9. Jo

Playlist: Change (Taylor’s Version) | Taylor Swift

Leo: have you talked to nic

Jo: no

Jo: why

Jo: what did you do you little shit

Leo: nothing!!!!

Jo: do you notice this is the first time we’ve texted outside the group chat

Jo: you aren’t slick

Leo: i am a perfect guest don’t believe anything she says

Jo: oh god

“What did he do?” I call as I let myself into the brownstone.

“Jesus—knock next time!” Nic shrieks from somewhere in the house. I freeze and cover my eyes with my hand.

“Lock the door if you’re going to have wild sex on the main floor, you animals. Hi, Josh.”

“Hey, Jo.” His voice is muffled, like there’s something in his mouth—

Nope. Not entertaining that image.

I awkwardly wait in the foyer for a good three minutes, waiting for the all-clear to continue further into the house.

“Okay, come in!” Nic shouts, and I follow her voice into the living room.

“I need your help,” I announce. “And I know what you’re going to say but—” I freeze, looking around the room. “Is that a new couch?”

Nic groans melodramatically and Josh sighs. He looks at my sister with a distressed expression, immediately telling me everything I need to know.

“Leo and Stella?” I gasp in horror, my hand flying to my mouth.

“Leo and Stella,” Josh confirms dejectedly.

“Fucking dipshits,” Nic grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I thought we agreed to never let them step foot in our home?”

“You and I did agree to that, yes,” Nic confirms, turning and pointedly looking at Josh, who seems to be looking everywhere but her.

“Goddammit, Joshua.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to breathe deeply.

“Okay, I was trying to be nice? I don’t understand how the fuck he broke it,” Josh says, eyeing the couch. “I’m bigger than him and we’ve—”

“I’m not above slapping you across the face right now,” I inform him.

He scowls at me.

Nic giggles. “Joshy came home to the poor couch totally trashed. And he didn’t know what to do, and since I was in Greenwich on Friday and Saturday for a work conference, he called and asked me to come back early to yell at them for him.”

“Did you?” I ask, reluctantly invested in the horror film slash sitcom of our lives.

“No! Josh handled it like a big boy all on his own,” Nic says proudly, squeezing her partner’s shoulder.

I try to cover my laugh, but fail miserably. “So you yelled at Leo over speakerphone like the time he broke mom’s car window and told them they had to be gone by the time you got home?”

“Yeah,” Nic admits sheepishly.

Josh throws his hands into the air. “I fucking tried! But he apologized so sincerely and…what are you doing here, Jo?” Josh asks in a way that tells me he’s desperate to change the subject.

It works, and Nic turns towards me, wordlessly arching a brow.

I roll my eyes. “I’m getting lunch at some fancy French bistro down the road.”

“Fancy French bistro? Oooh, is this a date?” My sister asks hopefully.

I wince, and her face falls. “Not the right thing to say,” she says quietly.

“No, no it’s fine. I get it.” It doesn’t really feel fine.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really. It’s just a business lunch.” I take a deep breath. “Promise you won’t get mad.”

Josh and Nic’s eyes are immediately on me. “Have a seat, ladies,” Josh says, motioning towards the couch.

I eye the new sofa suspiciously. It does look comfortable, but, unfortunately, I know without a doubt that they were naked on it less than ten minutes ago. “No, thanks. I’ll stand.”

Nic grabs my hand and pulls me down onto the couch with her. I shudder.

“Want some tea, JoJo?” She’s using the sickly sweet tone she only uses to get what she wants.

“We have Earl Grey and English Breakfast,” Josh offers.

“Earl Grey with oat milk. And a drizzle of honey.”

“So what am I not getting mad about?” my sister asks, rotating her body so she’s facing me.

“I took on a new side project—a big one. It requires weekends and overtime.”

She purses her lips. “I thought you and your therapist agreed it was best if you cut back on overtime?”

I wince. “Yeah. We did. But I couldn’t say no.”

