36. Jo

Playlist: Messy | Renee Rapp

“Audrey!” Hunter’s tone of surprise carries into the room. “Hi.”

I bite my lip and turn to the side, like anyone can see my smile. Of course we got another complaint. Of course Kelsey probably popped a blood vessel. Of course…

“Hey, Hunter. Sorry to bother you so early.” Audrey’s voice sounds strange, but I can’t put my finger on it. “Is Jo here?”

I sit up, surprised that she’s asking for me by name. Did Kelsey complain about me specifically?

“Oh!” Hunter sounds even more surprised. “Hey, Giovanna? Audrey needs to talk to you.”

I get out of bed and quickly put on my outfit from last night before going to the door.

“!” I say, forcing a cheerfulness I don’t really feel. My belly is gurgling with anxiety. “What’s up?”

“Hi. Um, maybe you and I should talk alone?” Audrey’s eyes dart between Hunter and I, and my stomach sinks. Something’s wrong.

I look at Hunter, who reaches out and squeezes my hand. “It’s up to you,” she says quietly. “I don’t have to stay…but I will if you want me to.”

“She can stay,” I say, turning back to Audrey and meeting her eyes.

Audrey inhales deeply before speaking. “Becky and Kelsey left. They both left their keys with the night manager and checked out.”

I feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. “What?”

Audrey looks so nervous, like I’ll be mad at her. “They both asked her not to tell anyone, but she told me, and you should know, too.”

“What the fuck ?” I seethe, dropping Hunter’s hand and stalking back into the room.

Hunter calls after me, but I don’t turn back. I’m digging through the twisted sheets, searching for my phone, and once I find it, I call Becky.

“Hi, you’ve reached Becky Coffey —”

“Fuck!” I curse, jabbing my finger on the end call button. Then I do something I never wanted to do again.

“ This is the voicemail of Kelsey Williams. I can’t come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the beep.”

“Kelsey,” I snap. “What the fuck is happening? One of you needs to call me back immediately.”

My hands shake as I go to McKenna’s room and pound on her door. I don’t care that they left, not really. I care that I hung my dreams on this and I have no idea what comes next. I have no idea if everything is canceled, if I’ll get the money I’ve worked so hard for.

I’m certain nothing else can surprise me this morning, until Barry opens McKenna’s door.

“Good for you, Barry,” I say after gaping for a few seconds, reaching out and patting him on his shoulder. “Is McKenna in there?

Upon hearing her name, McKenna appears behind Barry, wearing a Port Haven High School t-shirt, hair tangled and mascara smudged. Wow. Good for her .

“Jo,” McKenna looks surprised to see me. “What’s going on?”

“Did you know Kelsey and Becky checked out?” I’m past niceties. Unless she wants to tell me how Barry was in bed. Only for educational purposes, of course. The curiosity feels like a balm to the anger I feel.

She jerks back like I slapped her. “ What ?”

“Yep. Last night. Do you know where they are? Neither of them are answering my calls.”

She disappears into the room for a moment before reappearing, phone held up to her ear. “It’s going straight to voicemail.” She taps on her phone a few times, her frown deepening. “She…she’s at her apartment. In Midtown.”

I blink at her blankly. “The fuck? Did she say anything to you?”

“I’ve barely talked to her all weekend. She’s been…fuck. She’s losing it. Lost it, maybe. I’ve never seen her like this.” She looks anxiously at Barry, like he’ll be able to add to the conversation. He isn’t.

“Cool,” I say dryly. “Cool. Cool. Cool. This is…”

“Cool?” Barry offers helpfully.

“Will you tell me if you hear from her? Either of them?” I feel like I’m begging. Which is pathetic. But also my clients are fucking MIA and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation, because despite having over a half decade of experience since entering the field, and having plenty of cancelled events and runaway brides…what I’m supposed to do has always been clear.

This is anything but.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Jo.” She sounds genuinely remorseful.

“Thanks,” I reply.

I skulk back to mine and Hunter’s room, Audrey appearing beside me out of nowhere. “I checked in with the other bridesmaids, one of them had Kelsey’s location and said she’s back at her place in the city.”

I sigh heavily, both grateful that Audrey went out of her way to get this information, and frustrated that it’s nothing new. “Yeah, McKenna said that too.”

I lift my hand to knock, realizing I didn’t grab a key before I booked it out of there. Hunter swings the door open before my hand makes contact with the wood, her phone nestled between her ear and shoulder.

“Yeah, she’s right here,” Hunter says, eyes wide. It’s Becky , she mouths, and my stomach churns. She hands me the phone, and as soon as it’s cradled in my hand she somehow finds my free hand, intertwining our fingers.

I bring the phone to my ear. “What the hell is going on?”

