18. Chapter 18

Istared at the text again. My little brother was angrier than I'd ever heard him. It was a good thing he sent that message in a text instead of yelling everything at me, especially since Beth was busy moving her things into my place.

One stupid fucking mistake in a fit of jealousy had ruined my life.

Evan: I can't believe you never told Posie you were seeing someone, that you proposed, or that you were getting married. She's so fucking heartbroken. I wasn't going to say anything to you, but then I went back to check on her and saw what she drew. It seems like you just can't help yourself. You've been hurting this girl for years with your bullshit. Leave her alone, Max. She's had enough heartache to last a fucking lifetime, she doesn't need more of it from you.

He snapped a picture of the sketch Posie had done, so that I could see it. I recognized the event, even if she'd changed things a little. It was me and Cheyenne in the barn the first day I ever realized who she was. Sketched me glanced over at a ghostly, barely-there trace of the shape of a girl huddled in the corner. In reality, I had never looked at Posie like that while I was holding onto my old high school girlfriend. I'd only seen her just before we left after Pops caught us in there. It felt like she purposely shifted where my eyes were looking for the sketch though, as if I was taunting her with my relationship somehow.

I wish I could tell her that the thing with Beth and me wasn't what she thought. We'd never dated. Fuck, Beth had only ever been a one-time hookup on a night when I wanted nothing more than to get in my truck and drive home to be with Posie.

Beth had her sights on me for a while. She took full advantage when I was at a low moment. I never wanted to go there because she was my Lieutenant's daughter. I wasn't dumb enough to mix business and pleasure, especially considering men before me had done just that and found themselves walking a beat patrol again after breaking her spoiled little heart.

So, when she came to my house nearly two months later, with a pregnancy test in hand, I was crushed. There was no doubting the condom had broken, but she said she took a morning after pill to keep from getting pregnant. It was obvious that had been a lie. There was no way fate fucked me over hard enough to account for a broken condom and failed morning after pill.

My hands were tied. I could kiss my career goodbye or marry the girl.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing," I told her as I closed my phone down.

"I won't tolerate you cheating on me," she said.

I turned slowly until Beth stood in front of me and then leaned back. "Let me explain something to you, Beth. You manufactured this bullshit based on a romp that took place when I was so fucking drunk I barely remember seeing you that night, let alone falling into bed with you. You might have me by the balls only because my career is in harm's way, but don't fool yourself into thinking we're creating a love match here. We're not.

"I will never love you because I have zero respect for you and the bullshit you pulled. What you did that night could get your ass locked up. My parents are aware of what went down, even if the rest of my family is still in the dark."

The wind blew out of her sails completely as I spoke my truth. "You caused me to irrevocably hurt the one person on this earth that should never feel another ounce of pain. If you think, for a single minute, that you are ever going to be anything more than the mother of my child, you are deluding yourself."

Her crocodile tears didn't bother me in the least. "Why are we even doing this, if that's how you feel?"

"Because I wasn't about to become Joe Warden, Travis Blackmore, or whoever the hell else had their career tanked because they were unfortunate enough to stick their dick in you. I worked hard for my position. You're not going to take it from me."

What she didn't know was that I had feelers out for a detective position in other cities. Once I had a bite, I'd jump there, divorce her ass, and only have to see her when we had to swap the kid on custody change-over days.

"If I had known you were going to be such an insufferable prick, I'd never have slept with you."

I laughed at that. "Really? It wasn't obvious that I was an insufferable prick every time I turned you down when I was stone-cold sober? You can lie to everyone else, but not me and not yourself. There's only one reason my dick was ever even remotely close to you, Beth. That's because I was drunk off my face over another woman. That woman owns my heart and always will. You – I don't even remember being acquainted with your body and won't ever know the way that feels either because you had your one shot with me."

"We're going to be married," she insisted.

"That doesn't mean I have to fuck you. This marriage is against my will." It was also being investigated because I'd talked to the DA, who I'd become friends with since my time at the department. He didn't like the position I'd been put in any more than I did. There was no reason to let Beth in on the fact that we were trying to get the Lieutenant booted from the department for his improprieties and abuses of his position for his daughter's sake. They were both corrupt beyond belief. I hoped that everything would be wrapped up before the farce of a wedding had to take place.

It was the one reason why I hadn't sent an invitation to all of my family. It was only supposed to go to my parents. How in the hell Evan got a hold of it and managed to show it to Posie before I could tell her what was going on was beyond me. After reading my brother's message to me and looking at the sketch repeatedly since he"d sent it, I wished things could be different for the hundredth time.

I hadn't told her as much, but I'd fallen for Posie over the course of our years-long correspondence. I understood why Pops tried to push me to get to know her when we were younger. He was right. There's something special between us and now she feels as though I betrayed her and wasn't sharing anything going on in my life with her. How else would she react to a sudden wedding announcement? It would most likely seem as though I'd hidden an entire relationship from her.

I could feel the bile rise in my throat. Hopefully, when all was said and done, Posie would understand what happened and allow me to be a part of her life. I tried to reach out with an email, to let her know what happened, but she hadn't replied yet. Even if she could forgive me for the forced, hopefully never-to-happen wedding, I wasn't so sure she'd willingly sign up to help me raise a kid I had with a duplicitous woman who ruined men's careers and lives for kicks. What kind of target would that put on Posie's back? And how large would that target get after I help the DA take down Beth's father?

It still made me sick to think that I could have knocked that woman up. There was no question she was pregnant, but we had to wait on DNA to confirm if it really was my baby she was carrying.

My mind wandered to the day Posie wrote to tell me that she'd met someone, then when she wrote about kissing him and what that had been like for her. As if she couldn't help herself, she then told me about losing her virginity to the undeserving bastard. Reading all about it in an email made me feel sick to my stomach.

It was the first time I realized that just how badly I'd fucked up by not chasing Posie down that time she came to visit me. Instead, I'd listened to my brother and let him talk me into letting her go explore dating other people. Logically, I understood that she deserved to live that part of life I had already enjoyed over the years. I didn't want her to have regrets when I finally came for her. Then again, I was at war with myself because I also wanted all her firsts.

That was why I dove headfirst into the bottom of a bottle after I read that some other man had taken all of her firsts. First boyfriend, kiss, and her virginity. Then, the motherfucker left her like it was all some sort of joke to him.

Part of me wanted to go kill him for putting his hands on her when he wasn't willing to cherish the woman the way she deserved. The other part wanted vindication for the betrayal she felt. Then, there was the dark part of my soul that grinned at the fact that the asshole had taken himself out of the running just when I was worried that I'd lost something I hadn't realized I should have been protecting.

Unfortunately, I'd already had my drunken night of trying to forget the words I'd read. I'd woken up in bed with Beth and feeling like shit for going there. I thought that would be the end of my encounter with the bitch, and we'd never speak about our drunken one-night stand, especially since I couldn't even remember most of it.

There were twisted, fractured memories that came back to me now and then. Enough to know that we'd really had sex and that I'd been smart enough in my drunken stupor to wear a condom. Then again, I was in this predicament because that condom hadn't saved me.