“Why the hell not?” my sister exclaims, a baffled expression on her face. “Saying no at work is my new favorite pastime. Well that and tying Josh—”

“Stop,” I interrupt.

“Okay.”

“This is where I need you not to get mad,” I say, hands fidgeting in my lap.

She narrows her eyes at me, “I thought you taking on a ginormous project was what I wasn’t getting angry about. Which I did amazing on, by the way.”

“No. It’s, ugh. I’m just gonna say it okay?” I cover my face with my hands.

“Itskelseyandbeckysweddingandeventsleadinguptothewedding.”

I spread my fingers and peek out at Nic, who stares at me in confusion.

“What?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“What?!” Josh shouts as he storms back into the living room, two steaming mugs in his hands. “Josephine, tell me you didn’t say what I think you said.”

“Not my name.”

“My god, you did.” He looks at Nic. “She’s planning Kelsey and Becky’s wedding and the events leading up to the wedding.”

My older sister laughs. “No she’s not. You must have misheard.” She looks at me expectantly.

I examine my nail beds.

Thwack.

“What the fuck , Nicoletta?!” I screech, rubbing the side of my head where she’d walloped me with a throw pillow.

“No! You don’t get to say what the fuck! I get to say what the fuck! And what. The. Fuck .” She punctuates each word by smacking my shoulder with the same pillow.

Josh puts our mugs on the table and pulls the pillow from Nic’s grip. “Let’s keep the violence to a minimum, Buttercup.”

“Thank you, Josh,” I say, glaring at my sister.

“She needs to be in one piece when we kill her,” he continues.

I throw my hands in the air. “You assholes dating is the worst thing to happen to me.”

“Oh, not being left by your literal fiancée who broke your heart into a billion pieces?” Nic glares at me, her hands balling into fists. I scoot back a smidge, just to be cautious.

“That’s not fair,” I argue. “It’s not my choice.”

“Is she blackmailing you?” Josh asks, sitting on the other side of his partner and peering over her shoulder at me.

“No…she’s offering me a lot of money.”

Nic eyes me suspiciously. “How much money, exactly? It better be at least six figures otherwise—”

“They offered me one hundred thousand and I was able to negotiate to one hundred and twenty,” I interrupted. “In addition to my regular salary.”

They blink at me wordlessly for a moment.

“That is indeed a lot of money,” she finally says.

“It’s enough for me to start my own firm in Port Haven like I’ve always wanted to. To get away from them forever. For the queer community in our hometown to know they’re loved and supported, the way I didn’t. I’m not being rash, or masochistic.”

My sister’s face softens, and she reaches out to cover my hand in hers, squeezing gently. “Oh, Jo. I’m sorry. That is what I sounded like, isn’t it? That’s not fair.”

I swallow hard. “I don’t even know who you are anymore, Nic. Since you started dating Bruce Wayne over there you’re like…nice.”

“Bruce Wayne?” Nic asks, tilting her head to the side. “You mean…Josh?”

Josh coughs into his fist, attempting to hide his smile. “Don’t worry about it, Buttercup,” he tells his girlfriend. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into his side, pressing his lips to her temple. Nic simply glows at his attention—it’s adorable. And yet I still feel a twinge of jealousy in the center of my chest. “We just love you, Josephine—”

“Still not my name.”

“—and we’re worried about you,” he continues, like I didn’t say anything.

“You’ve come so far,” Nic adds, thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand. “And I know you don’t see it, but you have . You’ve put in so much work and I know how strenuous every single day at the office is. I don’t want that pain amplified even more. I don’t want her to hurt you more.” Her voice cracks, and my chest aches.

“Kelsey acted like we were nothing.” I don’t know why I say it. Maybe it’s because as annoying as the two lovebirds are, they do care about me. “She told Becky all we had was a fling.”

“A fling ? Oh, fuck that,” Nic growls, dropping my hand and getting to her feet before. She strides purposefully across the room towards the foyer. “She’s fucking dead.”

Josh looks at me in panic. “She’s…kidding. Right?”

