13. Jo

Playlist: The Archer | Taylor Swift

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Alena says, blinking in disbelief.

“Nope.” I scratch Dolly on her nose as she happily snuggles into me. Hunter can never know, but dammit, I’m fond of this little monster.

“You’re pretending to date your ex-girlfriend to convince your ex-fiancée that you’re over her while planning her wedding?”

“Not exactly,” I argue, avoiding looking at the laptop set up on my bed. “Hunter and I never defined the relationship back in the day. So she’s not technically my ex-girlfriend.”

I can see my therapist rubbing at her temples in my peripheral vision. “So you cancel three weeks of appointments and this is what you get yourself into.”

“See, this is why I canceled the appointments.” I glare into the camera. “I knew you wouldn’t get it. Nobody gets it.” I pause for a moment. “Except for Hunter. She gets it.”

Alena takes a deep breath, like the ones she usually tells me to take. “You have to understand why I’m concerned, Jo.”

I bite my lip. “I do. Nic and Josh tried to convince me not to plan the wedding, too. But the money would change everything…you have to understand that .”

Her face softens. “You’re right. I do understand that, and the idea that you’re putting yourself willingly into a situation with your ex is concerning.”

“But I’m not dealing with it alone,” I remind her. “Hunter’s in it with me.”

“I don’t buy it,” she says, crossing her arms.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re getting enough money to be able to start the business of your dreams, but what is Hunter getting out of it? Why is she agreeing to this madcap plan that should only stay in historical romances?”

That perks me up. “You read historical romance?”

“Yeah, you talked about them enough, and I got curious. You’re right. About historical romances, not this situation,” she clarifies, because god forbid she insinuate I was right about this situation.

I smirk at her. “You’re welcome.”

Alena rolls her eyes. When Nic started bugging me about going to therapy, she’d helped me find someone LGBTQIA+ affirming. I’d liked Alena right away because I knew she wasn’t going to let me bullshit myself out of things, that she’d push me. She’s also a chronically ill Latina woman, so she gets how my chronic illness affects every aspect of my life in a way most people don’t.

I regret picking her now, though.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this. What is Hunter getting out of this arrangement?” she repeats.

“I don’t know,” I admit, realizing I haven’t thought about it. “Maybe she’s trying to make up for that summer.”

“What about that summer?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You and I both know the things you don’t want to talk about are the things you should talk about.” Her voice is gentler.

I begin to pick at the peeling burgundy nail polish on my left middle finger. It’s keeping me from flipping my therapist off, which is probably for the best. “I fell in love with her,” I admit. I’ve never said it aloud before. “With Hunter. I was fifteen, so it was only like…unimportant teenage love…”

“First loves are impactful, and not at all unimportant. Don’t invalidate yourself or your experiences,” Alena says. She lifts her favorite mug to her mouth.

“Hunter told me at the end of summer that she didn’t know if she was actually gay. She’s from the south, her family’s extremely traditional and conservative. Like her grandparents went to church with my family, and got mad when our priest said we should care about undocumented immigrants.

“I knew I was gay, so that broke me. Everything that summer had felt so real to me. And…and I thought it was the same for her.” I try to swallow the lump that had grown in my throat while talking. “We decided not to exchange numbers or add each other on social media, and wait until next summer. She said if she still wanted me, she’d have me again, and consider coming out. But, her grandparents sold their summer house the following spring and we never saw each other again.

“It was my first real heartbreak. I thought she might try to reach out…ask her grandparents for my parents’ number or something. But by then, I had already come out and Mr. and Mrs. McIntyre were looking at me with disgust, so I knew I couldn’t ask…” I inhale shakily. “She was just…gone.”

Alena nods slowly. “So you think agreeing to fake date you is some sort of atonement for your past?”

I shrug helplessly. “Maybe. Or maybe she’s a nice person who wants to help me out.”

“Nothing I say is going to change your mind, is it?”

“No.”