“Jo, we’ve decided to cut the bachelorette trip short.” She says it so casually, like sneaking off in the middle of the night without telling anyone isn’t sketchy as all hell.

“I’m sorry, what?” I feel so many emotions in my chest, a bubbling anger, a twisting confusion.

“Your services weren’t what we’d expected, and we ended up fighting over it. So we’ve decided to spend the rest of the weekend alone at home.”

I drop Hunter’s hand again. “You’ve got to be fucking with me. I did everything, everything you asked of me, and suddenly it wasn’t enough? So you fucking dip? Without giving me a heads up so I can do everything I need to cancel today’s events, end our reservations, and coordinate the bridesmaids' travel back to New York earlier than planned? What the hell ?”

“I understand you’re unhappy, but this is what’s best for Kelsey and I for now.”

“So that’s it?” I spit out. “Are you letting me go? I’m out of a job?”

“We’re just talking about this weekend, Jo. There’s no reason to be so dramatic.”

“You left in the middle of the night,” I hiss. “Don’t talk to me about being dramatic.”

She’s silent for a moment. “I’m trying to save my relationship, Jo. You of all people should understand what it’s like to want to stay engaged to Kelsey…”

I hang up before I say anything I regret, angry heat radiating behind my eyes.

“Jo?” Hunter takes my hand in hers. I try to slow my breath, steady my head. It feels like the world is spinning around me and I’m caught in the motion. I try to focus on how soft Hunter’s skin is, how nice her hand feels in mine, not on the constant spinning and indecipherable noise in my head. She pulls me further in the room, Audrey following us, and lowers us to the foot of the bed. My forehead immediately rests on her shoulder.

“They’re not coming back,” I mumble into her shoulder.

“What did she say?” Audrey asks.

I lift my head shakily. “That she’s trying to save her relationship. That I, of all people, should understand why she’s doing this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Audrey asks.

I can hear the vitriol in Hunter’s answer. “Jo and Kelsey were engaged. But Becky didn’t know that until last night. So I can’t think about what she has the audacity to imply or I’ll burn everything to the goddamned ground.”

“Christ,” Audrey sounds stunned. “What the fuck? Why did she ask her ex to plan her wedding?”

“I’m good at my job,” I mutter.

I can feel Hunter and Audrey exchanging silent glances. I don’t blame them.

I don’t know how much time passes, but eventually Audrey exits the room, leaving Hunter and I sitting silently at the foot of the bed.

“You okay?” she eventually asks.

I don’t know what to say, how to explain the complexities of how I feel right now, so I shake my head.

“Wanna go to Queenie’s?”

I don’t. I want to crawl beneath the blankets and dissociate and find the tears that haven’t come since before Kelsey left the first time.

I stare at the ground, feeling myself withdrawing more and more into myself. I want to run. As fast as I can, as far as I can, and I promised Hunter I wouldn’t.

So I tell her. I open my mouth and tell her everything I’m feeling. The hurt and betrayal that has me feeling shame, because how can two people who have already hurt and betrayed me do it yet again?

Hunter leans and lays her head on my shoulder while I purge and try to make sense of the whirlpool of emotion inside me.

“That’s a lot,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

I laugh hollowly. “You’re the last person in this situation who should be sorry. You’re the only good thing about this shitshow.”

“I’m sorry you’re hurting. You deserve better as a human, and as a professional.”

“Is it shitty of me if I agree with that?”

She straightens, and gently turns my face, her eyes searching mine. “No, because it’s true . What can I do to support you right now? Do you want me to take care of talking to the rest of the guests? Working with Audrey to cancel stuff? Then I’ll run out and grab Queenie’s and we spend the day on the beach or watching Pride and Prejudice. Take the train back tonight to see Dolly early?”

That shockingly doesn’t sound like the worst idea ever.

“What do I do? While you’re taking care of me…what do I do?”

“Whatever you think is best.” Hunter stands from the bed and walks to the window, drawing back the curtains. Everything inside me wants to draw back and hiss, like an angry cat.

“I’m sorry, did you just hiss ?”

Apparently I did it outloud, and not just in my head. Whoops.

“The sun is mean,” I argue.

“Okay, but the sun also might help us activate those happy chemicals in your brain. Unless you want to stay in bed and be sad, which is totally okay. What do you want? What do you need?”

“I want to hide…but maybe I shouldn’t,” I say slowly.

She smiles softly. “What would Alena say?”

“To start small. One thing at a time.”

“Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll get dressed and go talk to the bridesmaids, and we’ll reconvene and take it from there.”

How do I tell her that showering even feels like too much? That standing up, getting undressed, turning on the water, doing everything I have to do in the shower, drying off, and getting dressed again is too much .

