7. Jo

Playlist: What Was I Made for | Billie Eilish

Quiblings Group Chat

Kat : Happy birthday, Nic! ??

Nic: thanks kat!

Leo: nic’s birthday was like two weeks ago

Kat: Haha, very funny. I know it’s April 13th.

Jo: it’s 100% march 25th

Kat: then why isn’t she the one correcting me?

Ren: probably because she’s trying this thing where she’s nice to us now.

Nic: aww! you noticed!

Nic: and yeah my birthday was the twenty fifth, i just didn’t want to be an asshole.

Kat: Does this mean I used the wrong date for my password?

Nic: i guess?

Izzy: hey kat when’s my birthday.

Kat: Same day as Leo’s.

Millie: someone buy this woman a calendar with all of our birthdays. We’re so inconsequential to her that she can’t be bothered to remember.

Kat: First of all, not what I said. Second, there are seven of you to keep track of.

Alex: aw, i miss you guys sometimes.

Alex: i especially feel it when you all gang up on kat.

Kat: I tried, okay? Sorry I’m not perfect.

Nic: i really appreciate the sentiment kat

Jo: okay nic moves in with josh and becomes nice this is fucking bizarre

Nic: it’s that good good dick every night.

Ren: can you not?

Leo: hey totally unrelated but do you think josh would be okay with stelly and i staying over a few nights??? ??

Alex: josh has big dick energy, am i right?

Millie: nic.

Millie: NO.

Nic: let’s just say i can barely walk today ??

Millie: what the FUCK did i just say???!

Ren: ??

“Jo? Do you mind joining me in Becky’s office?” Kelsey asks, sticking her head into my office.

Yes, that Kelsey.

I sigh, but don’t look up at her, instead continuing my email to the DJ for the event I’m coordinating next weekend. Once again, I’m working through lunch, but I’m planning on eating soon. “What’s up?”

I can hear her roll her eyes, somehow. “Jesus. Can you do what I ask for once? I know you’re dealing with shit but there’s no reason—”

I stand up with enough force that my desk chair crashes into the wall behind me. “I’m coming.” My teeth and fists are clenched, and I hate how much she’s able to still get under my skin, how perfectly her criticism still hits the target.

I follow her into Becky’s office, trying to breathe deeply like the YouTube yoga gurus always say. I’ve been trying to force myself to like yoga. It hasn’t worked. Maybe because I haven’t found an “Everyday Flow for When You Still Have To Work With Your Ex-fiancée” video.

“Ah, Jo, come in,” Becky greets me, lowering her glasses.

“Hey, baby,” Kelsey coos, walking behind the desk and bending down to press a kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek.

I expect my Pulitzer Prize for not vomiting on my boss’s office floor any day now.

“Hi, Becky,” I say stiffly, clenching and unclenching my fists. “Kelsey said you wanted to see me?”

Becky looks up at Kelsey as she straightens. “Did you tell her?”

My ex shakes her head in response. “No, I wanted to tell her together.”

My eyes dart between the two of them. “Tell me what?”

Kelsey bites her lip, and then squeals, lifting up her left hand and wiggling her fingers.

On her ring finger sits a big ass, princess cut diamond ring.

What.

The.

Fuck .

“We’re engaged!” Becky exclaims as she gets to her feet, wrapping her arm around Kelsey’s shoulder.

“You’re engaged,” I echo back, hoping my voice sounds more excited than I feel. The reality is I feel numb, empty. “You wanted to see me to tell me…you’re engaged?”

“Um, thank you!” Kelsey says, rolling her eyes at me. “But no, that’s not the only reason we wanted to see you.”

“Jo, you know what an asset you are to Coffey & Co., don’t you?” Becky asks, eyes still on her girlfriend.

No, her fiancée .

What is the correct answer to a question like that? ‘Yes’ sounds cocky. ‘No’ sounds insecure. A simple, “Thanks,” is what I settle on.

“Kelsey and I want to be married by the end of the summer. And while the wedding is of course the main focus, we want several celebrations leading up to it. And I think you know you’re the only one we can trust with such complex, important events celebrating our love.”

I feel lightheaded.

“We of course would pay you a generous flat fee for everything. One hundred grand. That’s around what you make in a year, isn’t it? And you’d still be paid your regular salary in addition, of course. Though your regular workload would be reduced so you’d be able to prioritize our events. We’ll delegate any conflicting events to other coordinators and planners…”

“You’re asking me to plan your wedding?” I interrupt.