“Your determination is admirable.” She says it like she’s being held at gunpoint. “I hope you know I don’t want to see you get hurt, and I’m worried that this will harm you.”

“And maybe you’re right,” I admit, feeling like it’s being forced out of me, too. “Maybe this is a terrible decision and maybe it’s going to hurt me.” I take a deep breath. “But it’s my decision. I’ve felt so out of control of my life since the breakup, and I know you think this is a bad idea, but I finally feel like I have some control over my life again, even if it’s just this teeny tiny way.”

Alena looks pensive. “I mean, there are literally dozens of ways for you to assert control over your life, but I don’t think talking about them is going to make any difference.”

“Probably not.”

“Just…take care of yourself, okay? Does your family know about what you’re doing?”

“No, and I’m not going to tell them,” I tell her definitively.

“You’re going to keep this from Nic?” She looks surprised, which is fair. Nic is able to read me and see through my bullshit even better than Alena.

I groan. “Fuck. I can’t do that. But if I tell her, she’ll yap.”

“So maybe you should tell your entire family to keep that from happening.”

I can see right through her. “What, so all of them can tell me that I’m making an awful decision and it’s not just you?”

“No!” she insists unbelievably.

I roll my eyes. “I have a book club meeting tonight, so maybe I’ll tell Nic then. Maybe even Josh and Nellie. God knows they’ve been dumbasses before.”

“Okay,” Alena says in a disbelieving tone.

After we end the appointment, I text the book club.

Bodice Ripper Book Club

Jo: bruce am i allowed to bring alcohol to book club

Josh: 1) “Bruce” doesn’t have the same effect as “Josephine,” but good try.

Josh : 2) I’d prefer you didn’t.

Nellie: great boundary setting josh!

Josh: Thank you!!!! ????

Jo: okay well can i bring hunter.

Josh: Hunter?

Josh: Your ex-girlfriend/roommate Hunter? Sure.

Nellie: i’m sorry your WHAT

Nellie: EX GIRLFRIEND????

Nellie : WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS????

Jo: thanks a bunch, bruce.

Jo: she’s excited to join us.

Jo: or she will be when i tell her she’s coming.

Josh, Nic, and Nellie know me. They get me. Maybe I’m right and they’ll all get it, and prove Alena wrong.

Okay, so I was wrong. Hunter sits next to me on Josh’s loveseat, our thighs pressed together in a way that is not at all distracting, while Josh and Nellie sit on the new couch across from us. Nic sits on the arm, and all three are staring at us with gaping mouths.

“Close your mouth before you catch flies, Nicoletta,” I tell my sister dryly, echoing our Nonna. It works though, all three of them shut their mouths.

“That is…” Josh says, looking nervously at Nic. “Certainly an interesting plan.”

“Shut up Joshua,” Nic growls, eyes fixed on mine. I shift uncomfortably. My sister usually isn’t the biggest fan of eye contact, so when she holds it like this, I know she means business. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Hunter raises her hand. “I’m involved with this decision, too.”

Nic ignores her. “What did Alena say about this?” she demands.

“She loved the idea!” I lie. “Said it’s a great way to feel more in control of my life.”

Nic studies my face for about two seconds before speaking again. “You’re such a liar, JoJo. You’re doing your lying face,” she groans, grinding the heels of her hands into her eyes. “Joshy, tell her this is a terrible idea.”

Josh looks my way, a panicked expression on his face. “I’m not getting in the middle of you two.”

“Coward,” Nellie grumbles. “I’ll say it. Jo, what the fuck are you thinking?” She looks at Hunter. “I don’t know you as well, Hunter, but considering everything Tyler’s told me about you and the fact that you have nothing to gain from this, I have a feeling that you’re getting strong armed into this.”

“Hey!” Hunter objects. “I’m not a helpless damsel. I have just as much agency in this as Giovanna.”

The three of them all stare at Hunter. “Did you…call her Giovanna?” Nic asks, confused.

