9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Emily

"I'm in a relationship."

Lily hums, eating another chip. "Yeah, I know."

"You know?" I furrow my brows, turning to look at her as she barely moves, her eyes still on the television.

"I'm literally your best friend." She rolls her eyes playfully, nudging me with her foot. "Obviously, I'd know when you're in love. You're all starry-eyed and soft. It's a good look on you."

I huff, both in relief and disbelief. "Thank you. It's still... new. It's been like two months since we got together."

"Aw," Lily shuffles closer, giving me a half-hug. Her cheek is pressed against my shoulder. "I'm happy for you. You have all the time to figure things out. Just enjoy it. Tell me more?"

"It's Jack Davis," I explain unnecessarily. She might already know it.

"I heard from Margaret," she murmurs, and my blood runs cold. Lily's grip tightens. "Nothing cohesive on their end. Just that you visit him from time to time. She and her friends think it's ‘cause of Nathan."

"Okay. That's more than enough."

"Keep going. How is it?"

"I mean, we're both shy 'cause we know we have feelings for each other, but he's been great. It's similar to how we were, visiting each other—at least, he visits me too now—and the main difference is that we kiss." Lily makes a teasing noise. "We're getting to know each other more. I teach him about my books and the bookstore. He teaches me about hockey and his team. It's been pretty amazing."

I pause, fiddling with my fingers. "I am kind of worried about everything in general. Nathan knows nothing, but I'm really happy."

"That's all that should matter," Lily reassures.

It's not okay; I've come to realize just a little over a month after that, as I'm leaning against the bathroom sink after three minutes are up.

There are four sticks face-down on the counter, the things that will give me an answer to my questions. Fuck , I think. What would Jack think?

I take a breath, then two, before reaching for all four of them and flipping them at the same time. My eyes focus and my heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach. My breathing quickens and panic settles.

Two plus signs.

Two digital Pregnant .

Four positive tests.

I sink to the floor, feeling a myriad of emotions that collide. In the silence of the bathroom, I take in the moment, arranging my thoughts to figure out what to do. My hands shake, and I squeeze them tightly together.

It'll be okay.

Week one of knowing: I pull Lily aside and tell her the news. She freezes, looking at me shocked, before wrapping me in her arms. We both bawl our eyes out as she swears she will be there for me no matter what. I believe her.

Week two of knowing: I go to work without a hitch, smiling at customers and fulfilling orders. Jack comes by, and we talk. He holds my hand, smiling, and I wonder every single time if it's a good time to break the news. I don't have the power to tell him anything yet as he gives me a deep kiss goodbye in the secluded corner of the bookstore.

Week three of knowing: I accompany Lily to the hospital. She does her yearly checkup before we make our way to an obstetrician, where I lay down on a bed and they confirm to me officially that I am pregnant. The baby is healthy as can be. I cry.

Week four of knowing and nine weeks pregnant: I talk to Jack.

"Hi, baby," Jack kisses me on the cheek as he lays down his hockey bag. It's been five months since that exhibition match, and he's been cleared to slowly ease himself into the sport again.

I smile stupidly at the nickname; it hasn't gotten old yet. "Hi. I got you something."

He looks up and grins, albeit confused. "It's not my birthday."

I'm so nervous that I can't find the strength to bite back a quip. "I just thought it would be nice."

He softens, lifting my chin with a gentle hand to kiss me soundly, his other arm securely around my waist. When we break apart, he stares at the small, colorful box on his coffee table. I nod when he eyes me, looking for permission.

I take a deep breath when he holds it in his hands. "Jack, before you open it."

"Yeah?" he whispers, pulling me close at the sight of my panic. "What's going on?"

"I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me," I reply lamely. I'm not entirely sure I knew what I wanted to say, but I leave it at that.

Jack kisses my forehead. "You mean a lot to me, too."

His finger nimbly pulls open the cover before promptly freezing. I don't breathe as he looks down at the sonogram of his baby. He picks it up gingerly, revealing the pile of four pregnancy tests underneath.

If I wasn't on the verge of fainting, I'd say something—an excuse, an explanation, a story. I stay silent, watching him inspect all of the items. My hands are shaking, and so are his. My nose starts to sting, with unshed tears burning the back of my eyes.

I keep my head down; the silence is eating me alive. When Jack moves, he shuffles his feet, turning to face me. I brace myself and look up, only to be shocked when I find him crying.

"Jack." I wipe away his tears, cupping his cheek. I can't tell if it's good or bad yet.

"I didn't think I'd ever be a father."

