why did you continue?”

“Because I’m only attracted to men. What was I going to do, swear off sex for life? Not an option. I just knew that I had to figure out how to make it enjoyable, and I did.”

He bit his bottom lip, which I found incredibly sexy. “I don’t think that was my problem. I enjoyed it fine. You can put your ego to rest.”

It certainly helped knowing that. “So what was the problem?”

“Why can’t you let it go? Jesus Christ, you’re like a dog with a bone. I’m gonna start calling you Rawlings.”

We passed two exits in silence. “Baylor.” Then another. The tension was mounting faster than my earlier irritation. “Baylor!”

“You fucked with my head!” The words sounded like they were ripped from his mouth.

“I what?”

“You fucked me up.”

“How?”

He looked away again as he admitted, “Because you left. You didn’t…”

Oh, come-the-fuck on! “Because I didn’t stay over and didn’t call you the next day? Are you fucking serious? With as many women as you’ve fucked, how many did you fuck over? You know the rules of the game. We met in a bar. We fucked in a motel. Did you really think I was going to call you back?” I swallowed down my anger. “Besides, I couldn’t stay. I had to get home to Rawlings and let her out.”

Baylor shook his head. “You don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get? That you’re acting like an immature, lovelorn stalker?”

“No.” He remained quiet, and I could feel my blood pressure rising again.

“Talk to me!”

“I can’t!” he shouted, sounding equally frustrated.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s hard for me to admit.”

I glanced over and saw his throat bob as he swallowed hard. He must really be struggling with this. I took a deep breath and blew it out. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“You’re what? ”

“I’m sorry,” I grated, hating that he made me repeat myself. “Ever since we met—the second time,” I clarified. “Things have not gone well between us, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to spill your guts. But I promise to listen and be objective.”

“You promise not to be an asshole?”

“Yeah,” I said a little too heatedly. “Yes. I promise not to be an asshole.”

“Fine.” He reached into the backseat without bumping into me and grabbed the cookies. “When I was with women, it was different. At least, it was for me. I was the dominant in charge, I set the rules and the pace. I made it very clear there would be no second or third dates.” He bit into his cookie, crunching loudly. “Like you said, the women knew the rules of the game, and they seemed fine with it. I never gave it a second thought until…”

“Until?”

“Until it was me in their shoes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I sputtered, dying to hear the rest.

“It was a complete role reversal. I’ve never been submissive before.”

“Submissive? You mean bottomed?”

“Yes. Bottomed ,” he stressed. Baylor popped another cookie into his mouth and licked his fingers clean.

“Don’t go getting crumbs all over my truck.” They were falling all over his lap. He brushed him onto the floor with a smug smile.

“I was on my hands and knees in front of you with my ass in your face. Do you know how vulnerable I felt?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Well, I had no idea it would feel so different until it was me in that position. Even sucking your cock made me feel…”

“Submissive?”

“Yes. Submissive.”

“So you’re saying you felt like the woman in the scenario.”

“Kind of, yes.”

I was a sick bastard because my cock was beginning to thicken. “And?”

“Like I said, I felt vulnerable. Exposed. All of a sudden, I started to care what my partner thought of me. I’ve never sucked cock before. I worried that maybe I didn’t please you, that maybe I was completely terrible at it, and left you unsatisfied, and that maybe that was why you didn’t want a repeat. Maybe I did or said something that ruined it for you. How could I walk into a club and try and pick up another man after that? Why, so they could laugh at me? Like you probably were. You shot my confidence all to hell, got in my head, and made me second-guess myself.”

Well fuck. “You don’t seem like the kind of guy who lacks confidence.”

“I’m not! Not usually, at least. But with you, it was… Just forget it. You don’t understand.” He popped another cookie in his mouth, chewing loudly.

This was a side of Baylor I’d never seen before, and I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not. His candor was throwing me for a loop. “You’re right,” I sighed, “I don’t understand. I’ve never bottomed before. I imagine it’s… I can see how you felt vulnerable. If I’d known the way I handled it would cause you so much stress, maybe I would have stayed.” Truth be told, there was a part of me that wanted to stay with him that night, but God himself couldn’t get me to admit that to Baylor.

“I don’t need you to hold my fucking hand,” he mumbled petulantly.

“Fine, what do you want from me then?” I huffed, becoming angry again. No matter what I said, I couldn’t win.

“Nothing. I shouldn’t even have told you.”

I snagged a cookie from the bag. “You have nothing to worry about, by the way.”

He turned to me, shocked. “What?”

I bit into the cookie, chewing almost as loudly as he had. “You said I made you second-guess yourself.” The words sounded garbled around my mouthful. “You shouldn’t, you have nothing to worry about.”

“What are you saying?”

For fuck’s sake, he knew what I was saying! “I’m saying the way you sucked my dick, I would’ve never known it was your first time. It felt…” I grabbed another cookie from the bag in his lap. They provided a great distraction.

“Don’t leave me hanging, Coach.”

“It felt amazing. So did being inside of you. The way you moved, the sounds you made, the way you pushed back against me, wanting more. You were incredible.” So incredible I couldn’t get it out of my head.

“Yeah?” A cute smile played around his mouth.

“Jesus,” I complained, rolling my eyes. “Are you fishing for compliments?”

“No, but you’re dishing them out, so I’ll take them.”

“That’s all I’m gonna say, then. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Great, when we get back, I’ll hit the club and try again.”

My stomach soured. “Of course you will.”

“So how many guys have you been with?”

“You said you weren’t going to ask.”

“And you said you weren’t gonna tell, but I bet you will.”

“I’m not even discussing this with you.”

“Have you been with anyone since… You know?”

“Since what, since you?”

“Yeah.” His usual, charming grin was back in place.

“I told you I’ve been busy.”

“Uh-huh. You said I was good. How good?” When I remained silent, he prompted, “So good that you remembered every detail apparently,” he boasted.

I swear to Christ he acted three years old. “Do you think I sit around and jack off to you?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Do you?”

“No.” Yes. Baylor’s grin turned into a little chuckle. “I swear I don’t!”

“How many times?”

“How many times what? ”

“You know, how many?”

“I’d rather wreck this truck than answer you.”

“Don’t you dare wreck this truck! If I don’t see the Padres play, I will haunt you for the rest of my life.”

“You already do,” I muttered.

“How many times, Collins?”

I huffed, conceding. “It’s just because I have a poor imagination and you were the last guy I was with.”

He smelled victory. “How many?" he asked gleefully.

“Once.” Baylor clicked his tongue. “Twice, maybe,” I added reluctantly.

“Casey?”

Shit! “A handful of times.” Baylor’s laughter made my cheeks heat. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Have you… Have you, uh, jacked off?”

“Almost every day.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh, you want to know if I’ve jacked off to you? The guy who ditched me and didn’t call me back?”

“I called you the other day.”

“You texted, because you were pissed, and when I called, you refused to answer.”

“You’re evading the question.” He’d totally jacked off to me!

“I may or may not have thought of you a couple of times.”

“Ha! I knew it.”

“You didn’t know shit.”

“Well, if you’re all alone, thinking of me, and I’m all alone thinking of you, maybe the next time I call, we could…”

Baylor grinned. “Jack off together? Phone sex?”

I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Swallowing nervously, I added, “I mean, you know, if you…”

“You know what? It’s not a terrible idea. Maybe the next time I call, you should pick up.”

Maybe I would, knowing he was on the other end, naked, with his cock in his hand.