I don’t have to, because her eyes soften and she gently cups my cheek in her hand. “Hang tight, baby. I’ll be right back.”

It feels like she’s gone forever, and I just stare out the window at the sound, at the boats and ferries and families slowly crowding on the shore.

When she comes back, it’s with strawberry milkshakes and sweet potato fries from Queenie’s.

We eat in silence, and I appreciate her not pressuring me to talk more. We both take our meds, and I check my blood sugar. While Hunter was gone, she’d updated McKenna, so that takes that off my plate.

When we finish eating, she takes me by the hand and leads me into the bathroom. Her touch is gentle and guiding as she slips my shirt over my head. It’s not sexual, but tender and loving.

Hunter gets undressed, taking my hand to guide us both under the hot water. She’s on her tiptoes behind me, massaging my scalp with shampoo the same way I had last night.

Could I let myself have this? Could I believe I deserve it? Could I let Hunter take care of me, like she is now? Like she says she wants to?

Could I let myself really trust her? It feels too late to be questioning this, wondering this. My heart already lives outside my body, dwelling in Hunter’s hands.

But Kelsey leaving once again, in a totally different context, still has me spiraling, wondering what I could have done differently for her to have stayed.

Hunter doesn’t force me to speak for the rest of the day. I mean, I do. Just not in-depth. I stay, and she holds my hand while I try to untangle my feelings, despite it being hard as fuck.

Audrey, being the absolute angel she is, insists on working on her day off to take care of breaking everything down and canceling the remaining activities for us. When Hunter mentions going home early, Audrey checks us out immediately, so we won’t try to change our minds, she says.

When Hunter and I get home, it feels strange. Not good, not bad, just new. We’re in this familiar place, in our new, unfamiliar relationship.

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face when she squeals and rushes to Dolly’s terrarium, where our child lounges in a bearded dragon sized hammock. Hunter cradles Dolly in her arms, cooing and kissing her little scaly head.

“I’ve missed you so much, Mommy’s never leaving you again,” Hunter promises in between kisses, and I chuckle.

She lifts her gaze and smiles at me, shuffling over to me. I reach out my arms and she places Dolly into them. It’s strange to think how much I hated the idea of having a bearded dragon. Dolly’s truly somehow wormed her way into my heart and made it bigger.

“So, uh,” Hunter sounds nervous, as she picks at her cuticles. “Where do we sleep tonight?”

I blink at her a few times, confused by her question. “Here?”

“Right. But like…do we have to sleep in separate beds?”

I try to fight back a smile, and fail spectacularly. She jokingly punches me in the shoulder.

“I don’t want to sleep in separate beds.” I can hear the amusement in my voice. “Do you want to sleep in separate beds?”

She shakes her head, a sweet blush reddening the apples of her cheeks. “I like sleeping next to you.”

I chew my bottom lip between my teeth, then shift Dolly in my arms so I can cup her mom’s cheek in my hand, tracing that blush with my thumb. “I love you,” I say simply. “I know today’s been weird, and I don’t want to lie to you. Everything in me wants to run and hide to protect myself, but I want us more. I want you to help me shower when it’s too much for me, and learn more about who was fucking who in Fleetwood Mac…”

“Everyone was fucking everyone,” Hunter interrupts. “Like…”

“Hun.”

“Right, sorry. An important, emotional monologue isn’t the right time to interrupt for an info dump. Continue.”

I smile because goddamn, even her excitement for her hyperfixations is so fucking dear to me. I want to know everything about the things she holds close to her heart.

“Yes, I still want you. Even when I’m depressed, or down. Even when I don’t seem like I do, I still want you. I’m not going to be perfect at showing it or giving you what you need, but I promise to work at it and be better and…” I trail off and look at her expectantly. She’s just smiling at me. “What?” I ask suspiciously.

“Nothing. Everything. You,” she says, like it’s not complete nonsense. “I’m just so proud of you. You promised to communicate and not run, and you’re doing it! You’re harsh on yourself, but you’re so wonderful and I see how hard you’re trying. I wish you did, too.”

She hugs me, sandwiching Dolly between us, and I bury my nose into her sweet-smelling hair. “Giovanna, I love you . Not you when you’re not depressed or when your blood sugar is perfect. You . All of you, and the multitudes you contain.”

Later that night, when I’m falling asleep with her tucked beneath my arm, I find myself feeling like maybe, just maybe, everything’s going to be okay.

Hunter pretty much shoves me out of the apartment Tuesday morning, and when I get to the office, neither Becky nor Kelsey are there. I haven’t heard from either of them since talking to Becky Sunday morning, but it sounds like they’re prioritizing saving their shitty relationship. So hooray for them, I guess.

They’re not there for the rest of the week, and by Friday morning, it feels like the new normal—the same way kissing Hunter and cooking us eggs for breakfast has become my new normal. Hunter and I are domestic, and Kelsey and Becky don’t show up to work.

