Chapter 3

chapter

three

Texts between Colton and Hannah

COLTON: What are you doing?

COLTON: I'm just sitting at my desk looking out over Central Park and thinking about you. I'm supposed to be writing. Always on deadline, as I'm sure your brother is as well.

COLTON: I really want to see you again.

HANNAH: This isn't a good idea. I told you that already.

COLTON: What isn't a good idea?

HANNAH: Us texting. We agreed, just one night.

COLTON: I'm pretty sure I never agreed to that.

HANNAH: You did.

COLTON: If I did, that was before I knew how fucking perfect you are.

HANNAH: eye roll emoji

HANNAH: Surely you can find some other woman to play with. One who's closer than me.

COLTON: Nope. You ruined me for other women.

HANNAH: Colton, seriously. You're in one of the most densely populated cities in the world, you're rich and successful and moderately attractive. Get yourself out there.

COLTON: Moderately attractive? (Screen shot)

HANNAH: And there's the man-bun. I'm too old to date a guy with a man-bun.

HANNAH: Not that you said date. I'm not trying to imply…

HANNAH: facepalm emoji

COLTON: Hannah, I do want to date you.

HANNAH: See above reasons for why this isn't a good idea. Also we live five hours apart. I'm closer to Canada than I am to you.

COLTON: We could fix that. Come see me.

HANNAH: That's not possible right now.

COLTON: Then I'll come to you. I can work from anywhere.

COLTON: Hannah?

Texts between Hannah and Joy

HANNAH: Why'd you give my number to Colton?

JOY: Because he asked.

JOY: The real question is: why did he ask for your number?

HANNAH: facepalm emoji

JOY: I KNEW IT!

JOY: gif of dancing poodle

JOY: gif of confetti

HANNAH: You know nothing.

JOY: I know I saw you two talking at the book signing. And then you mysteriously disappeared. Only to reappear the next day looking all glow-y.

JOY: Hannah?

JOY: Where'd you go?

JOY: Haaaannnnnnaaaahhhh?

JOY: Shit. What's wrong? Why aren't you answering?

HANNAH: Nothing's wrong. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say.

JOY: What's to say? You hooked up with an amazing guy. Who is super hot.

JOY: Not Eli hot, but …

HANNAH: Eew! Stop it!

HANNAH: gif of monkey covering ears

JOY: Okay, okay. I'll stop. But you have to tell me.

HANNAH: Tell you what?

JOY: Why you're acting so weird about hooking up with Colton.

HANNAH: The hooking up part isn't the problem.

JOY: Ooookay ….

JOY: Then what's the problem?

HANNAH: The texting is the problem. He wants to see me again. He wants us to date!

JOY: So? Hot guy wants to date you? How is that a problem?

HANNAH: He doesn't know about Abby.

HANNAH: He doesn't know I'm a mom.

JOY: Oh.

JOY: gif of crap on a cracker

HANNAH: Exactly

Texts between Colton and Joy

COLTON: Hannah's gone dark. Do you know what's up?

COLTON: Okay, not you, too.

COLTON: Talk to me, damn it.

JOY: Look, maybe you should just let this go.

COLTON: Did I do something wrong?

JOY: This is really a it's-not-you-it's-her situation

COLTON: I don't want to let this go. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't even write. I don't want to be that crazy, stalker guy. So if you're telling me you don't think I'm good enough for her or that she really doesn't want to see me again, I'll walk away.

COLTON: But if there's something I can do or say, tell me.

JOY: Oh, honey.

JOY: Okay, tell me something. How serious are you here?

COLTON: Very

JOY: Because if you just want to get laid…

COLTON: I live in a city with 18 million people. If I wanted to get laid, I could get laid. I don't want that. I want Hannah.

JOY: Hannah is more complicated than you think.

COLTON: Because she's Eli's sister?

COLTON: Joy?

JOY: I don't think this is my secret to tell.

COLTON: Shit. She's married.

COLTON: Fuck me.

JOY: No!

JOY: Jesus! Do you honestly think I would have even given you her number if she was MARRIED???

COLTON: Okay, if she's not married, then what is it? What's the complication?

COLTON: Okay, I'm kind of freaking out here. Is she dying or something?

JOY: No. Nothing like that.

COLTON: Just tell me what the fuck it is. Because I really care about her and I'm about ten seconds away from renting a car and driving up there myself to see her.

JOY: She has a kid.

Texts between Colton and Hannah

COLTON: Joy told me you have a daughter.

COLTON: Don't be mad at her. I basically harassed her until she told me the truth about why you didn't want to see me again. She admitted that you think that means we can't be together.

COLTON: Hannah? Say something.

HANNAH: It does mean that.

COLTON: No, it doesn't mean that at all. You think you're the first single mother in history? Lots of single moms date.

HANNAH: Not this single mom.

COLTON: Why not?

HANNAH: The fact that you would even ask that just shows you don't know what you're getting into.

