24. Lucien

I wake the next morning when I hear someone moving around the room. The shutters are tightly closed; they descended at daybreak, but it is clear that neither of us stirred when they did. Soft light from one of the lamps floods the space and I catch Kieran's surprised expression.

Before I can speak, he climbs onto the bed and presses a kiss to my cheek. "I'm not sneaking out, I swear. I've got to get some stuff done today, that's all."

When I open my mouth, he kisses me, and I frown at him when he pulls back. "You should have woken me."

To my surprise, colour floods his cheeks. "You look so cute when you're sleeping."

It is my turn to blush and Kieran smiles, kissing my cheek again. "Sorry," he says. "You're right."

He is already dressed, but I rub my hands over his strong thighs. "If you need to go, then you should. I will see you tonight, anyway."

Kieran pulls a face. "Maybe I don't have to…"

I snort and sit up to kiss him properly. "Go," I say, the warmth he is reluctant to leave filling the ice that tore through me at the sight of him ready to go. "I will come and see you after the meeting with Deacon."

Kieran hums, nosing down my jaw. "We could come back here again."

I am nodding before he has finished the sentence, and our next kiss is deeper, hungrier. Desire already simmers between us, but I do not want us to burn too brightly and combust before we have a chance to see where this might go. I pull back and smile when Kieran leans in again, chasing my lips.

"Go," I repeat, releasing my grip on his thighs. "We will see each other tonight."

"Yeah, okay. Okay." Kieran grins—and I already love that I can elicit that from him, see the way his entire face lights up when he smiles and means it—and climbs off the bed. He pauses at the door.

"You'll tell me how old you are tonight, then?"

His eyes sparkle with mirth, and I grab one of the pillows from behind my head, then toss it in his direction. He ducks, laughing, then snatches up his bag, shooting me a wave before he walks towards the door.

I listen to him leave, and the warmth in my chest dissipates when the front door closes behind him with a thudding finality. I am completely alone in this place.

I shake my head, turning it to breathe in the scent of Kieran from the other pillow. I am safe here. We were both safe here last night, and that has not changed now that he is gone.

I manage to doze for a while longer, but between the anticipation of seeing Kieran again later, as well as the upcoming meeting with Deacon, I rise hours before I usually would. Since this situation with Tristan began, it seems all our schedules are out of sorts.

I shower and dress, then feed again from one of the blood bags in the kitchen. I force myself to sit in the living room, putting on the TV I barely use so that there is at least some noise to keep me grounded.

The TV is not my own, either. That one is in a rubbish dump somewhere. Nathan threw Adam into it, and—

I shake my head, forcing my mind away before I can spiral, and head back into my bedroom, searching the shelves for the box of paper I know Elle will have put safely away.

I find a few sheets, and my eyes linger on the mess of my bed before I make my way to the living room again. Last night was perfect.

Well, almost.

Still, I am not surprised that my fangs came out. I wanted to bite Kieran more than once, and it was almost as though he wanted to bite me, too.

Would he like it if I asked?

I think of the scar on his throat. I did not notice it until I was close—it looks old. And I do not know why it is scarred at all because it is so clearly a vampire bite and the wounds we leave heal once we have fed.

Had he wanted it? Although he is human, there are parts of this supernatural world he seems to know so intimately—and parts he does not know at all. If he had a partner who was a vampire, then maybe…

I growl at the thought. I want to ask about it, but the way he tensed when I lingered over it makes it clear it is not something he wishes to discuss. That might change over time, but what if it never does?

I can live with that, I think.

A dark feeling swirls in my stomach and I get to my feet with another growl. I cannot leave the building, not for a few more hours.

I will be fine. I can handle it.

By the time Elle arrives, I am ready to crawl out of my own skin. I folded three paper cranes before the restlessness became too much for even that to calm me, and then I took to pacing the flat instead, surprised by how little it appears I own. That is not down to what happened at all. No, all the items destroyed that night have been replaced, designed to be as close to the originals as possible.

If I am to spend more time here—if Kieran and I are to spend more time here—then I may need to do some shopping. For food, too. I would not be surprised if the thing that drove Kieran from my bed was the idea of breakfast.

Although she has a flat here too, Elle awaits my arrival in the lobby and she smiles when she sees me. I will probably have to tell her about Kieran.

"You look well." She jerks her chin over towards the lift. "How was it? You should have let me or Adam know. We could have stayed with you."

The memories are still there, of course, but having to stay in the flat all day has begun to dull some of their edges. I am nowhere near feeling entirely settled in the space when I am alone, but I think I can get there now.

"Kieran was with me last night," I say.

Elle bites the inside of her cheek. "Lucien…"

"I am… happy," I say because it is true and because I need her to understand that this is important to me. Should I be involved with another dangerous human? No. But Nathan never touched me the way Kieran did last night. I cannot pretend he was hurtful from the very beginning, but there was always some… distance.

Kieran and I have our own secrets, our own pasts. I know that. Nothing between us last night was a lie. It was intimate in a way I never could have expected.

"All right then," Elle says. "And you're safe?"

"Yes."

I want her to see the truth of it on my face. I have never felt safer, either, than when Kieran pulled me to his chest or rested his body over mine. It is presumptuous, I think, but I am certain he would do everything he could to protect me.

"Okay." Elle sighs. "You're an adult, Lucien. I'm not going to chide you for making your own choices."

I do not know why I push. "But you think I could make better ones."