When I walk into the office, I do a double take when I see the light on in Becky’s office.

“She’s back?” I ask my coworker, Daniel.

“Yep,” he responds, spinning his office chair so he’s facing me. “She walked in at 8:36 in sky-high heels. Didn’t say hi to anyone, just went right into her office and slammed the door.” He gives me a sympathetic look. “So I’d brace yourself.”

“Any sign of Kelsey?”

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

Dread fills my entire being. Maybe I’m wrong and it’s nothing.

But, it doesn’t feel like nothing. It feels like I’m getting fired. I wasn’t exactly professional in our last interaction, and Hunter, god love her, sure made many a threat.

I’m typing in my password to check my email when Becky knocks on the door.

“Jo, can we talk?”

My heart is pounding, and I wish Hunter was here. First, because she would be the feral guard dog I love so much, but also because she would hold my hand and I wouldn’t have to go through this alone.

I nod, getting to my feet shakily as she leaves. I follow her to her office where my stomach drops further when I see Janae, an HR representative, sitting across from Becky at her desk.

I shakily lower myself into the chair next to Janae. “What’s going on?” I cringe when my voice cracks.

Becky puts her glasses on and looks intently at the papers on her desk. “I’d like to offer you a partner position.” She says this without making eye contact with me at all.

I stare at her. “You…what?”

“I want to offer you half of the business. We’d be equal partners and you would receive a much higher salary than your current compensation.” Becky still is flipping through papers on her desk, not looking at me, and it feels clinical.

“Why?”

“Because you’ve proven yourself capable of leadership in this capacity time and time again. Frankly, this is long overdue.”

“Then why now ?”

Becky finally looks at me. She has dark circles under her eyes, and she’s breaking out. I’ve never seen her skin looking less than perfect.

“Kelsey has been separated from Coffey & Co. effective immediately.” Becky folds her hands on the desk. “ You will no longer be working on the freelance project we assigned you.”

Maybe I should be happy to hear they’ve broken up, that the wedding is canceled.

But the money I’d been paid is gone, taking my hope of freedom with it.

“However, because of your performance while contracted, I’ve made the decision to promote you and invite you to buy into the firm.”

I stare at her.

“I’m…not fired?” I ask, voice shaking.

Becky laughs, the fakest laugh to ever be fake laughed. “Of course not. You’re the heart and soul of this firm, Giovanna. We’re nothing without you, and it’s long overdue for us to show how much we appreciate you.”

I don’t say anything, my head swimming with a billion different thoughts. There’s the thoughts of what I should do, what I could do, and then there’s what I want to do.

They’re all different things.

“There is a stipulation, however,” Becky continues, spinning the stapled papers around so they’re facing me. “One Janae and I will be more than happy to explain in full.”

I pick up the papers and shakily flip through. This stipulation Becky speaks of sticks out immediately.

“You want me to agree not to get romantically involved with Kelsey Williams?” I’m staring at the words, like if I just look a little harder, it’ll make sense.

“Yes,” Becky answers, like this part of my employment contract is the most natural and rational thing in the world. “As I said, she and I are no longer involved, however, considering your past involvement with her, I need to ensure that nothing happens between you two again.”

“Don’t want to work with someone who’s dating your ex? Or, worse, engaged to your ex-fiancée?” I sound ugly, I know that.

But this is uglier.

Becky sighs heavily. “I just had to tell my entire family that my half million dollar wedding is off. So yeah. I’m sorry for wanting to feel safe in my workplace.”

“Nothing happened between us while you were together.” I can’t even look at her. I feel sick to my stomach.

“She said that too, but I think you understand why I’m having you agree to these terms.”

I flip the page and look at the salary. It’s a big increase. Over my first year, I’d make up for what I’m losing by Kelsey and Becky canceling the wedding. More benefits…and I’d own half of the company. There’s even a proposed name change: Coffey & Quinn.

But if I sign this contract, I’m signing away any hope of setting myself free. Instead of being under Kelsey’s thumb, I’ll be under Becky’s. I know I’ll never be able to move home, open up the firm I want to.

Never have the life I want.

I shakily inhale and meet her eyes. “Can I have some time to think it over?”

Becky’s eyes are sharp, but not unkind. “Of course. Take all the time you need. You’ll be getting the check with the rest I owe you for the, um. For you know. Hunter is too.”

I nod, staring at the wood grain of the desk. I’m off from work the next few weekends, which was something Kelsey and Becky insisted on, so that I could spend time working on their wedding. In fact, I don’t have weekend events until after Labor Day because of this.

I wish I did. I wish I had something to distract myself from this.

Because I feel like I’m drowning again.