COLTON: So explain it.

HANNAH: You're too young.

COLTON: You keep saying that.

HANNAH: You're 24!

COLTON: I'm a grown-ass man. I support myself. I own my own home. I pay my fucking taxes. I voted in the last election.

HANNAH: gif of a woman yawning

COLTON: What do I have to say for you to believe me?

HANNAH: You're 24!

HANNAH: With a man-bun!

Texts between Colton and Joy

JOY: Here is a screenshot of my wedding invitation. Hannah is my maid of honor.

COLTON: Why are you telling me this?

JOY: Because you should come. Come to the wedding.

COLTON: Your fiancé loathes me.

JOY: No, he doesn't. Also it's my wedding too and I want you there.

COLTON: I don't think Hannah wants me there.

JOY: I'm not convinced Hannah knows what she wants.

COLTON: She thinks I'm too young for her.

JOY: What do you think?

COLTON: I think she's amazing and I can't stop thinking about her.

JOY: What about her daughter?

COLTON: What about her?

JOY: She's priority number one for Hannah. And you're still young, you could still sow your wild oats or whatever.

COLTON: I know I'm only twenty-four, but I sold my first book when I was eighteen. I've been on my own, more or less, since I was sixteen. Let's just say I'm an old soul. And I've sown plenty of oats, wild and otherwise.

COLTON: Also I think I'm still older than you.

JOY: We're not talking about me.

COLTON: So Valentine's Day wedding? Isn't that a little cliched?

JOY: It's a lot cliched. But we met and fell in love on Christmas. We got engaged on New Years so getting married on Valentine's felt like the right thing to do.

COLTON: That's romantic

JOY: I want to be perfectly honest here. I like you, Colton. I think you're a decent guy. And Hannah is my best friend.

JOY: And to be perfectly honest, I'm tired of her moping around. I'm tired of looking at your sad AF Instagram posts. If I have to look at one more sepia tone picture of a barren tree in Central Park, I'm going to scream.

COLTON: I write horror. What do you want me to post? Flowers and unicorns?

JOY: Just get your ass up here.

COLTON: Hannah hasn't texted me back in six days.

JOY: Obviously. Or your feed wouldn't be full of this shit:

JOY: picture of a barren tree in Central Park

JOY: video of an empty plastic bag tumbling down a litter-strewn street

JOY: Hannah is just as bad. The other day, I stopped by at lunch and she was eating ramen. She'd accidently bought the super spicy kind, so she was eating the noodles plain.

COLTON: shrugging emoji

JOY: plain, dry ramen is the saddest lunch ever. She misses you, but she's scared. She's been hurt before. So if you're just wanting a casual hookup, stay in NYC. But if you think this is real and could be more, then come to the wedding. Stay awhile and see what happens.

COLTON: I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

Texts between Colton and Eli

ELI: You hooked up with my sister? You are a fucking dead man.

COLTON: You're so dramatic.

ELI: Do not come to my wedding.

COLTON: Sorry. Already on my way. Wait, what's that? I can't hear you. You're breaking up. Must be the tunnel I'm driving through.

ELI: (Roll eyes emoji) You motherfucker. We're texting.

ELI: I'm serious. Do not come to my wedding.

ELI: Colton!

ELI: Goddamit! If you lay one hand on my sister I'll cut off your dick.

Texts between Colton and Hannah Abby

HANNAH: mermaid riding a unicorn gif

COLTON: manatee swimming gif

HANNAH: laughing face emoji heart eyes emoji

COLTON: Is this Abby?

HANNAH: Maybe

HANNAH: Who R U?

COLTON: a friend of your mom's

HANNAH: her boyfriend?

COLTON: I wish. Think you could put in a good word for me?

HANNAH: Will U get me a puppy?

COLTON: Are you bribing me?

HANNAH: Maybe

COLTON: sassy, just like your mother, I see

HANNAH: I look like her too

COLTON: then you must be beautiful

HANNAH: My uncle says I'm a fairy princess

COLTON: your uncle sounds pretty smart

HANNAH: he's my bff

HANNAH: Oh my God, Colton, I'm sorry. My daughter got my phone.

COLTON: It's good. I enjoyed our conversation.

COLTON: Hannah?

Texts between Colton and Eli

COLTON: So what's the dress code for the wedding?

ELI: DO NOT COME TO MY WEDDING.

COLTON: No need to shout, man. I'll see you this weekend.

ELI: I mean it. Don't you dare show up.

ELI: Colton, you motherfucker, I know you're reading these messages. I can see the little "read" notice.

Texts between Colton and Hannah

COLTON: I miss you, Hannah.

COLTON: I know you're avoiding me because you think I'm too young and I'm a player, but you're wrong. And I'm going to prove it to you.

COLTON: In the meantime, show this to Abby. I think she'll enjoy it.

COLTON: link to Central Park Zoo baby seal cam