"No, it's not that."

We are both silent for a moment. I know we should be on our way—we have an appointment to keep—but Elle does not seem inclined to move, so neither do I.

"I just want to know you'll be safe," she says finally. "And I don't—I worry that I'll miss something again. None of us realised what Nathan was doing. I guess I'm just scared I can't see it with Kieran, too."

"They could not be more different—"

"Oh, I know that." She smiles up at me, then snorts. "Nathan would never have stared Vasile down like that, for one. He was too busy trying to suck up to all of us. No, I trust that he's honest with the obvious stuff. He's hiding something, though, Lucien. You know that, right?"

"Yes." I do. I am not certain whether it is something to be worried about. The connection between me and Kieran is heady, but I know I have my limits now. "So am I."

"You haven't told him about Nathan?"

"He knows of his existence," I say weakly.

It is not as though Kieran does not know there are things I have yet to tell him. I do not know if I am ready to relive that night all over again.

She nods, expression neutral, and I wonder if she is thinking about what she would do in this situation. It is complicated. Kieran could not have missed my reaction when we entered the flat the night before. He also did not push. I think, if I told him, he would be angry, but he would comfort me, and that is what I need.

I do not need someone looking for vengeance on my behalf. Nathan has been punished—is being punished. If I want anything else, that is my own choice.

"Okay," Elle says finally. "I want one thing."

Her face is entirely serious, and I nod. "What is it?"

"You tell me if you're worried. At all. About anything." I open my mouth to speak, and she raises a hand. "It's not for me to tell you to get away from him. It's just… we can talk about it. I'll be there for you no matter what, but I need you to promise me this, Lucien."

"What if I am worried about secrets that are not my own?"

She shrugs. "You don't need to break his trust. And I don't need all the specifics if you don't want to share. Just… A warning. Please."

I realise, then, that her trust in herself is shaken. After everything… She was the one who stopped Adam from going too far. She was the one who spoke to Vasile and Moreau. She was the one who put my flat to rights, who came to check on me each night.

I put my hands on her shoulders, and she looks up into my face. "I promise," I say. "And I am certain that this will not be the same as last time."

She nods, wrapping one hand around my forearm. "I know that, Lucien." Her smile is tremulous. "And thanks."

We head for the car. The driver pulls away once the door closes and Elle sighs, settling back in the seat. "Have you spoken to Adam about all this?"

I grimace. "He called last night and wanted to come over, so I had to tell him I was not alone."

She laughs. "How did that go?"

"He was surprised, I think."

I have not spoken to him today. I sent him a message earlier, asking him to watch over Kieran and Sam again tonight. He agreed, but I know a long conversation is on the cards for later.

"Have you met with Alpha Deacon before?" I ask.

Elle shakes her head. "I spoke to Chaya a couple of months ago. Just a check-in, since our land butts up against wolf territory. Everything's been fine, though."

"What do you know of him?"

"Not much more than you, I imagine."

I will be surprised if that is true. I came to London not long after the treaty between the vampires, wolves, and hunters was signed, but Elle had been here for some time before that. Besides, she is much more social than me; I feel as though wherever we go, we find a friend of hers.

"He wasn't the one to sign the treaty," she says.

"Oh?" That is news to me. Deacon has always been alpha of all the packs, but that position was created a decade or so after the treaty came into force—after I had already met Vasile. "I assumed he was alpha of a pack before he moved into his current position."

"I don't know for sure. He didn't sign, though. Rumour has it that he was running wild at the time." She snorts. "I don't know if I believe that, either. He'd be feral now if he had."

I nod. Wolves must keep a balance between their animal and human sides, with the animal side ever eager to take over. They are encouraged to shift often—how often, I am not sure—but not to spend more than a day or two in that form, at most. After too long, the wolf takes over and they cannot shift back again.

I have heard of wolves managing to come back to themselves after a week or two, maybe a month, but it requires a lot of work on the part of the pack and the wolf in question.

A decade? It is unheard of, but then I am a vampire, and I know that means I am not privy to a pack's inner workings.

"Anything else?"

"He and Vasile don't speak." We all know that, though again, no one knows why. "Chaya deals with the clan, but Deacon speaks to Moreau. As far as I know, everything with the packs is running smoothly right now. No big conflicts or scandals."

That is good news. We are bringing a big enough problem to their doorstep. I do not want to add pressure if they are already struggling to deal with something.

Although he is the alpha of all the packs, Deacon has his own core pack and pack land that also houses many of the lone wolves who come to the city. It stretches from Camden up through Waltham Forest, though his pack house is in Islington, one of the typical town houses that characterise parts of this city.

We pull up outside and I stare up at the building before I get out of the car. Many of these houses are now offices at the bottom, but there is no signage on this or the ones on either side. I suspect the pack owns them, too.

Elle joins me on the pavement and the car drives away. The street is still busy, but we stand there for a moment, looking up at it.

"Wolves have all the nice stuff," Elle mutters, shooting me a grin before she jogs up the steps.

I snort. Our clan house is nice, too, a hotel that has been renovated to suit our needs, but the packs are more established than one vampire ever would be. It is easy to have money, being immortal, but there are plenty of vampires who have nothing, too.

After all, what does one need if death is never an option? Our food is plentiful. We cannot die of sickness or most injuries.

Packs have a pedigree most vampires could never dream of. It is apparent here more than anywhere else.

Elle eyes me as she raises her hand to knock. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Let us finish this."