I feel my face flush. It’s an inside joke in my family, that we all hate being called by our full names. Mom decided we needed “strong Italian names” to balance out the Irish last name we inherited from dad. I think Dad should have fought against it, since most of us look Italian enough to make it obvious. But no, we all have obnoxiously long names that end in vowels. Katerina, Nicoletta, Giovanna, Lorenzo, Emilia, Alexandria, Leonardo, and Isabella. We all go by our nicknames, though: Kat, Nic, Jo, Ren, Millie, Alex, Leo, and Izzy. Unless, of course, Mom’s mad at us about something. Then we get the full name and her Long Island accent comes out in full force.

Nic hates being called Nicoletta, but I’ve heard Josh call her by it multiple times. Which is, like, so gross. But also kind of cute. The man knows better than to call me Giovanna, which is why he started jokingly calling me Josephine.

I don’t know what it means that I don’t mind—hell, maybe even like—when Hunter calls me by my full name. Maybe it’s the fact I have a crush on her–and I mean honestly, who wouldn’t? She’s all curves and curly blonde hair and laughter and smiles. Hunter is sunshine personified, like the solar system gifted her to the earth to make up for nighttime.

“Shut up, Nicky,” I grumble, instead of addressing Nic’s concerns. My sister throws up her middle finger.

“I want to be clear that I’m not being forced into this. In fact, I’m the one who suggested it,” Hunter continues. “I couldn’t just stand by when Kelsey was treating Giovanna like a possession. So, yeah. I suggested we pretend to date, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

I can’t stop staring at Hunter. Her eyes are so blue, so clear. Her eyelashes are so unfairly long, the faint sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose make her look so damn sweet, so unlike the woman who’s repeatedly put my ex in her place.

I don’t want to like her as much as I’m beginning to. I tried to keep emotional distance between us, but when I’m around her, it doesn’t feel like my heart is entangled with barbed wire, the way it’s felt for so long. Instead, my heart feels light and airy, like it’s filled with champagne bubbles.

“I still feel like there are better ways.” Nic’s words bring me back into the present. “Like literally anything else.”

I look at her. “Hunter was able to negotiate so that I’m getting even more money than the amount I told you before.”

Nic and Josh’s eyes widen. “Oh,” Nic whispers. “Oh. That’s an obscene amount of money.”

Nic’s eyes are darting between me and Hunter. I can tell that she’s nervous, and I don’t blame her. I was nervous about her and Josh when they started seeing each other. I didn’t trust him when he stopped texting her and she was sad. Sure, his grandma was dying, but my big bad sister was sad . She also saw the aftermath of mine and Hunter’s relationship twelve years ago, and mine and Kelsey’s last year. I can understand why she’s not thrilled about me working with both of them, and pretending to date one of them. My siblings and I are ridiculously protective of one another. I felt bad for Leo’s girlfriend Stella when he first brought her to Sunday dinner a few years ago. She had seven of us interrogating her and the poor girl burst into tears over her plate of lasagna. Yet, she’s somehow stuck around since then. She’s a stronger person than I am.

“I’m a big girl,” I say. “It’s okay, I can make my own decisions.”

“Thoughtless as fuck decisions,” Josh mutters under his breath. I grab a piece of salami from the charcuterie board and throw it at him. It lands with a slapping noise on his cheek.

Nic barks out a laugh, covering her mouth with both hands while he glares at me. “Don’t waste my charcuterie,” is all he has to say for himself before peeling it off his face and popping it into his mouth.

“I think it’s really cool that Jo has so many people who care about and are worried about her,” Hunter speaks so quietly that I almost think I imagine it.

When I look at her, she’s looking at Nellie, Nic, and Josh, a sad sort of smile on her face. She hasn’t talked about her family at all, and I have no idea what her relationship with them is like. Does she FaceTime them on the Sunday evenings she can’t make it home, sometimes hiding at events she’s working, to see most of her family yelling over each other at a long table?