“Oh, Joshy.” I pat his knee. “You’ve been dating her for a year and know what she’s capable of. Go catch that tiny, violent girlfriend of yours and bring her back before we have to post bail.”

Josh rushes out of the room and moments later re-enters the room, Nic thrown over his shoulder. She’s kicking her feet, and I grin when I see she had already gotten a shoe on.

“You can’t stop me from killing her,” Nic argues as she lands back on the couch with a bounce. She crosses her arms over her chest as she scowls up at Josh, looking like a petulant toddler.

“I can delay it,” he answers, sitting next to her and rotating her so that her back is to him. He pins her arms behind her back, and she smirks at him over her shoulder. He blushes.

“Oh, how the tables—” Nic begins.

“Nope,” I interrupt.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I need to get going anyway.” I stand up. “Now you freaks can get back to being gross.”

Her face falls. “Jo. Don’t go. Joshy will give you the money.”

Josh sighs. “I probably should be mad that you’re trying to pimp me out as a sugar daddy, but she’s right. Josephine—”

“I swear to god, you are risking your ability to father Bruce Wayne Junior.”

“—I’ll give you the money you need,” he finishes, ignoring me again.

I swallow hard. Due to tragedy in his life, Josh has enough money that honestly, he could probably support my entire family without working again. He works because he loves it. He’s such a loser.

“Thanks. That’s thoughtful of you, but I want to do it on my own.”

I swallow and force myself to look at my sister, meeting her eyes that are so similar to our mother’s. Where I have flecks of green in my eyes, Nic has pure, milk chocolate-colored eyes. “Why?” she asks. “Why do you want to do it on your own?”

“I want to prove myself.”

“To who?”

“To me . I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have to prove that I’m capable and worthy of at least a part of my dreams.”

“Goddammit, Josephine.” Josh releases Nic’s arms to wipe at his nose. Is he…crying? “You’re so fucking capable and worthy. Is this really going to do anything to make you truly believe it?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I just know I have to try.”

They exchange an annoying, knowing couple glance. Kelsey and I could never do that, say things without saying them. There was never a secret language or an intuitive way with her, and I thought that meant we were mature, that we communicated by talking like adults.

Maybe it just meant we were never in sync.

“Okay,” Nic says slowly, breaking eye contact with Josh. “I get that. But we’re here for you okay? And if Kelsey does anything to hurt you, I’ll wait until Josh can’t stop me.”

I don’t doubt it. I’m lucky to be on her good side.

She gets to her feet and stands on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around my neck. I blink in confusion. I can’t remember the last time Nic initiated a hug. This is so not like her.

Except it is. It’s just like healing and content Nic. I’d never gotten to know that version of her before, and it’s a little disorienting now, to be honest.

I wonder what parts of myself I haven’t gotten to know, which parts of myself are waiting to be unlocked with the healing and hope and growth and joy I hope are ahead. Maybe that’s what Nic and Josh see in me, the parts that are like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds on a dreary day. Maybe they can see it better than I do, because they’ve unlocked those own versions of themselves with their own healing.

“I love you, JoJo,” Nicky whispers in my ear. “Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite sister.”

I hug her back. “Love you too, Nicky. Thanks for caring about me enough to be ready to commit murder.”

“Literally always.”

I peek over my sister’s shoulder at Josh, who’s wiping away at more tears. I roll my eyes. “Get over here, dumbass.”

Josh springs to his feet wrapping his long arms around both of us. “Am I officially a Quibling?” he whispers excitedly.

“Yes,” I sigh, knowing it’s going to go to his head, but also knowing he’s earned it after today.

“I’ve always wanted a big family. Here’s to making all sorts of dreams come true.” He squeezes my shoulder.

Maybe I’m making the wrong choice, and maybe Nic and Josh still think that. But it’s my choice. My attempt at reclaiming what I’ve always wanted for myself after over a year of so much pain.

My chance to find out if they’ve been growing pains all along.