27. Kieran

Sam comes out of the bathroom after Lucien leaves. He stands over me, arms crossed over his chest, but doesn't speak for a minute or two—presumably until Lucien has passed through the wards.

He's pissed off, and I get it. But I'm still swimming in pain, from my injuries and the bond both.

When Lucien walked in, it was like someone had punched me in the stomach. Until that moment, I had sincerely believed that our bond wasn't strong enough to affect him.

There's no denying it now. I've made a huge mistake.

And I'm about to make another.

"Let me heal you," Sam says.

"Will you be able to do magic after?"

Sam hesitates, looking over my back. "In a day or two, sure."

Fuck, it's bad. But I shake my head stubbornly. "Then, no." I can't have him vulnerable. I know the wards will still hold no matter what; Sam's made that clear. They take power to set up, but he seems to be able to keep them running without them taking much of a toll.

With what I'm planning, leaving him without magic would be the true betrayal.

"You're being a dick," Sam hisses and turns on his heel to stomp into the kitchen.

I close my eyes. I've taken as many painkillers as I could without it looking suspicious, and they've just about kicked in. They won't last long, but I'll take the relief, hopefully get some sleep before the pain wakes me up again.

Sam returns with two cups of tea and places mine on the floor next to my head. "Wait until it's cooled down a bit. You need to hydrate."

I snort. "I thought water was good for that."

"Wanted something warm in you."

I look up just in time to see him frown.

"You're cold."

I don't feel it like I did earlier, but then I run hot anyway. I close my eyes again. This is bad, sure, but I've had worse. I'll survive; I just need to heal as much as I can now so I can get moving in the morning.

"Kieran…" Sam says, and his voice is concerned.

I open my eyes again and see the question forming in Sam's eyes. He does believe me, I realise, even if he knows I'm being stubborn. I thought he might ask what I'm planning, but looking at him now…

"The mage is after you," I say, and Sam goes entirely still.

"Wha-What?"

"Tristan said it's why they came back. He came back for me, but she came back for you."

There are a thousand other things I should tell him, but we don't have time for them. Things about me I'm sure he's started putting together.

Same goes for Lucien. From the way he rushed in here, I'm sure Deacon won't have missed the signs of a mating bond, even if it's presenting in a vampire.

Deacon. He shouldn't have any interest in me. I'm not in his territory.

I'm not a wolf.

And Sam is… Fae-blessed, Carey said. I open my mouth to ask, then close it again. For all I know, that has nothing to do with this.

Sam's got his own past. Is that catching up to him, too?

"We'll talk about this tomorrow," he says faintly. He settles back in his chair and doesn't turn on the TV. We don't speak; he just lets me doze in silence as he watches over me.

It's a few hours before I wake again, and though the pain is back, the dull throb of it isn't as bad as earlier. Sam shifts towards me.

"Okay?"

"Can you—Can you help me to the bed?"

"Sure."

I manage to push myself up, and Sam holds my arm as we wobble into my room. He drags the duvet back first and we get my trousers off between us before I all but fall face-first onto the bed.

"Ow," I mutter into the pillow.

Sam snorts a laugh—despite himself, I think. He rests a hand on my shoulder, and I turn my head to scowl at him as warmth sweeps through me, not getting rid of the pain, but taking the edge off.

"I said—"

"I haven't healed shit," Sam snaps back. "But if you're so worried about being out of commission and me having to fend for myself, at least you can do it in a bit less pain."

"You can protect yourself, right?"

"Against Tristan? Yes, I can," he says, and when he continues, his voice is colder than I've ever heard it. "From the mage, too. She's powerful, but I can handle that."

I daren't look into his face. "Okay."

"Kieran…" Sam sighs. "You know we've got your back, right?"

I nod, even though I know I'm lying. It's not that I don't trust Sam. He's probably the person I trust most in the world.

It's just, even if this mage is after him, this all falls on me. My mistake. Mine to fix.

"Liar," Sam says, but there's no heat in it. "Can't say I'm all that different."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have scared you tonight."

Sam shrugs, but his shoulders are tense all the same. "You have to trust us to help with this. There are all those vampires looking for him. The hunters, now the wolves… You think none of them can manage it?"

I don't answer. I can't. It's not about that. They're all protecting themselves, each other. And though Tristan's killed some hunters, some vampires, he's made it clear that's not what he's after.

He said it tonight. He wants to hurt me and everyone I care about. It's a short list, but one I'll defend with my life.

"It'll be okay," Sam says when the silence drags on too long. "Get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Yeah, okay. Night."

"Night."

Sam closes the door quietly when he leaves the room and I lift my phone from the table next to the bed where he's put it to charge. I already know what I have to do. Sam is safe here, and I can make sure the people I work with are covered.

But Drew? He's not defenceless, not alone, but I don't know who he thinks he can trust back home. And without the protection I left behind…

I try to call, and when it goes straight to voicemail, I send a text. Then I sit, staring at the screen until it goes dark.

There is no world where I can risk him, where I can lose my brother because of my own mistakes.

I set a quiet alarm and put my phone back on the table before I close my eyes.

I'll tell your brother you missed him.

I just need to check. I hate the thought of leaving Lucien behind, but I need to be sure my brother is safe.

The alarm rings once and I turn it off, holding my breath as I listen for movement beyond my bedroom door. Nothing. It's seven in the morning, and after everything that happened last night, I expect Sam's still sleeping.

Or has just gone to sleep, at least.