I exhale in relief and awe. He drops the box back onto the table and hugs me tight, lifting me off my feet. I cry freely now, and he does, too, his tears dampening the collar of my shirt. He sobs and rubs my back while I run a hand through his hair, still damp with sweat.

"When'd you find out?" He sniffles, pulling back to scan my face.

"A month ago. Lily helped me go to the doctor a few weeks back." I admit to him, my voice a whisper. "I'm scared."

"It's okay. We can be scared together." he kisses my cheek. "We'll figure it out together."

I prod at the elephant in the room, nerves in my tone. "What about Nathan?"

Jack pauses as if he didn't think of that in the moment. "...We'll figure it out. Don't worry about a thing . You're pregnant!"

I laugh wetly, swatting his shoulder. "We're having a baby."

"Yes," he murmurs against my lips. "Yes, we are."

I knew I was fucked when I saw Margaret talking to my mom and Nathan in the front yard.

I can't even focus on Jack's words to not worry about a thing when my stomach churns uncomfortably. For better or for worse, Margaret leaves with a sneer over her shoulder before I reach Mom's house.

When I get near enough, Mom looks at me, the surprise clear in her gaze. Nathan's eyes are stuck to the ground where Margaret was standing a few moments back. There's dread in my voice. "What happened?"

Mom bites her lip, shaking her head. "Emily, when were you going to tell us that you're pregnant?"

"What," I say, more statement than question. How did anyone know? Who told Margaret? Jack would never, but neither would Lily. "How did you—"

"Let's," Nathan interrupts, already walking. "Take this in private, alright?"

The couch isn't any better, but at least we're not in broad daylight feeling close to a panic attack. I can't say anything, but thankfully Mom does. "Margaret told us that she saw you in the hospital a few weeks back. You came from seeing an obstetrician. Is this true?"

"Yes," I whisper. No good in lying at this point. I need to call Jack. I need to get out of here. "I'm pregnant. Coming into ten weeks now."

"Why didn't you come to us?" Nathan whispers, looking sad. Mom has a similar expression. "We would've helped you, you know that."

"I just wanted to make sure by myself. I wanted time to process. It's a surprise to me, too."

"Who's the father?"

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. "Jack."

"That son of a bitch . I'm going to fucking kill —"

"We are not," Mom interrupts, grabbing his arm, "doing anything of the sort."

"Nathan," I start, an aching feeling of betrayal in my bones. "It's not like that."

"Not like what, Emily?" He laughs, empty and dry, as he paces around the room. "What else is it? You know what he's like! You think he won't eventually screw you over?"

"He won't," I assure him, squeezing my fists to calm myself down. I feel tears well up, but I hold them down. "He's your friend, isn't he? He's a good person; you're the one who has always told me that!"

Nathan tugs on his hair. "Yeah. He's my friend, which is why I know that he's hurt so many people before. It's one thing if he just hurt you—even then, I wouldn't stand for it—but with a child involved? His child? If he runs away, then what?"

"He won't," I repeat, shaking my head. "He's not like that anymore! How long are you going to hold onto a reputation he had while in college? You were here after you graduated. Did he hurt people then? Have you heard of him hurting people now?"

"You don't know what you're talking about. I was there for every single moment. I knew when he felt remorse, and I knew when he knew he hurt people, but you're telling me that his track record doesn't worry you at all? "

"I already told you . He doesn't do that anymore. He wouldn't do that to me!"

"How would you know?"

"Because he told me! Because he fucking showed me he wouldn't!" I exhale roughly, shaking my head in disbelief. "You weren't here , Nathan. What would you know about his change? What time have you spent getting to know the Jack of now ?"

The entire room is silent after that, everyone just breathing heavily at the news. Mom sits next to me and clutches my hand, no doubt worried about being too stressed out. I sigh. "I already told Jack, and he's excited. I've never been more confident in this, in him. It's sudden, I know, but I'm confident."

"Okay, sweetheart," Mom hugs me close, pressing a hand to my stomach. "We're here. We're confident in you, too."

It doesn't fucking feel like it, but I take the comfort, sinking into her arms. What a surreal moment this is. Nathan looks conflicted: the sight of betrayal, hurt, and worry all on his face. His face scrunches, visibly trying to stop himself from saying something before he briskly walks up the stairs.

"He's just worried about you. It was a shit way of showing it, but he's worried." Mom sways us around, kissing my temple. "But you do understand that everyone assumes Jack might leave because of this, right?

"I know." I hang my head. I can't even deny it. He's not a bad person, but I'm not sure anyone who knows how to act. "I'm just overwhelmed."

"You're okay."