“Of course, Jo!” Kelsey says it like it’s a good thing.

What sin did I commit to earn this special brand of hell?

“Do you think that’s appropriate, considering our past…relationship?” I look at Kelsey, whose expression doesn’t change.

“Do you think a past fling would impact your ability to perform your job?” Kelsey asks, tilting her head to the side. Her face is innocent, like she didn’t verbally slap me across the face.

Kelsey and I had been engaged. For several months. We hadn’t disclosed it at work, but it had been real. I still have the ring I got for her, the ring she’d left atop a note when she blindsided me by moving out.

I swallow hard. “No, that…it won’t impact anything. I have a girlfriend, anyway.”

Becky gasps and clasps her hands together excitedly. “Jo, really? That’s wonderful. You deserve someone wonderful.”

“Thank you, it’s serious,” I stammer. “We are deeply, deeply in love.”

Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I like how taken aback Kelsey looks. Like I caught her off guard, the same way she caught me off guard. When she lifts her eyes, I avoid her gaze, intently staring at my Nonna’s garnet ring on my pinkie. Whenever I wear it, I think about how much she’d hate that her openly gay granddaughter wears her beloved family heirloom.

“What’s her name?” Kelsey asks, voice even.

“Hunter. We met through mutual friends.”

If I’m going to lie, I may as well use partial truths. Hunter did move in with me, and we did run into each other because of mutual friends. She is, however, most definitely not my girlfriend.

“I’m so happy for you, Jo.” I’m not able to label the tone of Kelsey’s voice. It’s not congratulatory, I know that much.

I force myself to meet her gaze. “Thank you.”

“It’s nice to see you serious about someone.”

It feels like my heart is being put through a wringer, followed by a blender. It’s bloody and gory and painful as hell. And she’s just so casual about the fact she’s pummeling a vital organ.

“So, you want me to plan your wedding?” I reiterate, looking back down at Nonna’s ring. Next to it sits a Claddagh my Granny got me from Ireland for my sixteenth birthday. On my middle finger is a simple twisted band. I try to focus on these details, rather than what’s happening in this room.

“Of course, Jo.” I can hear Kelsey’s smile in her voice. “Who else would we trust with our special day?”

I squeeze my eyes closed and inhale shakily. Their special day. It was supposed to be ours . But apparently all we were was a fling.

“I’ll consider it,” I say, forcing my eyes open and meeting Becky’s. “ If the salary increases by twenty percent.” I don’t know where the gall comes from, but I do know that I deserve to be paid more for going through this bullshit. “Considering that you’re hiring me because of my skill set, I think we can agree that what I’m asking for is more than fair.”

They look at each other. I fight the urge to scream, and send them every invoice from every session I’ve ever had with Alena. I can tell Kelsey isn’t happy with my demands, but honestly? I’m not happy with her. Period.

“Of course, Jo,” Becky finally says, looking at me. “We’re more than happy to meet your request.”

“Great.” My voice wavers, and I lower my gaze. “I’m not feeling so great, I should go.”

Kelsey sighs. “Is it your blood sugar again? You can be so careless with that.”

My stomach contorts. “Careless. Yes. Me. Right. Um, thank you for the opportunity, and I’ll look over the contract when I receive it.”

I walk as quickly as I can out of Becky’s office, making a quick pit stop in my own to grab a bottle of honey from my desk drawer. When I get to the unisex bathroom, I shut and lock the bathroom door, then slowly slide down it to the ground. My body shakes as I flip the lid of the honey bottle and lift it to my lips. The sticky sweetness is a stark contrast to the way I feel.

I want to cry, to have some outlet for this all-consuming pain I feel. But I can’t seem to cry, and I don’t understand why.

Why did Kelsey agree to marry me? Why did she waste her time on me if I mean so little to her? If I’m so unimportant, why did she make me believe I meant something to her?

I’ve truly never felt so small, so worthless and unlovable in my entire life, and I hate that someone who couldn’t care less has this much power over me.

I just want to be loved the way Josh loves Nic. The way Nic loves Josh, and Tyler and Nellie love each other. The way my parents love each other.

The way I loved Kelsey.

But I feel so empty, so lost. Any strength I’d felt before is gone, and I feel like a hollow shell being whipped around by a merciless ocean.

Except I’m me. The ocean is my life.

And I feel like I’m drowning.