I get out of bed with a quiet groan at the ache I still feel in my back. I know without looking that the wounds have closed, but everything is still painful, and I need to be careful. It'll be hours before they've healed over enough for me to move quickly, and I don't want to make things worse.

The bag under my bed is already packed. I repack it every month, a ritual I've considered giving up, especially in the last couple of years. It's a crutch, a way out for when things get too difficult.

I need it now.

I go to the bathroom and wash up as quietly as I can, listening for Sam again when I step back out. There's no sound from beyond his door, but I'm still careful as I dress, easing the bag onto one shoulder and ignoring the way the pain makes my legs shake.

I have to do this. If I don't go today, I might not go at all, and if something happens to Drew?

That would be my fault.

Slipping out the front door, I book a taxi on my phone and wait just inside the wards until it pulls up in front of me. I'm pretty sure Sam will wake when I walk through them, and I don't want that.

My knee bounces as I sit in the car, careful not to lean back in the seat. I've left a note for Sam in the living room, and I send texts to Carey and Vince, letting them both know I'll be off work for a while. I won't be surprised if they've already heard what happened; we were near home, after all.

Once that's done, I turn off my phone, shifting my attention to the bond. I can feel it even more easily now, as though my injury and Lucien's resulting concern has opened floodgates I can't hope to close again. I clasp my hands together, staring at my feet.

We pull up outside Pris's shop, where she's unlocking the door. She looks up sharply when I get out, gaze moving over me quickly before she studies the street around us. It's light now, and the pavement is busy as people head to work.

"I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I wasn't expecting to come."

I need to make sure I've left a good enough support system behind. Pris is my best bet—she's better connected than anyone else I know, for certain.

That's what I need.

"Come in, then."

I follow her as she bustles through into the back, putting on the kettle and frowning, again, at the bag I drop next to my chair. I wince when I sit down and Pris pauses, adding something to my tea, which makes me look up at her when she sets it before me.

"Do I wanna know what you just put in there?"

"Do you want your back to stop hurting?"

I sniff the tea, but it's not like I can tell what's in it, so I take a drink anyway. Warmth floods me, and it has nothing to do with whatever mix of herbs she's just tipped in.

"So what's going on?"

"I need to leave for a while."

"Kieran…"

"I'm planning on coming back," I say quickly. I am. It's why I've left that note for Sam. With any luck, I won't even be gone all that long.

"What happened?"

I sigh and explain the night before. Pris's eyes are wide at the retelling, and when I finish, she shakes her head.

"What if he's just trying to get you out of the city?"

"That's why I need your help." I tighten my hands around the mug. "I can't risk Drew. I can't. But Sam can look after himself. Luc—The vampires can, too. It's just the people I work with. Carey said she's not fully human, but Tristan bit her once. I don't know if he'll come back for her."

"Okay. I can have someone look out for her. And the shop, too. Anyone else?"

"Vince." I wonder vaguely if he's still with the wolf he hooked up with the other night. Potentially not. "At the gym I work at. I don't speak to a load of people there, but—"

"Kieran, I can handle it," Pris says. Her eyes are soft. "We'll take care of them until you're back."

I let out a heavy breath. "Yeah, that's the other thing."

"What other thing?"

"If I don't come back."

"Kieran—"

"I'm not looking for trouble. I swear it. But Tristan said he's got people near the village. If no one's noticed they're there…"

"They're powerful."

I remember, for a second, the old vampire Adam sensed. It's impossible.

So are so many things in my life.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to protect Drew and get back down here. I'm not even going to risk getting him out—that's up to him. If I don't make it, I need you and Sam to look after him."

Pris sighs. She looks more exhausted than I've ever seen her, and tears fill her eyes. "It should never have come to this. Emily would have hated knowing this is something you have to deal with."

I shrug. "Better me than anyone else." I swallow and make my voice firm. "Can you do it?"

"Of course."

"I've left Drew's number with Sam. If I don't make it back, he can get in touch."

Pris nods. "What about the bond?"

My hand moves instinctively to my chest. "It's still new. If I—If something happens to me, he'll be fine."

"You're sure about that?"

Of course I'm not. She reads the answer from my face and nods, lips pressed tightly together.

I leave not long after that, heading for the coach station. It's busy this time of day, and I buy a ticket for the next bus to Manchester from the kiosk, dodging between crowds as I head to the right stand.

Only when the bus has pulled out and is heading through the city do I turn my phone back on again. It's been a few hours since I left the flat, and I already have a handful of texts from Sam, increasingly irate as the reality of what I'm doing set in.

I trust, though, that he'll look after Drew should it come to that.

I open my messages and send one to Lucien.

Sorry. Have to go deal with family stuff. I'll be back as soon as I can. Stay safe. Please.

A bloom of pain settles in my chest, and as I turn off my phone as we head further north, it settles, going bone deep. The bond between us pulls tight and I wonder if it might snap.

One phone call might be enough to ease it, but I dig my fingers into my thighs instead of giving in to the urge.

If leaving Lucien behind always means this kind of pain, how can it be a good thing? What choice does either of us have if that's the case?

I ignore the voice in the back of my mind that tells me it won't always be like this. It doesn't ever have to be like this. I've not worked to stabilise what's between us—either by saying yes or no—and as a result, the bond doesn't know what to do.

By the time the bus pulls into the station in Manchester, my thoughts are running in circles. Sweat beads at my temples, and my chest hurts almost as much as my back does. I groan when I get to my feet and climb off the bus.

I've still got a long way to go.