14. Lucien

I stay in the alley, but the moment Kieran steps through the doors into the shop, I begin to pace. I am not sure how I feel. A hot flush of anger surges through me, but it is more than that. I am alarmed. Confused. Hurt, although I do not know why.

What is he thinking? He knows what Tristan is capable of, and even if he could fight Tristan off, which I believe in the correct circumstances he could, then there is still the magic user to contend with.

Of course I could go to Bite. Vampires are welcome there, even if nightclubs are not places I am usually interested in going. It is only…

I do not trust myself in a space like that.

Not that I think I will attack wolves or even the humans who frequent the place. I do not trust myself with him. With Kieran. I know he will be waiting for Tristan, but he will have to make it look as though he is not.

Will he dance? I have been to Bite before. I know there are dark corners, where—

I growl, cutting off the thought before it can fully form. If he is seriously considering this plan, my presence may likely be more of a hindrance than anything else. Will Tristan even approach if he sees me there? Will Kieran insist we separate and put himself in more danger?

Will I allow him to do that? Will I derail the entire plan because I do not wish to put him in harm's way?

I am distracted from my thoughts when my phone rings, and I look around the street before I answer. Still no sign of Tristan.

"Everything okay there?" Adam asks. Tension bleeds into his voice; he is not happy that I am still doing this. I know why, but I cannot pretend the constant hovering does not chafe.

I am not about to tell him that, of course.

"Everything is fine. How goes things there?"

Adam is searching with Njáll and a few hunters who have no magic at all. He has asked to be placed with us several times, but Thistle can detect magic, and that is currently our best chance of catching Tristan and his mage.

No one knows where Adelaide has been, but there has been no sign of her since her escape. I hope she has left London if only so she is not plotting somewhere here, but it does not feel as though we are ever as lucky as that.

"Fine." Adam sounds grumpy. "We're taking a break. When are you joining the others?"

I glance at my watch. The shop closes at eleven, and by the time I have walked Kieran home and joined the team, it is usually close to midnight. I tell Adam that and he hums as though thinking.

"Do you really think Tristan will attack him again?"

"I do not know."

"Then why—" Adam cuts himself off. I hear him move, as though he does not want to be near the others.

"Why am I still here?"

"Yeah."

"He needs protecting," I say and ignore the outraged little sound Adam makes. "And if he does not, then those around him do. It is not their fault Tristan has focused on him, but they would be the ones to pay. You know that."

Adam hums his agreement. We may not have found Tristan yet, but two humans have already turned up dead. Their bodies were in two different boroughs of the city, far from here, but the same signature was detected by magically inclined hunters at both locations, indicating that where they were left was not where they were killed.

Tristan does not care who he kills when he feeds. It is not a stretch to believe he would kill Kieran's friends simply to get back at him.

"Makes sense." Adam sighs. "We're not any closer here."

"I do not think the others are, either." I eye the shop again. Kieran comes into view, stalking past the window with the woman he usually speaks to just a few steps behind. He looks less angry than he did when we spoke.

"I need a favour," I say before Adam can speak again.

"Of course."

I shake my head even though Adam cannot see me. "No, I need you to consider this. I am asking you for a favour, but you do not need to agree."

"Lucien…"

"Kieran is planning to go to Bite on Saturday to draw Tristan out. I need someone to keep an eye on him there and on the way home."

Adam is silent for a while. For a second, I wonder if the call has dropped, but when I look at my phone, we are still connected.

"Fine," he says. "I'll do it."

"Adam, if you do not wish to—"

"No. You're worried about this. About him." There is something in his voice. Not disdain, but something that makes me frown all the same.

"I can go."

"No, I'll do it. Njáll said I should take a break one night anyway. He'll grab a hunter."

"This is not exactly a break."

"It is from this. Did the hu—Did Kieran tell you what he's planning?"

"No. I do not want you to fight Tristan, either. If you see him, call me or Vasile. The wolves should be able to handle the rest."

"Fine." I can imagine the way he looks, jaw tense, green eyes sparking with irritation. It is not aimed at me, not necessarily, but guilt curls in my gut all the same. "I'll see you when you get back tonight?"

"Yes."

He hangs up and I sigh, pushing my hand through my hair. Kieran passes the window again. He does not look out. He never does. For some reason, that makes my insides ache again, some soft spot in my chest pulsing with pain.

What am I doing? Part of me feels as though I am making the same mistakes all over again. Another part clamours for my attention, desperately telling me it is the opposite, that I need to follow my instincts and see where they lead.