I don’t know for certain, but something tells me she doesn’t. Shame swirls in my stomach as she looks at the people who love me with such genuine admiration.

Nellie’s face falls. “Hey, Hunter,” she says quietly, “it’s not that we don’t trust you…”

“You just love Jo,” Hunter finishes, and I notice her fidgeting with the hem of her blue floral sundress. It perfectly matches her eyes. “You’ve seen her get hurt and come out the other side after a lot of pain and you don’t want that to happen again. I think that’s beautiful, and I’m grateful she has people like you in her life.” She smiles, but it’s a watery smile, one that makes me think that it’s something she hasn’t experienced, something she wishes she has, too.

It makes my heart ache.

I clear my throat. “It doesn’t really matter if you approve of this or not, it’s happening. I’m just telling you because…well. I can’t lie to Nic. And Nic has a big mouth. So I’m telling the rest of the family next weekend at Sunday dinner.” I turn to Hunter. “Do you want to come, Hun?”

She looks taken aback. “Me?”

I roll my eyes. “No, the other Hun.”

She sticks out her lower lip in a pout, and my eyes are immediately drawn to her mouth. She wears the same pink lipstick every day, and I wonder what it feels like. If it’s creamy, or sticky. If it transfers easily or is one of those new formulas that claim to be transfer-proof. If I kiss her…

“I’m from Georgia, Giovanna. Everybody calls everybody hun.”

I pretend I wasn’t fantasizing about fucking up that perfectly applied lipstick with my own mouth, about how swollen her already full lips would be. “Ha, right,” I say shakily, forcing myself to look at everyone else. All three of them look like they’re fighting back smiles, like they could tell what I was thinking.

“What?” I snap, hoping to startle them out of their sudden goofy moods.

It doesn’t work, not even a little bit. “Fake dating,” Josh snickers, giving Nic a knowing look. “Do you think they’ll be able to fool themselves too, Buttercup?”

I look at Hunter, who looks as confused as I feel. “It works just fine in romance books.”

Josh and Nic are snickering to themselves, like there’s a joke I missed the punchline for. Nellie, while not directly interacting with them, looks like she at least gets the joke.

I do not get the joke.

“Right, because how does that fake dating thing end in romance books? With the roommates simply going back to roommates?” Nic cackles at Josh’s response and Hunter’s cheeks redden as she ducks her head.

“You two should break up,” I grumble. “You’re annoying as fuck.”

“Just let us know how it goes.” Josh wipes a tear from his eye. “The fake dating thing.”

“It’s going to go great,” Hunter insists. “This is real life, not a romance novel.”

“Speaking of romance novels, can we talk about the marble marquis of our dreams?” I plead, digging in my bag for my copy of our monthly pick.

Nic’s laughter cuts off suddenly. “And there’s my cue,” she says, hopping off the arm of the couch and pulling her phone from her waistband. “Have fun, nerds.”

“Should I go, too?” Hunter asks me, nervously picking at the skin around her nails as Nic makes her exit. “I haven’t read this one.”

“Do you read historical romance, too?” Nellie asks.

“Jo gave me full access to her library after I moved in. I’m obsessed.”

“Okay, well, stay then,” Josh says definitively. “So you can give input for next month’s book.”

“Like you pay any attention to anyone’s input but your own,” I say. He takes a page out of his partner’s book and gives me the middle finger.

“You want me to join your book club?” Hunter asks with uncertainty.

I look at her. “Yeah, Hun. That’s why I brought you.”

“Oh.” She looks bewildered by this.

“You don’t have to join if you don’t want to,” Josh tells her. “But we’d love it if you did. These two like to gang up on me and you actually seem like a reasonable human, so you joining would be advantageous for myself.”

Hunter’s laugh is so bright it makes me want to run headfirst into a wall. “As long as I’m not imposing.”

I smile at her. “You could never impose.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Josh and Nellie exchange a knowing look, and my stomach sinks.

This might not be as straight-forward as I’d thought.