I snort softly. My instincts. The last time I followed my instincts, I almost tore a hunter's throat out.

I settle finally, leaning against the cold brick to my right before I take a square of paper from my pocket. I hope Tristan comes tonight. I want this to be over.

My thoughts are no lighter when Kieran leaves the shop, and I wait until his colleagues have left before I join him on the street. His face betrays no surprise at my sudden appearance; his eyes search my expression, then drop to my empty hands before they dart away again.

"I saw no sign of Tristan tonight," I say.

"Yeah, I figured."

We fall into silence. It is uncomfortable in a way it has never been, not even that first night. I frown, fingers twitching by my sides.

"Another vampire will join you at Bite in my stead."

"What?"

"It is necessary to—"

"Lucien, I didn't tell you so you could go around telling other vampires!" Kieran crosses his arms over his chest and scowls. "I asked you because I thought you'd want to help me—help us catch him."

I curl my hands into fists. I cannot go. It is too dangerous for both of us. "Adam is my turn," I say and watch the surprise flick over Kieran's face. "He will not tell anyone about this."

Kieran's jaw clenches and he shakes his head.

I want to go. I want to prove to Kieran that I can stand beside him, protect him, and assist him in this plan. Even the fact that I would prefer we were not looking for Tristan at all, but simply enjoying a night out together, is a desire that can be overcome.

No. I cannot trust myself to remain level-headed knowing the danger Kieran is throwing himself into. If I cannot guarantee I will follow the plan, I cannot go at all.

"What's he like?"

"Excuse me?" My face heats when Kieran looks at me.

"Your turn. Adam. What's he like?"

Although Adam saw Kieran at the clan that night, Kieran would likely not have noticed him. "Young," I say because it is the first thing that comes to mind. I huff a laugh when Kieran shoots me an unimpressed look. "Sweet. Capable. I have asked him to look out for you in the club and on the way home. He will call Vasile or me if Tristan shows."

Kieran grunts to acknowledge my words. "He'll call you."

"Most likely first." I shake my head. "You had to know I would call Vasile, had I been the one to go."

"Yeah, I do." Kieran sighs. "And I get it. It's not the best plan, but it's gotta be better than running around the city aimlessly."

"It is not aimless."

"You all haven't found him yet."

I cannot argue with that, so I opt not to speak instead. Kieran sighs heavily, and the silence presses down heavily as we walk the next few streets. Whatever friendship has been blooming between us feels strained, almost torn asunder.

"Be careful," Kieran says as we pause outside his building.

I blink at him in surprise. "What?"

"You heard me." He studies my face, and whatever he sees has the irritation lifting from his expression. The corner of his mouth twitches. "Be careful. When you're hunting."

"I—" I am, I want to say, but I know that is not always true. I know if I caught sight of Tristan, I would chase him down, even though I have first-hand knowledge of how dangerous his magic user can be.

"Fine," I say instead. "Then you need to be careful, too."

The smile Kieran has been fighting blooms across his face, and for a moment, my heart seems to stop in my chest. Heat floods my cheeks, and he searches my gaze.

We are standing close together. Closer than we usually would, I am certain. I can feel the heat coming off him—which sends my mind spinning for a moment, imagining how warm he would be pressed up against me—and hear the way his breath hitches when his eyes fall to my mouth.

"Lucien," he says. My name has never sounded so good on another's lips. It is a request. A plea.

Reality hits me with a sudden, sharp shock. It is a plea I cannot answer because I know better. Because I know where this road leads. Even if Kieran is not Nathan, he has his own secrets, and he has made it clear what he thinks of the supernatural world.

I give him a rueful smile and take a deliberate step back. Kieran's face falls and something in my chest pulses in response.

"I will see you tomorrow night," I say. Friday. I can manage one more day.

He frowns but nods and heads into the building without saying goodbye.

I stand on the street for a while after he has let himself inside. Too long. I should join the others, but I cannot stop the direction of my thoughts. What if I had kissed him? It was what he wanted. I am sure of that. But then, what?

My chest hurts, but as I turn from the building, I ignore it. There is a spark between us, and I will not deny that. I cannot. That does not mean it will go anywhere. It feels like the kind of fire that would burn bright and hot, so much so that it will be over before it has really begun.

I want more than that. I want someone safe. Secure.

I glance back at the building once before I leave the street behind. There is someone out there for Kieran. I am certain.

It is simply not me.